


Of Starlight and Stardust

by batyalewbel



Series: Of Stormy Seas and Galaxies [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars Episode V: Empire Strikes Back
Genre: AU, Angst, Anxiety, Doing the stick the Rogue One crew into Empire Strikes Back thing, Don't read for smut there won't be any, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, it takes nearly 300K in this whole series for them to kiss at all and it's not a lot, like...read for hugs and intense hand holding and stuff, multiple POVs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 135,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batyalewbel/pseuds/batyalewbel
Summary: It began long ago, on Lah’mu, then Jedha, then Eadu and Scarif. Now they have all come with the Rebellion to this frigid wasteland they call Hoth where the next chapter begins.This is when the Empire strikes back.





	1. Prologue pt. 1(Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to part 2! Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_We rest; A dream has power to poison sleep._  
_We rise; One wandering thought pollutes the day._  
_We feel, conceive, or reason; laugh or weep,_  
_Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away;_  
_It is the same: for, be it joy or sorrow,_  
_The path of departure still is free._  
_Man’s yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;_  
_Nought may endure but mutability._

  
_—Frankenstein, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley_

_\---_

It is said that the universe is always growing, its outer reaches ever expanding. Her father used to teach her about such things, the orbits of one body around another, gravity, the shifting of tectonic plates.

Her father is dead now and as time passes, that becomes easier to take in a way that feels like a betrayal.

Jyn used to pride herself on being able to survive alone. It was something to be traded on, something for which she might quietly scorn others who were too weak to manage it.

Sometimes she thinks she is weak now, an object of scorn to herself. At the same time she understands now, while she could still survive alone, it would be only her body that survives.

Her soul would wither and die.

There are times when it plagues her to know how dependent she’s become and there are moments when she’s actually happy and doesn’t care.

That’s the strangest part of joining the Rebellion. She has joy in her life now, she feels almost content sometimes. Not all the time, she has far too many bad days to walk around feeling full. But she’s probably smiled more in the last year than she has over the previous 22 years of her life.

\---

There is a medal ceremony.

Leia approached her a few days after they arrived on Hoth to let her know. Luke and Han were going to receive commendations from the Alliance.

“If it matters to you, I could kick up a fuss,” Leia had murmured, leaning in close to be heard. They were just standing in one of the new base’s many halls. This one still had some ice that needed to be chipped away. Half of the base had to be practically excavated from the ice. There were halls where the base's heating couldn't seem to touch. Jyn had acquired Cassian’s parka while he was away and she pulled it's warm furry hood tighter. Leia was doing the same with her white coat and they were still shivering.

Meanwhile Jyn considered whether she cared about being _recognized_. The thought of standing at the front of the room for such a presentation made her wince. Leia nodded at her expression.

“Cassian and Bodhi seemed to feel the same,” she said.

And that's how Jyn ended up standing off to the side of a ceremony with Bodhi next to her as Luke and Han were awarded for their efforts. If everyone there knew it was more than Luke and Han, who were responsible, they said nothing.  
Luke received his medal with a wide-eyed awe while Han smirked up at Leia. Something about their expressions even made the princess smile. When they both faced forward, she saw Luke's eyes immediately found Bodhi where he stood beside Jyn. It was almost cute enough that Jyn could ignore the sour taste in her mouth at the whole affair

\---

Jyn isn’t sure if life in the Rebellion is necessarily easier than any of the other lives she’s led.

(And if you count the number of false names she’s carried over the years, she’s lived quite a few lives.)

She’s not sure the Rebellion is easier, but there are perks. Namely, the company. Sometimes she forgets she has people. She thinks like a loner, stealing food from the mess hall and hiding it in her quarters, or getting into fights that could be easily ended with a little backup.

Sometimes it slips her mind that there are quite a number of people who, for inexplicable reasons, seem to genuinely care about her continued existence and general well being. Even months after everything is settled, sometimes Chirrut says something particularly kind or Cassian brings her back a small gift from one of his missions, and suddenly she’s a mess.

The work is easy enough. She is placed with a supervisor who doesn’t seem at all bothered by her almost complete lack of experience with being a mechanic. Every day she comes and learns something new about the innards of a droid or a Y-Wing’s engine.

She likes the work.

Her supervisor is Captain Jacqen Wolmic and he reminds her of what Saw might have been in another life. A humanoid male with dark copper skin and a multitude of scars. He is a no-nonsense, gruff sort of man, and even more so as a teacher, helping her to learn the inner workings of every mechanical thing on base. But he is kind too in the sorts of little ways she can appreciate, like bringing her something from the mess hall when she forgets about lunch.

Every day she comes back to her quarters smelling of grease, but she likes it.

\---

She wasn’t ever so skittish before, but she is now. Sometimes an engine might backfire or the sounds of people sparring in the gym might bring her right back to Scarif, blaster bolts flying by her ears and Cassian falling, falling, falling. Sometimes she thinks she can smell blood and she’s back on the Death Star with needles being driven into her neck. It doesn’t even make sense what sets her off sometimes, especially when it’s nothing at all.

One time she was picking apart the targeting computer of an X-Wing in a quiet hangar. Somebody dropped something, a wrench maybe.

It startled her so bad, she forgot where she was.

Wolmic found her huddled and hyperventilating in the cockpit of the X-Wing and she knew he was kind when he just sat at the top of the ladder that reached up towards the cockpit and rested a hand on her shoulder until her breathing steadied.

By the time she was calm, she was embarrassed and trying not to meet his eyes.

“Sorry,” she mumbled and the man actually chuckled.

“Corporal, if I had a credit for every time somebody had a panic attack in here I would be a rich man.”

Jyn gaped at him and he just shook his head.

“You think I got all these scars from fixing engines? Half our mechanics are former soldiers and pilots,” he tells her and she keeps staring.

“You think we get a lot of fresh young kids wanting to be mechanics? Most of them are in it for the glory until they lose a taste for it,” he says and it feels like an obvious notion and one that upends everything she thought she knew about the people she worked with. It’s around then that Wolmic seems ready to escape this heart to heart.

“Now stop gawping and get back to work,” he tells her with a gruff wave of his hand before climbing back down the ladder.

It will not be the last time she fragments while she’s on the job, something about all the peace and quiet keeps the demons close.

He is kind to her every time.

\---

The fights are annoying, but they are mostly just an annoyance.

She gets a few bruises most of the time, but big guys always assume she’s weak based on her size.

They are usually bitter about Scarif, some of them say they lost a friend there.

Some of them are just _shavit_ though. Assholes out to prove something by starting a fight with one of the members of Rogue One.

Cassian doesn’t get this as much because he’s away on missions half the time and because he’s been in the Rebellion too long for his loyalty to be doubted.

Some think Jyn turned his head somehow, she’s even been accused of brainwashing.

She gives as good as she gets and for the first few months she tends to be a little bit bruised almost constantly, but so are they. Jyn still has her vicious streak and seeing her attackers limping around the base makes her smile with grim satisfaction.

Leia has a talk with her at one point.

“You can’t go around beating people up all the time,” she says, sounding deeply tired and more than a little irritable. Jyn wants to argue that in fact, she _can._ But she understands that with the power structures of the Rebellion, eventually she could get in real trouble and there is that ‘probation’ to think about.

After that she always makes sure that they throw the first punch.

Then it’s called self defense.

(The Rebellion is weird)

Of course, no one dares to bother Chirrut or Baze. She thinks maybe one or two tried initially and were very quickly taught why they shouldn’t. Bodhi is the only other one who gets it bad like she does.

It doesn’t matter that he was there for the Death Star attack, he worked for the Empire and that ruffles some feathers. It’s made all the worse by the fact that Bodhi is still terrible at hand to hand combat, despite her and Cassian’s attempts to teach him.

The whole thing comes to a head when Bodhi is visiting her in the hangar one day. She’s underneath a Y-Wing, fiddling with the connectors on the ship’s systems and Bodhi leans against it, his arm hangs low enough that she can see it from under the ship, the cast came off, maybe a month ago and the only sign of his former injury is a discolored starburst scar on his forearm.

They trade barbs and random anecdotes just to pass the time. (She is learning that Bodhi can be funny when he wants to be, and she’s still pumping him for stories about the time he spent with her father on Eadu). On this day they are talking about nothing in particular until Jyn can’t find the right hydrospanner.

“Wait here,” she tells Bodhi before running off to a nearby storeroom to dig through some toolboxes until she finds the right one. It’s heavy to lift and when she comes back, spanner in hand, she’s finds Bodhi surrounded by three big guys. She doesn’t catch the words exchange, she only sees the first blow land, and Bodhi hit the ground.

For a moment she’s somewhere else that’s cold and chrome. The worst part is they got a few more hits in before she could shake herself out of it.

At this point she doesn’t think, she _moves_

With a feral cry, she races up to those men, swinging the spanner like it’s her baton. It hits the first guy in the arm with a crack that is disturbingly satisfying before she whips it around, thwacking the second man hard in the chest, leaving him winded. The third manages to clip her hard enough in the jaw that she reels backwards and nearly trips over Bodhi, who looks like he’s out cold.

She deals out several more blows, receiving a few in return. One of them manages to punch her right in her bad leg and she snarls as she kicks out with her better leg, catching him in the groin. Eventually she’s standing over Bodhi with a bloody nose and the men finally have the good sense to run.

Apparently somebody else came into the hangar during the fight and was quick to report it. Luckily, their report seems to acknowledge that Jyn was protecting Bodhi and not just starting conflicts left and right.

Bodhi has to go to the med bay afterwards and Jyn is furious.

After that there is a meeting with all members of the base that does not specifically mention their names, but it is made clear that the Rebellion is being asked to move on from their bitter hang ups.

\---

It’s 5 months into her stay on Hoth when she’s approached by a half Arkanian woman with her long white hair tied back in a tight bun.

“Nyahar,” she says sticking out her hand, “I saw you in that fight earlier.”

The fight she is referring to is the one where two burly guys decided they were still bitter about Scarif and wanted to teach the ‘Imp’ a lesson.

They are always bolder while Cassian is away.

She shrugs at the Arkanian and asks, “Am I in trouble or something?”

The woman shakes her head, letting her hand drop back to her side, “Far from it, you handled yourself well, I asked around and you're working as a mechanic?”

Jyn shrugs again, already uncomfortable with this situation.

Nyahar says, “That is a waste, you should be a trainer. I know some new recruits who would benefit from a good sparring match with you.”

And Jyn stares at the Lieutenant.

“I might hurt them,” she says flatly and the woman grins like a rogue,

“Better to hurt them here and now so they can learn from it.”

Jyn stares at her, for a moment actually thinking about it. She goes to the gym on base sometimes and goes at a punching bag until her knuckles are almost raw, but that can be a little dull.

She then thinks about getting to know new recruits. About half of them will probably die on their first mission because they're young and inexperienced. No amount of training can compensate for what it’s really like and she doesn’t particularly want to get to know kids before they go off to die.

“No thanks,” she says.

Nyahar smiles and steps back, “It’ll be their loss,” she says and leaves Jyn to herself.

After another month, and one particularly frustrating day, she finds Nyahar leaving the gym.

“You still want me to spar with your trainees?” she asks and the woman grins at her.

“Well, I don’t want to stick around enough to know their names, but I’ll show up sometimes and spar with some recruits, how does that sound?”

“I’ll take it,” she says and that’s how a few nights a week Jyn ends up in the trainee’s gym blocking weak punches and returning them with real ones. She pulls back most of the time, but it’s a better working out with a living being than with a bag and she comes home to her quarters on those nights with her muscles burning and loose.

She is surprised when she actually enjoys the training too. Sometimes she’ll stop in the middle of a sparring match to fix some kids form when they throw a punch.

She refuses to learn their names.

\---

When Cassian isn’t around, she misses him like one might miss a lung. Sometimes he is only away for a day or two, sometimes he’s away for _months._ Every time he goes, she has to adjust to life without him again. She has to try not to dwell on the possibility of him dying out there and she has to do something other than wait for him to return.

The first time he left, she stole his jacket (the thick one with the fur in the hood). It was warmer than what she had before to handle the frigid air on Hoth.

Also, it smelled like him.

The smell faded after a month or so, but it still feels like there’s an essence of Cassian captured in the folds of the fabric. Sometimes she sleeps with it on. Hugging it to herself like a blanket.

When Cassian returns from that first mission, she’s wearing the jacket. He doesn’t say anything at first, but his eyes seem to smile as he brushes a hand over the sleeve.

“Nice jacket,” he murmurs and she shrugs. They say nothing more of it.

When he’s home, she still wears the jacket because Hoth is kriffing cold, but nights are spent in each other's quarters and she doesn’t need it then.

\---

It is unbearable when he’s gone. She worries _constantly_ and it puts her on edge. Chirrut and Baze will say reassuring things, but she knows that words can be empty even if they mean well. Cassian used to try to tell her, _“It’ll only be a few days,” “No more than a month.”_

The estimates are more often wrong than right and now she just asks if it’ll be a long mission or not. He always looks pained to say it and sometimes a short mission still becomes a long one.

When he’s away, she is asking Draven once every few days for an update. She knows he can’t tell her much, but he will tell her that Cassian’s alive and if he’ll be back soon or not. She hates having to ask Draven, she hates the fact that he seems to be somewhat sympathetic to her (Although it’s probably the reason he tells her anything at all)

Chirrut would know if Cassian’s dead, or so he says. What he specifically said was, _“I can feel his life in The Force,”_ and Jyn didn’t know how to respond to that, but it’s nice to know Chirrut will tell her if he senses something wrong. She still demands updates from Draven when he’s away.

Bodhi goes away sometimes too, but he goes with a squadron and Luke. The two are still attached at the hip and she is confident they are looking out for each other.

Of course, she still worries when Bodhi goes, but his missions rarely last longer than a week or two. Sometimes Jyn can even contact him and Leia will freely give her status updates on their progress (somewhat vague updates that omit any specifics, but still).

When Cassian is away everyone around her seems to take it upon themselves to mind her. Han Solo is perhaps the biggest surprise. He and Chewie seem to always be finding excuses to check on her when they aren’t away on a run smuggling for the Alliance. Or perhaps they are tag teaming with Chirrut and Baze, who also seem around a lot more when Cassian is away. Between the four of them she gets dragged to the mess for meals she would have skipped and is constantly being drawn into games of Sabacc or being recommended holos, (when it’s Han there is often drinking involved). She recognizes the attempts to distract her and she usually takes them with a certain amount of relief. Even if it doesn’t quite reach the constant ache in her chest that comes with his absence, she prefers the company. It’s a weakness, but one she mostly allows herself for lack of a better option. There is still a warm sort of comfort that comes with being around her people.

Bodhi is very bad at being comforting and they both know it. He worries too much and when he worries, all his fears seem to spill out of his mouth with very little filter. Still, when he’s on base, he always seems to be finding reasons to come visit her in the hangar or in her quarters. Sometimes he’s just read a holonovel and he wants to eagerly recommend it, other times he just _has_ to tell her about the funniest thing Luke said that day.

Shara Bey and her husband Kes are another surprise. They seem to truly understand the anxiety that comes with separation since they are often apart as well. Kes has some quietly solid advice and Shara has a wicked sense of humor to brighten the moment.

She is very grateful to have so many people in her life now who care. At the same time, the sensation can still feel alien and sometimes she just wants to hide in her quarters and not look at anyone.

\---

Sometimes having him come back hurts as much as him leaving.

Sometimes he comes back after a few days with a smile in his eyes and she knows that all went well.

Other times he comes back after a few months haunted. There’s a shadow that lingers over him and those are the nights he tremors like she does and tries to hide the hitch in his breath that could mean tears.

It’s not something they talk about.

There are a lot of things they don’t talk about.

Like she never mentions the way it makes her ache to see him come home looking almost starved. Scraped thin by time and exhaustion and whatever he had to do to meet his objectives.

He almost never tells her about his missions and she knows that comes with working in secrets, but she also thinks that it pains him to recount them. On rare occasions he might tell her a few vague details.

She has learned that this means keeping it in hurts more than telling, but she still only has fragments of what his life is like when he’s gone.

She never asks him about trying to do something else for the Rebellion instead, even though she wants to. Even though, when he comes home looking like he hasn’t eaten a decent meal in over a month, she just wants to hold him and never let him leave again. She knows too well that this work is in his bones and he’s lived for the Rebellion for too many years to stop doing it now.

Usually he shakes off that shadow after a few days back on base, or he’s hiding it well. Another thing they don’t talk about.

The same way they don’t talk about her nightmares or her bruises from fights or the panic attacks that people keep telling her are perfectly normal.

They don’t talk about the fact that she knows Cassian has purposefully tracked down some of the people harassing her and Bodhi (she finds it sweet albeit a little ineffective).

She knows what it’s like to want to protect everyone and she sees the way he tightens when he comes home to find her with bruises.

They don’t talk about what life is like when he’s away.

\---

Nights are hard for both of them, which is why when he’s on base, they don’t sleep alone and when he’s away she barely sleeps at all. They don’t talk about that either.

There is a lot they don’t talk about.

\---

Of course, it’s not all bad. Some nights they fall asleep curled around each other, warm and content. Sometimes they get to sit with everyone in the mess hall and hold hands under the table, enjoying everyone’s company. Sometimes they laugh together over nothing and sometimes he sits with her in the hangar and watches her work with that softness in his eyes that makes her want to touch him. Of course, she can touch him whenever she wants to now and she does. Although she’s still uncomfortable with public displays of affection, she can’t help herself sometimes when he’s beside her all warm and looking at her in a way that makes her feel liquid.

There are times where he comes home and runs to find her working in the hangar. Wolmic seems to find a convenient reason to be elsewhere for a few minutes, giving them a small measure of privacy. It’s funny every time watching the big man go stiff and uncomfortable before beating a hasty retreat as Cassian wraps his arms around her.

\---

Jyn does not like using the word love. It’s a dangerous word, but in the confines of her own mind, she thinks it sometimes when he takes her hand in one of his. All calloused palms and rough knuckles. She loves his hands. She loves the way he leans over her and smiles with his eyes. She loves the way his arms feel around her in the middle of the night and she loves to listen to him speak. He’s quiet by nature, a listener by default, but she loves to hear him speak. The accent is a relic of his homeworld and in a base that’s a melting pot, nobody sounds quite like him. Sometimes he speaks softly and tells her stories of his family, teaches her what little he remembers of the language of Fest. Sometimes he tells her stories about K-2 and he did make her a copy of the drive like she asked. She wears it on a new chain around her neck, the drive is about the size of her kyber crystal and they sit like neighbors on her chest.

She loves to listen to him, to be around him, to just soak up his presence and his touch like a plant soaks up the sun.

She thinks she should tell him that, speak the words aloud just in case.

She thinks it will kill her if one day he doesn’t come back and she never was brave enough to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um...welcome back? Enjoy the angst? I'm just setting the scene here, this is what Jyn's been doing for the last 2-3 years I guess because apparently there is quite the gap between A New Hope and Empire.


	2. Prologue pt. 2(Cassian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow :)  
> And this is a clunky chapter title...I'm still figuring out how I want to handle chapter titles in this go around.

_We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven,_  
_which brings us back to the hero’s shoulders and the gentleness that comes,_  
_not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it._

_—Snow and Dirty Rain, Richard Siken_

 ---

It’s strange. His life feels both old and new.

Half of his life is spent on his own, traveling to the edges of the galaxy digging up information, trying to smuggle key members of the Rebellion in and out of dangerous situations where he is the most expendable one there.

The other half is back on Hoth, with her beside him and surrounded by people he cares about. That’s the part that’s new and strange and it’s hard to tear himself away from it again and again.

Working in intelligence for the Rebellion is as ugly as it ever was. If he wasn’t convinced that he was truly protecting the Rebellion… He’s not used to having actual, concrete people to worry about, but he does now. For years, it was just the abstract idea of people who might be saved if the intel is good. Now there are actual people waiting for him back home that he wants to keep safe. When it gets ugly, he thinks of them and reminds himself why he’s doing this.

If he didn’t think this helped the war effort he would quit in an instant and head back to Hoth. What he would do there is more unclear. Both Jyn and Bodhi have found places for themselves in the Rebellion. Chirrut and Baze keep more to themselves, although he knows Chirrut is training Luke (all the while, insisting he isn’t a Jedi he is just versed in some ways of the Force… Cassian doesn’t quite know what to make of that distinction).

He couldn’t just ask them to leave with him. So he would be the one adrift, and the idea of that eats at him almost as much as the work does. But not as much as the notion of what could happen if he stopped.

He knows he isn’t single handedly saving the Rebellion and he isn’t their only operative. But he now knows from experience that one operative in the right place at the right time can change the course of things.

Mostly he does whatever he has to in order to get back to them. Kill people he doesn’t want to kill and turn a blind eye to those in need. He comes to a place with an objective and he completes the mission and goes home.

Some missions require him to go undercover, sometimes for months at a time, he has to be another person.

It used to not bother him as much, putting on an identity like a new skin. Before he was so focused on the work, on the mission, that he could mostly ignore the rest. If he had to kill people to maintain his cover or watch as people were murdered or worse, he could do it because he was doing necessary work for the Rebellion.

Maybe he’s always been a little haunted by his work and he was just better at lying to himself about it. Now he can’t lie to himself and even if he can school his expression to the perfect neutral state or act pleased when he’s not… He can’t completely bury what he’s seeing and doing.

\---

At his worst moments, he’ll reach into his pocket for the small drive he always carries with him now. The drive with K-2 on it. It’s not the same as having the droid alive and beside him, he truly works alone now.  
Despite Jyn’s confidence that they might have the chance to bring him back one day, Cassian is fairly certain this drive is more of a memorial, a keepsake and a reminder of his friend.

He doesn’t tell her that of course. If she wants to believe something good about the galaxy and their future in it, he will not dissuade her.

\---

Most of the time when he comes home, the first thing he does is track down Jyn.

It quiets some panic that he’s constantly carrying to see her whole and alive.

Whether it’s evening and he finds her in her quarters or the afternoon and she’s in the hangar with spots of grease on her cheeks and in her hair.

No matter what, she’s always beautiful and he’s always so glad to be back.

There is something almost healing about feeling her arms around him. She’ll stand on the tips of her toes to hook her arms around his neck and pull him in close.

And he can tell that she knows. Somehow she knows when a mission went wrong or just cracked him open in a way that leaves him raw to the touch. There’s something in the way she looks at him that says she knows. Something in the way she touches him that’s different.

Not that Jyn is a harsh person, but she has edges. Gentle is not what comes naturally to her.

And yet when he comes home feeling like a mission cut a piece of his soul away… her touch is gentle. She holds him like he’s a fragile thing. It reminds him of the flight back from the Death Star when he had just re-broken his ribs and she was worried he might break apart at the slightest contact.

Part of him hates that she knows, that somehow she must be able to see his sins on him and still care enough to touch him. Part of him just soaks in the contact because he’s been missing it for weeks.

\---

The nights are the hardest. Almost every night they are together, one or both of them is plagued by nightmares.

She’ll startle in his arms with a strangled cry and he can see her eyes shining with unshed tears in the dark. Whether he’s half awake or never fell asleep in the first place, he’ll hold her a little tighter until she stops shaking.

“ _It’s okay, you’re here, we’re okay, it’s okay,”_ he’ll murmur as he runs a hand through her hair.

On the nights it’s his turn to shake awake, she’ll hold him, she’ll push herself closer to him, her face pressing into his chest or his shoulder… And she’ll hum something soft like a lullaby.

Once she told him it was a song her mother used to sing.

She even sang the words for him.

“ _Little Star, Little Star where are you?"_ she crooned softly.

The tune is almost haunting and the words only make it sadder. Her eyes are far away as she sings it for him, just barely louder than her nighttime humming.

When her voice eventually fades into silence, she looks at him with a shrug.

“I think there was more, but I don’t remember the rest,” she says and Cassian is still speechless.

\---

She never tells him what is keeping her up at night and he never tells her that his dreams are filled with death. He sees her die in his dreams far too often along with Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut.

Then he sees the faces of those whose lives he’s taken and he sees the dead bodies on the beach.

They spoke of it just once, right after their hearing when they were on a ship heading towards Hoth. But dreams change as the mind twists itself into new uncomfortable thoughts and memories.

So they never talk about their dreams and when the morning comes, they pretend they didn’t happen. Both of them pretend to the world that one of them didn’t wake up screaming the night before.

\---

There is a night where he’s asleep and so he has no idea what set her off. He only knows that when he wakes up, Jyn’s not in bed with him. He sits up bleary eyed and sees a dim light on the fresher. He wakes up a little more and thinks he hears a sound like gasping and then he’s up in an instant, running into the fresher. He finds Jyn huddled in the corner, hyperventilating in dim, blue light.

She doesn’t answer him when he speaks and one look at her eyes says she’s not really here. Her gaze is glassy and far away.

He ends up sitting beside her, folding himself up small like she has, with his knees to his chest, and he doesn’t know what to _do._ He doesn’t know what is the right thing to do in this situation. So he sits and addresses the air.

“ _It’s okay, you’re okay.”_

He murmurs words of meaningless comfort into the air, trying to fill the silence with something, anything at all. He even hums a tune for a while, (not her mother’s tune, that song doesn’t belong to him) just a tune he heard earlier when somebody was playing music from a small speaker in the hangar.

Eventually her breathing evens out as he mumbles and hums and she unfolds and leans into him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and keeps humming and murmuring senseless nothings into her hair.

“ _You’re okay, it’s okay, we’re okay.”_

She eventually falls asleep, tucked against his side on the cold hard floor of the fresher and he has no intention of going anywhere, so after enough time passes, he falls asleep in the dim blue light.

He doesn’t quite regret it the next morning, but his back seems to thoroughly regret everything he’s ever done and he tries to get comfortable without jostling her, the motion wakes her up anyways.

Jyn opens her eyes and blearily looks up at him. He glances down at her and away as he sees the events of the night before click back into place and suddenly she’s pulling away with a muttered apology.

She’s on her feet and out of the room before he can even think of something to say.

He takes his time getting up and leaving the fresher, partially because _shavit_ is his back sore, but also because he is trying to give her a minute to compose herself.

When he eventually leaves the fresher he finds her sitting on the bed, her gaze distant, but not like last night. He stands in the doorway and waits for her to say something.

When she does, she still doesn’t look at him.

“I forgot where I was… I thought he was in my head again.”

She doesn’t say anything more and she doesn’t have to. Cassian could ask her if this is the first time this has happened or the 30th. He could ask her if that’s the only thing that makes her panic or if there are other things that haunt more than just her sleep.

He wants to ask and he doesn’t, but he’s not sure which impulse is _right_.

In the end, he simply moves to sit on the bed beside her. She lets herself list sideways to rest her head on his shoulder, a calmer imitation of the night before. He takes her hand and their fingers lace together.

He hopes it’s enough and he worries that it’s not.

\---

He hates seeing her bruised. It reminds him of finding her on the Death Star and it seems that almost every time he comes home there is something healing on her face. A black eye or split lip. Once there were marks around her neck and the sight of that almost gave him a heart attack.

She always tells him it’s nothing and not to worry about it and he wants to listen to her.

He knows Jyn is an extremely capable person who does not require his protection from idiots. He knows that thinking otherwise would be underestimating her.

But she’s not made of stone, she’s made of fragile, breakable bones the same as he is and he hates seeing her hurt.

He hates it enough that sometimes when he comes home he’ll do a little digging and track down the culprits just so he can punch them at least once. He knows it solves almost nothing and he’s pretty sure Jyn knows that he’s doing it.

One day they’re sitting in the mess hall for lunch, just the two of them that day, and Jyn looks up in time to see Corporal Lenox glaring at them with a fresh black eye. He was responsible for the black and blue marks currently splashing across Jyn’s cheekbone. Cassian follows her gaze to the Corporal and buries a grimace as he goes back to his meal, feigning a casual calm.

When he looks up again, the Corporal has moved on and Jyn’s looking at him with something soft in her eyes and a hint of amusement at the corners of her mouth. He’s schooled his expression to careful unconcern and she doesn’t say a word, but she takes his hand before taking another sip of her caf.

\---

He does not ask to know about Jyn during in his absence, he feels that she would tell him if she wanted him to know.

And yet Draven freely informs him after he returns from his second mission that Jyn comes and asks for updates. He says it in that bland stiff way that does not give away how he feels about it. Still, Cassian is almost embarrassed on her behalf. It feels like being told something private. Something that wasn’t his to know.

He’s not sure it’s right for Leia to tell him gently after his first mission, _“She missed you.”_

But he locks the information away nonetheless.

There is a little corner of his mind that is just full of her. Like a mental dossier full of nothing but the smallest details. It’s not like the intel he memorizes for a mission, instead it’s things like how she tends to smuggle food out of the mess hall to hide in her quarters, or the way she gets up in the morning with heavy sleep filled eyes and the first thing she does is look at him.

He likes to remember her nails that are bitten to the quick and the way she pulls back her hair into a messy bun.

These are not the kind of details that would matter to anyone but him.

These are the details he survives on when he’s away from her.

\---

Often, the only time they all manage to be together is for dinner in the mess hall. Chirrut is often off teaching Luke and Baze is often with him. (Although it seems lately Baze has taken to spending time at the shooting range handing out gruff advice to young recruits and brushing up on his own aim. He insists it’s nothing)

Bodhi is often off with the other pilot’s or with Luke, although sometimes he sits with Cassian and Jyn in the hangar. But it seems the one time they can always manage to be together is in the mess hall. The five of them find a place and sometimes they are joined by Han, Chewie, or Leia. Sometimes Kes Dameron and his wife Shara show up. But the five of them are almost always together for meal times. Bodhi probably talks the most, telling stories about his day. Chirrut and Baze always seem to find reasons to bicker comfortably and occasionally Jyn will tell them all something she’s learned about the inner workings of a blaster or an R2 unit’s tire treads.

If others join them the conversations increase exponentially, overlapping each other to an almost chaotic degree.

Mostly Cassian likes to listen, trying to soak as much of this in as he can.

Sometimes when it’s quiet, Bodhi will wheedle at him to say something and he searches for the most innocuous anecdote he can share from his last mission (omitting and identifying details of course).

If it was a good mission and a successful one he might even have some story readily available to tell, but that is not often the case.

Still, he enjoys this time. He enjoys when Jyn or Bodhi suggest a game of Sabacc and they all end up crowded in somebody's quarters playing a silly game until the early hours of the morning.

He enjoys the times when somebody decides they should go and get a drink and they all end up on the base Cantina.

It’s times like this when, despite the constant cold of Hoth... He feels warm. It’s times like these when he can look at Jyn, still bundled up in the parka she stole from him, and smile with his whole self. And she’ll smile back because these moments are an uncomplicated joy and all the more precious for it.

One night when all of them are there, pressed around a too small table once again, Leia brings out a small camera after a few drinks and insists on taking everyone’s picture.

The next day she sends them a copy and it’s a little blurred, but it shows them all crowded together and smiling. He makes it a point to look at that picture before he leaves for a mission.

It’s a reminder of why he does what he does.

It’s a reminder of what he’s determined to protect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cassian is a little angst bucket isn't he? He is also trying very hard to be a good boy, bless him. Next up is going to be the WHAT'S BODHI BEEN UP TO CHAPTER...  
> Also IRL life is STRESSFUL and I am TIRED. But I appreciate all y'all who have joined me on part 2 of this I love hearing from you...anyway cheers and stuff *throws confetti*  
> [And handily enough I just finished this painting of Cassian](http://ladyknightthebrave.tumblr.com/post/161479063082/make-ten-men-feel-like-a-hundred-my) so there's that.


	3. Prologue pt. 3(Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.
> 
> Um content warning for some talk of homophobia and stuff?

_We start with stars in our eyes_  
_We start believing that we belong_  
_But every sun doesn’t rise_  
_And no one tells you where you went wrong_

 _Step out, step out of the sun_  
_If you keep getting burned_  
_Step out, step out of the sun_  
_Because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned_

 _On the outside always looking in_  
_Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?_

_—Waving Through a Window, Dear Evan Hansen_

_\---_

The first time Bodhi kissed anybody, he was sixteen years old.

A late bloomer by most standards, but there was a boy in his neighborhood named Evyn… They had been dancing around each other for _months._ All lingering looks and finding reasons to touch each other without knowing why.

It was only in retrospect that he realized what they were doing.

They finally ended up in Bodhi’s bedroom one evening, in a messy adolescent tangle. It was all awkward hands and they had no idea of what do with their mouths. They kept accidentally knocking their teeth together in an attempt to do something more than chastely touching lips.

It was an awakening and it was a travesty, like most firsts are.

And then his mother walked in.

They broke apart instantly, breathing too hard and inexplicably sweaty.

And his small, sweet mother was pale with fury.

“ _Leave,”_ she ordered Evyn and he bolted with his head down.

Bodhi was in tears.

“ _Ammi,_ why?” he asked her and he saw her expression caught between an anger he didn’t understand and a softer wounded look he knew far too well.

She moved to sit beside him on the mattress. He leaned back against the headboard and watched her with a critical eye.

He was sixteen, he could tell when they were about to have a talk more serious than the ‘wait until marriage’ talk other kids had complained over.

“ _Beta_ you can’t give those pigs a reason to hurt you,” she said quietly, reaching down to squeeze his arm a little too tight.

“I don’t understand, why would anyone care who I kiss?” he asked, matching her volume for some reason. He watched her mouth go tight and she let go of his arm, turning her face away.

“Some people think boys shouldn’t kiss other boys,” she said to the wall and suddenly he understood. Other kids in the neighborhood had been teasing him and Evyn for weeks calling them ‘unnatural.’ He didn’t know what they were talking about but he realizes it now.

And he realized that name calling would be a far kinder fate compared to what happens when a Stormtrooper intercedes.

His eyes welled up and he shoved his fist in his mouth to try and bite down on the sob threatening to escape him. His mother reached down and rested a hand on his cheek.

“I’m sorry, _Beta,_ ” she said and she left to give him some privacy.

The next day when he passed the other kids in the neighborhood, Evyn avoided his gaze _._

They never spoke again and Bodhi left for the Academy two years later.

So Bodhi _has_ kissed a boy before. He’s not some naive innocent.

But that was many years ago now and it ended so catastrophically he hasn’t tried since.

The fact of the matter is since then he hasn’t had _time_ to try _._ For his remaining years on Jedha times got harder for his family like so many others. Food grew all too scarce as did the money to buy it. Stormtroopers increased in number and were a constant threatening presence, every one of them with twitchy trigger fingers.

Then he went to the Academy because he was old enough to go and they needed the money that a pilot’s salary would bring. And from the Academy to the Empire, an enclave of people who would call him ‘unnatural’ if they knew, or worse.

(Probably worse.)

So he hasn’t had time for relationships. Not that he ever had a real one in the first place, but he never had the time to try again.

And things _were_ different after Scarif. After Galen picked him out of a crowd, after Baze dragged him out of a cell, after Jyn grabbed him and said ‘ _they can’t get him.’_

And then there’s Luke.

\---

He definitely didn’t notice Luke at first. There was too much happening, just a ceaseless stream of _too much._

But of course he noticed Luke, even in the middle of all that mess. He was just so kind and open it was hard not to notice when he earnestly argued for them to save Princess Leia, and even though he was verging on exhaustion and unconsciousness he noticed when Luke had to bandage his broken arm. His touch was careful and gentle, as kind as his wide blue eyes.

It had been a lot of years since he was sweaty and fumbling in the dark, he had almost forgotten the feeling that brought him to that point.

He might have noticed Luke, but there was a lot more going on and it wasn’t until after the hearing, when they all clustered around a table and Luke was beside him, knocking their knees under the table that it finally clicked.

_Oh._

\---

Chirrut and Baze are together and nobody objects, is it possible that he can be with a man and not…

Is that allowed here?

Chirrut and Baze are one thing, they’re free agents accepted as a presence on the Rebel Base but they’re not members of the Rebel Alliance like Bodhi. Also Chirrut and Baze are not to be challenged lightly and everybody knows it.

He desperately wants to ask somebody if he’s allowed here… If _that_ is allowed here.

He doesn’t know who to ask… he doesn’t know _how_ to ask.

Chirrut and Baze are one thing, he worries that Bodhi Rook is a separate case entirely. Maybe they wouldn’t kill him, but they could kick him out, there could be another trial, who knows? He certainly doesn’t and he still can’t help but fear the worst.

Of course all of this worry might possibly be for nothing if Luke doesn’t like him back, or doesn’t like boys at all.

\---

The problem is, Luke is nice to _everyone._

At first he thought maybe, with looks and touches, _maybe._ But Luke is the most confusing man he’s ever met. He’s like that with _everyone._ He’s always hugging and touching, he’s constantly open to the world and everyone adores him for it because _who wouldn’t._

He’s the hero of the Rebellion after all. Possibly the last Jedi in the universe. He’s practically coated in ‘heroic destiny’ and Bodhi is pretty sure the Imperial defector isn’t.

Bodhi was there watching the Ceremony with Jyn and there was a moment when he didn’t care about the fact that Jyn wasn’t getting a medal, or Cassian, or himself. He was just watching Luke, up there all shiny eyed and grinning. He looked right at Bodhi and he didn’t look away.

That was another moment when he thought, _‘Oh.’_

_\---_

And sure, Luke is his friend. Maybe his best friend, maybe his _only_ friend. (The Rogues aren’t his friends, they’re family and that doesn’t count. Family is always obligated to like you.) But Bodhi can’t tell for the life of him if Luke is more than that or if he wants to be.

One minute he’s holding Bodhi’s hand, the next he’s running up and embracing Han or Leia or even Jyn (although he isn’t particularly worried about Jyn, she only has eyes for Cassian).

It confuses him.

With Evyn, brief as it had been, there was no mistaking their intentions once they knew they were there. It just took them an embarrassingly long time to get up the nerve to try.

And Bodhi isn’t sure what would happen if he tried again. His first and only kiss ended as such a disaster he’s not sure about repeating the experiment.

He’s not sure about a million things.

But he is sure that every minute he spends with Luke is the best part of his day and the part that makes him ache.

At least he gets to fly, that’s a consolation at least.

\---

Flying is still the _best._ It’s nice to be flying under less dire circumstances. Most of their missions now are reconnaissance or supply runs and fairly lower risk compared to the imminent demise the Death Star looming overhead.

They’ve had a few close calls but behind the controls of an X-Wing he feels able to handle almost anything. It’s when he climbs out of the cockpit that the world comes rushing back like an overwhelming tide.

\---

When he’s not off on missions or spending time trying not to make an ass of himself with Luke, he goes and sits with Jyn. In the hangar, she’s always working on something, and her supervisor Captain Wolmic seems like a decent sort. Sometimes he goes with her to the gym, he’s even watched her spar with the trainees. When he can, he sits and fidgets and they talk.

He’s come the closest to admitting things with her.

Something about the way she looks at him sidelong seems to cut right through him. But she never presses him about it.

“You seemed really cozy with Luke the other night,” she states on a day when the hangar is fairly empty and she’s on her knees disassembling a cleaning droid. Her eyes are focused on her work and not on him, but she slants him one of her knowing looks and Bodhi looks away blushing. She’s referring to a night last week when Cassian was back on base and they all went to the Cantina for drinks (Han’s idea).

“Well, I saw you with Cassian,” he shoots back and that’s not even an exaggeration, she had been practically sitting in his lap, loosened by the alcohol and smiling up at Cassian with an ease that seemed rare for her.

In the present, Jyn glances at him once more before shrugging and changing the subject.

He gets the feeling that she’s trying to give him an opportunity to say what’s on his mind and his heart, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud.

He remembers hearing the whispers of ‘ _unnatural,_ ’ all too well. And they already hate him around the base for being a defector from the Empire.

He would have thought that sort of thing would gain him credits with his fellow Rebels, but the reality is far from it. There are soldiers that like to call him Imp and shove him hard as they pass. Somehow they almost always catch him when he’s alone.

Once in his first few weeks on Hoth when he was still wearing a cast, a couple of men tried to corner him while he walked with Chirrut.

They made the mistake of ignoring the blind man and Bodhi had never seen Chirrut look angry before. Or maybe not angry, he smiled at these men, but all the warmth was gone as he asked them what they were doing.

They laughed him off and returned to Bodhi, shoving him, calling him Imp. This was a new occurrence at the time and he was too surprised to do anything other than fight the urge to do something very stupid like cry.

Chirrut had said something else to try and diffuse the situation. Bodhi was knocked back against the wall too hard, and then Chirrut abandoned a peaceful solution, lashing out with his staff hard and fast.

After that whoever has a bone to pick with him seemed to time their attacks more carefully.

It was different with Jyn. She wouldn’t take an attack in silence. She fights back. He just freezes up like prey. He knows _how_ to hit back (Jyn and Cassian have been teaching him a few tricks), but when they come with their anger and aggression it just overwhelms any better reflexes.

The worst is the day Jyn’s working on the ship’s systems of a Y-Wing and leaves him alone to get a spanner.

They come in fast and Bodhi freezes up, like he _always does._

Cracks in his foundation are still there and sometimes the aggression in their voices reminds him of Saw. Reminds him of the anger of the partisans who threw a bag over his head and wouldn’t listen as he tried to explain.

He barely even hears the words they’re saying. His ears close up and so does his throat and he wishes he at least had the instinct to run, rather than just standing there and waiting.

Normally they just push him, call him names and leave.

This time they’re angrier.

He sees the fist coming and it’s like being back on the Death Star, but he’s too slow to even throw an arm up as protection this time. The fist connects with his temple and he’s in black nothing.

When he comes to, it’s to Jyn.

Standing over him, using her spanner like a baton and _screaming_ wordless rage at these men. Her nose is bleeding and her teeth are bared. She looks almost feral and the men are getting smart and leaving.

The moment they’re gone Jyn drops the spanner to kneel down beside him.

“Bodhi are you okay?” she asks him, all that rage gone and replaced by worry as she reaches out to touch his forehead. It seems he’s bleeding too, and he’s woozy as she pulls him to his feet.

They end up in the med bay and somehow it’s Nurse Temple who receives them, looking a distinct mix of unimpressed and displeased to see them. But she’s gentle as she prods his temple and pronounces him ‘concussed.’

The worst part might be later on when Luke visits him in the med bay. Still too open and nice and Bodhi should not enjoy somebody holding his hand this much, but he does because he is deeply, deeply pathetic.

Luke doesn’t stay the night this time, but he stays for an hour or two. He sits, he talks, he has that deck of Sabacc cards in his pocket and they play a few rounds.

When he gets up to go sleep in his quarters, Bodhi wants to ask him to stay. Thankfully, he has one last shred of dignity that saves him from that embarrassment.

If there is any luck, it is that his darker skin can hide a little heat in his cheeks when Luke touches his hand and says goodnight.

The next morning Shara comes to visit him right before he’s discharged.

And Bodhi thinks that Shara knows too.

If she doesn’t know than her jokes are incredibly pointed by coincidence. She’s constantly joking about Luke and Bodhi doing things beyond what friends do and he’s not sure what to make of those jokes. He thinks _‘unnatural,’_ but Shara likes him and she’s nice so he doesn’t know what to make of the jokes that make it sound like he and Luke are doing things they probably shouldn’t.

The way she jokes, he wonders if maybe it _is allowed_ for a boy to kiss a boy here.

Maybe here it isn’t against the rules.

But that doesn’t solve the issue of whether Luke wants to kiss him or not and so his quandary remains largely unchanged.

(He suspects that Shara might have what his mother called ‘loose morals’ and what Cassian would call ‘liberal ideas.’ He suspects that not everyone in the Rebellion might share her views and therein lies the problem)

\---

He has bad dreams more often than he would like. He’s not sure if it’s a souvenir from Bor Gullet or just an inevitability after everything he’s seen and done. He used to have bad dreams before Scariff and Jedha, before Rogue One, but it wasn’t nearly this bad or this often.

Eventually he talks to Jyn about it.

About the dreams where he’s back underground and Saw has him and the Bor Gullet has him and he can’t breath.

It’s another day where he’s sitting in the hangar and someone is playing music somewhere and he says it quietly so only she can hear.

“I have nightmares sometimes. Sometimes I dream I’m underground and I’m choking.”

She doesn’t say anything at first, letting him speak his piece and then letting silence reign.

But a few minutes later she quietly admits, “I have nightmares too.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that, because Jyn is one of the bravest people he’s ever known (aside from maybe Luke, but Luke is brave because he doesn’t know any better. Jyn knows better and then she’s brave anyway)

She doesn’t say anything more, but she reaches out and touches his arm, resting her hand over the starburst scar on his forearm.

“I have nightmares too,” she says again and shoots him a meaningful glance and he realizes he might be in some of them.

She’s in his sometimes too, with that haggard broken stare and blood running down her leg. In his nightmares his mind devises all sorts of new ways they all could have died. He sees Luke drown in that garbage chute, he sees Han pull him out of the way of a blaster shot that ends up lethal, he sees Cassian fall hard and this time he doesn’t get up. He sees Chirrut and Baze’s unmoving corpses on a beach as fire eats the horizon.

He doesn’t want to say all of that aloud so he rests his other hand over Jyn’s where it presses on his scar and neither of them move for the longest time.

He hears her cry out at night sometimes. He knows it’s always worse when Cassian’s away. It’s not something they talk about it’s just something they know. The same way she knows that Bodhi has it bad for a boy who might not even like him at all.

\---

Bodhi hasn’t had many friends since he was small. He never had any family beyond his mother and his sister. His father, whoever he was, left when Bodhi was too young to remember his face.

He still misses his mother and his sister. He will always miss them.

But it pains him a little less when they are all together and talking over each other. It reminds him of the sort of family some of his childhood friends had on Jedha. The sort he used to be jealous of.

When they all come together, it’s like his birthday come early and it’s easy to smile and it’s easy to laugh. It’s even easy to enjoy Luke’s company without aching over what it means. Chirrut and Baze have a quiet dry humor that’s too funny and Han has endless stories where he clearly likes to embellish his role. And although he still doesn’t speak the wookiee’s language he can tell when Chewie is calling Han a liar and that’s funny too. He loves the way Jyn will occasionally pipe up with something new she learned on the job and he loves the way Cassian listens to all of them. And all of them listen to Bodhi when he talks.

It’s almost intoxicating having everyone’s attention to tell them something ridiculous his astromech did on a recent mission or to tease Luke about how they almost got into trouble with Leia while she’s right there watching them with amused disapproval.

It’s all good and possibly great and possibly the happiest he’s ever been when they are all together and all happy and he loves having a family. He just wishes he could have kept his mother and sister as well.

They would have fit in well alongside everyone else and he knows that with all his heart.

Jyn would have loved his sister and Chirrut and Baze would have adored his mother.

They could have fit here if only fate or the Force or whatever destiny brought them all here had been just a little kinder along the way.

If only, if only, if only.

Whenever he gets too lost down this line of thought, somehow the others always know. With a touch of the hand, or a nudge, somehow they always know and are there to bring him back into the moment. The moment where there is still joy and happiness to be had.

He doesn’t quite know how to say thank you for that like so many other things they do for him, but nobody seems to mind.

The unspoken consensus seems to be, this is what families do.

And he’ll always be grateful for his family.

 

And then there’s the day Luke gets lost out in the ice and everything goes to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Bodhi is both deeply tragic and deeply gay and therefore _tragically gay_ like this poor sweet boy. But at the same time...his thing with Luke is like...It's like Bodhi's the dude in a Jane Austen novel and Luke is the girl and they are both SO OBLIVIOUS I could just die.
> 
> Also _Ammi_ and _Beta_ mean 'mother' and 'son' respectively in Urdu which according to Google is the main language spoken in Pakistan where Riz Ahmed is from(Or not technically from? I think he was born in Britain but y'know Pakistani parents etc). I hope I got everything right I did just google search this stuff. Feel free to correct me if I messed up.


	4. Leaving(Han/Leia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there is just no winning with chapter titles eh? I guess I'll have to make peace with that. It's either this or Hoth pt. 1
> 
> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and for telling me this chapter needed some more Leia.

_“Things change,” Daja said softly. “We change with them._  
_We sail before the wind. We become adults._  
_As adults, we keep our minds and our secrets hidden, and our wounds._  
_It’s safer.”_

_―The Will of the Empress, Tamora Pierce_

 ---

The problem is that he likes them. _All_ of them.

Even Cassian.

The man might be a stick in the mud, but it’s hard to hate the guy who makes Jyn light up with his very presence. And it’s not hard to see the feeling is mutual. When Cassian’s on base the pair of them are practically glued together.

When he’s not around Jyn is noticeably… Just _sadder._

And this is how he ends up spending a lot more time with her while Cassian’s away. He tries to justify it to himself. Watching her mope around is annoying. When he tries to talk to Chewie about it, Chewie tells him that he’s annoying.

Chewie is very unsympathetic to his problems.

The plight of all these nice people _rubbing off on him_. If any of his former colleagues knew that he’s been spending the last year and some do-gooding around the galaxy with the Rebellion his reputation would be shot. Nobody would ever take him seriously again or want to work with him.

He doesn’t want to admit that he _likes_ doing the good stuff. Smuggling supplies to planets that have been cut off by the Empire or smuggling people that are being hunted by the Empire. It feels nice to do good things for once and that _galls him_.

Then there are the kids. Luke and Bodhi are good kids, although watching their little dance makes Han want to bang their heads together. (He doesn’t because they both have some baggage or so he’s learned over time. So he just bites his tongue and says nothing about how clearly smitten they are with each other)

He likes the old men too. Baze was a particular surprise given their first introduction, but he can match Han drink for drink and he plays a mean hand of Sabacc. Chirrut is… Odd. He reminds Han a little bit of that Kenobi in the roundabout way he speaks, but he’s got a keen eye for noticing things in spite of being blind. He’s even helped Han _not_ stick his foot in his mouth a few times. Somehow he knows how to smooth over any situation and for whatever reason, he chooses to help Han out from time to time.

That time to time is usually when Leia is around.

 _Stars,_ he does not know what to do with that girl.

Talking with her is like navigating an asteroid field and sometimes he wishes he liked her _less._

It’s not just that she’s beautiful (which she is), it’s that she’s radiant. Her presence seems to fill up a room and she’s so goddamn capable.

Han’s been in relationships before. He likes to think he understands women.

But Leia is inscrutable.

Sometimes he thinks that she might actually like him and sometimes he thinks that she can’t stand him.

He would really like to have some clarity on that before he tried to actively pursue her, because if she doesn’t like him then he would be gone like a shot. He’s not interested in making a woman like him.

The problem is that he can’t figure her out.

If she _did_ like him, he would absolutely try to… Y’know… _woo her._

He does flirt a lot, but that’s more of an attempt to test the water than anything else.

He also argues with her a lot because she is the most stubborn person he’s ever met and sometimes she annoys the hell out of him.

(He doesn’t want to admit that he kind of enjoys that stuff too, because he's got it _bad_ )

Of course the biggest problem of all is that no matter how much he likes everybody, he’s getting paid good credits and he’s been watching his accounts fill up and he has debts to pay.

He needs to _go._

And he doesn’t want to, but the more time passes, the more he finds himself imagining the wrong guys catching wind of where he is and coming here to Hoth. That would end badly for just about everybody he likes.

It would be much easier if he left and paid them.

He wonders if he would be allowed back in so easily or his vacancy would be filled in an instant.

He wonders if they would take him back if he tried to come back.

And it’s not just the Rebellion he means.

He wonders if he could come back at all.

It would be so much easier if he didn't like them.

\---

He talked to Chewie about it first, because Chewie obviously enjoys it here with the rest of them. He seems to have a particular affinity for Jyn and Bodhi (and also that Shara Bey, who still mystifies him), but Chewie does seem to like everybody in their little group and so it was only fair to discuss it with him first.

Chewie said if Han had to go he would go with him, and Han thanks his stars that he’s at least got the wookiee with him. Piloting the Millennium Falcon alone would be difficult for a variety of reasons.

But he’s only talked to Chewie about it.

Every day that passes feels like reaching an ill defined deadline when bounty hunters start banging on his door.

He’ll have to tell them sooner or later he thinks as he walks through the hangar one day. Luke is out on a scouting run because apparently just being a pilot isn’t interesting enough for him. He dragged Han and Bodhi into placing some sensors out there and Han’s done his bit.

(Frankly Hoth is so cold it’s practically offensive, he placed those sensors with all possible speed)

Luke checks in to tell them the obvious, he didn’t pick up any life readings, because nothing living will stay that way for long on Hoth. Luke says something about checking out a meteorite before signing off and that’s the last Han thinks of it.

\---

He decides to talk to General Rieekan first about leaving. Maybe not the best approach, but definitely the easiest. The fact that Leia’s nearby and hears the whole thing saves him from explaining it to her directly because he’s a coward.

“There's a price on my head. If I don't pay off Jabba the Hut, I'm a dead man,” he tells the general, an older looking man with salt and pepper hair.

“A death mark's not an easy thing to live with,” the general says clearly a little distracted by the monitor he’s looking at. But he looks away to meet Han’s eyes directly and sticks out his hand to shake, “You're a good fighter, Solo. I hate to lose you.”

And Han shakes his hand and says thank you, because he’s learned to be polite around these people. The general moves on and he sees Leia turn to look at him. She’s got that icy aloof thing in her eyes and the tightness in her mouth and he can only think to cut this off at the pass. Now that she’s heard everything he can skip to the goodbyes and maybe that will be easier.

“Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it,” he says and she looks at him coolly.

“That's right.”

It’s uncomfortable. This whole thing is uncomfortable and the only thing he can do is escape this shipwreck of a conversation.

“Well, don't get all mushy on me. So long, Princess.”

And he turns on his heel and walks away thinking that went about as well as could be expected and also his entire life is a travesty.

\---

Leia really hates that stupid, selfish man sometimes, but she has bigger concerns. She worries how Jyn might feel about this, or Luke. They both seem so attached to the smuggler. Even Bodhi seems to like him more than is warranted with a man like that. And everybody likes Chewie who will probably go with him and the Rebellion will be down two capable members when they already have none to spare.

The whole thing is exasperating in the extreme.

She has a half a mind to chase him down the hallway and tell him what’s what, but she knows what a waste of her time that would be.

She doesn’t particularly want to think about what his absence will feel like either.

It’s been two years since Alderaan was destroyed. Two years since she was captured by the Empire and set free, by Han among others.

She knows it was not his intent to rescue a princess when they got caught in a tractor beam, but that is what he did.

She’s not sure why disappointment hurts that much more when it’s from him, but it cuts her like a knife. He’s done so much over the last two years that was _good._ She’s seen the way he is with Luke or Jyn. She wants to believe he’s grown with the passage of time, even though she saw good in him almost from the start.

She remembers the man who refused to leave Yavin in spite of the doom impending, until he had seen that Jyn was okay. She remembers the man who came back at their most dire moment and helped save the day. She knows there is a good person in there and it hurts all the more to see him act this way in spite of that.

Disappointing.

That is the word.

In the last two years she’s had plenty to occupy her, not long after they arrived on Hoth she was officially made a member or the Alliance Council. Most of her days are eaten up by overseeing matters of grave importance. Any moment she can spend with the others (Even Han) is a breath of fresh air. A moment she can just lean back and enjoy the present whether she’s drinking with them at the cantina or all they’re all squished into somebody’s quarters playing cards. None of them seem to care much about what the activity is, as long as they all are together for it.

She feels the same.

\---

Two years since Alderaan.

Two years where she learned to recognize the ache in her chest that never really went away. It would simply fade to a bearable level and then flare up like an old war wound. Like scarred tissue that will never fully heal.

Many of the others have a similar look to them. They have all lost homes, and some of them have lost planets.

Baze and Chirrut have seen much in their lives, they do not readily display their pain. Or perhaps they’ve gone through so much that they have learned how to make peace with tragedy.

But Bodhi is like her. Sometimes that loss sits on the surface and she can see it in his eyes. He must be able to see it in hers.

They both lost family and a home with one push of a button.

The shock has long since worn off. It’s easy now to say her parents are dead and Alderaan is gone. Enough time has passed that she can state those facts without breaking.

But there are still nights when she wakes up and forgets.

For an instant, she forgets that her parents are dead and her home is nothing but dust.

For an instant, she forgets.

But then, like always…

...She remembers.

Maybe one day she will wake up and not have to remember the death of a planet. Maybe eventually the facts of it will stick and become a part of her reality. Something she knows, not just intellectually, but in her heart as well.

That day hasn’t come yet.

She hasn’t talked to any of them about the tears that are shed alone in the dark of her room at night. But there are mornings she might catch Bodhi or Jyn or Luke in the mess hall. She wonders if they can see it on her face.

She can certainly see it on them.

She can always tell whose sleep was haunted by ghosts.

She thinks Han might be the only one of them who isn’t haunted. Or if he is, his ghosts are old enough that they don’t bother him on a regular basis. She envies him for that.

\---

She is pulled from her thoughts when Bodhi comes running into the command center. He immediately slows to a calmer pace, but makes a beeline for Leia looking distinctly unsettles.

“Sergeant Rook, what is it?” she asks him. In the command center she prefers to sound formal. When they’re both off duty they’re on a first name basis.

“Have you s-seen Luke?” Bodhi asked and Leia frowned.

“I thought he went out to scout around the base and place sensors with you and Han,” Leia says.

“He did, b-but he went to check on a meteorite or s-something and I haven’t heard from him since.” Bodhi says sounding a little breathless.

“Have you checked in with Han?” Leia asks and Bodhi’s eyes widen a little further.

“N-no I haven’t,” and with that the pilot bolts before she can tell him to wait while she comms the smuggler. 

Staring after Bodhi she feels a new worry twisting in her chest. He might be headed that way, but for her own peace of mind, she sends a comm at the smuggler anyway.

There is no response and she shuts of her own communicator feeling a fresh wave of disappointment and gritting her teeth.

It’s always the disappointment that cuts deepest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Han caught a case of the feelings and Leia needs a forever hug.  
> You may notice some...shall we say rewriting of the Han/Leia dynamic? The essence is the same but the 80s were a different time and all that.  
> Anyway enjoy the new chapter, I struggled with it a lot.


	5. Ice (Jyn/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.  
> (also the title of this chapter's poem cracks me up in regards to Luke and Bodhi, but also apt amirite?)

_Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,_  
_Old Time is still a-flying;_  
_And this same flower that smiles today_  
_Tomorrow will be dying._

_—To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time, Robert Herrick_

_\---_

Bodhi is pacing.

Pacing and talking and Jyn is listening.

“He could b-be dead, he could be frozen and d-dead and we’re just _sitting here_ ,” Bodhi says throwing his hands up in the air.

She tries not to imagine it.

He’s just a boy, a few years younger than Bodhi, who also feels like a kid to her. She doesn’t want to imagine him dying alone out there in the ice and the snow. She doesn’t want to imagine Han finding a corpse. Or worse, Han getting stuck out there with him and they lose two instead of one.

She doesn’t say this aloud, of course. Right now Bodhi is close to panic and so she’s being the calm one.

After she found Bodhi and Han in the hangar and Han insisted on going after Luke, she steered Bodhi to her quarters figuring they might need some privacy. It was pure luck they bumped into Leia on the way. Jyn gave her a brief update and Leia ran off to get the others.

\---

It was a busy day turned to evening in the hangar with lot’s of bodies moving to and fro. There was plenty of noise as dozens of voices rose and fell in talks and arguments.

Still, she picked out the sound of Bodhi’s voice instantly. She looked up and saw him talking to Han and she could see by the set of his shoulders, something had him upset. She climbed off the Y-Wing with a groan and headed over.

“Th-that’s what I’m trying to tell you. _Nobody_ knows where he is,” Bodhi was saying and Han glanced at her with a nod before turning back to Bodhi.

“What do you mean, _nobody knows_?”

“I m-mean I’ve checked around the base and nobody’s seen him s-since this morning,” Bodhi said, his eyes going liquid. Jyn’s felt something in her tense up as she asked,

“Who?”

“Luke,” Han told her looking distracted and Jyn fought the urge to startle. Of course it would be Luke. Who else would have Bodhi in such a state? She put an arm around Bodhi’s shoulders and they both watched Han run off and have an argument with the deck officer.

She glanced at the hangar exit with a grimace. It was getting dark out.

Han jogged back to them.

“He says maybe he forgot to check in but that’s unlikely.”

Jyn nodded, her mind whirring through the possibilities and the one conclusion she could think of was they couldn’t leave him out there… _He’s just a kid._

“Well, what are we going to do?”

And Han shook his head. She knew that look and it meant he had an idea and it was terrible.

“I’m going out there.”

“Alone?” she exclaimed, “I could go with you, or Cassian just got back on base maybe...”

Han shook his head

“I won’t risk freezing your boyfriend and you should stay with him,” he nodded at Bodhi, who wouldn’t tear his eyes away from the entrance to the hangar, as if at any moment, Luke might come barreling through it.

Han looked at Bodhi, perturbed and uncomfortable and yet somehow sincere.

“He’s my friend too kid, I’ll do my best to bring him back in one piece.”

Bodhi glanced at him and then nodded, ducking his head. Han reached out and tousled his hair a little pulling back an instant later with a face like he regretted doing that. When he looked at her, she could see the panic in his eyes, an all too familiar feeling.

“Good luck,” she said, short and sweet and a little bit of a command. He nodded and went running off to where they keep the tauntauns.

\---

Now she watches Bodhi, practically wearing holes in her floor as he beats a small circle up and down her quarters. They’ve been here for fifteen minutes and he hasn’t stopped shaking.

For her part she sits and says the things that feel right to say.

“ _It’s okay, he’ll be okay.”_

She’s not very good at the talking part of comfort, luckily Bodhi knows that.

When her door opens next, it’s Chirrut and Baze. Bodhi stops in his circuit to nod hello and to let them squeeze by so they can sit in a corner of the room. Baze pauses to rest a heavy hand on Bodhi’s shoulder before sitting by his husband.

Already with just four of them, there’s hardly enough floor for Bodhi to do more than walk in a tight circle. He’s just standing there, staring at the floor.

“Why don’t you sit down Bodhi?” Chirrut asks gently and for some reason that is what breaks the floodgates. She hears his breath start to hitch and his shoulders shake and she’s on her feet.

“C’mon,” Jyn murmurs in his ear and leads him to sit on the bed with her arm around his shoulders.

Once he is settled beside her, she lets her hand drop from his shoulder to his back and rubs a small circle there like her mother used to do when she was small. No one speaks for a moment until Jyn sighs,

“After all this you really need to tell Luke you like him,” and Bodhi sputters.

“Th-that’s not...” he pulls away a little to stare at her and Jyn makes a face at him.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed here.”

Bodhi looks a bit like he might have a heart attack as he glances between her, Chirrut, and Baze.

“But they… D-do they know?” he practically whispers and from where he sits Baze says,

“Yes, even the blind fool can see it.”

Chirrut smacks his arm lightly, but he smiles at Bodhi, who looks away and back to Jyn.

“Does _everybody_ know?” it comes out as a squeak and Jyn shrugs a little.

“Cassian probably does, Leia’s smart enough to see it, I don’t know,”

Bodhi closes his eyes and exhales sharply through his nose.

“Oh, that’s b-bad, that’s _so bad._ ”

Jyn wants to ask why, but she has a feeling he won’t tell her without some pushing and she doesn’t want to push him right now. She also doesn’t want to tell him that she knows from experience how much it can haunt a person to have not said the important things before parting. She doesn’t want to weigh Bodhi down with that.

(She still hasn’t said the words to Cassian)

Instead of all that she says with a straight face,

“Sorry, what I _meant_ to say was, you need to tell him that you want to marry him and make babies with him.”

Bodhi’s dark skin turns a deep shade of red and he covers his face with both hands. From where they sit Chirrut still smiles like serenity itself and Baze snorts.

From behind his hands, Bodhi says, “That’s not even biologically _possible,_ Jyn, why would I say that?”

“Well, I thought saying the ‘L’ word might be a little too intense for an opener, but you could be traditional,” she says and that actually gets a mangled laugh out of Bodhi, which was her intent all along. He still has his face in hands though.

“How long have you known?” he asks and it comes out muffled.

“Since the flight back to Yavin after the Death Star,” she says and Bodhi lets out a little squawk and drops his hands to stare at her.

“ _I_ didn’t even know then,” he says, sounding almost offended and Jyn shrugs as he blushes all over again.

That’s when the door opens to reveal Leia and Chewie. Bodhi turns to look at them, horrified and still blushing. He groans with embarrassment and hides his face against Jyn’s shoulder.

For her part, Leia looks anxious, wringing her hands and glancing around the room radiating tension.

When she makes eye contact with Jyn, she nods and Jyn pointedly jerks her head towards the rest of the room. An invitation for Leia to settle in. She sits beside Baze, who dips his chin in silent greeting.

Chewie barks something that none of them understand without Han here, but she musters up a smile for him anyway. She knows, the wookiee gets who speaks his language and who doesn’t.

He walks into the room with heavy steps and walks up to her and Bodhi first, placing a big clumsy paw on Bodhi’s head. Bodhi lets out a small sound of confusion or something similar, muffled by his hands and her shoulder. Chewie drops his paw a moment later to sit beside Leia, who leans against his furry bulk.

Even the droids come from Luke’s quarters to sit with them.

C-3PO’s all anxiety for both Luke and Han, and R2-D2 chirps at everyone before taking up a spot by Bodhi’s knees like they’re standing guard. They beep something at C-3PO and C-3PO’s response is an irritated, “Well, _I_ wasn’t going to tell them their chances for survival, I have _some_ manners.”

That gets another huff of a laugh from Bodhi, and from where she sits beside Baze, Leia smiles a little.

Cassian comes in the room last.

Jyn locks eyes with him the instant the door slides open.

It’s not up to par with their usual greeting, but she holds out her free hand and he squeezes it before sitting on Bodhi’s other side, folding his hands in his lap.

Now her room is full and a little too quiet.

Tonight would be a good night for drinking, but Han is usually the one to supply the drinks.

Bodhi eventually pulls away from her, and pulls out his deck of Sabacc cards.

It’s more to pass the time than anything when the night lacks the merriment of most of their gatherings.

Less of a party and more of a vigil.

A morbid part of Jyn’s brain finds an irony in the idea of losing some of their own to ice instead of fire for once. She quashes that thought and looks around at the rest of them.

Nobody will tell Bodhi or Leia not to worry because worry is natural in a time like this.

So they all just wait.

After a few hours it becomes clear they are in for the long haul. Bodhi eventually falls asleep with his head in her lap. Chewie just leans his head back at some point and snores softly. C-3PO and R2 go into rest mode and Chirrut and Baze fall asleep leaning on each other.

Then it’s just her, Cassian, and Leia sitting in dim light (After a certain hour the lights lower automatically).

She speaks softly so as not to wake the others.

“Do you think they’ll make it?” she asks and in the dim she can see the glint of Cassian’s eyes as he looks at her.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs and Jyn looks at Leia where she’s barely more than a shadow, still wearing so much white, she looks almost like a specter in the dark.

“I think they’ll make it,” Leia says, something strangely set in her gaze.

“You think so?” Jyn asks and Leia looks down and shakes her head a little.

“I can’t explain it, but I have this feeling… That they’re alive.”

\---

Everything is white and strange and Luke can’t even feel the cold anymore, he’s so _tired._ The only thing he knows is that he can’t walk anymore. He lets himself crumble into the snow and feels relief that he gave up on the endeavor of _walking._

Lying down is much more peaceful. Some giddy part of his brain thinks Chirrut should try this instead of meditation.

Another part is saying that he can’t rest here, that would be bad.

_Why would it be bad?_

He feels terrible and this feels a lot less terrible than walking through the endless white nothing.

The others will worry when he doesn’t get back.

_Where was he going again?_

Bodhi will be worried and that gnaws at something in his chest.

He thinks he can hear a voice and that makes no sense, he’s alone in the cold.

“ _You will go to the Dagobah system.”_

He looks up and sees _Ben._ Or something like a waking dream of Ben. An impression of his teacher sketched in the air.

“Dagobah system?” he asks and he wonders if he’s hallucinating.

“ _There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master who instructed me,”_ the phantom says and Luke has questions. He needs _help._

He reaches for Ben but there’s nothing there.

There’s nothing, nothing, nothing

And he crumbles into the snow and the nothing and wonders if he’ll see Ben again.

\---

The rest he gets in flashes.

A voice calling his name, hands on him.

“ _C’mon, don’t do this, Luke.”_

\---

He wishes Ben were here. He _was_ here. He told Luke to go to the Dagobah system. He told Luke to find Yoda and Luke _listened._

He wants Ben to know he was listening, but there’s no answer.

\---

A memory or a dream.

He’s walking with Bodhi through the halls and Bodhi just said something _hilarious._ Luke laughs so hard he can barely breathe and Bodhi smiles like sunlight.

He can’t breathe.

\---

A sensation, a _smell._ Something awful and sickly and wet.

“This may smell bad kid, but it’ll keep you warm."

\---

He keeps calling for Ben, there’s something he needs to tell him or to ask him. There’s a hand on his arm and a voice saying over and over again, “I know kid, I know. I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw. I remember getting really emotional as a kid over Luke getting hurt out on the ice and Han rescuing him. Also Jyn and Bodhi in this chapter made me smile.
> 
> Also for the 5 people reading who like the poetry stuff... First off I appreciate you. Second, I tend to collect quotes I like and stuff I might use for excerpts in this fic [here](http://www.thewordslam.tumblr.com) It's just a sideblog on Tumblr. On rare occasions I've posted my own poetry there but not often.


	6. The Return(Han/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow (like how C-3PO would call Han captain not mister...my bad)

_If it can be broke then it can be fixed, if it can be fused then it can be split_  
_It’s all under control, it’s all under control_  
_If it can be lost then it can be won, if it can be touched then it can be turned_  
_All you need is time, all you need is time, all you need is..._

_—The Pioneers, Tunng_

\---

The kid was a mess.

Han had tried to construct a shelter around them, but it was so windy, eventually he just pulled the thermal blanket from his pack and threw it over the both of them. Luke was clearly delirious, moaning the name of his dead teacher and a bunch of other stuff that sounded like gibberish.

(He still has no idea who, what, or where a Yoda is)

It put him on edge seeing the kid so wrecked by the cold and whatever scratched his face up.

Han tried to talk to him for a while to maybe put him at ease. Eventually Luke fell completely unconscious and with the blanket over them both(and half of the dead tauntaun) Han hoped the shared body heat would keep them through the night.

Apparently it did because he wakes up the next morning with his head pillowed on the tauntaun’s side. (The worst part is that he stopped even noticing the smell halfway through the night)

It’s a relief when a ship finds them out on the ice. Han gets another blanket wrapped around his shoulders before helping the pilot carry Luke onto the ship that takes them back to base.

Once they’re aboard, the ship takes off.

The ship’s a carrier with enough room that he can sit on the floor beside where they laid Luke down.

The kid is shivering, his lips are almost blue and moving like he’s trying to speak to somebody. Possibly someone who isn’t there if last night is anything to go by.

Han sighs, leaning back against the wall.

“I know, kid, I know,” he murmurs.

\---

Everyone is waiting for them in the hangar when their ship lands.

Jyn is holding Bodhi’s hand. Cassian has a hand on Jyn’s shoulder. Baze and Chirrut stand beside them and Leia stands with Chewie.

Even the droids are there, beeping and making a fuss and despite the blanket and the sleep he got out on the ice, Han is _tired._

He gets off the ship first, med bay personnel passing him to climb up the ramp.

The ship’s pilot must have called ahead. (She told Han her name but he wasn’t really focusing on much besides the kid and his own exhaustion.)

Han may have checked multiple times to make sure the kid was still breathing as the ship headed back to base.

Now he reaches the bottom of the ramp and looks at all of them feeling somewhat overwhelmed and a little too tired to deal with this.

Chewie is the one who walks up first to bat at his head with a heavy paw and bark out an admonishing greeting. This, at least, is familiar enough.

“Yeah, sorry, Chewie, I know,” Han mutters to his co-pilot, as Chewie steps aside to let Leia come storming up to him. She looks ready to kick his ass into the next life.

She gets right up to him, glaring so fiercely he wonders if she could melt Hoth itself with the heat of her gaze. Her mouth is tight and her shoulders taut and she just glares at him with the intensity of a laser.

He doesn’t move or speak because he has _no idea_ what to do or say.

When Leia finally breaks eye contact, she calls out to the med bay personnel who are carrying Luke off the ship on a stretcher.

“Make sure to get this one checked out as well,” she says to them, jerking her thumb at Han and then following the two carrying Luke as they head off to the med bay. Han watches her go, feeling a strange mixture of confusion and loss. Before he can think about the rest of them, Bodhi runs up to him.

The kid rests a hand on his arm and shoots him a look that he thinks might be grateful, and then he goes running after Leia and Luke.

There’s another med bay guy, a nurse he supposes, who is now standing there with him, probably because Leia told him to. He’s standing like he’s ready to shepherd Han away immediately, but he’s waiting (for what? Han has no idea).

Jyn walks up to him. She looks him up and down with an almost critical eye before leaning forward and hugging him. A quick squeeze and she lets go, stepping back and Han is stymied.

“Everybody was really worried,” she says, “Thanks for taking care of him.” She doesn’t have to say who. Han nods, sort of dazed as Cassian steps forward to clap him on the shoulder.

“You did good,” the former captain says and one day Han is going to ask him where that accent is from but already they are peeling off to follow the path Bodhi and Leia took to the med bay.

Han looks at Chirrut and Baze, the only two left aside from the droids.

“You guys aren’t going to hug me are you?” he says feeling distinctly unsettled by everything that just occurred. Chirrut smiles and Baze says, “No.”

“Good,” Han replies with a decisive nod and Chewie growls at him, telling him not to be stupid.

He wonders when the hell the wookiee got to be so rude.

“Although you should realize the longer you stay, the more often this sort of thing may happen,” Chirrut says waving a hand vaguely to encompass everything.

Han does not know what to say to that. What sort of thing? The thing where people hug him and say thank you? He’s saved from responding when Chirrut and Baze head off to follow Jyn and Cassian.

He looks at Chewie and the droids.

“Oh, welcome back, Captain Solo, I’m sure Master Luke will be so pleased...” he doesn’t listen to the rest because he does not have the patience for that. He heads towards the med bay and that nurse follows behind him along with Chewie. Distantly he can hear C-3PO let out an offended, _“Well, I say.”_

And that at least gives him something to smile about as he heads in to get looked at by the doctors.

\---

It’s strange to see Luke floating in a bacta tank. The way the light bounces off all that water makes him look almost ghostly, like some kind of sea creature.

It reminds him of watching Chirrut and Cassian on Tatooine.

It reminds him of wondering whether his friends would survive.

He was not listening when a doctor gave Leia the full run down of Luke’s case, his ears were ringing and his mind was far away. In the cracks and the scar tissue.

He came back to the room when Leia asked him a question multiple times and eventually he notices.

Jyn and Cassian had caught up to them at some point and he glances between them and Leia, unsure of what to say.

Somehow they seem to know because Leia simply tells him, “The doctors say he just needs a few hours in bacta for his system to recover from some minor contusions and frostbite.”

He takes a minute to try and process all that and from behind him Jyn says, “He’s going to be okay.”

Bodhi nods at them and finds a chair to sit in while he waits. Shortly after Chirrut and Baze show up and join them in their waiting.

It means there is an audience when Han walks in. He glances at all of them before being shooed onwards by a nurse to go sit in one of the examination rooms.

Bodhi glances around at the rest of the group and they all seem ready to wait where they are. He looks at Jyn who is watching him with keen eyes. He’s not sure if he’s asking permission for something or she’s telling him, but she nods and he gets up and goes after Han.

He reaches the doorway they walked through and sees the male nurse hooking Han up to an IV and throwing another heavy blanket over him. It seems that now he’s somewhere warm, the shivers have set in. He still glares at the nurse helping him instead of saying thank you. That glare is a lot less imposing when it comes from a man lying down, wrapped in blankets.

The nurse seems utterly unfazed entering something into a datapad, he tells Han,

“You appear to be dehydrated and a touch hypothermic. So I’ve hooked you up to some saline. Just rest for a few hours, you should be fine.”

Han glances away from the nurse to Bodhi, his glare growing less sharp. The nurse follows his gaze and simply says,

“Guests are allowed, but if he gets tired, you need to let him rest,”

Bodhi nods and the nurse leaves, then it is just Bodhi, left alone with a grumpy, hypothermic smuggler.

“I just w-wanted to say… Thank you f-for probably keeping him a-alive out there,” Bodhi says ducking his head to stare at his feet.

And Han sighs, staring at the ceiling.

“Okay,” and Bodhi doesn’t know what else to say. Han looks at him sidelong and sighs again.

“Kid, either sit down and get comfortable or go out there and sit with your friends,” he says and Bodhi leaps at the opportunity to not have to explain himself. He thought somebody should keep Han company, and just saying it aloud to the man fills him with embarrassment.

Instead, he pulls up a chair and sits in it. By the time he’s settled, it appears Han has already fallen asleep and so he waits.

Jyn joins him a short while later, pulling the other spare chair in the room to rest beside his.

She sits down with a quiet grimace which means her leg must be bothering her again. Once she’s comfortable she glances over at him with raised brows. He shrugs and she smiles.

“You’re keeping him company?” she asks, keeping her voice low so they don’t wake the smuggler. He’s snoring just a little bit.

Bodhi stares at the wall and shrugs again.

“He s-saved Luke out there and I mean... He w-was just sitting here all alone and... “ he trails off when Jyn reaches up and puts a hand in his hair.

“You’re a good kid,” she says, her smile going soft. Bodhi nudges her hand off his head, feeling very much like somebody’s little brother.

“You’re not going to start calling me ‘kid’ all the time now are you?” he asks quietly and tries not to sound like he’s whining, “We’re practically the same age and he already calls me kid.” He nods at Han to punctuate that last statement and Jyn chuckles.

“It’s still true,” she says and Bodhi groans under his breath.

“Has anyone told you that you’re annoying?” he asks and her grin widens.

“You do, _constantly_.”

He can’t help but smile back a little. The relief is finally starting to kick in. Nobody died, everyone is okay.

Jyn knocks her shoulder against his and settles in beside him.

“Cassian will come get us when he wakes up,” Jyn murmurs and she doesn’t have to specify who, but Bodhi nods. Thankful for this too, and uncertain of what to do with the feeling.

Jyn for her part, doesn’t seem to require a response, she leans her head back against the wall and shuts her eyes. With them closed, she reaches out and takes his hand. He stares down at their joined hands and he’s thankful for this too.

For the moment, everything is okay.

It doesn’t last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's vaguely ominous I guess. Jyn and Bodhi are my new favorite thing. Stuck on a chapter? Throw in a Jyn and Bodhi scene. This and the last chapter were weirdly difficult, I suspect the next one will be less so.  
> Oh and I know in the movie Han was just fine after spending an entire night out in the freezing cold but I decided he probably needs a few hours under medical supervision after all that.
> 
> Also some quick housekeeping.  
> 1\. I'm about to get pretty busy IRL until about mid August. This is the season where I get a lot of freelance work and it just eats up my time so I may fall off my speedy update schedule for a minute.  
> 2\. Y'all are great and i adore everybody reading this but like...please read the tags? I've been trying to set reasonable expectations for like...how much physical affection there might be between the romancey couples and...I got a review asking when Jyn and Cassian are gonna kiss and like...honestly they might not ever?? And if they do it's not gonna be like...sexy tongue stuff or whatever. I'M VERY ACE I DON'T LIKE THAT STUFF. Anyway I added some tags to hopefully be absolutely clear.


	7. Waking Up(Luke/Leia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow, I hope you feel better soon!!!  
> Also why yes I took some liberties with the magic science medicine of bacta tanks and stuff because I wanted this scene to happen how it does *dances off waving her artistic license flag*

_Whispering_  
_Hear the ghosts in the moonlight_  
_Sorrow doing a new dance_  
_Through their bone, through their skin_  
_\---_  
_Listening_  
_For the hope, for the new life_  
_Something beautiful, a new chance_  
_Hear its whispering  
There again _

_—Spring Awakening, Duncan Sheik_

 ---

It feels like floating. Like slowly drifting towards consciousness.

For a moment he’s so peaceful, he thinks Chirrut should have tried this to get him to meditate.

Then he remembers snow and cold and pain. Ben was there, but not.

_Yoda. Dagobah system._

He remembers a hand on his arm and a voice calling him kid.

He opens his eyes and everything is warped. It takes him a minute to realize he’s in a bacta tank right as he’s being pulled up out of it.

He drifts again, feeling limp and disoriented.

He comes to, once again lying on a table. There’s a familiar face.

He stares at her for a minute before his mind supplies a name. Nurse Temple.

She’s got a cloth and she’s wiping away the excess bacta. She glances over at him, seeing he’s awake. She looks distinctly unimpressed.

“If you think you can stand up, you can clean up in the fresher over there,” she nods her head to the doorway on the far side of the room. Luke stares and the cogs in his brain are turning slowly. It takes him a minute or two before he nods and starts to sit up.

“I feel floaty,” he says and she’s there, her hands helping him to get upright.

“You’ll feel a little more with it after you shower,” she says to him before pulling away to shove a cup into his hands.

“And drink that first,” she says and he does as he’s told. It’s sickly sweet and glutinous. He makes a face as he gulps it down under the nurse’s watchful eye.

“You needed some nutrients in you, it’ll help you feel less ‘floaty’ in a minute,” she says, “and now let’s get you cleaned up.”

She steps forward and helps him to his feet.

“This is _weird_ ,” he says and the words sound strange in his ears.

“I know you’re a little out of it right now, but that’s just until the drugs wear off,” she says as she leads him towards the fresher, “Then you’ll be fine.”

He shuffles along, still feeling like he’s underwater.

“Drugs?” he mumbles and she glances at him almost amused.

“Yeah, we don’t generally want people waking up while they’re in a bacta tank. Some might find that alarming,” she tells him and Luke thinks on that for a minute.

“I thought it was okay,” he mumbles as they reach the doorway to the fresher and she presses the button for the door to slide open.

“Yeah… Considering what you were on, it probably was,” she walks him inside the fresher and sort of lets him lean against the wall so she can turn on the shower. The rooms too small for them to move around in tandem and Luke focuses _very hard_ on not melting down to the floor.

She walks back to him and takes his arm again, “Now it’s time to wake up.”

\---

He starts to feel less like he’s treading water halfway through his shower cycle. The water shuts off after 15 minutes because that’s the standard. By the time he’s toweled off and put some clothes on he feels practically cogent, or at least less like he's underwater. Nurse Temple is there waiting for him outside the fresher, still looking amused.

“Feeling less ‘floaty?’” she asks.

“Huh?” he asks her and she shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about it, you seem a little more with it. Do you think you’re up to having company?” she asks and he stares at her lacking comprehension.

“How did I get back here?” he asks her and she purses her lips.

“I think your smuggler friend found you out there,” she says, “He and the rest of your friends are hoping to see you if you’re up to it.”

Maybe he should wait until he’s not feeling a little drunk, but _of course_ he wants to see his friends.

“Yes, _yes_ I want to see them!” he says nodding vigorously. Nurse Temple smiles and shakes her head.

“Remind me to make a note on your record, we need to lower your dosage next time.”

And he’s not quite sure what she means, but then she’s out the door and Luke finds a chair to sit in rather than climbing up on that cot he was on before.

Luke just feels, loose all over, relaxed in a way that he knows must be chemical. But it feels _really nice._

And suddenly his room is flooded with people… and droids.

“Master Luke, it’s so good to see you fully functional again!” C-3PO says and Luke grins at him and R2 who chirps out an agreement.

“Thanks!” he says to them and Chewie, who barks out what sounds like another _‘welcome back.’_

Han steps around the droids to walk over to him.

“How are you feeling, kid?” he asks. “You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark.”

Luke aims a sunny smile at him. “I hear that’s thanks to you,” he says and it’s true, he knows that because the nurse told him and he’s _always_ liked Han (even when he was mean in the beginning). Han leans down to look him in the eye.

“That's two you owe me, junior,” he says and Luke chuckles.

When Han steps back, Luke looks at all the rest of them.

“Hey, Chirrut, my mind’s all clear like you keep telling me to do,” he says, and Baze snorts while Chirrut simply smiles wide at him.

“I’m sure it is, little one, but still I think we should continue to practice your meditation skills.”

Luke almost pouts as Leia steps forward and rests a hand on his arm.

“We’re all so glad you’re okay,” she says and Jyn steps forward to tousle his hair.

“You had us  _worried,_ ” she says like an admonishment, but it doesn’t feel she’s actually mad. From where he stands at the back of the room, Cassian nods at him, and then his eyes land on Bodhi standing near the doorway, fidgeting with his sleeve.

“ _Bodhi,_ ” Luke says, suddenly so excited. “Bodhi, you’re _here_!” and Bodhi blushes for some reason. Jyn and Leia are trading looks and suddenly they’re shooing everybody out of the room.

“I do not understand, Corporal Erso, why we must suddenly vacate the premises!” C-3PO says, sounding offended and Jyn says something about ‘giving them time alone.’ And suddenly it’s just him and Bodhi.

As Bodhi walks over, oddly quiet with his head down, Luke debates whether this is actually like being drunk. _No,_ he thinks, this is a little stranger, a little looser.

Still, he smiles up at his friend.

“ _Bodhi,_ ” Luke says his name again and reaches out to grab his hand and Bodhi smiles a little.

“Hi,” he murmurs and Luke squeezes his hand.

“Bodhi, I just want you to know, you're my _best_ friend.”

Bodhi reddens and looks down at their hands.

"Okay."

“Like obviously Han and Leia are also my best friends… And Jyn… But you're my _best,_ best friend.”

And Bodhi's lip twitches as he turns his gaze up to the ceiling like he's pleading with somebody.

“H-how drugged are you right now?” Bodhi asks the ceiling and Luke's eyes widen because the nurse told him before.

“A lot drugged,” he says seriously for an instant, but the seriousness or the thought itself evaporates moments later.

“Bodhi,” Luke says his name again because he really likes Bodhi’s name and he pulls on the other man's hand, bringing him a step or two closer.

“I saw Ben out there,” he says and Bodhi looks at him strangely.

“Are you s-sure?” he asks slowly, “You were out there a long time... C-could have messed with your head a little.”

“No, I _saw him_ ,” Luke insists, “He wasn’t there, it was like a ghost or something. He told me there’s a Jedi master named Yoda in the Dagobah system and he can teach me.” The words all come out in a rush and Bodhi is still looking at him strangely.

“But what about… Everything h-here on Hoth?” he asks, and Luke shakes his head because Bodhi isn’t understanding, normally he understands _everything._

“If I become a real Jedi master, just think what I could do for the Rebellion!” he says and Bodhi looks almost pained.

“Wh-what about everything Chirrut’s teaching you?” he asks and Luke shakes his head.

“Even Chirrut says he can’t teach me everything and I have to learn. I’m going to have to go if I can be a real Jedi.”

And Bodhi nods, turning his eyes up to the ceiling again for a long moment. He lets out a gusty sigh and pulls his hand away from Luke’s.

“Okay,” he says and Luke nods, suddenly feeling _very tired._ Like he can barely keep his eyes open.

The door slides open and Nurse Temple steps in with a sigh.

“Come on, let’s get you back into bed,” she says to Luke with a look at Bodhi.

Suddenly they each have one of his arms and are guiding him back to the cot he woke up on. It’s good because if they weren’t holding him up, he’s pretty sure he’d be a puddle on the floor.

Like melting ice.

“I’ve don't often see people hit this hard by our sedatives, normally they snap out of it after they come out of the bacta. He must have a low tolerance for this sort of thing,” the Nurse is saying over his head and he can practically feel Bodhi nodding.

He feels so _weird._

Next thing he knows, he’s lying down in bed and Nurse Temple is pulling a blanket over him.

“A few more hours rest, it should all wear off, and he’ll be just fine,” she’s saying and Bodhi is nodding.

It feels like he can hear the words, but they are rapidly losing their meaning.

And Bodhi is looking down at him with an expression he can’t quite decipher.

“I’m really glad you're okay, Luke,” Bodhi says and he reaches out, his hand ghosting over Luke’s cheek. He doesn’t actually touch him though, he just stands there almost but not touching him and then drops his hand and leaves.

The last thing Luke feels before floating away is a palpable sense of loss.

\---

They all take a moment in the waiting area, nobody says they’re waiting for Bodhi, but Leia is pretty sure that’s what they’re doing.

Jyn is definitely waiting, standing a little too close to the door she closed and fidgeting. Cassian is beside her murmuring in her ear and she says something back just as quietly, so Leia can’t hear it. Han still looks a little worn, but he’s on his feet and he looks better than when he arrived. As if he can sense her gaze, he looks at her and she looks away first.

She’s still mad at him for his plans to leave. She knows that Luke was only a delay and not something that would dissuade him from his course.

She tries to ignore the way he looks oddly pensive or maybe even pained. There’s something else going on there and she doesn’t know or care to know what it is.

She’s interrupted from her thoughts when a corporal comes into the waiting area and runs up to her.

“Senator Organa, General Rieekan needs to see you,” she says and Leia glances behind her in time to see the door to Luke’s room sweep open and Bodhi comes out of it looking miserable.

She turns back to the corporal.

“What’s this regarding?”

“We’ve picked up a signal, a probe of uncertain origin,” the corporal says and only Han is standing close enough to hear it.

“I’ll be right there,” she says and the corporal salutes and leaves. Jyn and Cassian are standing with Bodhi by the door and she walks over to them.

“I have to go check on something, I’ll be back to check in later,” she says. Jyn and Cassian nod at her while Bodhi remains staring at the floor.

She wants to say something to him, but she isn’t sure what Luke may or may not have said to put that tragic look on his face. Instead, she touches his arm once and heads for the door.

“I’m coming with you,” Han says and Leia glares at him and Chewie who follows behind him like a permanent furry shadow.

“Why? You said you were leaving soon, why should this concern you?”

And she spoke too loudly. Apparently he hadn’t told anyone else yet because the others all stop and look at him with varying degrees of surprise. For his part Han glances around the room once, almost nervously, before looking back at her. He gives her no response, just a worried, worrisome look.

She exhales loudly through her nose, willing her frustration away.

“Fine,” she says and she turns on her heel, assuming he’ll follow.

He does and so does Chewie, C-3PO, and R2, making them quite the merry band when they tramp into the situation room. Rieekan plays a recording for them and C-3PO suggests it’s of Imperial origins and suddenly Han is volunteering to check it out.

She wants to ask what he’s playing at. Why he’s still hero-ing around if he intends to leave.

She doesn’t get the chance to ask.

Things are moving quickly now, too quick for her to track, but as she watches the smuggler and the wookiee race off towards the hangar she can’t help but think,

 _I have a bad feeling about this._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first off I made Luke stoned and I should not be as entertained by this as I am. But here we are, I think he's pretty adorable while stoned even it's making Bodhi regret every second of his life ever(Because Luke is being so cute and he can't take it y'all). And Just so y'all know, I do write from experience of being zonked post medical procedures. It once took me probably 15 minutes to put a shirt on after a procedure I had. Mostly because I think I put it on inside out and then backwards and each step of the process had like a 5 minute loading time for my brain to compute 'This is wrong.........I should fix this.....'
> 
> Also oh hey it's time for the Empire to blow up Hoth and stuff. To quote my friend dun dun DUUUUN
> 
> And thank you to everybody who commented on the last chapter to let me know they are fine with how I'm writing the romance and stuff. Y'all are real sweet and I hope everybody still reading now has their expectations set at the right level for that stuff. (Like hey if you come to fic for the sexy sex and kissing times I hope you have found some better reading this won't be your thing, I begrudge nobody their preferences)  
> And I know I said I would be busy but I churned this out right before the busy started so...yeah...cheers and enjoy.


	8. Evacuation pt. 1(Jyn/Han/Leia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_My suitcase becomes a memorial site_  
_For those who were not allowed to pack their holy books,_  
_Those who were forced to pack very fast_  
_without planning beforehand_  
_without a weather forecast_  
_without the time to sip some white wine_  
_to drive away melancholia before departure_  
_from Grunewald._

_—Written and translated from the Hebrew by Galit Hasan-Rokem._

 ---

Things happen very fast, a lot of small events piling on until the breaking point.

Or maybe it’s more like tremors leading up to a big quake.

Her leg is aching. Just like the nurse warned her, sometimes it flares up and she doesn’t even know why but the pain starts in her thigh and shoots up into her back or down into her knee. It’s not keeping her from her day but it’s annoying and it’s slowing her down, much can be said for the other scars she can’t see.

She’s on edge and she’s not sure why. Luke is fine and recovering in the med bay. Bodhi said he was going to wait until they released the young jedi in training.

He wouldn’t say why he was upset after talking to Luke. She had several guesses but she had pressed him enough for awhile, so she let it lie.

Maybe it was that look on Leia’s face when she got called away to check out some probe. She just short of yelled at Han about him leaving and she didn’t know Han had any plans to leave.

She can’t say she was surprised by the news. Han is far too much like her and antsy at the idea of being tied down. Even she feels hemmed in sometimes but there are people keeping her here and they matter more than the occasional bout of restlessness. Han doesn’t seem quite so attached. Or maybe not as comfortable with _being_ attached and there is a difference. She knows it well.

She’s not always comfortable with how attached she is, but she _is_ attached and she can’t do anything about it now. She can only brace herself and hope her worst fears don’t come to pass.

And Leia looked unsettled by something, it might have been Han leaving or something else. That girl is so perceptive sometimes. Jyn trusts the princess’ instincts almost as much as her own.

If something has Leia on edge, there might be a good reason to be worried.

And Jyn is worried.

She goes to work in the hangar because there is nothing else to do in the med bay and Jyn can only wait so long. She leaves Bodhi to his solitude (He seemed like he wanted some in that moment) and she goes to the comforting and familiar process of taking things apart and putting them back together. The work is soothing and normally that’s enough but there’s something that nagging at her. Like an itch she can’t scratch, something is bothering her.

Cassian said he would go check in with Draven, seeing as they both neglected their duties until the middle of the day to see that Luke was alright. So she’s by herself in the hangar, beside Wolmic and whoever else is running around. Nobody is sitting with her today and that is giving her mind too much space to think. It’s not helping with the worry.

Han comes back from somewhere and across the hangar she can hear him bickering with Chewie about the latest repairs they are doing on the Falcon.

Probably the last repairs they need so they can leave.

Jyn tries not to think about that either.

She works for several hours, long enough to lose track of how much time has passed.

Then the alarms start and she nearly jumps out of her skin. The sound of the blaring klaxon is nearly overwhelming and the hangar is suddenly full of pilots climbing into their ships. She hurriedly finishes up her work and goes running to find Bodhi or Cassian or anybody to tell her what’s going on.

When the base rumbles and quakes like the shifting of tectonic plates, she realizes they’re under attack.

\---

Han is working with Chewie on the Falcon. He’s _mostly_ confident that the hyperdrive is fixed. Han jumps off his perch and speaks into the comlink

“Okay, Chewie, try it now.”

And the wookiee powers up the Falcon for barely a second before sparks start shooting out of where he was just working

“ _Off, Chewie! Turn it off!_ ” he yells into the commlink and the ship powers down. That’s when the ground shakes and alarms sound. The hangar is rapidly filling with bodies running to and fro and this many people running to their ships can only mean bad news.

He speaks into the commlink, “Chewie, we need to pack it up, get the Falcon flight ready.”

Chewie replies with a very vulgar word from his home planet that makes Han raise an eyebrow.

It’s not his fault the Falcon needs a little work. She’s an old ship and she needs parts and possibly better mechanics (Although the base is full of better mechanics and he wouldn’t let them touch his precious ship so maybe it’s a little his fault.

He hauls a few things up into the ship before glancing around the hangar. He can see Bodhi running towards his X-Wing alongside Luke (who still looks a little rough around the edges, but apparently the doctors saw fit to release him).

In the far edge of the hangar Jyn’s packing up her tools looking around with wide, panicked eyes. She catches Bodhi and Luke and before Han has a chance to run over, she’s pelting off. The ground quakes beneath them with another close hit and this is _very bad._

He wants to demand to know what’s going on but he kind of already knows. That probe was sending out an Imperial signal and the Empire found them.

This is very, _very_ bad.

The PA is blaring announcements about evacuations and he needs to _move._ It won’t take a lot of hits to make this place come crashing down around their ears.

\---

Leia has a job to do and she can put aside her own anxieties quite capably in order to do it.

Besides, she’s been worried for awhile. This whole thing has a sense of inevitability to it. Like maybe it fate or the Force or simply time for the Rebellion’s luck to run out once again. As soon as the fleet of Star Destroyers came out of hyperspace in sector four, she knew.

She very quickly hashed out a strategy with General Rieeken, it’s more or less their usual evacuation strategy, but now they have to deal with Star Destroyers in orbit and whatever other reinforcements the Empire will bring.

She heads down to the hangar to brief the pilots.

“All troop carriers will assemble at the north entrance. The heavy transport ships will leave as soon as they're loaded. Only two fighter escorts per ship. The energy shield can only be opened for a short time, so you'll have to stay very close to your transports,” she tells them all. Her eyes find Bodhi in the crowd, and he attempts a smile at her before staring down at the ground beneath his feet.

“Two fighters against a Star Destroyer?” One of the pilot’s asks, she’s pretty sure this one is named Hobbie. She more or less ignores the crux of his question and continues.

“The ion cannon will fire several shots to make sure that any enemy ships will be out of your flight path. When you've gotten past the energy shield, proceed directly to the rendezvous point. Understood?”

And the pilots let out a chorus of _yes’s_ and _understood’s._

She has no answer for that pilot because the Rebellion is perpetually short of fighters. They will never match the Empire’s numbers and two fighters is all they can spare. Some pilots need to stay on the ground and combat the planetside reinforcements.

“Good luck,” she tells them and one of the commanders orders everyone to their stations.

She catches Bodhi before he can head off.

“May the Force be with you,” she tells him and he sort of shrugs one shoulder and doesn't meet her eyes.

“You, too.”

\---

Jyn wanted to go running the minute the alarm sounded, but she finished what she was doing and packed up her tools. She knew there were protocols for these sorts of situations but she wanted to run. She wanted to find her friends and _run._

She’s finished in time to hear the tail end of some briefing from Leia. She goes marching away before Jyn has to chance to flag her down and but Bodhi is still there, running towards a snowspeeder.

She races towards him.

It looks like Shara’s with him.

“Looks like you get me as your co-pilot, rookie,” she’s saying with a wicked grin as Jyn rushes over.

She’s about to call out or something when Shara seems to notice her running and lightly kicks Bodhi’s leg and nods over his shoulder at Jyn.

He whirls to face her as she finally reaches them feeling a little winded and trying not to wince as her damn leg chooses today to be a literal pain.

“Jyn,” he says and she can see the familiar panic in his eyes.

“What’s happening?” she asks him and he shakes his head a little, looking down at the ground.

“The Empire happened,” Shara says from where she’s standing by the ladder for their speeder. Jyn glances at her once with a nod and then back to Bodhi.

“Have you seen any of the others?” she asks and again Bodhi shakes his head.

“L-Luke should be catching up to us here in the hangar soon, he was properly awake when I left the med bay. Leia was just h-here for a briefing. Other than that…” he trails off helplessly and something tightens in her gut.

She nods and glances at their ship again, “They’re putting you in speeders? You can’t break atmosphere with those,” she says and Bodhi shrugs.

“The X-Wings t-take forever to start and it looks like we have Imperial ground troops to ward off out there. Rogue Squadron w-will have to come back and grab our X-Wings when it’s time to leave I guess. All the other squads are escorting transports to the rendezvous p-point,”

And that sounds reasonable enough except for the part where the X-Wings start up too slow and they won’t be _more_ time later. She clenches her fists and reaches out to grab Bodhi in a rough embrace. She can feel his arms wrap around her just as tight.

“Good luck,” she says tightly before taking a step back, “I’m going to find Cassian and the others.”

Bodhi nods back looking teary and the base trembles again reminding them how little time they have. She gives him one last nod and bolts.

\---

Leia oversees the battles as they happen, right there with General Rieekan. C-3PO sits beside her, twittering anxiety that she chooses to ignore because she doesn’t have the time to pay the droid any mind.

She watches other personnel leave the command center and head for their evacuation transports and she can’t leave. Luke and Bodhi are out there fighting the ground forces and she can hear the chatter. They hadn’t anticipated snow walkers. She’s monitoring the evacuations as well, something in her loosening with every ship that goes to lightspeed.

They always survive by the skin of their teeth and Leia prays to whatever Forces are listening that they can pull off that miracle again.

She also prays she can get them all out and still make it out alive herself.

\---

Han pockets the few things he kept in his quarters when the whole base judders so badly the lights flicker and a piece of the ceiling comes crashing to the ground.

There have been announcements about the transports as they leave the base. He lost track of how many when a new thought occurs to him.

One singular thought and he doesn’t really have time to consider it or doubt it, instead he goes running for the command center.

The halls are chaos.

The base is falling apart around their ears and whatever crew is left on base is racing towards the hangar. The ground underfoot shakes so hard he nearly loses his footing and has to swerve out of the way of falling chunks of ceiling and ice.

When it passes he keeps running and turns the corner to find Leia standing amidst what looks like half a cave in. She’s leaning over one of the monitors looking wholly unperturbed by everything around her when Han is feeling really _quite perturbed._

“Are you alright?” He calls out from the doorway and she whirls to look at him and yells

 _“Why are you still here?”_ with such rancour he almost smiles right then and there because his life is a travesty and this is what it has come to. He should not be this happy to see the girl who hates his guts but what can a guy do?

“You got your clearance to leave,” she says with only slightly less irritation and there really is only one course of action here.

“Don't worry.  I'll leave.  First I'm going to get you to your ship.”

“Your Highness, we must take this last transport.  It's our only hope,” C-3PO says in his usual terrified way, but Han has to add,

“ _See?_ Even the droid agrees with me.”

Leia glares at both of them before turning back to the monitor and the controller.

“Send all troops in sector twelve to the south slope to protect the fighters,” she says and another blast rocks the command center, nearly toppling 3PO. Han actually catches the damn droid and sets him upright before saying, “Come on... that's it,” and grabbing Leia by the elbow with the full intent to drag her out of here before they’re all crushed. She throws a few final commands over her shoulder to the head controller, but she lets Han guide her out.

“Give the evacuation code signal. _And get to your transports!”_

As they head for the door Han can hear that damned droid calling out, “Wait for me!”

And he does because Leia shoots him a pleading look and he is the most pathetic human in the galaxy. He thinks that if they get crushed on this stupid base he will die blaming it all on the droid.

\---

She can’t find Cassian. She can’t find Baze or Chirrut or _any of them_. Bodhi and Luke are safe...or at least they won’t be in the base if it collapses. They won’t be safe from blaster fire or TIE fighters and Jyn’s panicking.

Distantly she hears an announcement of _“The fourth transport is away,”_ and wonders how many transports there are at all.

Cassian isn’t in Draven’s office and neither is Draven. He isn’t in his quarters and she’s running almost blindly, her heart and mind and everything fracturing into a thousand paralyzed pieces of fear.

Still, she keeps running as the walls of the base shudder around her. Pieces of ice fall from the ceiling, one of the many halls has caved in and she's forced to go another way and she keeps running.

She has to find them.

They have to evacuate and she has to find them first.

She _has to._

Then she runs headlong into a body and nearly topples to the ground.

\---

They’re running and he keeps slowing to check that both she and the droid are keeping up. The ground shakes and he can see the cracks in the ceiling start to form.

Both of them are skidding to a stop when the hall starts to cave in and he doesn’t really think, he just grabs the girl before they hit the ground. A few pieces of ice smack against him hard enough to bruise, but not break and he gets off her when the shaking stops.

But it looks like their path is blocked.

There is no way they can get to the transport now.

He digs out his commlink as Leia slowly stands up and brushes some of the ice and dust off herself.

“Transport, this is Solo. Better take off - I can't get to you. I'll get the princess out on the Falcon.”

And then with a glance at her they go racing back the way they came with 3PO crying out, “Where are you going? _Come back!_ ”

Han is just opening his mouth to shout an answer over his shoulder when he runs headlong into somebody running just as fast and it throws him back a few steps.

It’s Jyn and he can tell she’s panicking. He can tell that it’s bad.

(Bad like after the Death Star, on the flight home where he saw the girl coming apart at the seams)

He also knows that the whole place could come down at any second and there isn’t any time. He grabs her by the elbow and pulls her along with them.

“No, _wait,_ I need to find Cassian and the others,” she shouts breathlessly behind him.

“I’m sure they’re fine, kid, but if we stay here any longer, we won’t be.”

\---

Jyn’s panicking, it feels like she’s shutting down. She can hardly breathe, let alone _think._

She couldn’t find Cassian or Baze or Chirrut and now Han is dragging her towards the Falcon. As soon as they reach the ramp she tries to stand firm, “Han I need to…” and she really does need.

She needs more than she needs oxygen in her lungs and blood in her veins, she needs.

“Kid, we’ll figure out when we’re off planet, right now I would very much love it if none of us died so for the love of Force, _move._ ”

He doesn’t actually let go of her arm until they’re in the cockpit. He shouted something to Chewie as they arrived but she wasn’t listening and now she’s sitting in the cockpit feeling like she might vibrate out of her skin. She doesn’t know where they are.

_She doesn’t know where they are._

She doesn’t even know about Bodhi or Luke. What if they got shot down out there? Did they get to their X-Wings in time? The fear of it locks her in place and Leia’s glancing at her with a pronounced sort of worry all while Han is sitting in the pilot’s seat flicking switches and shouting to Chewie where he is outside the ship.

“How's this?”

The Wookiee barks what sounds like a no.

“Would it helped if I got out and pushed?” Leia asks with irritation in every line of her body and Han shoots her a dirty look.

“It might.”

That’s when C-3PO clanks into the hold and Jyn didn’t even realize he was with them. It’s a strange sort of relief knowing at least one of the droids is okay.

Of course C-3PO also one of the most annoying droids she’s ever met, but seeing another familiar face, even a mechanical one, is a small comfort.

And he’s talking to Han, “Captain Solo, Captain Solo... sir, might I suggest that you…” he trails off when Han shoots him a look that is positively irate.

“It can wait,” C-3PO says and he clanks off, presumably to find somewhere to sit down when the ship takes off.

Jyn meanwhile, tries to control her breathing and tries to control the way her heart is try to pound a hole in her chest. She tries to _think_ around the fractures and fragments that paralyze her thoughts. She clenches the armrests of her seat and Leia keeps glancing between her and Han who runs in and out of the hold, presumably to fiddle with other controls on the ship.

“This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade,” Leia snaps at Han.

“This baby's got a few surprises left in her, sweetheart,” he replies and they can all see the squad of stormtroopers rushing into the hangar with weapons. Han pushes a few more buttons and from underneath the Falcon lasers shoot out at the troops while Leia and Han buckle themselves into their seats and Leia looks meaningfully at the straps of Jyn’s chair.

Jyn wants to run, she wants to find the others, she’s sorely tempted to and she’s staring back behind them, down the hall. It feels like she’s dooming them if she just sits here.

Somehow Han must sense it because a hand clamps tightly on her arm and when she whirls to face forward, it’s Han glaring fiercely at her.

“Don’t you dare, kid, it’s a death trap out there right now. I’m sure the others got on one of those transports. I’m sure they’re _fine._ ”

She knows he’s at least half right. It is a death trap out there now with a hangar full of troopers. The truth is she lost her chance as soon as she let him drag her to the Falcon and she’s only just realizing that now.

She meets Han’s gaze.

“If something happens to them, I’ll never forgive you,” she says and Han lets go of her and inclines his head.

“Fair enough, now buckle up,” he says and Chewie comes racing into the cockpit.

“Chewie, switch over. And let's hope we don't have a burnout.”

A laser hits the ship, making it rock. A second impact follows shortly after. Out the window Jyn can just make out what looks like a heavy shooter like something Baze might carry, set in the snow and aimed at them.

Chewie pulls back on the controls and the engines fire up beneath them, Han looks over at Chewie and mutters,

“Punch it.”

And with that they rise into the air and leave the hangar behind in one swift motion. Just as swiftly Jyn is out of her chair and racing down the hall.

_“Jyn!”_

She hears her name being shouted and she ignores it. She doesn’t have the words to explain, she just needs to see it. The ship shudders underfoot as they take another blast but she manages to stay upright and keeps running.

There’s a window towards the back of the ship near the engines. She presses her cheek to the transparisteel to try and make out the base. Something in her refusing to calm and _needing_ to see it. She can see the shield generators and her eyes find the wide circle of ground that must contain the base underneath. As they wheel through the air she gets a better view, and as she watches, the base collapses inward.

A scream tears from her throat.

It's like all of her worst nightmares coming true in an instant. A horror grips her as she watches what had been her home for two years fall to pieces.

If they were still on the base, they’re dead now.

It feels like she's coming undone.

It feels like she's watching the world end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO remember a bazillion years ago, literally it was during part 1 of this when I started talking about writing into Empire and having an idea that would make y'all possibly hate me? Well voila my dudes. Welcome to the angst. Now we are going to find out exactly what actually happened to Cassian and Bodhi in the next few chapters so there's that. Jyn is obviously a very panicked narrator with a limited purview of what's actually happening.  
> I think you can all kinda guess where this is going so I'm just going to say ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN CHOO CHOOOO.  
> (also just based on reviews I think I did genuinely lose readers by just clarifying super hard my stance on sexy stuff. Basically I appreciate all y'all who are sticking with this and still reading. I appreciate you immensely.)


	9. Evacuation pt. 2(Cassian/Bodhi/Baze)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for A LOT of Star Wars knowhow. I had many questions leading into this chapter.
> 
> Also if you like, go back and re-read the last chapter, I made a minor correction to have events fully gel.

_Sorrow found me when I was young_  
_Sorrow waited, sorrow won_  
_\---_  
_Don't leave my hyper heart alone on the water_  
_Cover me in rag and bone sympathy_

_—Sorrow, The National_

  _\---_

Cassian and Jyn eventually left the med bay to get back to work. Bodhi had decided to wait with no indication of how long he would be there for. Jyn had given him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and left him to his solitude.

They parted ways in the hall with quiet farewells. She half smiled and said, “See you!” with a loose wave of her hand and he had smiled and waved back thinking they would indeed be seeing each other again soon.

He would regret that later.

\---

When Bodhi has time to sit alone, he stews over the conversation he had with Luke.

His friend was obviously off his head at the time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean what he had said was made up or wrong.

He said Bodhi was his _best,_ best friend which Bodhi is _not_ going to dwell on.

No, he isn’t, because Bodhi is not that pathetic.

(Except for the way Luke looked at him as he said it made Bodhi want die a little bit, but it also made him so very happy which was confusing.)

(If Luke wants to be his best friend, then Bodhi will absolutely be his best, best friend without hesitation)

It’s the other part of their conversation that has Bodhi truly worried. The part of about seeing Obi-Wan and this other Jedi master who can help him complete his training.

Bodhi isn’t really clear on how the Force works, but he does know that his friend has that whole fate and destiny thing generally hovering around his person. It would not surprise Bodhi if Luke somehow got a visit from his former master’s ghost with exactly those instructions.

Also Luke insisting that it happened was probably the most lucid he got during their entire talk. His blue eyes were wide and he had tightened his grip on Bodhi’s hand to try and make him understand.

Bodhi does understand, or near enough. The real issue is the part where Luke would have to leave for some undisclosed amount of time going who knows where (He hasn’t stopped in the Dagobah system, he’s only flown through it) and he would presumably go alone.

This is the part Bodhi takes issue with.

He also knows that if Luke is going to leave for his Jedi training, then there is nothing Bodhi can do about it. Luke is right that a fully trained Jedi can really help the Rebellion. How can Bodhi argue if this training could help Luke save lives?

He really can’t.

He’s glad to stop thinking these thoughts when a nurse gets him and lets him know that Luke’s awake.

(Properly awake this time)

\---

Draven has set up a decent work area in what he has claimed as his office in a room neighboring the command center. It was built in a similar fashion with several work stations scattered around the room, monitors, and far too much ice for what’s supposed to be indoors.

Cassian sits at his workstation reading through files from other ops. Accounts of intel gained that need decoding and so on.

Generally operatives keep fairly detailed records while out in the field, but it's all in codes and cyphers left to be decoded when the operative returns to base.

Cassian glances up from his file to see Draven sitting, shivering at his desk.

It still privately amuses Cassian to see such a stern man who handles the climate they’re in so poorly. Draven seems to notice his stare and sends him an aggressively neutral look clearly meant as a warning.

After two years, he is definitely no longer on probation, but he figures it would be best to not try his commanding officer’s patience.

He returns to reading the file. There are rumors of a new weapon the Empire plans to build and Cassian wonders if the operative has switched cyphers again because this isn’t making a lot of sense. A weapon that is both old and new?

Perhaps the operative didn’t have time to take clearer notes, it happens sometimes.

Still, he stares at the file. An Imperial weapon that is both old and new.

It sounds like a riddle and something about it sets his teeth on edge.

And then alarms start to sound all over the base and the walls tremble like they are taking enemy fire.

He wonders, for an instant if it's a quake and then the base shakes again.

This can only mean one thing.

The Empire is here.

\---

Bodhi follows the nurse into Luke’s room. The door slides open right as he sees his friend sitting up on the bed, eyes wide and alert.

And then the entire station rocks on its axis and Luke’s gaze flies up to meet his own.

A second shake comes and then the alarms.

Panic seizes him and it matches the fear in Luke’s eyes.

“I-I…” he tries to say something and Luke shakes his head.

“If the Empire found us they’ll be sending out the squadrons to fight back. Go to the hangar, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

And there’s that hero thing again, putting steel in his friend’s spine.

He wants to say something, but he can’t speak. He turns to the door and misses the look softening his friend’s face.

“Bodhi,” he says and Bodhi stops and turns back to look at him, “May the Force be with you… I’ll see you out there.”

And Bodhi nods and leaves before he says or does something stupid.

Running down the hallway, it strikes him how familiar this feels, and yet how different.

He hopes it will be different enough.

\---

Everything is happening too quickly and a tech runs into their office, “Rieekan and Organa have ordered evacuation procedures,” they say and the room devolves into chaos. Everybody races to start the self-destruct sequences on their workstations. (A dramatic name for what amounts to causing the stations to internally short circuit until the files are irretrievable.) Backups are stored and datapads are packed away or destroyed.

Draven moves fast at his desk. Smashing datapads and burning any physical documents that aren’t coming with them. There are only four of them total, including Draven. When one of his fellow operatives is done, they race out the door and towards the hangar where their transport is waiting. He doesn’t fault them for running, he knows it’s his transport, too, and he needs to move fast, but he stops to make sure all the workstations have been properly disposed of. If even one didn’t complete its destructive sequence and it’s found by the Empire, they could be finished.

By the time he’s done, only Draven is left and they run towards the hangar, feet pounding against the grounds that moves unsteadily beneath their feet.

It occurs to him then, to think of where the others are. Everyone ought to be accounted for and they are assigned the same transport. He’ll need to look for them when he gets to the hangar. Bodhi is off flying with Rogue Squadron but he’ll need to make sure the others are all there.

He refuses to think about what would happen if they aren’t.

They’ll be there. It’s procedure and they all know it. Bodhi will probably be out with Luke and Rogue Squadron. But the others…

While he slowed down, briefly lost in his calculations, Draven had kept running. He has a moment to register this before the hall shakes so badly he loses his footing and crashes against the wall.

Then the ceiling caves in on top of him.

A cold, heavy chunk of ice cracks against his skull and everything goes black.

\---

The pilots were briefed and now Bodhi’s getting ready to fly a snowspeeder with Shara Bey as his gunner. She grins at him, loose and wicked.  
  
“Looks like you get me as your co-pilot, rookie,” she says before her eyes flick to something behind him with a nod.

It’s Jyn, running up to him with panic written all over her face. He says her name like a reflex, his stomach tightening at the fear in her eyes.

“What’s happening?” she asks him and he shakes his head a little, looking down at the ground.

From behind him Shara says,

“The Empire happened.” Jyn glances at her once with a nod and then back to Bodhi.

“Have you seen any of the others?” she asks and Bodhi’s stomach dips again as he shakes his head. He hadn’t thought to worry about the others yet but now he’s _very_ worried.

In answer to her question he mumbles,

“L-Luke should be catching up to us here in the hangar soon, he was properly awake when I left the med bay. Leia was just h-here for a briefing. Other than that…” He lets the sentence hang like a loose thread and she nods her head, glancing at their speeder.

“They’re putting you in speeders? You can’t break atmosphere with those,” she says and Bodhi shrugs.

“The X-Wings t-take forever to start and it looks like we have Imperial ground troops to ward off out there. Rogue Squadron w-will have to come back and grab our X-Wings when it’s time to leave I guess. All the other squads are escorting transports to the rendezvous p-point,” he rattles off the explanation they had been given with this plan. The explanation that is burning a hole in his stomach because he can see a lot of scenarios where they end up dead with this plan.

For her part Jyn watches him, clenching her fists. He’s not quite prepared when she grabs him for a rough embrace, but he hugs her back just as hard.

“Good luck,” she says tightly before taking a step back, “I’m going to find Cassian and the others.”

Bodhi nods back unable to speak around the lump in his throat. The base trembles again reminding them how little time they have. She gives him one last nod and bolts, leaving Bodhi with Shara.

He looks back at her where she’s still waiting for him by the ladder.

“She’s very intense, that friend of yours,” she says as a note of observation before climbing up the ladder into the ship.

“C’mon, Rookie,” she yells from the cockpit, “I want to blow up some Imperials today!”

\---

Baze and Chirrut were sitting in their quarters when the attack started. Chirrut had been meditating and moments before the base started shaking around them, his eyes flew open.

“We have to go,” he says to Baze and then as if to prove his point, the base thunders and trembles around them.

As he does so often, Baze does the smart thing and listens to his husband.

When they step out into the hall, they almost get separated, the rush of people pulling them apart. He can tell the moment Chirrut is no longer behind him and he turns around with a sense of panic trying to find him. After a minute he spots the other man with his back to the wall and his mouth tight. One hand is feeling along the wall for any obstructions in his path. His husband has incredible senses for a blind man, but with this many people and this much noise Baze knows he must be lost.

Baze fights his way over to him and touches a hand to his arm so Chirrut knows he's there. They don't need any more words to explain.

Chirrut latches onto his arm and he gets a tight grip on Chirrut’s belt. Now they can navigate the crowd without getting separated.

The halls are stilĺ chaotic though with crushing waves of people running to and fro. He’s white knuckling his grip on Chirrut’s belt and Chirrut has a crushing grip on his elbow

As soon as the halls begin to clear a little, Baze says, “We’ll need to find the others when we get to the transport,” and when Chirrut doesn’t reply, he glances back at the other man. There’s that tightness in his expression again.

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure everyone will be there,” he says and Baze stops right there in the hall, ignoring the way the walls shake dangerously around them.

“What do you mean?” he asks and Chirrut doesn’t reply. There’s a sadness in his eyes and his hand tightens on Baze’s arm.

“I’m not sure everyone will be there,” he repeats and Baze shakes his head, knowing what that could mean and not liking it one bit.

\---

Luke shows up just as they’re starting their speeders. Bodhi can hear him talking to his co-pilot Dack before the transparisteel dome of Bodhi and Shara’s speeder seals over them, dampening outside noise.

“I bet you wish you were flying with your boyfriend,” Shara murmurs from where she sits in the seat behind him with a smile in her voice. Bodhi just shakes his head and starts up the speeder, turning on the comm in helmet for check in.

He and Shara are Rogue Two, to Luke’s Rogue Leader.

(He still feels a little odd about the moniker for their squadron, but Luke loved the idea so much he relented and so did Jyn).

Once their squadron sounds off, it’s time to fly.

This is the part he likes and a calm seeps into his bones as their ship lifts off the ground and speeds out of the hangar.

The rush of gravity being left behind fills him with a short lived glee. Shara lets out a little whoop behind him as he spins the ship up high to get a look at what’s coming for them.

A whole load of AT-ATs are out there, waiting for them with laser blasts already flying. Bodhi swallows hard at their numbers. It's already a lot and more will be coming for them soon enough he's certain. Rogue Squadron is barely a fraction of the force the Empire can bring to bear on Hoth and he lingers for a moment, feeling his palms sweat.

Shara doesn’t say a word, instead she waits patiently for him to find his nerve.

Then he hears Luke’s voice through the comms, _“Echo station Five-Seven.  We're on our way.”_

His ship goes flying by and that’s encouragement enough for Bodhi to lean into the control column and send them speeding into the fray.

\---

When Cassian comes to, he’s very cold. That’s the first thing he notices: the cold.

That and the distant sound of some sort of heavy pounding or scraping and raised voices.

He feels disconnected from all of it and tired. It’s hard to think as he tries to recollect anything that makes sense as to why he’s here. Although the ache in his head is making him reconsider consciousness.

The noises get louder and now he can make out words.

_“Lieutenant, help me lift this.”_

There’s more grunting and scraping and suddenly there’s light and it feels like somebody is driving a knife into his skull.

There’s hands on his arms pulling him. Somebody has a hand on his head, forcing him to duck under something as they pull him to standing.

“Come on, Sergeant Andor, on your feet.”

That’s Draven. Why is Draven here?

Something about evacuating...they’re evacuating something.

He’s very dizzy.

“Sir, he may have a concussion,” another voice says from somewhere to his left.

“Yes, I can see that, Lieutenant. I can take it from here, get to your transport.”

Opening his eyes does not help with the sense that the room is spinning. He reaches up to touch the back of his head and his hand comes away tacky and red.

“We can deal with that later, sergeant, right now we have to _move_ ,” Draven says and his arm is tugged over someone’s shoulder.

Draven’s shoulder.

Cassian wonders if he’s hallucinating this. But as they begin walking, he leans into the other man.

It’s either that or collapsing in a heap.

“Where are we going?” he asks, glancing sideways at his commanding officer who is currently leading him and staring straight ahead with a tight expression.

“Transport,” he says and Cassian nods because that  makes sense with an evacuation. Then he regrets nodding and tightens his grip on Draven’s shoulder trying very hard not to throw up or fall down.

\---

Bodhi sees when Luke’s ship takes fire and it takes all his self control to not shout into the comms.

“Steady, Bodhi, eyes front,” Shara says from behind him as they both hear on the comms,

_“Rogue Three.”_

_“Copy, Rogue Leader.”_

_“Wedge, I've lost my gunner. You'll have to make this shot. I'll cover for you. Set your harpoon. Follow me on the next pass.”_

He hears Shara wince behind him at the loss, but Wedge simply replies, _“Coming around, Rogue Leader.”_

To him Luke says, _“Steady, Rogue Two.”_

And Bodhi bites his tongue a moment before simply replying, “Copy Rogue leader,” and dodging around the legs of an AT-AT.

He tries not to think about Scarif, but the presence of the walkers keeps reminding him of that beach. He has to keep reminding himself that there's no sand or palm trees here.

They provide cover fire as Wedge and his gunner maneuver cables around an AT-AT’s leg, tripping it up and taking a second one of them down in the process.

“Good shot, Wedge!” Shara cheers from behind him as they hear his triumphant cry.

 _“Nice work, Wedge,”_ Luke says, _“Now, Bodhi, let’s set up a harpoon against another one of these guys.”_

“Roger that, Rogue Leader,” Bodhi says tightly as he pulls up in formation beside Luke’s ship.

Luke doesn’t have a  gunner, Bodhi wants to tell him to pull out, but he's the commander and Bodhi can't do that on the comms for everyone to hear.

Still, it’s got him on edge as they prep to take down another AT-AT and its lasers are aimed right at them.

He dodges one blast that flies so close he swears he can feel the heat of it through the transparisteel.

Before he can let out a curse, there’s a sound from beside him and Luke’s ship is suddenly down a wing.

_“Bodhi, I’ve been hit!”_

“Luke!”

“ _Don’t worry, I think I can maneuver_ _enough to land.”_

He cranes his head to see as the other ship goes down and his heart practically leaps into his throat as it impacts.

 _“Luke, are you alright?”_ and that’s Wedge asking because Bodhi’s lost the ability to speak as he flies circles overhead and tries not to get shot by the remaining AT-ATs.

“On your left, Bodhi,” is all Shara says, and he swings to the left to avoid another laser bolt as it flies by. He glances back at her to see she's tight lipped and keeping a sharp eye on their surroundings.

 _“I’m alright, just a little bruised is all. I think I can set that harpoon from here,”_ Luke says from below.

“Then get to your X-Wing after that, Luke, you can’t do anymore here,” Shara says from behind him and he's glad she's talking because he can't. Out the viewport they can both see a small figure down below, climbing out of the ruined ship to give them a thumbs up.

Bodhi exhales and then jerks the ship into a barrel roll to avoid another laser blast.

“Your boyfriend is very lucky,” Shara comments dryly and Bodhi doesn’t have the energy to fight the ‘boyfriend’ thing. Also, privately he agrees. Luke is so lucky it almost defies reality and physics and Bodhi prays that he remains so lucky.

\---

“Do you have everybody?”

They finally reach the hangar and Draven’s been talking into a commlink as they approach.

“Well, I suppose it will have to do, we’ll be aboard in two minutes and then take off.”

Cassian concentrates on remaining upright as they walk up the steps and into the ship. The door swings shut behind them and Cassian blinks rapidly at the bright overhead lights as he looks around. People are still milling about and he immediately spots Chirrut and Baze with a sigh of relief.

He untangles himself from Draven and makes his way over to them. (His balance is still off, but he manages).

Baze reaches out grips his shoulder to steady him when he stops in front of them.

“Where’s Jyn?” he asks.

They say nothing for a long moment. The look they sends goosebumps crawling up his arms.

“We know Bodhi is out flying with Rogue Squadron,” Baze says slowly and Cassian can feel his hair standing on end.

“I know that, too. _Where is Jyn?_ ”

Chirrut slowly shakes his head and a new horror descends on Cassian.

“Is she still on the base?” he demands and again Chirrut shakes his head as if to say ‘no’ and ‘I don’t know’ at once.

The engines are starting, the rumble of them echoing through the hold they’re standing in and he can feel the ship beginning to lift.

He has to do something. He _has to._

And with that thought he races for the airlock.

\---

They get the order to retreat to their X-Wings and Bodhi rushes through his startup sequence to get airborne. Through the comms he can hear the others checking in as they finish the startup and take off. He gets in the air shortly after Shara and with all the transports away, it’s just about getting to the rendezvous point at Haven.

Above the atmosphere of Hoth is exactly as bad as he expected, with the last transport retreating and X-Wings covering them trading volleys with TIE fighters while dodging Star Destroyers. He’s breathlessly inputting the coordinates for the first away point on an indirect route towards Haven when his comm unit crackles to life in his ear.

_“Bodhi, it’s Luke.”_

His hands freeze above the control panel. “C-can the others hear this?”

_“No this is a direct link...I may have memorized your ship’s call codes.”_

They should leave right now, they can’t dawdle here. At any moment some TIE fighter is going to start gunning for them, but for the sinking feeling in his stomach…

“You’re l-leaving, aren’t you?” he asks past the growing lump in his throat.

Luke is quiet for what feels like an age before he murmurs, _“Yes… I have to.”_

Bodhi can’t fight him on this… Not on this.

“Well, come back s-soon yeah?” he asks and his voice cracks. Outside his viewport he can see Luke’s X-Wing and the vague outline of Luke himself in the cockpit. It almost feels like Luke is looking back at him.

 _“Yeah,”_ Luke says, sounding rough in his ears, _“I’ll come back as soon as I can.”_

That’s when a TIE finally notices them and comes out shooting.

Bodhi hears a soft _“Goodbye,”_ before Luke’s X-Wing darts away in hyperdrive. With him safe and gone, Bodhi trades fire with the TIE fighter and yanks the lever to activate his own hyperdrive.

To nobody at all he says, “May the Force be with you.”

\---

Cassian makes it all the way to the hall, away from a roomful of prying eyes and just a few steps from the airlock before the others catch up to him. Baze is the one who restrains him with an arm around his chest. He fights against the hold, but Baze is strong and Cassian is not his best right now. It’s a futile waste of energy and he keeps trying to pull away and get to the airlock door anyway.

Apparently Draven followed them as well because now he walks up to Cassian, struggling against Baze’s hold.

“What are you going to do? Throw yourself out of the airlock and hope you find her before you or the base collapse?”

He glares at Draven because the answer is yes.

It’s always yes with her.

How could he have been so stupid to not think of her this whole time?

He should have been looking for Jyn, making sure she got out safely.

Maybe he just assumed...

He’s been so _stupid._

“We do not know where she is, but I know she is alive,” Chirrut says from where he stands beside Baze.

“How the hell do you know that?” he demands, pushing back against Baze.

“The same way I knew you were alive when you were gone for months at a time and she asked me,” he says and Cassian stops fighting Baze to stare at his friend.

“But you can’t say where she is?” he asks with slightly less venom and Chirrut nods.

“I wish I could, but I can tell you that she’s alive.”

Cassian doesn’t say anything, staring out the transparisteel at their base as it shrinks with distance. He can feel Baze tighten his grip on him and he wonders if it’s meant to be a comforting hold as well as a restraining one.

It feels like his insides are being torn in two and one half of him is down below on the surface. It feels like being punched in the chest.

“Can you tell if she’s hurt?” he asks and the words crack as they pass his lips.

“I can tell her life force is strong. She shines brightly in the Force,” Chirrut says and Cassian stares at the other man some more, trying to decide if he finds that comforting or not.

Nothing feels comforting right now.

“You can let me go now, Baze,” he says quietly.

“You’re not going to do something stupid if I do?” Baze asks, a gentle rumble in his ear. And Cassian deflates a little more.

“No… I won’t.”

And Baze releases him, letting him stand unsteadily on his own two feet. That hand is back on his shoulder moments later and Draven is still watching them with appraising eyes.

“Make sure he goes to the med bay, I believe he suffered a concussion when some ceiling fell on him,” Draven says shortly, before turning and walking away. Cassian sighs and sways into Baze a little, feeling deeply exhausted.

“Let me be the one to talk to Bodhi when he gets back,” he says and Baze nods slowly. From Baze’s other side, Chirrut says,

“We’ll make sure of it, Cassian.”

And Cassian nods again, feeling exhausted and empty.

He thought he knew what failure felt like in the moments after Scarif, when they thought it had all been for nothing.

It turns out that was but a prelude compared to this.

Compared to losing her.

This is the thought that runs circles around him as Baze and Chirrut lead him to the med bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um...everything sucks a little bit? I thought about Bodhi going with Luke but I do think he would have more interesting stuff to do with Cassian and co. Also did y'all catch the Sleepless in Seattle bullshit I was pulling to make this work? Jyn did run by that cave in at some point between it happening and Draven finding him there.  
> Idk I struggled a lot with this chapter since it's everything I suck at (Space battles, plot, movement) so I hope you enjoy it.


	10. Gone(Jyn/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowledge.

_Stitch by stitch I tear apart._  
_If brokenness is a form of art,_  
_I must be a poster child prodigy._  
_Thread by thread I come apart._  
_If brokenness is a work of art,  
Surely this must be my masterpiece._

_—Neptune, Sleeping at Last_

_\---_

Jyn sits in the cockpit, practically vibrating in her seat.

She could fly right out of her mind, right out of her skin at any moment. Leia and Han are looking at her like she’s a bomb ready to go off at the slightest provocation.

She feels like a bomb right now. Like she could shatter into a thousand pieces.

Earlier, Leia found her by that window, she was practically crumbling to the ground when she felt the other girl’s hands on her.

“Jyn,” she said softly and Jyn had her face in her hands, unwilling to look up at the sound of her name.

“We don’t know that they were still on the base, they could have made it to the transports,” Leia said and Jyn dropped her hands then to look at the girl.

“We could comm your transport… We were all supposed to be on it, I know the call codes,” she said and then Jyn felt caught between mind numbing shock and the most dangerous glimmer of hope.

The kind of hope that could shatter a person when it was gone.

She didn’t say anything but she let Leia pull her to her feet and guide her back to the cockpit. C-3PO seemed to take this as an invitation and so he followed them back as well, wittering concerns she doesn’t particularly care about.

The first thing she hears upon entering the room is Han addressing Chewie. “Prepare to make the jump to lightspeed.”

From behind them, the droid pipes up, “But, sir!”

And the sounds of laser blasts grow louder. From beside her Leia says, “They're getting closer,” sounding both worried and impatient.

Han glances back at them with a look Jyn can’t quite decipher before facing forward again.

“Oh yeah?  Watch this,” he says and cranks a lever.

Nothing happens.

Han and Chewie look at each other and Leia says with growing irritation, “Watch _what_?”

Han cranks the lever again and nothing happens. He looks at Chewie and then back at them. ”I think we're in trouble.”

And the droid chooses that moment to tell them all, “If I may say so, sir, I noticed earlier that the hyperdrive motivator has been damaged.  It's _impossible to go to light-speed.”_

Han looks at the droid and then at them again.

“We're in trouble,” he says and both he and Chewie scramble out of the cockpit, leaving Jyn, Leia, and C-3PO standing there in stunned silence.

Leia lets out a long suffering sigh and Jyn says nothing at all.

She can tell Leia’s looking at her again and the girl moves to sit in the co-pilot’s seat and starts punching buttons while she puts on a headset.

From down the hall, Jyn can hear Chewie and Han bickering, but all of her focus is zeroed in on the commlink and that fragile, terrible hope.

She watches Leia frown, pressing the headset tighter against her ears. And then she punches the same series of buttons a second time.

The ship is buffeted by another blast and it feels far, far away as Leia’s frown deepens and her mouth goes tight.

She puts the headset back and looks up at Jyn with a new tension writ to her whole frame.

Jyn can’t even speak, she just waits, and without warning, Leia gets up out of the chair and runs down the hall in the same direction Han and Chewie went. C-3PO clanks after her, calling for her to wait. Jyn follows at a slower pace, but she hears the whole thing. The conversation echoes down the hall even before she enters the room.

“Han, the comms are dead.”

“What do you mean the comms are dead, princess?”

She replies slowly with words over enunciated words like Han might need it spelled out for him.

“I mean, I’m getting no signal. I can’t send out a call. We have _no way_ of contacting the Rebellion in this useless bag of bolts.”

She turns the corner to see Han glaring at Leia from some below deck compartment that’s belching out smoke. Chewie is crouched at the lip of the compartment with Han’s toolkit and Leia is standing over them both with the droid at her side looking as distressed as ever.

Chewie gets up to look at one of the nearby panels, pressing a few buttons. He barks something at Han, who presses his lips together and ducks his head.

“Chewie says the satellite dish got hit.”

It’s then that he notices her lingering in the doorway. His glare breaks apart and Jyn wonders if it’s possible to spontaneously combust. Leia follows his gaze and says quietly,

“We were going to contact the transport and see if everyone got aboard safely or…” she trails off.

Han pushes himself up to climb out of the compartment and walk over to Jyn.

He even has the gall to look apologetic as he approaches her when _he_ was the one who dragged her away from there before she could find them. Her hand curls into a fist.

“Jyn, I’m—”

Whatever he planned to say next, Jyn won’t know because she punches him in the face. She can hear Leia say something with alarm, but her ears are ringing and she feels almost deaf to everything except the sound of his footsteps as he reels back from her. His hand flies to his jaw where she hit him and Han almost, but not quite, scowls at her.

Still, he doesn’t look away as she glares daggers at him. Behind him Leia looks torn, but doesn’t intervene.

Then the whole ship trembles off its axis and Han looks away from Jyn, his gaze pulled towards the hall that leads to the cockpit.

“That’s no laser blast, something hit us.”

\---

After obscuring his route by doubling back and around several times, Bodhi is able to rendezvous with their transport ship to get the rest of the way to Haven. He’s glad to have that hour or two of solitary flight time to get himself back under control after saying goodbye to Luke.

He keeps telling himself, it’s not meant to be goodbye forever and that Luke will come back soon and that it’s not the end of the galaxy and he’s just _overreacting._

Telling himself this does not make him feel better as he flies back to meet with the transport. Once the ship is in sight, he comms them to be let onboard. The ship has a small hangar for him to land the X-Wing in.

When he’s climbing out of the ship he notices Baze standing outside the ship, waiting for him.

Bodhi tries to force a smile as he steps down the ladder some ground crew member placed there for him.

“D-did somebody let y-y know I was coming? Or have you been here the whole t-time?” he asks as he walks over and Baze barely even blinks.

“We were informed,” he says before he turns and starts walking out of the hangar. Bodhi knows him well enough to know this is a cue for him to follow, but something about it or maybe Baze’s expression has him on edge.

He jogs to catch up with the larger man’s stride and falls in step beside him as they navigate the halls of this large transport ship.

“Is s-something wrong?” he asks. “Did something h-happen?”

Baze glances at him sidelong, but doesn’t respond until they enter the ship’s med-bay.

“Cassian wanted to talk to you,” Baze says in his low rumble and Bodhi doesn’t know what that could mean. What kind of talk? Did he do something wrong? Or did something else go wrong? Why are they in the med-bay? He looks up at the other man nervously and without looking back at him, Baze puts a heavy hand on his back. He lets it rest like a comforting touch for just a minute before he uses that hand to propel Bodhi across the threshold.

Cassian is lying in a bed with a bandage wrapped around his head and Chirrut is seated by his bedside.

Both of them look towards the door when Bodhi steps through it and without a word Chirrut rises from his seat gracefully and moves to the door. As he passes Bodhi, the guardian lets his hand gently brush Bodhi’s shoulder before he leaves the room with Baze.

The door slides shut behind them and Bodhi is suddenly alone with Cassian and the heavy air that he doesn’t understand just yet.

He moves to sit in the now empty chair by Cassian’s bed hesitantly, slowly sinking in the seat with increasing trepidation from the look in Cassian’s eyes.

He looks unspeakably sad and he doesn’t say a word as Bodhi settles himself and steels himself for whatever this talk could be.

He’s imagining a lot of nightmare scenarios, including ones that aren’t even possible. Like maybe they got news his mother and sister had survived Jedha only to have just died tragically in some shipwreck or something.

That’s irrational, but the air in the room is so heavy, he’s fearing the worst.

“Bodhi...” Cassian says, “Jyn’s gone.”

And his brain stalls.

In every worst case scenario he never imagined one where Jyn was…

“G-gone? Gone where?” he asks and Cassian almost winces.

“I don’t know. Chirrut says she’s alive, but I just know she isn’t on one of the transports.”

Bodhi doesn’t know when he started taking Rogue One for granted as a permanent part of his life, but at some point they became untouchable in his mind. Not invincible. Just, an assumed forever presence in his life. Like his blood family before, he never really imagined scenarios like this one. Either they all died of some misfortune or were lost slowly due to the natural causes of age and time. He never thought he would lose his mother and sister in an instant.

He never thought he would lose Galen and he certainly never thought about losing Jyn.

But Cassian says she isn’t dead.

“So sh-she’s alive… You j-just don’t know where she is?”

Cassian nods.

“You don’t know if she’s okay? O-or scared?” His mind is now churning with new nightmares he hadn’t thought to consider before now.

“You don’t know if she’s hurt or been c-captured or...” He trails off and Cassian grips his arm and nods with a look of such misery that Bodhi stops talking.

He forgot for a moment about Cassian and how he might be feeling in this moment.

“I-I’m sorry for...” He helplessly waves a hand at Cassian as if that can encompass it but Cassian nods again as if it does.

“Wh-what happened?” he asks softly and Cassian sighs.

“I would have gone looking for her if I had seen she wasn’t on the transport, but I was...delayed,” he says, one hand gesturing at his head where the bandages sit.

“Some ceiling fell on me and I guess General Draven pulled me out and got me to the ship. I didn’t even realize she wasn’t there until the ship took off and by then it was too late.”

So not only is Luke gone, but Jyn is, too. The full weight of that is finally sinking in. They’re both _gone._

Hopefully they’ll both come back, but maybe they won’t. He won’t be with them to help ensure they get back safe and sound. A million things could happen to Luke on the way to Dagobah. Things could happen on the planet or on the way back to them. There’s no way to know that his friend will come back intact. And he doesn’t even _know_ where Jyn is or how she is. He just knows that she’s not here.

Bodhi exhales long and loud and wants very much to scream or cry or do _something_. He leans forward, bracing his hands against his knees and bites the inside of his cheek, trying to get himself back under control.

When he thinks he can speak, he says without looking up, “Luke left.”

“What?”

“H-he left,” Bodhi repeats, his voice cracking just a little bit and Cassian lets go of his arm so he has two hands to sit up in bed.

Bodhi looks up at the motion and sees the other man frowning and concerned. For some reason that surprises him a little. He can also see the question Cassian isn’t asking and he tries to answer it.

“Luke found out about s-some Jedi Master in th-the Dagobah system... He wanted to g-go to complete his training.”

Cassian’s frown deepens.

“I thought Chirrut was teaching him,” he says and Bodhi sighs.

“Even Chirrut w-was saying he could only teach L-Luke so much so…”

He trails off and buries his face in his hands. It’s not the same as Jyn leaving, nowhere near it, but now they’re both gone and the feeling of loss is doubled.

Cassian says nothing, but he can feel the man’s gaze on him. Unasked questions hang in the air between them, he’s sure the intelligence man has hundreds of questions about what happened.

Instead Cassian murmurs, “Are you okay?” and Bodhi huffs something nearing a laugh. He should be asking Cassian that question, not the other way around. Still, he can’t look up. He asks through his fingertips, “Chirrut’s sure th-that Jyn’s alive?”

“He says she is,” Cassian replies and Bodhi breathes out shakily, still trying not to cry.

A hand comes to rest gently in his hair and it reminds him of eons ago when Jyn did the same thing. He finally pulls his face from his hands to see Cassian looking as raw as he feels.

“Do you think Chirrut w-would mind if I keep a-asking him… About Jyn?” he asks sounding not at all like he’s crying.

“No, I don’t think he would,” Cassian says quietly.

And neither of them say another word for a long time, until a nurse comes in and bustles Bodhi out, saying Cassian needs his rest.

Bodhi doesn’t want to leave, but he does what the nurse says and leaves the room, getting one last look at his friend as he does. Cassian looks tired and empty as he stares blankly at the ceiling above him. Then the door slides shut, leaving Bodhi alone with gray metal durasteel and it’s the first time in a long time that he’s felt so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm learning there's a fine line between good angst and just straight up depressing. An earlier draft of this depressed the hell out of me just writing it and so I dialed it back a bit. Also I want to hug everybody.


	11. How to Cope(Han/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow, or more accurately for helping me take a few minor liberties and telling me when there is no canonical answer to my question.

_Please, again, I ask you to believe me._  
_I wanted to stop. To crouch down._  
_I wanted to say:_  
_I’m sorry, child.”_  
_But that is not allowed._  
_I did not crouch down. I did not speak._  
_Instead, I watched her awhile. When she was able to move, I followed her._  
_She dropped the book._  
_She knelt._  
_The book thief howled._

_—The Book Thief, Markus Zusak_

_\---_

There are a lot of things Han doesn’t know how to deal with.

In fact the list of things he doesn’t know how to deal with is probably a lot longer than the list of things he does.

One thing that is not on his list of things is emotionally devastated girls punching him in the face.

On the one hand, it stinks to get punched in the face… On the other hand, she is right that he dragged her out of that base and maybe there was some chance she could have found everyone before the base collapsed. They’ll never know now.

He didn’t know the base collapsed when she decked him, that was another thing Leia told him afterwards as they ran towards the cockpit to investigate what the kriff was giving the Falcon it’s latest beating.

The fact is, they’re not even sure if the others are alive or not.

They could be alive… Or they could not.

He doesn’t particularly want to think about that either as he slings himself into the pilot’s seat and ignores the new ache in his jaw as he looks out the viewport.

Asteroids.

They are getting pummelled by an asteroid field and, this at least, Han knows how to do. He’s escaped worst jams than this one. They’ve got no communications and no hyperdrive for the moment, this is where Han knows exactly what to do.

“Chewie, set two-seven-one,” he says as he flicks the overhead switches and Chewie gets settled in beside him.

“What are you doing?” Leia asks, “You're not actually going into an asteroid field?”

“They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?” he asks and she has no immediate response as he glances back at her and 3PO before leaning into the control column and moving them forward.

Jyn didn’t follow them into the cockpit which means she’s found some corner of the ship to stew in.

Han’s going to have to be okay with that for the time being since there’s nothing else he can really do about it right now.

Instead, he focuses on navigating the asteroid field with three TIE fighters right behind them. This is where he thrives as he spins the ship in loops, diving and dodging around the asteroids as he sees the TIE’s go down one by one, unable to maneuver in the space. From behind him, he can hear Leia’s nervous gasps at every close call while the damn droid practically wails at every turn.

Of course, this can only go on for so long, there’s too many asteroids, even the Falcon can’t avoid them all. Things get shaky and fast and there’s still one more ship on their tail.

“We're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer,” Leia says from over his shoulder, he can feel her hand digging into the cushioning of his seat.

“I'm not going to argue with that,” he says and the droid exclaims, _“Pulverized?”_

He ignores the droid and says to Leia and Chewie, “I'm going in closer to one of those big ones.”

“ _Closer?_ ” they all repeat and he won’t say it twice because he needs to focus.

He has a plan and either it’s going to work or they are going to be a lot deader in a minute.

Up ahead is a meteor that’s big enough, he can see the crevices inside its rock that might be big enough to hide the Falcon in.

This one will do nicely, he thinks as he sweeps the Falcon up and over it with an eye on the last TIE fighter that’s still trying to chase after them. They’ve got some distance for the time being as he dips down behind the asteroid. From there he follows the meteor on its orbit until he finds that crevice and he’s very lucky today. As he swings the Falcon into what he thought might be some kind of canyon or deep crater, he realizes it’s the entrance to a cavern.

“Excuse me, ma’am, where are we going?” 3PO asks and Leia shushes him and she leans over his shoulder to get a look out the viewport.

“I hope you know what you're doing,” Leia tells him.

“Yeah, me, too,” Han says as he tucks the Falcon inside this cavern and sets her down.

For a minute nobody moves, like maybe if they take a single step the whole asteroid with cave in and crumble around them.

But nothing happens and everybody exhales. Han is the first to snap out of it as he starts powering down the ship.

“I'm going to shut down everything but the emergency power systems,” he says, mostly to Chewie, but Leia’s about to ask him what he’s doing so he aims it at her, too.

“Sir, I'm almost afraid to ask, but... Does that include shutting me down, too?” 3PO says and Han is _very_ tempted to say yes. Chewie barks out a yes, but nobody speaks wookiee except him and he shakes his head at his co-pilot before pointing a threatening finger at the droid.

“No, I need you to talk to the Falcon, find out what's wrong with the hyperdrive.”

And the ship lurches beneath, causing everyone to nearly lose their footing, Leia clutches onto his seat to remain standing and a few loose items go flying across the cockpit. When everything smooths out again, 3PO says, “Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.”

And Han can help but snipe at the droid, “Not entirely stable?  I'm glad you're here to tell us these things.” To Chewie he says, “Take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive.”

And as Chewie shepherds the droid out of the cockpit, he can faintly hear 3PO’s exclamations of “Oh, well, I say! I’m only trying to do my job after all,” and Chewie barking for him to be quiet.

It’s almost funny except for the girl who currently hates his guts hiding out somewhere on the Falcon and the one currently staring holes through him with the force of her gaze.

“Are you quite pleased with yourself?” Leia asks him and he shrugs.

“Not really, but I’m pretty happy to not be dead, how about you?”

Leia sighs.

“If we can get the hyperdrive and communications back up, then we can catch up to the Rebellion and meet them back at Haven,” she says in a tone that’s somewhere between thinking aloud and giving orders.

“Princess, the hyperdrive is my main concern right now, because without it, we’re not going to get very far, not to mention we’d be leaving quite the trail for the Empire to track,” he says as he scans all the readouts in front of him. Behind him Leia folds her arms.

“Yes, and without communications, how will we tell the Rebellion who we are when we arrive so they don’t shoot us out of the sky?” she asks and Han whirls to glare at her.

Of course she has a point, but rather than admit that, he gets out of his seat to squeeze out of the cockpit and head down the hall. He’s almost out the door when Leia calls out his name.

“Han… One of us needs to talk to Jyn,” she says and Han turns on his heel to face her.

“Well, considering the last time I tried to talk to her, she punched me in the face, so I think that rules me out,” he says, pointing as his jaw where he can practically feel a bruise forming.

“Also, I think fixing the ship and getting us all out of here alive is my main priority right now, but if you do talk to her, feel free to remind her who saved her ass back on Hoth and several times before that?” He says all this quickly, and maybe a little too forcefully based on the look Leia’s shooting him now, half taken aback and half irritated.

He doesn’t know how to fix this… He is so completely out of his depth and it gnaws at him. He thought he was helping when he pulled Jyn out of the base, he really did. He wasn’t expecting a parade or anything but… He doesn’t know how to fix this.

He does know how to fix the Falcon, that is what he can do.

So with a curt nod, he heads off to the compartment he was digging around in before. He’ll start with the burnt out hyperdrive couplings and wires while he waits for 3PO to come back with an update on the engine.

\---

Jyn went to the back of the ship by the engines, back by that window where she had stood just before and watched her world fall apart.

She’s hunkered down against the wall and feels the shakes and shudders as the ship goes through whatever they’re dealing with now. She can’t really bring herself to care about whatever it is. She feels the jarring twists and turns distantly as she sits there drifting.

It’s almost like floating in space, somehow heavy and weightless at once.

Jyn kind of wishes she could throw herself out into space.

(Not really… she just wishes...)

(She wishes for smaller problems and emotions that are manageable instead of this roiling mess she’s got coursing through her.)

The way she sees it, there are two scenarios. And each of them break her in half for entirely different reasons.

In the first scenario, her people are dead. Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut are dead. Cassian is dead and there are so many things she will never get to say to him. They are all dead and she’s lost.

The second scenario is that they left her behind. Objectively a better scenario because it means they’re alive and yet…

She once told Cassian she wasn’t used to people sticking around when things got bad. That had been an oversimplification. She wasn’t used to people sticking around. Period. And she knows, _she knows,_ there are a hundred reasons and a hundred ways it could have happened, but it still ends with them leaving without her.

She would have died rather than leave them behind. Han dragged her out of there before that could happen, but Jyn would have looked until she found them or the Empire found her as the base collapsed around them.

There is an even trickier third scenario that is some mix between the two. Maybe some of them made it out and some of them didn’t.

It feels like discovering a new and particularly morbid level of hell, imagining that. Trying to imagine who might have died or not.

Another thing she said an age ago was that it was easier for her to imagine her father dead, rather than the reality of him being out in the galaxy having left her behind to work for the Empire.

There’s a lot that has changed since then. The situations are dissimilar in every way.

But the fact remains, if even a part of her believes that they are alive, that any of them are alive and out there somewhere... And then they’re not…

Right now she can protect herself if she accepts that they’re gone. Learns to live with that hole in her chest. Because if she believes otherwise and she is eventually proved wrong…It will shatter her into a thousand pieces and she’ll never recover.

She’s survived so much, but she’s not sure she could survive that.

So…

...They’re dead.

They’re all dead.

They’re gone and dead and she needs to come to terms with that if she’s going to continue to exist.

She thinks this as she leans back against the wall and listens to the roar of the engines.

And she cries.

In the relative privacy of this nook with some control panel at her back and the noise of the engines overpowering almost anything else, Jyn cries. The ship rocks and bucks around her and she cries and screams her throat raw and punches the unforgiving durasteel until her knuckles are bleeding.

She has to learn to live with this and she’s been a survivor for so long, she’ll be one again.

Sometimes she hates surviving.

Eventually the tears dry up only because she’s running on empty. She’s tired and feeling like a black hole. Like a void with nothing left, no feelings, nothing.

She sits there as the ship’s ride finally smooths out and she can feel one last jolt that sounds like they’ve landed somewhere. She doesn’t particularly care, she just absently notes they’ve stopped moving as the engines quiet down.

She sits there and pulls out her crystal necklace and the small drive Cassian gave her. The drive that has K2 stored on it. It’s barely bigger than her thumb and sits on a second chain resting next to her kyber crystal.

The one her mother handed her so long ago.

It feels like she’s carrying all she has left of both her families around her neck.

That’s how Chewie and C-3PO find her.

She doesn’t really notice their noise as they come down the hall. (The engines were so loud her ears are still ringing a little)

She only notices when they round the corner and she hears Chewie bark something that sounds like concern while C-3PO says, _“Oh my.”_

She must look really bad to get that kind of a reaction from a wookiee and a droid. She’s trying to think of some excuse or something she can say to minimize this and get out of here and she pulls herself to her feet.

C-3PO saves her from having to say anything at all and for the first time ever she’s grateful for it.

“We’re so sorry to bother you, Corporal Erso, but I’m supposed to be communicating with the hyperdrive to see what in Force’s name is wrong with it _now._ ”

Chewie lets out a low growl sounding vaguely offended.

Jyn looks at the control panel behind her, she’s still clutching Cassian’s drive in her hand so tightly she should probably let go of it before she damages it somehow.

She moves away from the panel without a word and C-3PO totters forward,

“Thank you so much, Corporal Erso, I don’t mean to be a bother. I’m just going to speak with the hyperdrive a moment,” and he unscrews something in one of his finger modules that pops out to connect with the control panel. Jyn watches it spin and 3PO’s eyes sort of blink in and out for several seconds while Chewie watches with his arms folded.

The fact is C-3PO is nothing like K-2SO. He’s not tall enough, he’s covered in gold plating rather than the dark blacks and grays of K-2’s chassis. In terms of disposition 3PO scares too easy and isn’t nearly bad tempered enough to compare with K-2’s irascible demeanor.

And yet…

Maybe it’s just the way they both have such an amount of personality stored in their circuits, maybe it’s just that Jyn is feeling too much and unwilling to deal with any of the humans on board.

When 3PO disconnects he looks over at Chewie.

“Well, I say, I don't know where this ship learned to communicate, but it has the most peculiar dialect. I believe, it's saying that the power coupling on the negative axis has been polarized and needs to be replaced,” Chewie nods and says something neither of them understand before turning to look at Jyn. She looks back feeling a little tired and a little uncertain. She likes the wookiee but she never learned his language. He surprises her by reaching out and resting a heavy paw on her head.

She’s not sure what it means, but it feels like an act of comfort. He cocks his head to the side and says something a little quieter in his strange guttural language and Jyn can only look up and nod for lack of a better response. With that the wookiee drops his hand and leaves her with the droid.

3PO turns to her, “Well, Corporal, is there anything I can do to further assist you? You _do_ appear to be showing signs of serious distress.”

Something about the way the droid phrased it is enough to get a hollow bark of laughter out of her but that fades in an instant. ‘Distress’ is probably putting it mildly and she’s not really sure what she wants or needs. She doesn’t want to be around Han or Leia right now, but being alone means there is no distraction from the crushing weight of black hole that is her own thoughts threatening to swallow her whole.

The droid is still patiently waiting for a response and he really is absolutely nothing like K-2 who was not patient at all.

She lets herself slide back down to sit on the floor and looks up at C-3PO.

“Could you just talk?” she asks softly.

“Oh, Corporal, communication is where I excel, please tell me what you would like me to talk about,” he says and it’s the enthusiasm that makes the corner of her mouth twitch a little as she toys with K-2’s drive, delicately rubbing the edges between her fingers, learning it’s small bumps and crevices. This droid is nothing like K-2 but he reminds her of him. Meanwhile, he launches into some story of how he first met Luke on Tatooine and how R2 has been a torment for his entire existence, and Jyn feels something ease in her chest. The gaping void is still there, open and raw and ready to consume her, but for the moment she pushes it aside and just listens as the droid talks and talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jyn really wants a robot friend and I might be the only one who finds that scene adorable but yeah. Also Han is still grossed out by feelings and generally bummed by his life.  
> Also a general note. I'm thinking I'm not going to write a whole part 3 for Jedi, I just have zero ideas about it, I'm thinking I will wrap things up in this fic and maybe have some scenes from Jedi or whatever.


	12. And Now(Baze/Cassian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowledge.

_This is all I know how to do, carry loss around until_   
_I begin to resemble every bad memory,_   
_every terrible fear,_   
_every nightmare anyone has ever had._

_―The unbearable weight of staying, Warsan Shire_

_\---_

It pains him to see how easily the young ones are taken apart by the news.

They are still _so young._

Baze knows better and has seen worse.

Chirrut says she’s alive and he will take that with the white knuckled patience born from years of practice. He would like to know where she is and how she is. He would like to be with her, watching over her as he’s done for the last two years.

But she’s not here and the rest of them are so that is that.

Of course he had to reminded about patience.

Chirrut had to remind him.

When Chirrut first broke the news, he immediately grabbed Baze by the arm and managed to look him in the eye in the way only a blind man can. “She’s gone, but she’s not dead, Baze, she’s alive and we need to be patient for her return.”

That’s what Chirrut had told him when they got aboard the transport and she wasn’t there.

“Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

“She’s beyond our reach for the time being,” Chirrut said. And Baze loved his husband dearly, but there were times he wanted to shake the man and see if a straightforward answer fell out of him.

Of course, he knew from experience the breadth and limits of Chirrut’s abilities. He knew that this was all his husband could tell him, so he gritted his teeth and nodded.

“Is she alone?” he asked and Chirrut frowned, shaking his head.

“I don’t know.”

Baze was too old to openly grieve misfortunes because he had seen far too many.

Still, he had to steel himself for how the others would react to the news. As if Chirrut could read his thoughts, he took Baze’s hand and gently kissed his cheek.

“I know, _bǎo-bèi,_ I know,” he murmured in Baze’s ear. Neither of them spoke or moved for several minutes. They were standing in the main hold of the transport by the ship’s entrance. The entrance was still open despite the ship audibly beginning its takeoff sequence.

“We should wait here for when Cassian arrives,” Chirrut said and Baze sighed, “He will not take this well.”

His husband moved to stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder, without letting go of his hand.

“He will not,” Chirrut replied.

And as is so often the case, he was correct.

After they brought Cassian to the med-bay, and made sure Bodhi spoke to Cassian when he arrived, they went to find their quarters. It was unspoken, but they needed a moment to regroup.

Once they got their room assignment from the quartermaster, they settled on the floor in their quarters (a room with two bunks, the other intended for Bodhi and Cassian). Chirrut situates himself with his legs folded for meditation and Baze sits beside him. Privately Baze consider this a personal duty, keeping Chirrut company while he regains spiritual equilibrium.

And Chirrut does not need to close his eyes for meditation, but he always does.

He once told Baze that it had nothing to do with distractions, closing his eyes for meditation felt peaceful like rest. His eyes are closed now, but Baze can tell he has not fully begun his meditation. His breathing isn’t smooth and even yet, so Baze says, “We’re going to need to check on Bodhi once he’s done talking to Cassian.”

“Indeed we shall,” Chirrut replies without opening his eyes.

Baze shifts to try and get comfortable on the hard durasteel floor and Chirrut doesn’t even turn his head.

“I always tell you, you don’t have to sit on the floor with me,” he says.

“And I tell you that I like sitting on the floor with you,” Baze replies and Chirrut’s lip twitches.

“Even if you’re an old man and the floor hurts your back?” he asks and Baze grunts.

“Last I checked you weren’t exactly sprightly either, husband.”

“When I am one with the Force, I am beyond such trivial nuisances,” Chirrut says and Baze snorts.

“How about now? Are you beyond that lower back pain right now?”

Chirrut opens his eyes to scowl in Baze’s direction.

“No.”

“Well you should get a cushion then, I keep telling you that you should,” Baze says and this is an argument they’ve been having for quite some time. In the temple they were trained to meditate on the hard ground, but they were young men then and Baze worries about Chirrut a lot more after Scariff. But right now he is mostly talking to talk and he knows that the other man can sense that.

The fact is Chirrut can read him like a holonovel and Baze has never figured out if it’s pure intuition or his connection with the Force but Chirrut can clearly read where his thoughts are now, so he takes Baze’s hand and presses a kiss against his knuckles.

“Bodhi and Cassian should be done talking by now, go get Bodhi and bring him back here,” he says and Baze grumbles, “Are you trying to get rid of me old man?”

“Absolutely,” Chirrut replies easily, “I need a few minutes of peace and quiet and you’re spoiling it, so get lost.”

Baze grins and then groans as he pushes himself to his feet. He really is getting old and he looks down at Chirrut whose eyes are closed again, his posture is straight as an arrow but his shoulders are relaxed. There’s hardly any sign of turmoil on his features except for the subtle lines around his mouth and beneath his eyes.

“You’re sure she’s alive?” Baze asks quietly.

“As sure as you’re standing here, yes, she’s alive,” Chirrut replies and that’s enough for Baze. He turns and heads for the door and pauses before opening it.

“I get the feeling you’re going to be answering that question a lot for awhile,” he says before pushing the button for the door to slide open. As he steps over the threshold Chirrut replies, “I would expect nothing less.”

\---

Baze checks with the orderlies first and Cassian should be released from the med-bay in a matter of hours, his concussion is not too severe. So that’s some good news amongst all the bad.

Then he goes looking for Bodhi and finds him wandering the halls just outside the med-bay.

“Come on, little one,” he mutters, grabbing the younger man by the shoulders and steering him away. Bodhi mutely acquiesces and lets himself be moved through the ship without any objections. The silence bothers Baze, only because he’s learned of how talkative the boy could be.

In fact Bodhi doesn’t say a word until they’ve arrived at their room and Baze enters the code to open the door. As the door swings open, he looks up to see Chirrut and says without preamble, “Luke’s gone, t-too.”

Chirrut looks up from his seat on the floor and his sightless eyes alight on Bodhi and again, the change is subtle. A deepening of lines around his mouth and his hands, so calmly folded in his lap, tighten. Bodhi looks at him and simply repeats, “Luke’s g-gone.”

“I know,” Chirrut says and Bodhi looks away. He allows Baze to nudge him across the threshold so the door can close behind them, but he can’t seem to look at Chirrut again. Baze is wondering what in Force’s name could make that Skywalker boy leave when Bodhi continues, “He said he needed to complete his training,” and suddenly it all makes sense. He sat with them when Chirrut trained the boy in meditation, in how to connect with the Force.

He said over and over again that he could only teach the boy so much.

Apparently the boy took it to heart.

Chirrut doesn’t seem at all surprised by the news. “I know, he received a message from his former master,” he says and finally Bodhi looks up wide eyed.

“Wait, so th-that part was real? You knew a-about that?” he asks and Chirrut inclines his head.

“I sensed it.”

And Bodhi stares at him, still somehow on edge. Of course, Bodhi is always on edge, he’s just a bundle of nerves. “So y-you’re not upset that he left?”

And Chirrut smiles gently. “No, I am not upset. I am sad he had to leave, but one does not ignore messages from the dead lightly.”

Bodhi stares down at him. “ _Oh,_ ” he says softly, dropping down on the floor beside him.

Nobody speaks for a long time. None of them comment when Bodhi wipes his eyes or rubs his nose on his sleeve.

“Cassian said that you can… Sense Jyn’s okay? That she’s alive?”

Baze settles on Bodhi’s other side and over his head, he meets Chirrut’s blind look aimed his way.

“I can sense her. She shines strong and bright in the Force,” Chirrut says patiently.

“So she’s okay?” Bodhi asks and his voice cracks.

They are all so very young.

“She is alive,” Chirrut replies and for now that will have to be enough for all of them.

\---

Cassian sleeps in fits and starts, not only because he is getting checked on periodically by a med bot on account of the concussion, but also for the other more obvious reasons.

Breaking the news to Bodhi was almost like learning it a second time. It pained him in ways he couldn’t describe, although he doesn’t regret being the one to tell him. It felt right and he hoped he made it easier for Bodhi to hear.

Cassian is still reeling from it himself. Every time he would wake up from an almost sleep, his thoughts would rattle around until he remembered Jyn and then nothing else seemed to matter.

After being under observation for 12 hours of ‘rest’ he is informed that he’s being released. He’s just finishing getting changed from the med bay dressing gown to his uniform when Draven walks in.

“Lieutenant Andor, I’m glad to see you’ve recovered,” he says stiffly, with his hands behind his back, and Cassian can think of thirty impertinent questions to ask in reply. Instead, he asks, “How far are we from Haven, sir?”

“About 10 more hours, Lieutenant,” Draven replies crisply and the silence that follows is abrupt and awkward.

Cassian waits because experience has taught him that much. Draven is not one for niceties, he’s here for a reason.

“Han Solo and Senator Organa also did not make it aboard the transport.”

Cassian’s stomach drops. He should have thought to ask about them sooner. He opens his mouth to speak and Draven cuts him off.

“We received a communication from them before the transport left. They were unable to reach the transport for some reason. We believe the senator may have left with Solo aboard the Falcon.”

That stops his words in their tracks while Draven looks him over critically and continues in a tone that could be described as ‘careful.’ “It is possible that Jyn ended up aboard the Millennium Falcon with them.”

That stops him again, his thoughts stuttering to a halt.

He blinks as he considers the facts he’s been given.

“A possibility? As in you have no actual confirmation? Do you even know where the Falcon is?” he asks and Draven sighs.

“No, we have no actual confirmation, but it’s a potential theory, and no, we have had no indication of the Falcon’s whereabouts.” Draven looks at him then, seeming almost annoyed, or possibly tired! “Skywalker is also unaccounted for so…” And he trails off and looks away to pinch the bridge of his nose like he’s getting a headache. It takes a minute for that last statement to sink in. There’s something almost funny about it, except nothing is funny right now.

“Oh, well, I can tell you Skywalker’s gone off to the Dagobah system to find some Jedi master and complete his training,” Cassian says and Draven stares at him, his brows climbing into his hairline.

“Ah… And you know this how?”

Cassian shrugs. “Luke made sure to tell Bodhi and Bodhi told me.”

Draven stares at him for a long moment before looking away, exhaling loudly through his nose.

“This is why I advise against promoting the young ones, they have no regard for regulations,” Draven says tightly and Cassian feels like he’s talking to himself more than Cassian.

Cassian is very tempted to ask if Draven intends to court martial Luke when he gets back but he says nothing; a fully trained Jedi would matter more than regulations to the council and even to the rule loving Draven himself. He won’t waste his breath baiting the General so he waits in another stifling quiet and Draven mutters to himself, “Well, that answers that, I suppose.”  
Cassian looks away from the man and tries not to fidget while Draven clears his throat and seems to adjust his posture.

“I mainly came to ask you if you would consider yourself fit for duty.” He hesitates, looking distinctly uncomfortable, “Given the circumstances.”

Cassian gapes at the man and at what can only be a poor attempt at sensitivity. Draven shifts his weight as he waits for a response and Cassian stares at him.

“General, what’s this about?” he asks.

“I’ll only get into it if you can say you’re fit for duty, Lieutenant,” he says and his gaze is dagger sharp.

“I won’t put this on you unless you feel that you’re up for it. I have other agents, but I think you might want to be involved in this.”

He wants to say that he doesn’t know what ‘this’ is. Instead, he says, “Sir, I am fit for duty and I could use a distraction.”

And Draven nods, steely eyes still locked on him.

“Fair enough. It's about that report you decoded right before the attack. I’ve been looking over the files and I just had a chance to read it,” Draven says and Cassian nods a little, recollecting something that already feels like it happened a year ago.

“Right, the old and new weapon, exceptionally cryptic even for fieldnotes,” he says and Draven sighs, finally taking a seat in the chair by Cassian’s bed. With him seated and Cassian sitting up in bed they’re basically at eye level.

“Well, another agent came back from her contacts with the Bothan Spynet, I think both agents were talking about the same thing,” Draven says, his gaze hardening like durasteel. Cassian leans back and returns the other man’s stare.

“What is it?” he asks and Draven doesn’t blink. He looks Cassian square in the eye and says:

“We think they might be building another Death Star.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUM BUM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM  
> Okay I am a little pleased with myself and my big tweest that is probably not actually a surprise at all when you think about it. Cassian and co have got to do something other than mope until the others get back and I'm sure it's mucking with the timeline but oh well I have ideas. Oh and also concerned dad Baze is my favorite.


	13. A Feeling(Leia/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow :)

_We pull our boots on with both hands_  
_but we can’t punch ourselves awake and all I can do_  
_is stand on the curb and say Sorry_  
_about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine._  
_I couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time._

_—Little Beast, Richard Siken_

_\---_

Leia is furious about so many things right now, she could punch a hole in a wall.

But that's not a helpful impulse to have and so she tamps it down. Her anger has no place in this ship right now.

Still, they are lost in the middle of an asteroid field in a ship that’s falling apart. She’s been separated from the Rebellion, when they need her the most. She can’t be there to help and see that as many of their people arrive safely on Haven as is possible. She can’t find out what happened to their friends, and a gnawing worry is stuck with her about all of them, especially Luke.

And there’s Han. The most irritating man in the galaxy and she’s stuck on a ship with him. He can’t seem to make up his mind in any given moment whether to take _anything_ seriously or just spend his time teasing her. And if that were all, it would be enough, but then there’s the fact that _she_ can’t make up her mind about _him._ One moment he’s joking and calling her princess, the next he’s planning to leave the Rebellion, and the next he’s going out of his way to save people.

One moment she wants to hit him and the next she wants to reach out and touch him, and she is _not_ the sort of girl who waffles like this. Her own inconsistency in the face of this man is making her insane.

And then there’s Jyn. She’s like an open wound, like a human bruise, and Leia wants to help but she can’t. Words aren’t going to fix what’s been broken, and she wants to tell Jyn there’s no need to assume the worst, but as someone who has rarely been an optimist, she understands that feeling of hopelessness.

She knows that sometimes it's easier to assume the worst.

And that’s what she’s thinking about as she sets to work on the comms systems. Han’s working on the hyperdrive and so she takes it upon herself to go look at the comms. The panel seems to have blown some fuses and damaged the circuits. She’s no expert, but she can weld a few valves and reroute some power.  
If she happens to be working a little more forcefully than necessary, yanking out melted wires and so on, that’s fine. As long as the job gets done, who cares?

Of course, being violent on some wires isn’t actually making her feel better. When she gets stuck with a jammed lever that won’t budge, she kind of wants to break it. She struggles with it, pulling on it hard enough to make her palms sting. Suddenly Han’s standing behind her with a hand outstretched.

“Do you need help with that?” he asks and she scowls at him.

“No.”

He steps back with his hands raised in surrender.

“Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to...”

She interrupts him before he can finish that statement. “Would you _please_ stop calling me that?” she says, sounding peeved in her own ears and breathless from struggling with the blasted lever.

Han watches her, leaning against the far wall. “Sure, Leia,” he says and she could punch him in the face. It might be very cathartic. Instead, she says, “You make it so difficult sometimes.”

And Han nods, looking down at the floor, “I do. I really do…” He mutters and she turns to look at him. It occurs to her he might be thinking of someone else right now.

“I didn’t mean… I’ve seen you with Jyn. You’re good with her.”

The way Han’s gaze jerks up from the floor means she was right. He looks her in the eye for a moment before glancing away again with an expression that can only be described as petulant.

“I think she would disagree with you,” he mutters folding his arms over his chest and Leia sighs, letting go of the lever and crossing the room to delicately lean on the wall beside him. He’s watching her the whole time and for some reason when she’s this close, she has to steel herself to look up at him.

“You did a good thing, it just ended badly,” she says gently and for a second she thinks she can see something deep and sorrowful in his eyes. He looks away again before she can be sure.

“Do you think the others made it out okay?” he asks quietly and Leia smiles a little.

“I can’t say for sure, but Bodhi and Luke could have still been outside the base with Rogue Squadron and… I just have a feeling that they made it out okay.”

Han looks at her quizzically.

“A feeling,” he repeats and she shrugs, trying for nonchalant, but feeling some of that defensive frustration in her shoulders.

“I can’t explain it, I just have a feeling they’re okay,” she says and Han stares at her for a long minute with an unreadable expression. Finally he sighs and glances away, rubbing a tired hand through his hair.

“Well, I’ll take it. You should tell Jyn that,” he mutters with his hands falling to his sides.

“I don’t think a feeling is going to help Jyn right now,” she says gently and Han throws his hands in the air.

“Then what am I supposed to do with that girl?” he exclaims and Leia wants to smile again.

Instead she says, “Be patient. Wait for her to come and talk to you,” and she rests a hand on his arm. He glances at her and his arm where she’s touching him. “And how long am I supposed to wait?”

“Until she’s ready.”

She doesn’t drop her hand and Han is still looking at her with a mixture of exhaustion and something else.

“Is your hand okay? That lever seemed to be giving you some real trouble,” he says and he takes a step closer, taking her other hand, and holding it between both of his own.

For some reason Leia has to swallow before replying, “It’s fine, my hand’s fine, that lever is just stuck.”

And then both of them are just standing there, him holding her hand, her other hand on his arm. Neither of them move and the air between them feels suddenly heavy. Leia tries to dispel it, aiming for lightness as she says, “You should try being nice like this more often… It’s much more tolerable than when you’re acting like a scoundrel.” She even tries another smile but this time it doesn’t quite fit on her lips and her words sound thick and clumsy.

“But what if I’m not a nice man?” Han asks and he’s talking softer, his thumb stroking the palm of her hand and Leia wonders if it’s possible to spontaneously catch fire. When she speaks it also comes out hushed but she manages to sound defiant, “I think you could be a nice man,” and without thinking she takes a step forward. They’re close now, almost too close. Her hand tightens on his arm and they’re getting closer.

“Sir, sir!” The voice of C-3PO cuts through the air like a bucket of ice water. Leia and Han break apart like they’ve been burned and for some reason she’s breathing heavily like she’s just run a mile, Han looks equally winded and 3PO peaks around the corner to say enthusiastically, “I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling!”

Han glares at the droid and says a thank you through his teeth before storming off, leaving Leia alone with her confusion and a sudden flush of warmth in her chest.

\---

Jyn is still wearing Cassian’s coat. It takes an incredible amount of time for it to occur to her that the fluffy parka she has wrapped around her belonged to him first. She’s hardly stopped wearing it since she stole it from his room ages and ages ago because Hoth is kriffing cold and the jacket is warm. (Cassian never commented on it, he just procured a new jacket when he saw she had claimed his)

It stopped smelling like him within a month.

She buries her nose in the fur on the collar anyway and tries to imagine that some of his essence is still captured in the fabric of the jacket.

C-3PO eventually had to leave and go tell Han something he figured out from that computer panel, and Jyn sat alone in the hall by the engines for a long time. Finally, she moves to sit in the cockpit. Nobody is around, it just feels like a needed change of scenery. She stares out the viewport at the vague and empty black outside with disinterest.

She’s there for awhile before Leia joins her. The other woman enters the room quietly, glancing at Jyn as she takes a seat in the chair beside her.

“How are you doing?” Leia asks gently and Jyn shrugs.

She is numb, she is empty, she is a black hole.

“Have you eaten at all? It’s been at 12 hours since we left Hoth, probably more,” Leia says and again Jyn shrugs.

“I should get Han to dig up some rations,” Leia muses and Jyn doesn’t respond, she just keeps staring straight ahead. She doesn’t have the energy to be fiery mad at Han, but the bitterness is still there and sour at the back of her throat. It seems Leia doesn’t need a reply; she sets to digging around in some lower panel that opens up and comes out with a ration bar.

“I figured as much,” she says conversationally as she unwraps it and breaks it in half, handing a piece to Jyn.

She eats it mechanically because she knows that one has to eat to stay alive, but she barely tastes anything. It feels like chewing dust. She also eats it because Leia is watching her and she knows what the girl is trying to do and she is too tired to fight it.

She knows Leia means well.

“I think the comms system has been fixed,” Leia says and that careful gaze is on her again. Jyn stares back flatly. She can practically feel the ‘but’ coming.

“But I’m worried there is too much distance between us and the Rebellion ships. It’s been at least a day now, they are at least halfway to Haven by now, and there are too many Imperials between us and them who could intercept a message, and with the interference from the asteroid field…” She trails off, looking mournful, and Jyn shrugs and looks away.

Her throat feels a little tighter and her eyes sting, but she says nothing. This means nothing new, nothing has changed. She's distracted from her thoughts when Leia rests a hand on her arm.

Jyn looks back at the younger girl and sees a sadness that almost matches her own.

“I’m sorry, Jyn,” she says softly and Jyn nods, looking down and away again. But the hand doesn’t leave her arm; it reminds her of Bodhi or Baze or Chirrut. The touch that's meant to ease those aches that are internal rather than external. She can’t think about them right now, otherwise she will almost certainly burst into tears again.

Leia starts talking again, “I know this doesn’t fix anything and it might not mean anything…” and she trails off, looking at Jyn with wide worried eyes. “I have this feeling…” she says and Jyn looks at her now, eyebrows climbing her forehead.

“I just have this feeling that they’re okay,” she says and Jyn stares at her.

“A feeling?” Jyn repeats and her voice comes out scratchy and raw, but Leia nods earnestly.

And Jyn doesn’t know how to respond to that for a moment. Her hand habitually finds the strings for her mother’s crystal and K-2’s drive. She fiddles with the strings rather than pulling out the charms themselves.

(Leia knows about them though. Once when Cassian, Han, and Bodhi were away, Leia and Jyn went to the cantina by themselves and got blind drunk. At some point, Jyn recollects showing Leia the crystal and the drive and explaining what they meant. She’s fairly sure Leia remembers this too.)

“So what happens if I believed your feeling?” Jyn asks and Leia starts to shake her head, but Jyn continues anyway. “Let’s say I believed you and then we got back to the Rebellion and you're wrong and they’re dead?”

Leia looks unbearably sad, her mouth open to reply when something hits the transparisteel of the viewport with an inhuman shriek, causing them both to jump. Some strange creature is stuck to the glass and it looks horrific. Leia squawks in alarm and runs to get Han while Jyn watches the thing detach from the glass and fly away.

She’s not terribly interested in investigating what that thing is. She’s not terribly interested in anything as she takes another bite of the ration bar and thinks about how much she already misses them.

She wants to feel Cassian’s arms around her and she wants to hear Bodhi laugh. She wants to listen to Baze and Chirrut bicker and see Luke smile. She wants these things more than air, but instead she swallows that bite of the ration bar like it’s chalk and stares out at the inky black nothing.

\---

Leia rushes into the main cabin as Han drops a floor panel back in place.  
“There's something out there,” she tells Han and he freezes, his eyes on her.

“Where?”

“Outside, in the cave.”

As if to prove her point, something outside the ship bangs against the hull and Chewie barks anxiously.

“There it is. Listen! Listen!” C-3PO says and Han is staring up at the ceiling, his mouth in a thin line.

“I'm going out there,” he says and Leia gapes.

“ _Are you crazy?_ ” she demands and Han is already grabbing a breathing mask off a rack as he replies.

“I just got this bucket back together. I'm not going to let something tear it apart.”

Chewie picking up a mask and Leia steps forward, feeling defiant for some reason and takes a mask for herself.

“Then I'm going with you.”

And she can see Han open his mouth to object, but she stares him down, thinking, _Don't you dare._

“I think it might be better if I stay here and guard the ship,” C-3PO says to nobody in particular. Then another, ominous sound echoes through the ship and the droid softly says, “Oh no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... I may have slightly *revised* the famous Han/Leia scene... Yeah still updating that relationship because y'know what's hot? Being nice and consent and stuff??? Anyways if you want a laugh read the original script for that scene. The scene direction text is all Lucas as far as I know and it is BAD _"Han looks at her with a piercing look. He's never looked more handsome, more dashing, more confident."_ or _"He kisses her now, with slow, hot lips."_ THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES. We once read this aloud in a screenwriting class and even my teacher was having a hard time keeping a straight face.
> 
> Also so sorry for the wait, the extra freelance work is going to keep kicking my ass until late August but its led to some fun stuff so there's that.


	14. What Comes Next(Cassian/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow as always ^_^

_But if you close your eyes,_  
_Does it almost feel like_  
_Nothing changed at all?_  
_And if you close your eyes,_  
_Does it almost feel like_  
_You’ve been here before?_

_—Pompeii, Bastille_

\---

The first thing Cassian does when he is released from medical is to go track down Bodhi, Baze, and Chirrut. They will be arriving on Haven soon and there are things to discuss.

\---

“We think they might be building another Death Star,” Draven said and Cassian stared.

“What?”

He felt like maybe he'd heard the man wrong because that could not be right. How could they build another Death Star?  
“We have a contact within the Bothan Spynet. They are saying they have a file that contains plans for a second Death Star and the building of it has already begun.”

It felt like the floor had just dropped out from under him and Draven was still talking.

“We have an agent already on this,” he began and Cassian steeled himself for what was coming next. “But in this instance we would prefer if she had a partner for back up.”

It’s not unusual, some agents work in pairs, others work solo. K-2 had been his back up, in a manner of speaking, but it was general knowledge that Cassian was usually in the field alone.

 _Stars,_ he missed K-2 right then and he wished Draven would get to the point already and leave him in peace.

“Given your experience with the previous Death Star, I thought you might…” Draven trailed off then in a rare show of uncertainty, and Cassian stared at the man.

Agents were not usually given a choice in their missions.

Draven was giving him the choice.

He searched the other man’s face for any signs to help him understand this choice. He saw no pity, just a blink and miss it look of what _might_ be empathy.

“Sir?” he asked, feeling his frown deepen and Draven looked away and the moment got even stranger. Finally he sighed and looked back at Cassian.

“Andor, let’s just say I was a young man once. I understand what it feels like to lose people and I found that working helped. If you choose not to take this mission, I will find someone else,” Draven said and the words were said as dispassionately as one describing the weather. If it weren’t for the look in his eyes, Cassian might have disregarded the entire conversation, or punch the man for trying to have it. As it stood, he stared at his superior officer and realized this was Draven attempting to be _kind._

And then he considered the offer itself.

The work might have been slowly chipping away at his insides for years but it was always this or nothing. He did not work well at a desk, he needed to feel like he was _doing_ something. It was the reason he’d kept going back even when the work ate at him. Even when it woke him up in a cold sweat. (Now those nightmares share space with the dreams where bad things happened to Jyn and sometimes they really happened and sometimes they didn’t, or he dreams about dying on a beach full of bodies.)

The fact is he preferred the work, to _not_ working. And then there was the job itself. There is a big part of him that thinks Scarif would have been for nothing if they managed to build another. They fought tooth and nail to defeat the Death Star. They fought in blood and bone, down to the marrow.

They nearly died to bring down the last Death Star.

Jyn would want to fight this one.

Draven was still waiting for his answer.

“Yes, I’ll do it.”

\---

Cassian steels himself at the door to their room. He can hear voices murmuring softly on the other side of the door.

They’ve just lost Jyn and now he wants to leave.

(He doesn’t want to leave, actually. He _needs_ to.)

Baze and Chirrut will understand or at least accept his choice. They may not agree with it or like it, but they will respect it and let him go.

It’s Bodhi he’s worried about.

Small, scared Bodhi who was just several hours ago trying very hard not to cry by Cassian’s bed.

He’s feeling guilty almost pre-emptively about it and his hand hovers over the door controls for what feels like a long time. A long enough time that the door opens of its own accord and Chirrut is standing in the doorway.

“Cassian, whatever you need to say, you would do well to say it. I suspect you do not have a lot of time to delay,” Chirrut says calmly and Cassian blinks at the older man a moment before nodding and crossing the threshold, letting the door sweep shut behind him. He turns to look at each of them, Baze is sitting on the floor, looking up at Cassian with an unwavering gaze. Bodhi is staring down at his hands as he wrings them in his lap. And Chirrut stands beside Cassian as calm and solid as ever.

Cassian takes a deep breath and sits on the ground with Baze and Bodhi, Chirrut settles down beside him and none of them speak.

Cassian has never been the one to talk in their group. He’s always preferred to listen. Words do not come easily to him. On a mission, in the field, inhabiting another life… It’s different. It’s a different skin he puts on when necessary, but when he is himself speaking honestly to those around him… It’s much harder.

He wonders if the years of lying have made truths that much harder to speak.

Or maybe just the hard truths harder.

He wishes he did not have to speak of this.

He wishes Jyn were here.

“We’ve received word that the Empire has begun building a second Death Star,” he says and the reaction is instantaneous. Chirrut closes his eyes almost like he’s tired, Bodhi jerks to look up at him and Baze sighs long and deep.

“I have been asked to go with another agent to get the plans,” he continues, carefully omitting specific details. Even in closed quarters, this is sensitive information and must be treated with care even as it pains him to say it.

Nobody speaks for what feels like an age.

Bodhi finally asks, “W- when are you leaving?”

“When we get to Haven in a few hours.The agent they’re sending with me is on one of the other transports, I think,” Cassian says carefully. He’s watching them all closely, trying to gauge their reaction to all of it. He’s gotten used to predicting and anticipating certain behaviors from certain people. It’s a skill that keeps him alive in the field and he’s been in the field for so long he is rarely surprised.

Bodhi surprises him.

He turns to Cassian, a hard look in his eyes, his mouth a firm line.

“Do you have a pilot?”

\---

“It would be dangerous,” Cassian says as if out-flying a flock of TIE-Fighters that are bent on Bodhi’s demise _isn’t_ dangerous.

“If we go out there, we’re on our own. If we get caught, there won’t be a rescue."

And maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s been worn down by everything that’s happened in the last day or so. Maybe the fact that they are building a second Death Star is the last straw since it feels too much like it nullifies everything they did to stop the first one.

It feels like spitting on Galen Erso’s memory.

And Bodhi is angry now. Luke left and Jyn’s gone and he feels raw.

And Cassian is still talking and it feels like condescension for him to assume things about what Bodhi can or can’t do.

And finally, Bodhi snaps at the older man, “What m-makes you think your brand of danger is any d-different from sitting in the cockpit of an X-Wing and getting shot at?”

The words come out sharp and Cassian shuts up immediately in the face of them. Then Bodhi looks at Baze and Chirrut who are watching them both with silent neutral expressions and the fight drains out of him.

If he leaves with Cassian, then he is leaving them behind. They both are. Leaving like Luke did.

And Chirrut must know where his thoughts are, somehow, because he simply says, “Don’t worry about us, Bodhi. War is a young man’s game and a mission of stealth won’t do so well with so many people.”

Now Cassian is looking at them, like he’s just realizing what leaving means for them. Chirrut glances at Cassian and smiles, but Baze is the one who speaks.

“Someone should be here in case she comes back.”

And Bodhi feels his throat close up around a response. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t really cover it, there aren’t enough words to encompass the feeling in his chest, but he reaches over and hugs Baze feeling the old man rest a heavy hand on his back. He only lets go so he can lean over and embrace Chirrut as well. Then he sits back and looks at Cassian who is watching them all, his mouth hanging open.

Perhaps he’s going to say he hasn’t agreed to this yet, or that they don’t have approval yet, or he’s going to try to say something else about how it isn’t safe.

Jyn always hated seeing Cassian leave. She said more than once, the only time she was ever tempted to go out and fight again was when he left because she wanted to follow him. She wanted to watch over him.

She’s not here but Bodhi is. He’s decided that he’s going and he will be going. He scrambles to his feet and looks down at Cassian.

“I’m g-gonna go talk to Draven.”

\---

Draven was shockingly amenable to Bodhi’s plan. Specifically, he said, “I had a feeling this might happen,” while Cassian stood just behind Bodhi, looking somehow cross and embarrassed and maybe a little amused all at once.

To Cassian, Draven said, “He’s under your command,” and turned to walk away. But he stopped and looked back at the pair of them. “Oh, and by the way, you both are being promoted back to your former ranks. I think enough time has passed and we really can’t be letting lieutenants lead sensitive missions like this one.”

Bodhi looked back at Cassian; his expression gave away nothing except for a slight widening around the eyes as he saluted the general and nudged Bodhi to do the same.

When Draven was out of earshot, Bodhi looked at Cassian.

“So it l-looks like I’ll be your pilot,” he said with something nearing a smile. Neither of them were quite ready to be happy yet. Cassian’s lip twitched in reply, but he mostly looked tired as he nodded.

“I wasn’t trying to belittle you before, and I wasn’t exaggerating. It _will_ be dangerous,” he said quietly as he looked at Bodhi, and all hints of amusement were gone.

Bodhi sighed, “If it’s so dangerous, why would I let you go on your own? Jyn certainly wouldn’t.”

Just the sound of her name made Cassian deflate just a little. He scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed again. “Well, I suppose you’ve got me there. But, technically I’m not on my own. They’re sending me with another agent,” he said and Bodhi shook his head. “That’s not the same and you know it.”

Cassian nodded soberly. This other agent would be Cassian’s back up but they wouldn't be family. The mission would probably get done whether he was there or not, Bodhi just wanted to make sure Cassian got home from it in one piece. He thought it’s what Jyn would do if she were in his shoes.

\---

Now that they’re on Haven, Bodhi is all packed and ready to go. He said a proper goodbye to Baze and Chirrut before he stepped off the ship. Chirrut said the Force will be with him and Baze told him to make sure they both come back alive.

Now he’s standing on the landing pad in the plain clothes he was given to wear. Dark pants and a tan shirt, simple clothes that don’t draw the eye. Although he is already sweating in the long sleeves. This planet is warm, but it’s a dry sort of warm. Everything is rocky and arid. All he’s seen of this planet so far is mountains and canyons.

He’s waiting for Cassian, who is going through some sort of final briefing with Draven that Bodhi isn’t privy to. All Cassian told him was that this won’t be like Scarif. Many things are not like Scarif so he’s not sure what to make of that. Now he’s just waiting… And sweating.

The ship they’ve been given is a small shuttle with no insignias marking it as Imperial or the Rebellion’s. He’s already looked around the cockpit to get a feel for it.

Now he’s just waiting and watching as people move to and fro carrying supplies.

“Are you the pilot?” a voice asks off to his right and he turns to see an Arkanian woman. She has chalk white skin and white hair and she lazily leans against the side of the ship watching him.

Before he can reply, Cassian walks up. “Bodhi, I see you’ve met Lieutenant Nadjia Darness.”

She doesn’t even twitch, she simply turns and nods at Cassian, and she looks almost bored.

“And I’ve met Lieutenant Rook,” she says as she pushes off the side of the ship to walk past Bodhi, up the ramp. “Now, let’s get a kriffing move on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm splitting up the party some more. I.e. I still struggle writing Chirrut and Baze and Bodhi is gonna come along for the Death Star 2.0 ride! Also according to wookieepedia I think Arkanians have a lot of traits that I don't feel like dealing with. I just liked their look so prepare for some more ***artistic license with my OCs*** wooooooo


	15. Conversations and Escapes(Cassian/Jyn/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_Please throw little stones,_  
_Throw snail fossils, throw gravel,_  
_Justice or injustice from the quarries of Migdal Tsedek,_  
_Throw soft stones, throw sweet clods,_  
_Throw limestone, throw clay,_  
_Throw sand of the seashore,_  
_Throw dust of the desert, throw rust,_  
_Throw soil, throw wind,_  
_Throw air, throw nothing_  
_Until your hands are weary_  
_And the war is weary_  
_And even peace will be weary and will be._

 _—Temporary Poem Of My Time, Yehuda Amichai_  
  
\---

Cassian sometimes thinks that everyone in the Alliance could be working Intelligence.

They certainly knew how to circulate a rumor quickly that’s for certain.

As soon as he had left the med bay back on the transport almost everybody who passed him stared. There were significant looks or a very intentional avoidance of eye contact.

It’s not surprising that everybody knows, he had lost his composure in a fairly public space after all.

Still, it seems _everybody_ knows.

He’s not sure how to feel about that.

He’s fairly sure Lieutenant Darness knows about it. She’s currently sitting in a corner at the back of the ship, draped over some boxes. It can’t be comfortable but she looks completely relaxed and at ease. He’s never really spoken to her before today, he’s seen her around the base but they have never traded more than the briefest of greetings. He never really thought about it. There are so many people on base he doesn’t know. Now he wonders if it was deliberate on her part.

He’s standing by the transparisteel, looking out at the stars streaking past when she asks him, “So Lover-boy, did Draven give you a full briefing on the mission or did he just ask you to have another go at a Death Star?”

It takes him a moment to get past the nickname.

It’s very odd, for years his personal life has been so separate from the work. Even in the last two years, what he did for the Rebellion felt entirely disconnected from what he did when he was home on base with his people. Maybe people knew a little more about his affairs, but they were mostly silent about it around him. Now he has the spectre of his loss hanging over him so visibly that apparently everyone can see it and everybody knows about it.

In response to her question he says, “He gave me a brief overview. He said you have a contact with the Bothans.”

For a moment she doesn’t respond, just looks him up and down with an appraising eye before she goes back to looking bored, slouching back further against the wall of the ship.

“The mission itself is fairly straightforward. The Bothans have already retrieved the plans, so we don’t need any Scarif style heroics,” she says and Cassian leaves the transparisteel to settle on a box near where she is lounging. It feels odd to try and hold a conversation while standing over her.

“You know that mission wasn’t exactly the norm right? I don’t generally go around infiltrating Imperial bases and getting blown up,” he says quietly and she shoots him a sardonic look and mutters “Sure,” sounding unconvinced. Cassian frowns, she sees it and sighs, “Listen Andor, it’s nothing personal but I told Draven I could do this on my own. It’s _my_ contact we’re dealing with and he’s already jumpy without me bringing a new guy in.”

“What do you mean jumpy?” Cassian asks and she sighs again.

“It means the Bothans want to give the plans to the Alliance because we have more resources to take down a Death Star. But my guy is pretty convinced the Empire knows they have the plans and he’s not exactly trusting to begin with,” she says and then glances at him again looking mostly bored still, with a hint of irritation.

“I told Draven, but he still insisted on putting his golden boy on this.”

Cassian’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Golden boy?” he repeats blankly and she shakes her head.

“You committed literal mutiny and you barely got a slap on the wrist for it. A showy arrest and a temporary demotion and now he’s put you on this mission where I don’t need back up. I told him you would only get in my way but here we are, _Captain_.”

Cassian blinks as she finishes her pronouncement.

He’s used to some people in the Rebellion disliking him. Even before Scarif but especially after. Some people don’t like him now based on who he ‘associates’ with. Or because of the people they lost in the Scarif attack.

Instead of all that, it seems Lieutenant Nadjia Darness has simply learned what is common knowledge about what happened with Scarif and come to her own conclusions. Cassian does not have the energy to correct her, nor does he care to.

“Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up,” is what he says aloud. “Now, will you tell me what your plan is for when we arrive on Darkknell?”

If she finds his reply surprising, it’s barely noticeable. She blinks at him for a moment and then begins to explain, “Once we land, I’ll send him a message. He’s been so nervous, I had to agree to let him choose the location. Hopefully that doesn’t blow up in our faces. So we’ll go, we’ll meet him and get the plans.” She rattles this off sounding bored as ever, and when she’s done he pushes himself to his feet.

“Sounds like a plan,” he says, already feeling tired.

( _Stars,_ he misses Jyn.)

“I’m going to check on Lieutenant Rook, and see about our flight time,” he says, turning towards the cockpit, still feeling her eyes on him.

“Aren’t you going to try and argue with me about Scarif and all that? Going to try and tell me how I got it all wrong?” She sounds less bored for once and he turns back to look at her.

“Have you always preferred to work alone?” he asks and she doesn’t even twitch at the abrupt shift in conversation.

“No... I used to work with a partner,” she says, and her expression doesn’t change.

“What happened there?” he asks as casually as one can when he’s already guessed the answer. She stares up at him, unblinking, lifting her chin almost defiantly. Like she’s daring him to have an opinion as she replies, “She died.”

He doesn’t have an opinion on that. It’s a shame that her partner died and it happens all the time. He didn’t know her partner and he doesn’t have room to feel grief for a stranger.

He nods and turns back towards the cockpit.

“So was I wrong?” she asks behind him, “About Scarif?”

He sighs, “You weren’t wrong about Scarif… You weren’t right either.”

And with that he leaves her to herself and heads for the cockpit.

\---

Jyn sits in the cockpit and stares at the window. She feels the ship moving and shaking around her. She doesn’t really care why the ship is shaking or whatever it is Han and Leia have run off to deal with.

She gets up anyway, if only because it’s something to do.

She walks to the closed hatch door and faintly she can hear them speaking outside. She presses her ear to the thick durasteel.

“That's what I thought. Mynocks,” That’s Han speaking. “Chewie, check the rest of the ship, make sure there aren't any more attached. They're chewing on the power cables.”

“Mynocks?” Leia asks and Han says something quieter she can’t make out but it’s interrupted by more loud inhuman shrieks like the sound that creature made when it flattened itself against the viewport.

She can hear 3PO sounding distressed which it seems is his default setting.

She can’t help but smile a little to herself, thinking of the way the droid sat and talked to her for at least an hour.

He’s nothing at all like K-2 but she’s finding a fondness for 3PO all the same.

Outside, Han says something else and she hears a blaster fire.

Suddenly, the whole ship is shaking and she steps back from the entrance before it opens and all three of them flood in.

“All right, Chewie, let's get out of here!” Han shouts as he runs past. Only Leia stops and notices her standing there.

The girl smiles at her hesitantly.

“Come on,” she says softly, nodding her head in the direction of the cockpit. Jyn doesn’t move. She’s not really sure what to say or what to do. She’s not really sure of anything but when Leia goes running towards the cockpit, Jyn follows.

Han and Chewie are already strapped in when she enters. Leia is buckling herself in and speaking to Han, “The Empire is still out there. I don't think it's wise...” She trails off as Jyn enters and sits in the empty seat. 3PO bustles off to find somewhere else to get buckled in for the ride.

“Well, there’s no time to discuss this in a committee,” Han replies in her silence before he turns to look at Leia and sees Jyn.

She’s buckling herself in and Han opens his mouth like he’s going to say something to her but then he looks at Leia who is shaking her head. She’s not sure what she missed there but he goes back to facing forward and they both move on like nothing happened.

“You can't make the jump to lightspeed in this asteroid field,” Leia says and Han shakes his head at her.

“Watch me.”

Jyn stares out the viewport as the ship begins to move forward through the dark space. Chewie barks at Han and he replies, “I see it, I see it.”

And there’s the entrance to the cave visible through the viewport. These sharp white rocks line it’s edges and it’s closing fast.

“The cave is collapsing,” Leia says.

“This is no cave,” Han says.

“What?” Leia demands but the entrance is getting closer and those sharp rocks look less like rocks and more like… Teeth.

Whatever they are the entrance is closing fast. The space between the rocks or teeth or whatever they are is getting smaller and they are rapidly hurtling towards what could be a solid wall in moments. Jyn cringes a little and grips the armrest of her seat until her knuckles turn white. Beyond the gap she can see stars if they can just reach it. If they don’t get crushed. At the last moment she shuts her eyes and when she opens them again, something loud crashes behind them, but the ship keeps flying.

“Was that…?” Jyn trails off not sure how to ask if they nearly just got eaten.

“Yeah,” Han says breathlessly glancing back at her, “Yeah, it was.”

The two of them lock eyes for a long gasping moment before he faces forward again. They escaped whatever that was, now they have to escape the asteroid field unscathed.

\---

Bodhi is sitting in the cockpit with a calm hand on the control column. Even now, after everything, he feels so much calmer when he’s flying. Cassian comes up from the back and drops into the co-pilot’s chair without a word.

Not that he needs to say anything. He just said a whole lot with Nadjia and she was certainly saying an awful lot and Bodhi could hear it all. (The ship isn’t that big.)

“Why did you l-let her say all that s-stuff?” Bodhi asks softly and Cassian sighs.

“In Intelligence, it’s good to know who you're going out into the field with,” he says just as quietly.

“Most agents have a more polite way of breaking the ice, but I suppose that might just be her way,” he says with a wry look at Bodhi. “Or she could just dislike me in particular.”

Bodhi can’t help but raise his brows, wondering what Cassian might have done to warrant such dislike. The man in question is still watching him, looking almost amused or maybe just tired.

“Honestly, I was just glad she didn’t have some hang up about you or Jyn and your previous Imperial associations.” Bodhi can almost hear the quotations and now it’s his turn to stare.

“People are b-bothering you about it, too?” he asks and Cassian makes a face at him.

“I’ve gotten a few comments about it here and there, but it’s hard to miss when you ended up in the med-bay for a concussion, Bodhi. They may be less loud about it with me but I’m sure the malcontents are still out there in every branch of the Rebellion,” he says and Bodhi faces forward with a sigh.

… Luke sat with him in the med bay back when he got that concussion. It was maybe six months ago now, maybe more, but he remembers the evening vividly enough. Sitting there holding Luke’s hand and being too much of a coward to say anything.

When he left Jedha, he was so relieved to escape that word… “ _Unnatural._ ” It’s the one thing he doesn’t miss about his home and he does not want to invite that sort of abuse in the one place where he almost fits.

Cassian would be the right person to ask, he’s been with the Rebellion long enough to know for sure.

He’d wanted to ask Jyn and he never managed it and now the question is back and knocking at his teeth, trying to get out.

“You alright, Bodhi?” Cassian asks and the stare aimed at him is far too knowing and Bodhi should just ask him. He’s been dying to ask somebody for _ages._ Now isn’t really the time but it also feels like the perfect time. It feels like he has less to lose now if he asks and it feels like he should ask now or he never will.

“B-back on Jedha, it, um… There was a b-boy I liked and th-that wasn’t really _allowed_ ,” he stutters and grips the control column tighter trying not to look at Cassian and trying _very_ hard to sound casual, “And I wasn’t really sure if… If the Rebellion would a-allow that s-sort of thing…” his voice pitches up at the end and he trails off already flinching at what the answer might be. When the silence grows too long he finally looks at Cassian to find the other man gaping at him.

“Bodhi,” Cassian says before sighing and raking a hand through his hair.

“What–” he cuts himself off and starts again. “Did you think they didn’t know about Chirrut and Baze?” he asks, sounding a little on end.

“But they aren’t t-technically a part of the Rebellion and _I am,_ ” Bodhi replies, feeling defensive like a preemptive measure. Cassian runs a hand through his hair again looking at a loss for words.

“It’s...Bodhi, that’s not a problem here…” he finally says and Bodhi feels like he’s choking. His eyes sting and he’s already so embarrassed but now he _has_ to make sure.

“E-even kissing?” he asks, his voice coming out like a squeak and Cassian shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose like he’s getting a migraine. When he speaks again, he drops his hand and looks directly at Bodhi, “Stars, _yes,_ Bodhi, it’s _all fine,_ ” and he looks as mortified as Bodhi feels.

Neither of them speak for a long moment. And then Bodhi speaks first, if only to try and diffuse this new awkward silence he’s put on them both.

“Not that it m-matters now, of course,” he says trying for a laugh, “Luke’s gone and I’m p-pretty sure he doesn’t…” He trails off, unable to say the words aloud and Cassian is looking at him now like somebody might look at a drowning person. Or like a drowning person might look at a person standing on land.

“Bodhi, I don’t think that was _ever_ the problem,” he says slowly, shaking his head and Bodhi looks away with a fresher embarrassment staining his cheeks.

“I’m really not the best person to be having this talk,” Cassian says raking a hand through his hair yet again. “But… I really don’t think that was the problem.”

Bodhi doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He doesn’t want to know what the problem was if it wasn’t that. He swallows hard a few times and Cassian is still watching him like one might watch something fragile or a bomb about to go off.

“You w-want to talk about something else?” Bodhi asks desperately and Cassian nods. That’s enough for Bodhi, who wants to forget this entire moment ever happened. Or perhaps have the ground swallow him whole.

“The weather on Haven s-seemed much nicer than Hoth, don’t you think?” he asks.

“Absolutely,” Cassian says fervently. As eager to leave this conversation as Bodhi.

So Bodhi goes from rambling about the weather, to an in depth description of their flight plan, to describing the ship itself. It passes the time and it feels like bleeding off some of that nervous energy that’s still crackling beneath his skin. Cassian mostly listens, occasionally he says a few words in reply.

At some point he leans over and rests a hand on Bodhi’s shoulder while Bodhi is describing the controls of the shuttle. It’s not in response to what he’s saying and Cassian just lets his hand rest there while Bodhi talks, still nodding to whatever Bodhi is saying.

The hand feels like a comfort or an affirmation. Bodhi knows what he’s trying to say and he smiles at Cassian and keeps talking. Eventually Cassian let's go and leans back in his chair staring out the viewport and still listening.

A little while after that Nadjia joins them up in the cockpit.

If she heard their conversation, she gives no sign of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Nadjia clearly has a tragic backstory we may or may not get into. Also I love Bodhi and Cassian so much and I have been WAITING to write that conversation for AWHILE. And oh my lord Han is trying VERY HARD and its adorable.


	16. Questions(Han/Bodhi/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and letting me know that yes that scene was okay.

_my therapist says i can’t_  
_make the monsters disappear_  
_no matter how much i pay her._  
_all she can do is bring them_  
_into the room, so i can get_  
_to know them, so i can learn_  
_their names, so i can see_  
_clearly their toothless mouths,_  
_their empty hands, their pleading eyes._

_—my therapist says make friends with your monsters, José Olivarez_

\---

Han has a death grip on the control column of the Millennium Falcon. There is far too much happening for his taste. Both inside the Falcon and out.

Inside the Falcon he’s got a girl who he may have wrecked when he was trying to help and now she’s got a grief sized hole in her chest and he’s not sure if that’s his fault or not.

Then there’s the princess who, frankly does his head in. One moment he’s fairly certain she can’t stand him and the next she’s looking at him like...

Like there’s more than dislike between them.

Leia’s advice about Jyn made sense and although he’s been tempted several times to open his mouth and say something, but he hasn’t.

And that’s just inside the ship. Outside the ship are Mynocks, a giant worm that may have just tried to eat them and also half the Empire waiting just outside this asteroid field to blast his ship out of the sky.

Han is not having the best day ever.

He focuses on what’s outside first because that can kill him a lot faster. He banks the Falcon hard to avoid a giant asteroid and the ship rumbles and shudders with the sound of smaller rocks hitting its surface.

And just like that… They’re finally out of the asteroid field. Nothing but stars as the last few small rocks bounce off their hull.

And then a bolt from a Star Destroyer sends them rocking off their axis.

 _Stars,_ can’t they catch a break for once? He had hoped the rest of the Imperials would have moved on but instead they waited patiently for him to come back.

_Kriffing hell._

Chewie is barking alarm beside him and the girls are staring with wide eyes at the massive hull of the Star Destroyer looming over them. A second bolt hits them and shakes the ship to its core. Han rights the Falcon as quick as he can and reaches forward for the hyperspace controls.

“Let's get out of here,” he says, mostly to Chewie, but the girls would ask if he didn’t say it anyway. “Ready for light-speed?” he asks, before counting down, “One... Two... _Three_.”

He yanks back the lever and then… Nothing happens. The ships is still shaking from shots being fired at them.

He pulls back the throttle one more time and still nothing.

“It's not fair,” he mutters and Chewie growls at him.

He keeps pulling back the lever feeling himself start to sweat.

“The transfer circuits are working. It's _not my fault_!”

Chewie whines and Leia just… _sighs._

“No light-speed?” she asks.

“It's not my fault,” he repeats and she just sighs again and glances at the displays.

“We just lost the main rear deflector shield. One more direct hit on the back quarter and we're through,” she says as a warning and Han finds himself glancing back at Jyn again. She’s not saying a word, she’s just watching him.

Finally, fractionally nods at him.

“Turn her around,” he says to Chewie. The wookiee lets out a confused bark but Han’s already calculating the angle of approach in his head.

“I said turn her around! I’m putting all power in the front shield.”

“You're going to _attack_ them?” Leia demands.

Han has no reply as he dodges more laser blasts aimed at them. He knows where he’s going as he skims directly over the surface.

He knows where the sweet spot would be and he flips the ship over and prays that this will work. He engages the magnetic boosters in the landing gear and coasts over the surface of the Destroyer until he finds the perfect spot.

The whole ship judders as it latches onto the Destroyer, the landing claw engages and the ship settles.

On the back of an entire Star Destroyer.

“Han…” Leia says like the beginning of a warning or an alarm.

“Just trust me on this, it’ll work,” he says meanwhile he’s practically praying to whatever gods might listen, _Please work, please work._

\---

Cassian has somehow managed to fall asleep in the co-pilot’s seat. It’s probably smart to rest before a mission, but that leaves Bodhi with no distractions from his own thoughts.

He has too many thoughts right now.

The ship is on autopilot while they’re in hyperspace. There is very little for him to do until they arrive. He won’t wake Cassian, so he sits and fidgets. He doesn’t want to think about the conversation he had with Cassian before. He said the Rebellion rules were not a problem (and Bodhi is kicking himself about that) and he said Luke liking boys wasn’t a problem…

He really doesn’t want to think about what _is_ the problem.

He desperately hopes that Luke is okay wherever he is.

He hopes Jyn is alive wherever she is.

He’s been biting his nails for the last fifteen minutes because he can’t sit still right now. When he starts to draw blood, he throws his hands into his lap and exhales slowly through his nose.

Nadjia is awake in the back of her ship, checking her weapons from the look of it.

He considers outside the viewport where a river of stars in hyperspace is flowing past bright and blue. Cassian hasn’t moved a muscle in the last ten minutes. The blue light casts haunting shadows over them both. Bodhi’s finger stings where he broke the skin under his nail.

On an impulse he feels he might regret, he gets up and goes to the back of the ship.

Nadjia hardly glances at him from her spot on the floor as he comes to carefully sit on the bench nearby. (Not next to her, more like adjacent.)

He doesn’t know this woman very well beyond the fact that she speaks sharply and doesn’t blunt her opinions.

Currently, her dark eyes are focused on her blaster. She’s cleaning it, going over every joint and screw of it with a cloth and a careful eye. Her ash white hair is slipping out of the tie she has at the base of her neck, pale strands crowd over her forehead and probably impede her view of her weapon. Bodhi was very grateful when Baze taught him how to braid his hair, it was much more effective than a tie.

The lieutenant's hands move with a practiced ease as she checks the trigger and the safety on the blaster before holstering it and looking impatiently up at Bodhi.

“Did you have something you needed from me, Rook?”

He blinks at her for a moment, put off both by her words and her tone. Still, a harsh conversation is better than sitting in the cockpit with nothing to do so he says the first thing that pops into his head.

“I’ve n-never met an Arkanian before.”

She scoffs as she unzips her pack, seemingly checking its contents.

“Clearly…” she says and glances up at him with a flat expression before adding, “I’m not full blood Arkanian, just an offshoot.”

Still he stares, half uncertain of what to say and half unsure of what it means to be an ‘Offshoot.’

She sighs and points at her eyes, “Full blood Arkanians don’t have these,” she says.

He’s about to ask if she means they don’t have _eyes_ when he recollects seeing a picture in a holovid once. Full Arkanians have white eyes with no pupil or iris. Nadjia has dark eyes that contrast wildly with her pale skin and white hair.

When he doesn’t say anything more she purses her lips, her expression flattening once again as she resumes checking the contents of her pack.

“Sorry, I didn’t m-mean to touch on a sensitive subject,” Bodhi says and she just looks at him.

“Have you always stuttered? Or was that a side effect of when you were tortured by Saw Gerrera?” she asks, and the question throws him completely.

(He wonders if that was her intention. She did something similar with Cassian: _“I told Draven, but he still insisted on putting his golden boy on this.”_ )

“I stuttered before S-Saw,” he replies and she’s watching him almost clinically as he responds. The words are true enough. He’s always had a mild stammer. It got worse when he got nervous and he’s been nervous ever since he left Jedha to go to an Imperial flight school.

Nadjia resumes her checking and he watches her do it.

“Do you always ask s-such invasive questions?” he asks and this time she doesn’t look up or even blink.

“Often enough,” she says and then glances up at him with a dry look, “I do work in intelligence after all, that usually requires asking a lot of questions.”

Bodhi frowns and glances back at the cockpit. Cassian’s still asleep and Bodhi’s still got nerves crackling beneath his skin. She’s still watching him with that dispassionate gaze, although she too glances at the cockpit before looking back at him.

“Do you think your friend Erso is dead?” she asks and Bodhi just stares back at her, beyond dumbfounded

“No,” he says and he wish he sounded stronger when he said it.

“What makes you think she’s alive?” she asks and that look of hers is practically cutting.

“Chirrut s-says he can sense her… In the Force, I g-guess...” He trails off, feeling how flimsy that sounds when he says it aloud.

Her brows lift the slightest bit. “But he doesn’t know where she is?” she asks and Bodhi shakes his head.

“That’s convenient,” she mutters, looking away from him. “Do you think he’s lying?” she asks as she turns back to face him and Bodhi gapes.

“ _No,_ and also do you h-have any tact?” he demands.

“None. Is Andor really as stuck on her as everybody says he is?”

Bodhi sits a little straighter to frown down at the woman.

“Did your p-partner like it when you asked such horrible q-questions?” he demands and now she sits up a little straighter. The corner of her lip quirks a little.

“Yes. Was it mutual with him and Erso?”

“ _Stars,_ why is th-that _any_ of your business?” he asks and she eyes him up and down once before replying, “I’ll take that as a yes. And it’s good to know who you’re going out into the field with, especially when _not_ knowing can get you killed.”

He just stares at her. She meets his stare for a minute and then looks away with a sigh, leaning lazily against the wall behind her.

“Just now I’ve learned that my backup is quite possibly emotionally compromised and I will have to take that into account when we’re in the field,” she says cooly.

And Bodhi sighs feeling suddenly very tired and regretful of coming back here at all. He would have been better biting his nails bloody. All he says is, “If Cassian w-were my backup, I would be more than safe, I’d be lucky. And you shouldn’t make a-assumptions about people.”

She stares at him for a long moment and he feels a bit like a specimen caught beneath a microscope.

“You should know your voices carry when you’re in there,” she says, nodding her chin at the cockpit with a neutral expression.

He glances at the cockpit once and then back at her before the meaning of that statement dawns on him.

His talk with Cassian.

 _All_ of his talk with Cassian.

His cheeks flame and he glares at her. “Do you have something you want to say, then?” he asks sitting a little straighter.

She looks at him and just shrugs. “You came over here to talk, I’m just making conversation.”

“Well, you s-stink at it,” Bodhi snaps and she shrugs again.

“So I’ve been told,” and then she just looks at him, impersonal and cold.

“Well, are you going to a-ask me about Luke then?” he demands.

“No,” she says and he stares at her again.

“Why?” he asks and there’s something less indifferent in her look just then.

“I don’t need to.”

And Bodhi sits with that for a long and quiet minute.

“You know you're wrong about e-everything you said to Cassian… A-about Scariff.”

And she exhales a slow and gusty sigh, “In what way?”

“We didn’t d-do it because… It wasn’t about…” Bodhi fumbles trying to find the words to explain the thing they never once talked about, “We did it because we had to and b-because people were going to die if we didn’t and it w-was hell.”

She looks at him almost thoughtfully, but Bodhi is feeling annoyed now. Annoyed enough to try and ask the sort of question she might ask just to get a reaction.

“How did y-your partner die?”

Her gaze is keen and sharpens like a knife on him, but he doesn’t look away.

“Our ship crashed,” she says, her voice steady and unshakable, “By the time I woke up from the impact, she had mostly bled out. There was nothing I could do.”

And that takes the fight out of him. He can almost picture it, a ship bent to scrap, the air thick with smoke and two people trapped in the middle of it. He can’t help but imagine it on a beach.

He still has to ask his next question, but with less bite this time, “Were you ‘emotionally c-compromised’ after she died?” He can’t help stressing her phrase.

She doesn’t hesitate or look away from his gaze.

“Yes.”

It’s so simple it almost hurts.

He thinks of Luke and he thinks of Jyn and he thinks of a home planet in ashes.

“What was sh-she like?” he asks quieter that before.

Clearly Nadjia wasn’t expecting that question. She blinks at him and he thinks he can see a little spark in her eyes.

“She was fiery, very impulsive, and very kind… And she was beautiful.”

The last part is spoken with a deliberate care Bodhi can almost recognize and he has to look away, staring down at his shoes rather than meeting her eyes. He hadn’t expected her to be honest, in spite of the fact that she’s been so bluntly honest this whole time. When he looks up she’s still watching him, still leaning back like the durasteel wall is the softest cushion. Her gaze seems a little less frosted now.

“What was her name?” Bodhi asks

“Lilea,” she says.

Bodhi nods at his feet.

“I’m s-sorry about Lilea,” he says and she doesn’t say anything for a long moment.

“I hope I’m wrong about your friends,” she replies.

Bodhi isn’t really sure what else there is to say so he simply nods and gets to his feet heading back to the cockpit. When he settles back into his seat, he stares out at the viewport and wonders where Jyn could be right now. He wonders what Luke is doing right now.

He doesn’t notice Cassian’s been awake the whole time.

\---

There’s a chill in the air of this planet. A wet chill that seeps into Luke no matter how much Yoda has him running, breathless, and sweaty. He’s finished his exercises when he sees a darker part of the forest. The cold somehow creeps deeper than his bones. It holes up somewhere in his chest as he stares out at that murky darkness.

“I feel cold… Like death...” he says to his master.

“That place is strong with the dark side of the Force,” Yoda croaks softly, staring down at the ground where he sits.

“A domain of evil it is," he says before looking up at Luke. “In you must go.”

Luke can feel the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. “What's in there?” he asks.

“Only what you take with you.”

In the two days or so that Luke has known him, Yoda has been nothing but strange and mercurial. As opaque as the swamp he lives in.

But something about this felt like a test.

He reaches down to strap on his weapons belt when Yoda speaks again.

“Your weapons... you will not need them.”

It’s times like these when he misses his friends so keenly it hurts. It's only been a few days but it takes all of his concentration to not think about them constantly and _worry._

He wonders what Bodhi would do in this scenario. Han would run for sure but Jyn or Leia would walk into this dark forest with their head held high.

He’s not fearless like them but he can’t run like Han. Every step he takes into that darkness makes his skin crawl but he walks into it.

He’s imagining Bodhi beside him. It’s a comforting thought as he gets farther from Yoda and R2. He can hear the little droid bleeping out sounds of distress but he has to keep moving forward. He left to become a Jedi and if this is what he has to do, he’ll do it.

Of course, he’s not very sure where he’s supposed to be going and there’s cobwebs and strange insects that skitter away from his feet with every step.

It feels like he’s entering a place where the living don’t belong.

The fog grows thicker as he walks, it’s getting hard to see what’s in front of him or behind, and he keeps walking.

He reaches a cavern where moonlight glitters along the walls, and that's when he hears it.

He hears footsteps and the sound of heavy breaths.

A long shadow grows across the wall, blotting out the light and Luke stumbles backwards as Darth Vader steps out of the shadows.

Luke has his saber in hand and lights it. Vader does the same and his is a sharp bloody red against Luke’s sky blue sword.

They cross sabers and Luke’s veins are thrumming with adrenaline as Vader swings his saber back and brings it down hard on Luke’s head. It takes all of Luke’s strength to block it, the sabers crashing together like lightning. Vader swings around for a second blow and Luke blocks that one too, he feels the impact of it all the way down to his toes, he feels like he’ll find bruises in his fingers later from clutching his weapon so tightly.

Now Luke sees his opening and slams Vader's saber aside. In his mind he’s thinking of Obi-Wan dying at Vader's hand, of Jyn bruised and battered after being tortured by him, he thinks of Bodhi pale and bloody after one of Vader’s soldiers nearly shot his arm off. The anger makes him fast and he swings the blade down hard against Vader’s neck.

Sparks fly in every direction, nearly blinding him. When the sparks fade he sees the headless torso of Vader crumple to the ground. His head rolls right to Luke’s feet.

Luke stares down at it, still glowing blue by the light of his saber and that cold is creeping in again, creeping into his heart and his lungs and his throat. The black durasteel of Vader's helmet breaks open like it was blasted and Luke stares at it, transfixed.

As the smoke fades he sees his own face, wide eyed and still as death staring back at him.

It’s only when he stumbles out of the dark forest, heart pounding and gasping for air, that he realizes it wasn’t real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um... That's a weird scene from ESB huh? Also I like Nadjia a lot even if she is pretty abrasive(And I do apologize for the minor fridging of her lady love...everybody's got a dead somebody in Star Wars right?)
> 
> In other news I'm still Jewish and live in the U.S. so... y'know... fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck (I'm very tired)


	17. Degobah, Darknell, and Bespin(Leia/Bodhi/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow like letting me know there are hotels in Star Wars and they don't call them zods.

_Hello Listeners. In breaking news: the sky. The Earth. Life._  
_Existence as an unchanging plain with horizons of birth and death in the faint distance._  
_We have nothing to speak about. There never was._  
_Words are an unnecessary trouble. Expression is time wasting away._  
_Any communication is just a yelp in the darkness._  
_Ladies. Gentlemen. Listeners. You._  
_I am speaking now but I am saying nothing._  
_I am just making noises, and, as it happens, they are organized in words,_  
_and you should not draw meaning from this._

_—Welcome to Nightvale, Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor_

\---

Leia has her hands fisted in her lap. None of them have moved for _minutes._

Everybody is just waiting for a TIE fighter to come and shoot them down from their perch on an _Imperial Star Destroyer_. The ship has been still for so long that C-3PO comes toddling back to the cockpit.

“Have we landed yet?” the droid asks, sounding both prim and deeply aggrieved.

“No,” Leia says. Nerves are making her short tempered with her own droid.

“Well, why ever not?” 3PO asks.

Leia briefly contemplates just turning him off. Instead, she says through her teeth, “We’re currently attached to a Star Destroyer.”

“Why in star’s name would we do such a thing?” the droid asks and Chewbacca barks at him in a way that sounds very much like he is telling C-3PO to shut up.

“It was his idea,” Leia says, jerking a thumb at Han who has been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time. He’s hardly moved from his spot, leaning over the control column, craning his head to see more outside the viewport. She finds herself watching him more than the view outside, which seems like a terrible impulse.

“Captain Solo, this time you really have gone too far,” 3PO says, sounding deeply scandalized, and Chewie growls at him again.

“No, I will not be quiet, Chewbacca. Why doesn't anyone listen to me?”

Finally, Han speaks. To Chewie, he says, “The fleet is beginning to break up. Go back and stand by the manual release for the landing claw.”

Chewie barks at him before getting out of his seat and exiting the cabin. As he passes Jyn, he pats her on the head. For her part, Jyn has said almost nothing for quite awhile, but she’s watching the droid with an expression Leia wants to say is amusement, which is baffling.

“I really don't see how that is going to help,” 3PO says. “Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances. The Empire may be gracious enough to-”

“C-3PO, please go back to where you were sitting in the main area,” Leia says, feeling exhausted.

“But Princess Leia, if you all would just listen to me.”

“ _Go,_ ” Leia says, in her tone that brooks no argument.

“ _Well, I say_ ,” 3PO says as he turns to leave the cockpit. In another baffling gesture Jyn musters a lukewarm smile for the droid and taps her knuckles against his side. 3PO responds by inclining his head at her before bustling out.

And Leia really wants to know what _that_ is about but she’s distracted when Han says, _“Thank you.”_

It scrambles her brain for a moment as she tries to figure out why he’s thanking her with actual detectable sincerity. Than she remembers her annoying droid and buries those thoughts away immediately before asking, “What’s the next thing you had in mind for this little maneuver?”

“Well, if they follow standard Imperial procedure, they'll dump their garbage before they go to light-speed.” He looks away from the viewport to grin back at both of them, clearly pleased with himself. “Then we just float away.”

“With the rest of the garbage?” Leia asks with a frown. “Then what?”

“Then we've got to find a safe port somewhere around here to fix the hyperdrive.” Han shrugs. “Got any ideas?”

Leia glances at Jyn, who seems to have retreated back into her passive, watchful silence. Then she looks back at Han and shakes her head.

“No ideas. With the hyperdrive down, we can’t get far in a hurry. We’re too far from the rest of the Rebellion at this point to safely send a comm without it getting intercepted…” She trails off.

“And where are we exactly?”

“The Anoat system,” Han replies and Leia has to think for a moment to even recall that system.

“There's not much here,” she says and Han replies, “No... Well, wait. This is interesting… Lando.”

Leia has no idea what he’s talking about as he points at the map screen on the control panel. She gets up out of her seat to peer at it. Beside her Jyn leans forward a little with a frown.

“The Lando system?” Leia asks and Han shakes his head.

“Lando's not a system, he's a man. Lando Calrissian.  He's a card player, gambler, scoundrel.” He pauses to glance at Leia. “You'd like him.”

“Thanks,” she says as dryly as she possibly can  

But Han is already looking back at the screen as he says, “He’s on Bespin. It's pretty far, but I think we can make it.”

Leia peers at the screen and reads aloud, “A mining colony?”

“Yeah, a Tibanna gas mine. Lando conned somebody out of it,” Han says with a mischievous grin aimed at Leia that absolutely does not make her stomach do a somersault. “We go back a long way, Lando and me,” he adds.

Behind them, Jyn asks softly, “Can you trust him?”

Both of them crane around to look at her. Her expression is still remote, almost aggressively neutral, but she’s looking at Han, waiting for an answer.

“No,” he says slowly, almost carefully, “But he has no love for the Empire, I can tell you that.”

Jyn nods a little, seeming to consider that information as Chewie’s bark crackles through the intercom. Presumably he tells Han what he needs to know because Han immediately starts flicking through his readouts and once again stretches to look out the viewport.

“Here we go, Chewie. Stand by and… Detach!”

They can feel the ship wobble as it’s released from the Star Destroyer. Through the viewport, they can see the trash floating by as they coast away with it.

Han leans back in his chair and grins at Leia, looking deeply satisfied. She has to fight the urge to smile back, instead shaking her head at him.

“You do have your moments… Not many, but you have them,” she says and she leans back in her seat, watching them escaping the Empire’s clutches once again.

Beside her Jyn seems, not happy, but more alive than she’s been in the two days or so. There’s finally some life in her eyes again and Leia will take that as another improvement.

They are going to Bespin now as Han enters in the coordinates and when no one is watching, Leia smiles. For some silly reason, she feels hopeful again.

Unbeknownst to her, another ship has begun following them.

\---

They’re almost to Darkknell and Bodhi is making the final calculations before dropping out of hyperspace. His hands fly across the panels as he makes the last few adjustments.

And that’s when Nadjia sits down on the floor of the cockpit between them and says with no preamble, “So you both have memorized your ID’s?” She sounds brisk, and yet somehow still bored.

Beside him, Cassian nods with a look of deliberate patience, but she looks at Bodhi instead.

“I am mostly aiming this at you, Rook, I understand you don’t usually do more than pilot.”

Bodhi darts a glance at her before turning to face forward. It’s true he doesn’t usually do more than pilot. But he _has_ … In the past that is.

_‘What’s your call sign?’_

_‘Rogue… Rogue One?’_

Well, he won’t claim he did it _well,_ but he’s not inexperienced.

“Th-the ID says I’m Des Carden and I’m still from J-Jedha, but I live on Coruscant now.” He says it almost smoothly, if lacking in confidence. His voice trembles a little around the name of his home planet. “I’m a cargo pilot for S-Seinar industries. I’m taking you two to Darkknell to investigate some claims that they’ve f-found fresh Iridium deposits to mine.”

He can feel Cassian watching him from the corner of his eye, but he turns to Nadjia instead and she nods, looking satisfied.

“Now, you only need to worry about your cover until we get to the hotel,” she tells him. “You’ll stay there and wait by the comms while Andor and I go meet my contact. If anything goes sideways, we’ll call ahead so you can get the ship ready,” she says and Bodhi tries very hard not to imagine what might go wrong. Nadjia’s gaze still bores into him as she asks, “So you’ve got a handle on this?” and Bodhi fidgets with the buttons on the control column, staring out the viewport instead of meeting her eyes.

“Your name is Gai Arqu fr-from Coruscant. We all work for S-Seinar, his name is Jorus and he’s from Dantooine,” he recites, before he turns to look at her again.

“I can walk to a hotel without blowing our cover,” he tells her, and she nods with something barely resembling a smile playing at the edges of her mouth.

“Good,” she says and she gets up and heads to her spot at the back of the ship, leaving Bodhi and Cassian alone once again.

Cassian glances back at her and Bodhi follows suit. She’s checking over her pack for what must be the third time and Bodhi idly wonders if she’s nervous.

In front of him the navigation system bleeps at him to signify their arrival to the programmed destination. Bodhi reaches up and pulls back on the lever, dropping them out of hyperspace, and he can feel Cassian watching him again.

“You can let Darness and I do most of the talking,” he says quietly.

“I said I can handle this,” Bodhi replies without looking up and the words come out with edges he immediately regrets. Cassian only raises his eyebrows a little and Bodhi sighs, shutting his eyes and facing forward again before he opens them again.

“I can h-handle it,” he mutters and knows he’s repeating himself but he can see Cassian nodding from the corner of his eye.

“You can handle it,” Cassian agrees and that gets a hint of a smile out of Bodhi as he flies the ship towards the planet, hovering dim and blue like a spectre in the darkness.

\---

When they land, it’s night on Raykel, one of Darkknell’s major cities. The air is cold and damp here, the chill is already seeping into Bodhi’s heavy coat the moment they step off the ship. Supposedly, it’s hardly better in the daytime when the planet's two weak suns provide the barest illumination and even less heat. Bodhi hugs the coat tighter as they pay to park their shuttle.

The landing port owner is an average enough human, middle aged and heavy around the waist. He’s checking over their paperwork and Bodhi tries not to look nervous. For her part, Nadjia is all smiles with the owner, making small talk about the weather or the newest TIE model from Seinar.

It’s a little odd to see Nadjia so cheerful, but the moment she turns her back on the landing port owner, the smile drops off her face like a weight.

 _Oh,_ Bodhi thinks to himself. _This is what spies do._

There’s a moment when the man is checking their paperwork. Storm Troopers are walking by and the hair on the back of Bodhi’s neck stands on end. The owner is chatting amiably enough with Nadjia as his eyes scan the document and he stops suddenly, making a small noise as he looks directly at Bodhi.

“A Jedha boy, huh?” he asks and Bodhi nods mutely and Nadjia’s gaze lands on him with the intensity of a laser. Behind him, he swears he can hear the stormtroopers stop to watch them.

“Shame what happened there. You guys be careful when you’re mining here, yeah?” he says so casually, it’s practically friendly. Bodhi has to swallow past the lump in his throat to reply, “Yeah, s-such a shame.”

The man nods and hands them back their paperwork and Bodhi doesn’t breathe properly until they’ve moved far off into the crowd and he can no longer feel the man’s benign and friendly gaze on him. Subtly, Cassian rest a hand on the small of his back. He knows it’s Cassian’s way of saying good job, or maybe trying to steady him. Bodhi smiles back shakily and Cassian nods once before letting his hand drop.

Nadjia wastes no time on such niceties. She’s already a few steps ahead, striding confidently through the crowd of people milling in the street this late at night.

They both see the boy come running. He’s hard to miss in his rags as he practically pelts through the crowd, dodging people, or bumping them in his hurry. One or two voice their displeasure, but the boy keeps running…

...Straight into Nadjia who only stumbles a little before regaining her footing and the boy keeps running.

“Are you okay?” Bodhi asks, keeping his voice low as they catch up to her.

Behind him, Cassian asks, “Was that a pickpocket?” and she smirks at them. “I’m fine, thanks, and no. That was a messenger.”

And with that she turns and heads back into the throng, expecting them to follow. And they do.

Bodhi’s been in cities like this before so he’s not shocked to see what people do at night. The only places that are open are cantinas, gambling houses, and pleasure establishments. Every surface here shines like it was greased. It’s places like this, lit by nothing but streetlights and neon where he feels so thoroughly out of his element, he would do better jumping into the nearest ocean and attempting to become a fish.

He just avoids all eye contact and makes sure to stay near to Nadjia and Cassian as they move through the streets.

This close, Bodhi finds it odd to see the way their demeanors shift. Nadjia’s smile is catlike. Her step is purposeful. She looks like someone who comes here all the time and knows exactly where she’s going and she cuts through the crowd with ease. They simply move around her and nobody shoots her a second glance.

For his part, Cassian is making no effort to change his demeanor and yet as they walk into the crowd there is something about the way he moves. He slides between people and nobody ever seems to even notice him.

Bodhi just tries not to bump into people with mixed success. On every street corner, there are holos displaying ads and local announcements. Occasionally there are a scroll of faces that pass by under the label of “Wanted dead or alive.” He wonders if his face is still on there, but they walk on before he sees all of them.

He hasn’t thought for a while about the very probable bounty on all their heads, but he’s thinking about it now.

\---

Luke is deep in the Force, balanced on his hands and sweat dripping down his forehead. His mind is empty of everything except the focus on keeping two heavy boxes raised in the air.

 _Lift,_ he thinks, _lift._

He imagines gravity suddenly lessening around him and he can feel the boxes floating.

And Yoda speaks softly,

“Yes. Good. Calm, yes. Through the Force, things you will see. Other places.”

Luke closes his eyes and let’s his mind drift.

“The future... the past…” Yoda says. “Old friends long gone.”

And suddenly he can see. With his eyes closed, he can _see._

Images fly past almost too quick for him to process.

_A city amongst the clouds. The Falcon flies through the clouds. Bodhi and Cassian walk through a crowded street at night. Cassian sits in a cantina, his hand on his laser pistol. Leia is screaming, dragged away by storm troopers. Han is tied to a table being tortured. Jyn stands, trembling before a shadowy presence. Bodhi is alone in a dark place, his shirt stained red with blood._

Luke’s concentration shatters and he comes crashing to the ground along with those boxes and R2 who lets out an indignant squawk as they land.

But Luke is deaf to that, eyes wide as he sees those images replay again and again. His lips move silently as he says their names.

Beside him, Yoda makes a disapproving sound.

“Control. You must learn control,” he says and Luke looks over at Yoda, feeling almost feverish. The sweat on his forehead turning cold and clammy.

“I saw... I saw a city in the clouds. There were dark streets and…” He trails off, not even sure if they were the same place.

“Mmm.  Friends you have there,” Yoda says.

Leia screaming, Han being tortured, Bodhi’s bloody shirt.

“They were in pain,” Luke says and his voice trembles.

“It is the future you see,” Yoda says and Luke can feel the chill of it crawling up his spine.

“The future? Will they die?” he asks, trying to keep the desperation from his voice. Yoda is always telling him to calm his emotions.

In response, the small creature closes his eyes and slowly lowers his head.

“Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future,” Yoda says and Luke jumps to his feet.

“Then I've got to go to them,” he says because it’s true. Except he’s not sure where to go. A city in the clouds or a dark city street.

“Many places are your friends. Save them all, you cannot. Decide you must how to serve them best.  If you leave now, you would destroy all for which they have fought and suffered.”

That stops Luke cold. The heavy weight of it. He can’t save them all. He came here to train and become a Jedi so he could keep them all safe.

But Bodhi looked so afraid…

His shoulders sag and he looks back at Yoda, who only nods his head, silent, maddening, and oblique as ever.

“Now, again you must try. Train you must. How you will help your friends, this is.”

And Luke shuts his eyes and tries to banish the image of Bodhi covered in blood. If he trains hard enough, maybe he can stop this future from happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMINOUS SHIT SON. Also things are moving along and I suck at writing spy stuff. Part of the reason for the delay was just that struggle. But also the IRL busy stuff should die down after this weekend and then maybe I will get back on a more regular update schedule. Or not? Who knows? Life's a mystery.


	18. Unease(Cassian/Jyn/Han)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowledge.

_I may have changed, it’s hard to gauge_   
_Time won’t account for how I’ve aged_   
_Would I could tie your lying tongue  
Who says that leaving keeps you young_

_—Autumn, Joanna Newsom_

\---

Cassian keeps his eyes forward as he navigates the crowded city streets in the seedier part of Darkknell. He would like to know what Nadjia meant when she said the boy was a messenger, but he’s forced to wait until they were somewhere away from prying eyes and ears to get a full explanation and so he waits. He simply follows her through the crowds with Bodhi not far behind him. He waits patiently through the looks they received at the desk when she requested a room for all three of them. He waits through a silent elevator ride to the 10th floor with Bodhi fidgeting uncertainly beside him and a long, twisting walk through the hotel’s poorly lit halls until they find their room, which is as dingy as the rest of the place.

Cassian waits until the moment the doors slide shut before asking, “So what was the message?”

Nadjia sighs, in a long, exasperated puff of air and pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket, handing it to him.

He takes one look at the strange symbols, Bodhi peering over his shoulder, before handing it back.

“That’s a cypher, what does it say?”

She just looks at him for a moment, like she’s about to say something at his expense. He catches Bodhi’s frown aimed at her and it seems to have an interesting effect as the expression drops off her face to be replaced by nothing. Cassian is learning that is her default, although he’s curious why Bodhi brought that on with just a look.

“It says ‘meet at Old Steel tomorrow 2200 hours,’” she says before pulling a lighter out of her pocket, flicking it on, and letting the note rest in its flame. As the paper starts to burn she opens the door to the fresher and drops it into the sink where it can harmlessly smolder into ash. Cassian is accustomed to such procedures, although Bodhi watches the proceedings with his brows climbing into his hairline.

“Where is Old Steel?” Cassian asks and he catches her rolling her eyes a little as she walks back into the room.

“It’s a cantina not far from here. Quiet and a little less trafficked, hopefully it will be busy enough that we can have a decent conversation without being noticed.”

Cassian makes a face.

“That also means it will be easier for an enemy to spot us,” he says and she shrugs.

“I told you, my contact’s been edgy. I had to let him pick the place or he wouldn’t meet me at all.”

She perches on the end of one of the beds and sighs, looking up at them, “It’s a little extreme to make us wait here an entire day, but he’s probably going to be watching us, checking our ship, and everything else to make sure it’s safe for him to meet us.”

Now it’s Cassian’s turn to raise his eyebrows.

“He knows we’re not a threat, right? He knows that we’re from the Alliance, doesn’t he?”

Nadjia shoots him another dry look.

“Everyone is a threat in times like these,” she says and he can't really argue with that. Instead he looks away, finally takes a moment to properly observe the room. Mercifully, there are two beds and a couch. He goes and settles on the couch, leaning his head back and breathing out long and slow.

“Then I guess we ought to settle in,” he says and she nods, lying back on the bed.

Bodhi looks between them, still nervous as he slowly goes and sits on the edge of the unoccupied bed, which happens to be the one closest to Cassian and his spot on the couch.

“W-waiting here shouldn’t be a big problem right?” he asks quietly, and Cassian sighs. It’s times like these that he wishes Jyn were here. Under pressure, she was often the coolest head in the room. At the very least, her presence would help calm his nerves, which have been at an insistent and steady hum since they landed on this planet. It’s no use wasting energy when there is nothing yet to fight, but his instincts are screaming alarms and he has to ignore them and just stay alert.

To Bodhi he says, “If we’re found while we’re in this hotel, stuck up on the tenth floor, that could be a problem.”

Bodhi glances behind him at the window with its view that is ten stories above the ground.

“Do you think there might still b-be active bounties on us?” he asks and Cassian grimaces.

“As far as we know, your face is the only one that was publicized to bounty hunters, but…” He trails off and Bodhi nods like he understands.

“They’re looking for all of us, aren’t they?”

Cassian wonders if there is still a bounty on Jyn and whether he should find that comforting or not. To Bodhi, he just shakes his head. “Rest for now, there is nothing we can do until tomorrow at least.”

And Bodhi nods again, eyes wide and nervous. Cassian wishes he had something comforting to say, but he doesn’t as Bodhi lies down on top of the covers without even removing his jacket.

For his part, Cassian can’t sleep. Even with a locked door between them and the rest of the planet, every nerve in Cassian’s body is telling him to be ready and so Cassian forces his eyes to remain open, watching over Bodhi, Nadjia, the quiet room, and the noisy world just outside.

\---

When they arrive on Bespin, a city shrouded in rose colored clouds, Jyn can’t help but stare at all the pristine white surfaces of the city gleaming in the late afternoon sun.

The beauty is somewhat marred by the arrival of an armed escort and Han manages to bluster their way into landing on the planet’s surface.

Everything here is too bright, too clean.

Jyn doesn’t trust it.

From the look on Leia’s face, she doesn’t either.

And then they meet Lando, a dark skinned man, whose clothes scream money and whose smile oozes confidence. It’s like meeting another version of Han, except Lando isn’t trying as hard.

At first, he addresses Han like an enemy.

“Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler! You've got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled.”

Jyn’s too busy eyeing the platform and all the towers around them. They are out in the open. Exposed. A gunner on any one of these nearby towers could pick them off one by one.

Meanwhile, it seems Lando was only joking and now he’s pulled Han into an embrace. It surprises Han, too, but he recovers quickly, laughing with the man like he was in on the joke. (He wasn’t.)

Jyn does not know the details of their friendship. Only that Han had muttered, “That was a long time ago, I’m sure he’s forgotten about it,” to Chewie before they landed.

C-3PO’s been standing beside Jyn the whole time, and as they stepped off the ship, he was at the lowest volume setting muttering, _“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,”_ over and over again. Now he’s perked up a little. 

“Well, he seems _very_ friendly.” But Jyn can’t shake the edges that came with their arrival. Leia looks to be of a similar mind when she glances back at Jyn and the droid, “Yes... _Very_ friendly,” she says to them both.

Lando is very smooth… That’s what Jyn thinks as she watches them continue to chat like old friends. He has a smoothness to him that could be natural or it could be practiced. She doesn’t trust it.

“What have you done to my ship?” Lando asks in mock affront, looking up at the Falcon with that wide smile.

“Your ship?” Han demands sounding truly affronted for the first time all day, “Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square.”

Chewie growls what might be an agreement with Han or a greeting for Lando, but from there the man’s eyes skip away to notice where Leia and 3PO are standing with Jyn in a cluster just behind the wookiee and Han.

“Well, hello and welcome. I'm Lando Calrissian. I'm the administrator of this facility,” he says to both of them.

“And who might you be?” he asks with that smile and Leia is too polite or too political to not respond in kind.

“Leia,” she says, but the smile looks forced. Lando nods and turns to Jyn,

“Leia and…?”

She’s seen this act before. It reads like flirtation even if it’s not. It rubs her the wrong way and she can’t quite help the way her lip curls as she replies, “Jyn.”

“Welcome, Leia and Jyn,” he says and he bows a little to each of them, but it’s Leia who he singles out. He takes her hand and kisses it and Jyn watches the way Leia’s shoulders tighten. She pulls her hand back a moment sooner than what would probably be proper. Han tells Lando to cut it out and his tone aims for humor but misses. With Lando distracted, Jyn leans close and mutters, “Do you want me to hit him?”

“Which one?” Leia replies dryly and Jyn almost snorts.

They are motioned forward along the platform and in another situation, Jyn might have rolled her eyes or showed some more open disdain. With their uncertain standing and their only way off planet in the hands of these strangers, Jyn opts for silence and keeps her head down.

Even as her scalp prickles like alarm, like something is wrong.

It could be nothing, she’s been wrong before.

It could be that Han has friends more absurd than he is.

They just need to get the Falcon fixed up so they can get back to the Rebellion. Her mind skitters around what they might discover when they get back, but she’s not dealing with that right now. Cassian and Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze and Luke. They are all under lock and key to be dealt with later. She can’t think of them right now. In these treacherous waters, she can’t afford to be falling apart.

There might be nothing at all wrong and she could just be paranoid

Still, she doesn’t like the way Lando turns away before C-3PO can even finish introducing himself. The golden droid might be ridiculous, but that’s no excuse for being rude. It’s a little thing, but it sets Jyn’s teeth even further on edge.

Lando leads them all back down the platform as he chats with Han and Leia.

“What's wrong with the Falcon?”

“Hyperdrive.”

“I'll get my people to work on it.”

They continue to chat like nothing’s wrong and Lando seems to avoid her gaze entirely. Maybe that’s because Jyn can’t fix her expression into one of polite interest like Leia, she’s stuck in a distrusting glare that’s lasering into this man’s back and she’s fairly sure she can hear Lando mutter to Han, “What’s with the girl?”

She’s sure that’s what he said when Han glances back at her and mouths the words, _‘Be nice,’_ at her before facing forward again. Jyn bites back a sneer as she hears Han’s mutter of, “Don’t worry about her, she’s always like that.”

That explanation seems to be enough and Lando goes back to breezy conversation, saying to Leia, “You know, that ship saved my life quite a few times. She's the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.”  
And she doesn’t miss the way Han seems to stiffen at hearing his beloved Falcon called ‘junk.’

\---

Han really wishes that Jyn could be a better actor. She used to be very good at lying through her teeth and playing a part. Maybe she doesn’t see the need, but Han’s pretty sure this will go better if they grease the wheels a little bit.

He’s not above sucking up when it will get him what he wants or what he needs. He used to be good friends with Lando, but that was a long time ago and he gets the feeling that when Lando called him a slimy swindler that was more the truth than every smile they’ve received since.

Still, some part of him remembers when they were friends.

He did double-cross Lando, that’s no lie. But they were friends. And now Lando’s running a city from the looks of things.

Right now, they are walking through the immaculate halls of this Cloud City. Leia and Jyn are just behind him with Chewie and 3PO, while Lando’s rambling about labor difficulties of all things, and Han can’t help but grin a little.

“What’s so funny?” Lando asks and Han chuckles.

“You. Listen to you… You sound like a businessman, a responsible leader. Who'd have thought that, huh?”

Lando looks at him, and an odd look crosses his features. Something reflective and sad.

“You know, seeing you sure brings back a few things.” **  
**

“Yeah,” Han agrees because it’s been years and it may have ended badly but he had some good times with Lando. Back when life was simpler and problems were no bigger than scrounging enough credits for their next meal.

“But, I'm responsible these days,” Lando says and it feels like he’s explaining something but Han isn’t sure what. “It's the price you pay for being successful.”

Han laughs like he gets what Lando is on about, but he glances behind him to see both Leia and Jyn watching them warily.

None of them notice when C-3PO falls behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff is gonna finally start happening y'all!


	19. Searching(Leia/Jyn/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowledge.

_"I don't know what to do."  
Luke put his face in his hands, as if he were tired beyond measure._  
_Elliot stared at his bag in the dust, at his shadow. He went and sat beside Luke, leaning against his shoulder._  
_He looked at his own hands, hanging empty between his knees._  
_He did not know what to do either._

_―In Other Lands, Sarah Rees Brennan_

_\---_

C-3PO is missing.

Jyn is the first to notice as they are being shown to the rooms where they can stay the night. Leia is standing beside Han with a look of practiced interest as Lando talks about the ins and outs of being a mining colony.

Maybe in another scenario Leia would be _actually_ interested, but right now she just wants to get back to the Rebellion. It’s been a few days and if she thinks too hard about what could have happened while she wasn’t there… She’s trying not to think about it.

Lando is on a tangent about different types of drilling techniques when Jyn asks, “Where’s C-3PO?”

She freezes and so does Han beside her. Chewie lets out a lowly growl that sounds worried.

“Oh I’m sure your droid just got turned around, we’ll keep an eye out for him,” Lando says with a wave of his hand.

Except he doesn’t know 3PO practically has separation anxiety. He is not one to wander too far from his people. She looks at Jyn and sees a similar worry mirrored back at her. Beside her, Han whispers, “We can look for him tomorrow.”

And she is tired so she lets it go. Maybe he did just get lost. She shares a worried look with Jyn and lets the matter drop.

Leia and Jyn are given a room and Han and Chewie get the neighboring room. The moment the door shuts on Lando’s smiling face, Leia breaths out and lets her shoulders drop. She turns to see Jyn watching her and without preamble, Leia says, “You don’t like him.”

“Neither do you,” Jyn replies and it’s true enough. All they need is to get their ship fixed and the sooner they can leave this planet behind, the better.

\---

The next day, they still haven’t found 3PO. Leia paces anxiously while Han sits watching her. In the corner of the room, Jyn sits beside Chewie, her leg bouncing up and down. Leia’s not sure if it’s nerves or impatience.

Wide windows surround them on all sides, flooding the room with light.

Without warning, Chewie gets up and barks low at Han before heading to the door.

“Chewie, where are you going?” Han asks and Chewie replies in some guttural sounds and jerks his head up and down.

“What? You’re going to look for him, too? Where?” Han demands, sounding annoyed but Jyn is on her feet in an instant, standing with Chewie at the door.

“We’ll both look for him,” Jyn says and Han frowns at her.

“I’m not sure if--” he begins and Jyn cuts him off.

“Are you saying we’re not _allowed_ to look around?” Jyn asks, her voice and expression looking dangerous, and Han shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“No, I just mean--”

“--Good, then we’re going to look ourselves.”

And with that Chewie opens the door and the pair of them march out, leaving Leia alone with Han. She meets his eyes for only a moment before resuming her pacing.

She doesn’t like any of this. She doesn’t like the missing droid. She doesn’t like Lando and his easy smiles. She doesn’t like this gleaming city in the clouds.

They just need to get the ship fixed, that’s _all._

“The ship is almost finished,” Han says like he’s reading her mind, “Two or three more things and we're in great shape.”

“The sooner the better,” Leia says and she tries not to snap the words at him. The look he’s giving her is soft for some reason and then the rest just comes spilling out her mouth in a rush, “Something's wrong here, Han. 3PO’s been gone too long to have gotten lost. I _don’t_ like this place.”

She cuts herself off as Han gets up and stops her pacing with his hands on her shoulders.

“I know. I'll talk to Lando and see what I can find out,” he says and she shakes her head.

“I don't _trust_ Lando,” she says through gritted teeth and Han makes a face at her.

“Well, I don't trust him, either. But he is my friend,” and he steps back from her looking almost hesitant as he adds, “And we'll be gone soon enough.”

It all sounds almost reasonable. Even if she knows he might just be trying to placate her.

He’s just trying to find them a way out. Even now, all of this has just been a detour for him before he leaves the Rebellion behind… And her.

She lifts her chin and looks him in the eye.

“And then you're as good as gone, aren't you?”

And Han doesn’t say anything at all.

\---

Jyn doesn’t say a word as they walk through this endless maze of gleaming white hallways. Chewie is a comforting, hefty presence beside her. He, too, remains quiet and Jyn leads the way with her chin up. She walks with purpose, like she knows where she is going and has every right to go there.

If they give off the wrong signals they could be caught.

She doesn’t care what Han says, for a mining colony she’s seeing an awful lot of armed security walking around.

And she’s truly worried about C-3PO. Occasionally she reaches up and through the fabric of her shirt feels the outline of her crystal and K-2’s drive sitting on her chest like weights.

Like a mission.

(Her heart burns if she allows herself to think of Cassian so she buries the thought before it scalds her.)

She doesn’t want another dead soul on her conscience, even if it is just a silly droid.

A droid who sat and talked to her for hours when she couldn’t deal with being alone. Maybe he was just doing what he was asked and it’s all programming but still.

_Still._

She turns and finally finds a hall that’s a little less well lit, the walls seem to have a little less shine to them and it feels like they might be on the right track.

Chewie lets out a soft growl and sniffs the air and steps in front of her, taking a turn to their right and then left. She follows the wookiee and hopes they aren’t just getting themselves hopelessly lost when they stop at a door. Chewie presses the button and it slides open to reveal a junkroom.

Chewie enters the room and starts looking around at the shelves full of junk, rusted parts, and broken things. Jyn follows behind hesitantly, hopes this isn’t a dead end that gets them reported.

Boxes of trash rest on a conveyor belt that runs into a furnace at the center of the room. Two small creatures examining the items as they run down the belt. She’s not familiar with the species but she freezes at the sight of gold in one of the boxes.

“Chewie,” she whispers and points and that’s all it takes for the wookiee to go rushing forward, yanking the box off the conveyor belt.

She doesn’t get a good look until she catches up and sees the box is indeed full of...C-3PO.

In parts.

One of his arms pokes out of the side of the box and his eyes stare at her, lifeless and empty.

Something in her hardens at the sight of it and the creatures are squawking, trying to take the box away from Chewie but the wookiee bats them off, howling distress as he does.

Jyn steps between Chewie and the creatures and bares her teeth.

“ _Leave it,_ ” she says, low and vicious and she hopes if they don’t speak basic they will understand her tone. And just to make the point absolutely clear and reaches for the blaster at her hip. It’s enough to make the creatures subside.

“Come on,” she tells Chewie before storming out of the room with the Wookiee beside her holding the box that contains the pieces of their friend.

Jyn grits her teeth as they leave the junkroom behind and return to those shiny white halls.

The beauty of this city felt like a lie before and now she knows it is.

There is something more going on here and she’s going to find out what it is.

\---

Leia jumps to her feet when the doors sweep open to reveal Jyn looking positively venomous and Chewie holding a box containing pieces of something golden.

She steps forward and her heart skitters in her chest as she sees her droid lifeless and broken and she asks, “What happened?”

“We found him in a junk pile,” Jyn snaps as Chewie sets the box on the table.

“Can you repair him?” Leia asks and Jyn shrugs, looking mulish. Beside her, Chewie is pulling parts out of the box and he lets out a few low barks and nods.

“Lando might have people who can fix him,” Han suggests, sounding hesitant again, and Jyn glares daggers at him.

“No thanks,” she says and then the doors slide open a second time.

Leia starts a little as she sees Lando in the doorway, that smile firmly in place.

It flickers as he look around the room at them.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asks and Leia feels herself sliding into politician mode as she steps forward and says, “Not really,” sounding as smooth and calm as he does.

Lando looks down at her, “You look absolutely beautiful,” he tells her and she has years of practice not rolling her eyes at ridiculous men. She lets herself be a little frosty as she replies, “Thank you.”

From the corner of her eye she can see Jyn’s lip twitch as she steps in front of the box containing C-3PO. It looks almost protective, like she’s trying to hide him from view, not that she really can, and the movement draws Lando’s eye.

“Having trouble with your droid?” he asks.

“No,” Jyn answers, sounding as short tempered as she looks. Lando seems taken aback by her tone, but he recovers quickly, turning his attention back to Leia.

“Well, then, would you like to join me for some refreshments?” Han stirs beside her and Lando glances over at him and then Jyn and Chewie.

“You’re all welcome, of course,” he says quickly and for once it doesn’t sound smooth. Leia looks back at Jyn, whose mouth is in a thin line and then Han, who looks uncomfortable and like he’s trying to hide it.

“Of course we’d love to,” Han says, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and she knows it’s more to ward off Lando’s advances. She shouldn’t feel a shiver of heat at his touch.

Jyn appears on her other side, looking like she wants to give somebody a piece of her mind. Mercifully, she says nothing, and they all follow Lando as he leads them back out into the bright halls of Cloud City.

\---

Luke loads his last few things into the X-Wing and climbs back down the ladder to where Yoda is waiting for him, telling him not to go.

He can’t seem to understand that Luke _needs_ to save his friends. The whole reason he wants to be a Jedi is so he can help his friends and win the war. What would be the point if his friends die?

“I can help them,” he tells Yoda, imploring his teacher to understand, “I can _feel_ the Force now.”

And Ben appears to him then, like he did on Hoth, as a ghostly figure in the darkness. Luke thought it was his imagination before but he knows more now than he did then.

“This is a dangerous time for you,” Ben says and Luke aches to hear that familiar voice again.

“You will be tempted by the dark side of the Force.”

“To Obi-Wan you listen,” Yoda says, “Remember you must, your failure at the cave.”

Luke leans against the side of his ship, feeling suddenly very tired.

He wants so much for them to understand. He wants Ben to understand as he looks back at them.

“But I've learned so much since then. I promise to return and finish what I've begun. You have my word.”

“It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants,” Ben says and his eyes are just like Luke remembered them. Full of wisdom and sadness.

“That is why your friends are made to suffer,” he says.

“And that’s why I _have_ to go,” Luke says and Ben just looks sadder. His outline glows and wavers but his expression is clear as day.

“Luke, I don't want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Vader.”

“You _won't,_ ” Luke insists.

“Only with the Force as his ally, a fully trained Jedi Knight will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path, an agent of evil you will become,” Yoda tells him.

“Patience,” Ben adds and Luke can feel the frustration welling up.

“And sacrifice my friends?” he demands and without hesitation, Yoda replies, “If you honor what they fight for, yes”

For a moment, Luke can’t even look at them. All he sees are his friends faces. They were scared and they were hurting and it’s his fault, Ben even said so. He sees Bodhi, blood spattered and shaking and something in his chest wrenches at the thought of leaving them to their fate.

He saw a city in the clouds. He can only hope he’ll be able to save them all if he finds that city.

“If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone,” Ben tells him, “I cannot interfere.”

And Luke’s decided now. He’ll find the city in the clouds. He’ll find his friends. He doesn’t need their help. He’s learned so much and what was it for if not for this?

“I understand,” he tells them and to R2 he says, “Fire up the converters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A final chapter of table setting as it were. I'm hoping to get a little more off book with the next chapter.


	20. Running (Cassian/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowledge...like reminding me that yes glass does exist in Star Wars.

_I wanna be older, I wanna be stronger_  
_I don’t wanna fall at the start_  
_I wanna be quicker, I wanna get closer  
Don’t wanna feel worlds apart_

 _Cause I’m fast enough to get in trouble, and not fast enough to get away_  
_I’m old enough to know I’ll end up dying  
And not young enough to forget again _

_-Fickle Game, Amber Run_

_\---_

Cassian sleeps fitfully, but he does sleep a little. Eventually he gives up on sleep and moves to sit by the windows, perching on the windowsill and staring down at the ground below.

The sun is almost fully up in the sky but it looks like barely more than dusk. Ten stories down, there are many figures going about their business.

He watches blankly and his mind drifts. He thinks about Jyn... Although if he's being honest he's thinking about her most of the time. They don't have Chirrut around anymore to tell them if she's alive or not. He desperately hopes that she's safe and alive wherever she is.

He’s pretty sure it’s well into the morning (although it’s so dim it doesn’t feel like morning) when he notices a large group forming outside the hotel. They mill around the entrance and from ten floors up, he can’t make out much about them except they’re wearing white.

Something stirs in the pit of his stomach as he watches them all enter the hotel in a pattern that looks too precise for civilians.

For several minutes, he doesn’t move. His eyes glued to the street below, hoping they might find what they’re looking for and leave, but they don’t come back out.

From this height, it’s _impossible_ to tell if those were storm troopers or not. They moved methodically, like soldiers do, but this is a large hotel in a town where there are surely quite a few crimes committed daily.

He sits, statue still, and watches the street, praying he’ll see them exit the building any minute now.

He could wake the others and they could run, but that would only catch their attention. Guilty people run.

He would only run if he knew for sure it was them the troopers were after. If they bolted now and were caught, there would be no talking their way out of it.

But they aren’t coming back out of the building. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Without a word, he gets up and goes to Bodhi’s bed. He gives the other man’s shoulder a shake.

“Bodhi, get up,” he says as Bodhi lets out a soft grumble and cracks an eye open.

“Wha?” Bodhi asks him sounding mostly unintelligible.

“Get up, there might be soldiers looking for us, you need to be ready to run,” Cassian says and turns to wake Nadjia, only to find her eyes open and watching him.

“What did you see?” she asks, sitting up in her bed.

None of them had bothered to get changed into nightclothes so they don’t have to deal with that which is a blessing, Cassian thinks absently. To her question, he tells her saw what looked like stormtroopers heading into the building and how they haven’t come back out yet and they might be looking for somebody.

“And we don’t want to give ourselves away by running, nor do we want to allow ourselves to get caught,” she says aptly summing up their situation. Cassian nods and she does in return.

She goes to the doorway and pushes the button for a second, the door slides open a hair’s breadth and she presses her ear to the gap, listening.

Bodhi is pale, standing in the middle of the room and Cassian steps up to the door, right behind Nadjia.

There is a distant sound, growing louder. The sound of stomping boots.

Nadjia looks at him and he looks back.

“When I hit the button, we run for it,” she says and Cassian nods. Bodhi steps up beside him and nods with wide eyes.

“3…” she says moving her hand to hover over the button.

“2…” Cassian pulls his blaster from his holder.

“1. _Go!_ ” she slams her hand on the button and they spill out into the hall. On their right, the first few troopers appear from around the corner, but they are already sprinting in the opposite direction. The hall is long, but there is an exit sign leading to some stairs at the end of it.

His feet pound a steady beat on the old carpet of the hallway and the only thing louder than his own breathing is the shouts of the troopers behind them. A few blaster bolts go flying past and Cassian glances back to fire off a few shots of his own. Nadjia does the same beside him and Bodhi is just running full tilt with his head down.

They are a few feet from the door when Nadjia let’s a curse and stumbles. Without thinking, Cassian grabs her by the elbow and hauls her alongside him. Bodhi reaches the door first, jamming down the button for the door to open. It does and Bodhi begins running down the stairs, Cassian practically throws Nadjia ahead of him to follow Bodhi down. He pauses only to shut the door and blast the controls before following them.

It won’t slow them down for long. The troopers can always go back to the lift.

Still, Cassian wordlessly clatters down the stairs after Bodhi and Nadjia and he counts the floors as they pass. The 9th floor, the 8th floor. They are tiring, he can see it in the way they’re running, he can feel it in the way his lungs start to burn.

Still, they keep going. As they pass the 6th floor, the stairwell door bursts open and those troopers spill into the stairwell. Cassian is right in front of the door and can feel a blaster bolt singe his shoulder as it misses him. He gets in a good shot at the trooper in the doorway and Nadjia gets the next one and they keep running with Cassian keeping up the rear.

They are probably trying to cut them off at the pass, he thinks this as they pass the 5th floor and the 4th without incident.

Before they can even reach the 3rd floor, the stairwell door opens and more troopers have arrived. Cassian wheels to a stop, reaching forward and grabbing the back of Nadjia’s shirt because she’s the closest. Bodhi, being the farthest down the stairs is practically in front of the open door and he turns on his heel and bolts back up the stairs as Cassian hauls Nadjia backward and they go running back the way they came.

“We’ve got to find another exit,” Cassian grits through his teeth and Nadjia nods beside him. They stop at the 4th floor and open the stairwell door. The other two freeze behind him for an instant as they check the hall.

There are no troopers in sight, but the sounds of their marching feet aren’t far. Cassian races down the hall and turns a corner, the other two close at his heels. He’s thinking they need to hide somewhere and regroup. The ideal scenario would be hiding in one of these rooms, but there’s no quick way to break into one. That’s when he sees a door open a few feet away as a twi’lek couple exits their room.

He doesn't even have to motion to the others, they are right behind him as he runs for it.

He tops to say a quick apology to the couple before racing into their room and slamming the door shut on their confused faces. He blasts the controls for it just for the extra bit of time it might give them and then he finally stops to catch his breath.

Beside him, Bodhi leans forward, bracing his hands on his knees, gasping for air. On his other side, Nadjia grimaces and leans down to press a hand on her leg. It comes away red and Cassian tries very hard not to think of the cold metallic halls of the Death Star and Jyn, nearing collapse beside him.

“We need to bandage that,” Cassian says and she scowls at him.

“We don’t have time for that right now,” she says and even now her tone is even.

“What’s your plan for another exit? Those twi’leks are probably going to report us at any moment, they’ll find us in a matter of minutes.”

Meanwhile Cassian goes to the bed at the center of the room and tears and using the knife in his boot he cuts a long strip off the sheets and hands it to her.

“We could c-climb down the outside?” Bodhi suggests and Cassian shakes his head.

“Anyone could easily pick us off, we would have no cover,” he says absently. Nadjia wraps the fabric over the hole in her pants and ties it off in an efficient knot. When she’s done, she looks around the room, and then at them.

“Actually…” she says, her eyes glinting.

“Actually what?” Cassian asks with a frown and she smirks a little.

“I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.”

\---

Bodhi hates this.

He hates the running and the feeling of being chased. He’s pretty sure a blaster bolt caught the edge of his ear but he doesn’t have time to reach up and check the bleeding.

The bed is bolted to the floor and fortunately for them, there are several layers of long bed sheets at their disposal.

“This is ridiculous,” Cassian says as he tears one of the sheets in two with his boot knife and knots the two ends together.

“It’s faster than climbing down,” Nadjia says for at least the second or third time and Cassian shakes his head at her.

“This can’t possibly be long enough to get us to the ground,” he says gesturing with the strip of bedsheet in his hands.

Nadjia rolls her eyes where she’s doing a similar move with a second bedsheet.

“We don’t need to get to the ground, just close enough to where we can land without breaking our legs. This will get us to the second story at least.”

Bodhi doesn’t say a word as he’s tying pillowcases together. They are too small to tear into extra parts and when he’s finished he has a decent length of rope. He hands it Cassian who briefly tugs at the edges before tying one of his ends to it looking satisfied.

“I’ll go first,” Cassian says to them, still looking deeply annoyed. Or maybe annoyed isn’t the right word. Jyn used to call that look ‘stormy,’ and it was an apt description for the thunderclouds Bodhi can practically see hanging over Cassian’s brow.

Nadjia’s finished with her piece which she ties to one of the bed posts and suddenly there’s a banging at the door. Cassian finishes tying the last two ends together as Bodhi runs to the window and finds with some horror, there is no button to open it.

“ _Cassian,_ ” he says low and terrified and both him and Nadjia stop and look as Bodhi mutely gestures at the window.

Without a word, Cassian walks over and shoots the glass. It shatters down onto the street below and Bodhi grimaces a little, hoping nobody got hit with the pieces. Cassian uses the back of his blaster and knocks any pointed shards of glass off the bottom of the window and then stops with a look at them.

“If we wait, it gives them more time to shoot us,” he says. “Just keep moving.”

He looks at Nadjia and then his gaze rests on Bodhi with a final heavy nod before he takes their makeshift rope in his hands and jumps out the window. They watch the pile of makeshift rope go flying out as Cassian falls and Bodhi grabs the rope as it goes taut, fearing it might rip or something. He cranes his head to look out the window and down below, Cassian dangles at the end of the rope above the ground. It’s impossible to tell how high he is, but he lets go of the rope and drops to the ground with a roll.

Nadjia takes the rope next, grabbing it with both hands and muttering, “ _Shavit,_ ” under her breath.

The banging at the door is getting worse. It sounds like something is starting to give way as Nadjia jumps and Bodhi bites back a gasp as she slides down the rope and it goes taut once again when she reaches the bottom and Bodhi peers out the window to see Cassian catch her as she hits the ground.

It’s his turn now and he’s shaking as he grabs the rope.

There’s no time for him to even panic.

(He thinks that Luke wouldn't panic)

There’s a sound like metal shrieking and the door comes crashing down as Bodhi takes a deep breath and jumps out the window.

Their makeshift rope burns his palms as he slides down it and blaster bolts sail out the window above him.

He's falling, falling, falling. He's sliding down the rope.

Then he hears something tear above him and he keeps falling, but now the rope is falling with him.

There are shouts on the street below and Bodhi only has time to squeeze his eyes shut and brace for pain.

The impact hurts, but not like he expected.

Instead of hitting the street it seems he landed on both Cassian and Nadjia and their long rope lands in a pile on top of him with a soft thwack.

“Are you okay?” Cassian asks, recovering first and jumping to his feet, “Anything broken?”

Beside him, Nadjia also scrambles upright.

He shakes his head in response to the questions and then Cassian reaches down and pulls him to standing.

“Good, let’s go,” Cassian says and they start running with the sounds of stormtroopers shouting not far behind them.

“The meeting isn’t until tonight, correct?” Cassian asks breathlessly as he runs in front of Bodhi and beside him, Nadjia nods her head.

“We need to find somewhere to lay low then.”

Her eyes get that glint in them again as she looks over at them.

“I have an idea,” she says and Cassian looks pained.

“I’m not going to like it, am I?” he asks as they turn down an alley and keep running.

“No, you won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU STUFF WOULD HAPPEN...Also this was wild and took a few unexpected turns while writing it. Have I mentioned I really like Nadjia? Anywho perhaps I'll be updating this often now. WHO KNOWS.  
> Also um...maybe falling from a second story would still fuck you up like idk? In marvel movies Steve Rogers gets to jump out a high rise and just curl up and land on his shield and he's FINE so like...lets roll with that one please?


	21. Trapped (Baze/Jyn/Lando)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to aewgliriel for getting excited with me about this chapter.

_feel the names carved into your battered heart, and wonder why_  
_it takes so damn long for those scars to heal again._  
_realize there is one name that won’t ever fade. and then listen to_  
_the way your heart beats. beats. beats. interminably._

_―death by degrees,[ Hannah Q ](http://cvldbones.tumblr.com/)_

_\---_

Baze shifts uncomfortably on the hard ground of this new base. After the constant cold of Hoth, Haven feels almost uncomfortably warm, even this deep in the base, which is still being built. Every day the Rebellion carves out new tunnels in these mountains. They’ve only had this proper room for the last day or so. Supposedly when the base is finished they will be able to better circulate the cooler air.

Chirrut is beside him now looking like the picture of calm, with his legs folded and his eyes closed. He's been meditating for a long time.

Lately he seems to be meditating for longer and longer periods and Baze can only suppose that Chirrut has to work a little harder to maintain his calm. What the Force wills and what they might want are two separate things.  
It's not something they discuss. Chirrut talks when he's ready to talk and not a moment sooner and Baze has learned from years of being married to him, that's it a lot easier to wait for Chirrut to speak his mind when something is truly bothering him.

Finally Chirrut lets out a long sigh and opens his eyes.

Baze has stopped asking how the children are doing. He doesn’t have to. Instead Chirrut turns to face him and says, "They're all still alive as far as I can tell."

Baze leans back against the wall and sighs, "Good."

Shara Bey just got back on base and she's been asking if they knew anything.

It's the waiting that gnaws at him, even if he's had years of practice at it.

"You regret staying behind," Chirrut observes because he never has to tell Chirrut what's bothering him. The blind man can read him like a book.

Baze sighs again, a long exhale through his nose and shakes his head.

"I regret that there was a need for them to leave at all. I don't regret staying behind with you," he says and Chirrut frowns.

"I believe it was you who wanted to stay," he says and Baze shakes his head. He doesn't know how to explain that he refuses to go through a Scarif again. He wants to stay and be near the children and help where he can, but he refuses to sit next to his husband's body unsure of if he will ever wake again.

War is for the young and they are old and scarred by all the wars they've already fought in. He doesn't know how to say any of that aloud and Chirrut finds Baze's hand where it rests on the floor beside him.

"I'm sure all will be as the Force wills it," Chirrut says softly and it sounds like a compromise of sorts.

"And what if the Force and I will different things?" Baze asks just as quietly and Chirrut smiles.

"I am fairly certain we will be seeing them all again soon enough," he says and Baze sighs again, pulling Chirrut’s hand to his lips so he can kiss the man’s worn and calloused palm.

“Stars, I hope you're right,” he mutters.

\---

Jyn walks beside Chewie at the back of their little group. The wookiee’s heavy footfalls are an almost comforting distraction at this point. In front of them Han and Leia discuss the intricacies of Bespin being a mining guild. Jyn’s honestly not listening. Every nerve in her body has been on alert since they got here and she doesn’t know _why._

“Aren't you afraid the Empire's going to find out about this little operation and shut you down?” Han asks and Jyn’s skin prickles.

Lando leads them around a long curving hall as he replies, “That's always been that danger looming like a shadow over everything we've built here. But things have developed recently that will insure security.”

Beside Jyn, Chewie let’s out a soft whine and she stares up at the wookiee. Worry twists into dread. “I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever,” Lando says as they stop at a doorway and Jyn opens her mouth to say something. To try and get Han’s attention.

She sees the look Lando shoots at Han.

It looks like regret as he presses the button and the doors open to reveal the figure from her nightmares.

Any sound she might make dies in her throat at the sight of him.

He sits at the end of a long table like a monster from stories who might consume them all as dessert after a meal.

Jyn opens her mouth again to try and scream, to shout, to do or say _anything._

Han moves faster. In one swift move he steps in front of Jyn and pushes Leia behind him as well. He fires his blaster at Vader and it has as much effect as throwing a pebble. Vader throws up a hand and the blaster bolts disintegrate into sparks before reaching him. Then with a flick of his wrist, the blaster goes flying out of Han’s hand and Jyn shuts her eyes with a grimace.

She can hear the soft click of the blaster landing in Vader’s black gloved palm.

“We would be honored if you would join us,” Vader says in that deep metallic voice that’s had her waking up screaming for the last two years. Her hands tighten into fists at her side because there is nothing for her to hang onto now. No one she can get a hold on to keep her steady.

Cassian’s not here to prop her up.

A figure in a green and red helmet steps out from behind Vader, holding a blaster rifle comfortably at the ready. Behind them a mass of Stormtroopers step out, ready to fire at will.

“I had no choice,” Lando says softly to Han, “They arrived right before you did. I'm sorry.”

Han looks at the man who he said was his friend and he looks furious in a way Jyn hasn’t quite seen before. He takes Leia’s hand and glances back at her and Chewie like he’s checking they’re still there and intact before looking back at Lando.

“I'm sorry, too,” he says.

It’s been two years, Jyn thinks.

Two years and the last time they met, she was tied up and drugged.

They could do the same to her here, they could poison her mind right back to the melting, shaking mess she was back on the Death Star.

She can’t stop them.

But she’ll be damned if she’ll let them see her fear.

She can see Han looking at her again and she straightens her back and lifts her chin. He nods at her once and she doesn’t nod back, walking forward into the room and letting the others follow behind her.

The doors sweep closed and she stands at the far end of the table. Chewie, Han, and Leia are are clustered together in front of the door and Lando is beside them. With his smile gone he’s almost unreadable.

“Please, _sit,_ ” Vader says and suddenly there’s that _feeling_ she hasn’t known for two years, and for one terrible instant her body is not her own.

She moves mechanically to sit in the chair in front of her. It’s painful, like her bones are grinding and her muscles are seizing. Like every atom in her body is fighting against his control.

Chewie moves to sit beside her, in the seat on Vader’s left. Han sits on his right, and Leia across from her. Staring straight ahead, all she can see is Leia’s eyes, wide and fearful as her own must be.

Once they are all seated, the feeling is gone and they slump into their chairs with relief.

Lando slides into the seat at the opposite head of the table and his face is still almost a blank.

“Now,” Vader begins, “I have much to _discuss_ with all of you.”

And Jyn sits straighter in her chair. His emphasis on the word ‘discuss’ hints at a lot less talking than the word usually implies. She tightly folds her hands in her lap and lets the nails dig into soft flesh. She puts all her tension there so she can sit straight and impassive. Vader turns to look at her and it makes her want to crawl out of her skin.

“Jyn Erso, daughter of Galen Erso, one of only five survivors from the attack on Scarif.”

She hardens her face into a mask so he can’t see her twitch.

One of five survivors...does Vader not know about Hoth or does he know something that she doesn’t?

Hope feels like a violent assault in her chest. She can’t think of that right now.

“You escaped me once, you will not do so again,” he says, his voice going dangerously soft and she can feel it again.

That feeling like burning fingers digging into her brain.

She shuts her eyes and tries to swallow back the small pathetic sound that’s bubbling up in her throat.

Chewie’s growling beside her and there’s a sharp, _“Hey!”_ and the feeling recedes.

She opens her eyes to see Han leaning forward in his seat, glaring at Vader.

“And you, Han Solo, a petty smuggler who thinks he’s turned hero. You presume to tell me what to do?” Vader asks and Han visibly swallows and leans back in his seat.

She watches him swallow again and a hand reaches up towards his throat.

His face is turning red and she knows what this is. Her chest tightens as she watches him start to choke. Chewie’s growling beside her again.

Leia must recognize it, too, because she grabs Han by the arm and says like steel, “Stop this, Vader.” And suddenly Han relaxes gasping out a breath and Chewie jumps out of his seat with a roar.

“No, Chewie, don’t!” Han tries to yell through squeezed vocal chords but it doesn’t work. Jyn watches, muted and pale as the troopers swarm the wookiee and cuff him. Chewie is overwhelmed in moments and they don’t even have to fire a shot.

“I will not try to reason with a Wookiee,” Vader says dismissively. “Take him to the cell. We can deal with him later.”

The troopers march him out the door. They all watch as Chewie go and the Wookiee lets out a last whine before the doors shut behind him. There is silence and Vader turns his attention to Leia now.

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Senator Organa,” he says. “These other two are only recent irritations compared to you and your precious Rebel Alliance.”

Leia lifts her chin loftily without replying.

“I will have my answers from you this time, _Senator,_ ” Vader says and Leia almost smiles like a challenge, laced with fury and bitterness.

“What are you going to do? Blow up another planet?” she asks, and Jyn has to swallow hard against the urge to vomit. She has to look away and her eyes wander to Lando on her other side. The man is no longer unreadable. In fact he looks distinctly… Divided. His hands are tightly gripping the edge of the table and his eyes remain fixed on Vader the way prey might watch a predator.

“I see we will have no rational talk now. You all need _preparation,_ ” Vader says and Jyn’s stomach drops. Across the table Leia’s mouth opens like she wants to say something, to object. Vader only has to nod his head and the troopers step forward with binders and Han’s shaking his head.

 _“No, no, no, no,”_ he mutters under his breath as they approach and Leia’s mouth is a thin line when the troopers grab them and leverage them up out of their chairs.

The moment she feels their hands on her, Jyn struggles against their grip. It’s mindless, like an animal reflex and somebody is telling her to stop but she keeps trying to shake off their hold. She doesn’t stop until there’s that sick feeling again, that feeling of joints grinding down and paralyzed muscles and his hand is outstretched in her direction. She grits her teeth, as her body is forced to its knees and her arms pulled behind her back.

The moment the cold metal binders click into place she is released and she sags forward. Only the harsh grip of the storm trooper on her bound wrists keeps her upright. Her shoulders scream objections as she’s pulled to her feet and she turns to see Han and Leia watching her, pale and panicked. Lando is the only one still seated at the table. Head down, hands tight in his lap.

They are marched out into the hallway and then the troopers force them in three different directions. Leia tugs at the trooper’s grip and Han’s low muttering gets louder as he’s pulled away from them both.

“No, no, _no. No!”_

He struggles against the trooper's grip, but they easily shove him down a far hallway and Jyn barely has a moment to exchange a last glance with Leia, tearful and afraid, before she, too, is gone from sight.

Then Jyn is alone and her hands are bound and her mind is spinning.

She can’t fragment.

It’s been years but she remembers how to organize her thoughts. Prioritize her memories. The crystal sits warm at her throat and she focuses on that as she starts to parse...

...And she freezes when she sees a familiar black metal figure marching mechanically down the hallway on inhumanly long legs.

Its eyes are empty as it looks down at them and keeps walking. She cranes her head trying to look back at it.

It’s a KX security droid.

\---

Lando is not stupid. He knew what he was doing when he made a deal with the Empire.

It was either this or be crushed, along with all his people.

It’s not like when they were young, with no responsibility to anyone but themselves. He has people under his care and they would suffer for his choice if he made the wrong one.

But right now that means he has to stand outside the door and listen to Han’s screams.

If pure agony had a sound, it would be this one now that chills Lando to the bone.

He hasn’t forgotten the years they spent together. They were barely more than boys scraping to make a credit and survive.

Han did cheat him before he left. But Lando cheated right back.

He’s not mad about how it ended, he hasn’t been for years.

This right here, right now…

This is not something they would have ever done to each other and that sits hard on him.

The door opens amidst Han’s howling and Vader walks out.

“Lord Vader,” Lando calls out, but Vader ignores him, instead addressing the helmeted bounty hunter Boba Fett, “You may take Captain Solo to Jabba the Hutt after I have Skywalker.”

Vader keeps walking, forcing the bounty hunter to follow and Lando trails behind them both, still itching as Han’s screams seem to follow him down the hall.

“He's no good to me dead,” Boba Fett says, his voice low and muffled through the helmet.

“He will not be permanently damaged,” Vader says and Lando tries to ignore the way that statement makes his skin crawl as he squeezes around the bounty hunter.

“Lord Vader, what about the two girls and the Wookiee?” he asks, because right now it’s just about minimizing damage where he can. He can’t save Han, he can move on to trying to save his companions and hope that will balance the scales enough to make up for this.

“I will question them, after which they must never again leave this city,” Vader says and for once Lando doesn’t think before he speaks to the Imperial lord.

“That was _never_ a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter!” he waves a hand at Boba Fett who doesn’t move and says nothing.

Nobody says anything for a moment.

Long enough for Lando to regret speaking.

Vader takes a dangerous step towards him.

“Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly?” Vader asks and his voice has gone deceptively soft around the gasping breaths of the respirator.

Lando takes a step back feeling so many more kinds of regret than he ever thought existed.

“No,” he says and shakes his head.

“Good. It would be unfortunate if I had to leave a garrison here,” Vader says and there it is. The threat he’s trying to save them from.

Imperial occupation and everything that entails.

He’s heard horror stories enough to know he doesn’t want that for his city if he can avoid it.

Maybe he can’t.

Vader turns and sweeps into the elevator and the doors close. Boba Fett is already halfway down the hall heading towards Han’s torture room and Lando grits his teeth.

“This deal's getting worse all the time,” he mutters.

All of Bespin could suffer if he made the wrong choice.

He’s not sure he made the right one either.

\---

It feels like time grinds to a halt for an instant as Jyn scrambles to keep the retreating droid in view. K-2’s drive weighs heavy on her chest and…

This may accomplish nothing. This may not save her.

She may have escaped Jedha, Scarif, The Death Star, and Hoth to die here on Bespin.

But if she’s going to die, it will be on her terms.

One of them has to survive.

One of them _has to._

Her mind churns, cataloguing every detail in an instant. There are only two guards escorting her, one blaster pressed against her shoulder. The trooper with the blaster is behind her. The other in front.

They are stopped at a closed door. The trooper in front, not aiming a blaster, is reaching for the button to open the door.

She doesn’t have much time.

The hallway is nearly empty besides the droid moving quickly down the other end of the hall.

She doesn’t have _any_ time.

With a grunt she kicks her feet up against the door, using the momentum to shove the trooper behind her to the ground.

He shoots right through her shoulder and she bites back a cry at the expected hit. She’s on her back on top of the trooper and she rolls off him, in the process getting a fist to the mouth. She also manages to slide her arms out from behind her, slipping them under her feet as she lands on her back on the hard ground.

Now she can fight.

She jumps to her feet and in one swift move stomps on the fallen trooper’s helmet, shattering one of his eye plates with her heel. Then she dodges a laser blast from the trooper still standing and drops to the ground. Using her cuffed hands as balance, she presses down to the floor and sweeps her foot out in a long arc that knocks the troopers feet out from under him. He falls with a grunt and she grabs his blaster from his hands.

She shoots him in the chest and then the other trooper, who is just struggling off the ground.

Then she stands there breathless for a moment, blaster in hand.

Before she can think or do anything else, she sees the KX droid running straight at her.

 _“You, don’t move!”_ it calls in an empty metallic approximation of K-2’s voice and she grins without humor, feeling blood between her teeth.

_Perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOOOOOO *air horn noises* GUESS WHOSE COMING BACK Y'ALL *mic drop*  
> (also some other stuff happened and I have been wondering for YEARS what happened after they all went into that room with the table. Like did they have My Dinner with Vader before they got tortured?? Idk)


	22. Returns(Cassian/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow XD

_Defarge, that sister of the mortally wounded boy upon the ground was my sister, that husband was my sister’s husband,_  
_that unborn child was their child, that brother was my brother, that father was my father,_  
_those dead are my dead, and that summons to answer for those things descends to me!’ Ask him, is that so.”_  
_“It is so,” assented Defarge once more._  
_"Then tell Wind and Fire where to stop,” returned madame; “but don’t tell me.”_

_—A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens_

_\---_

“Stop here,” Nadjia says and they all skid to stopping in front of one of the many avenues on this crowded and seedy street. It might be the afternoon but it hardly feels like it, and streetlamps are on at every corner, illuminating the dark and dirty edges of this city.

Cassian glances around the corner, trying to figure out where Nadjia’s led them. He follows her gaze to the facade of the building before them. There’s a neon sign advertising what kind of establishment this is and a Togruta woman wearing precious little, lounges on the front step.

She smiles at the three of them and Cassian bites back a grimace.

“I don’t like this,” he tells Nadjia and a glance at Bodhi beside them shows the younger man has gone distinctly pale.

“I said you wouldn’t,” Nadjia says lightly, “Now come inside, the troopers could be here any minute.”

Cassian steps carefully around the woman on the step, muttering an apology as he does so. Meanwhile, Bodhi keeps his eyes glued to the floor as they enter the pleasure house, and Cassian can only shake his head because he knows _why._

Nadjia leads them down a long, wide hall, and it seems she is more than familiar with the women of the establishment.

“Hello, Nadj,” a human woman says as they walk by. She lets her hand brush against Nadjia’s arm and Nadjia grins at the woman as she passes.

Cassian has had to deal in places like these before, he has nothing against the profession these women chose… He just doesn’t like being in a place such as this.

Still, he schools his face to blankness and keeps an eye on Bodhi, who has gone from pale to blushing furiously as they enter what must function as the house’s lobby. A wide desk sits at the center of the room and all around the room, there are cushions and couches with women lounging in varying degrees of undress.

The woman at the desk is some species Cassian can’t place in a brief glance, but her skin is made up of scales that glitter and seem to change color, and she appears to be somewhat older than most of the other girls if Cassian’s any judge. She’s wearing a long dressing gown of sorts but the fabric seems to be entirely sheer and transparent, hiding nothing for those who might want to look.

Cassian decides to study the ceiling for a minute.

“You brought friends?” a woman asks somewhere behind them, and Nadjia chuckles. “Not for you, Cala,” she calls over and a Twi’lek comes up behind them.

“Are you sure? I love the shy ones,” she purrs, draping an arm around Bodhi’s shoulders and now even his friend's ears are pink.

Unfortunately, it seems the woman is mistaking discomfort for some kind of charming bashfulness with Bodhi. He looks distinctly like he would really prefer to become one with the floorboards beneath his feet.

He’s about to say something when Nadjia reaches around him and bats at the woman’s arm.

“You can look but don’t touch. He’s not for you,” she says and her tone is playfully scolding, but Bodhi breathes a sigh of relief when the woman steps back with a pout.

Meanwhile, Nadjia faces the desk and says, “I need Yamina.”

The woman raises her eyebrows.

“Sounds serious, what if Yamina’s busy?” she asks and Nadjia shakes her head.

“I need Yamina and also I would appreciate if you could take us to a room immediately. You know I’m good for it,” she says and the woman shakes her head.

“One of these days, you need to find a nice girl and settle down,” the woman says and Nadjia laughs ruefully.

“Maybe you’ll make an honest woman of me, Trulana,” she says, leaning forward on the desk like she’s flirting and the woman puts a three fingered hand to her cheek like she’s blushing.

“Don’t tempt me, girl, I’ll go fetch Yamina and Cala will take you three to a room.”

The Twi’lek is on her feet, smiling once again.

“How about this one, Nadj?” she asks, stroking Cassian’s shoulder.

“He seems far too sour to be any fun for you, but he is pretty.”

Cassian exhales a quiet sigh and Nadjia glances at him, then Cala.

“Sorry sweetie, lover boy here already has a girl that he is very hung up on,” she says and Cassian blinks at her, his eyebrows raising in surprise more than anything. Then it’s Cala’s turns to sigh, removing her hand from his shoulder and telling him, “What a waste, let me know if you feel like straying a little.”

She leads them down another hall lined with doors and opens one, gesturing them inside.

“Yamina will be here in a minute,” Cala says, her voice going high and girlish before she shuts the door and Cassian looks at Nadjia.

“I hate this,” he says flatly and Nadjia pats him on the cheek.

“I know, lover boy,” she says and beside him, Bodhi slumps against the wall like he’s exhausted.

(He probably is. The three of them ran at least a mile, probably more.)

The room is draped in red curtains and gold trim. Little bells hang off the bed and he notices there are no windows or mirrors. The only light comes from a yellow lamp hanging from the ceiling.

“They know your name here,” he observes to Nadjia, who shrugs a little.

“You’ll never find a better keeper of secrets than a prostitute,” she says. “Also they think I’m a smuggler named Nadj.”

Cassian looks at her, waiting for a better explanation of their current hideout.

“I was in a bind and my cover had been burned. The girls here are good even if they do lay it on a little thick sometimes. I usually stop by when I’m planetside, and the girls have no love for the Empire. They’ll let me hide here as long as I pay for the room.”

It all makes sense. Cassian still can’t help but stare a little nonplussed at her; Bodhi does the same beside him. Nadjia ignores their looks completely.

“I knew about him but I’ll admit I didn’t take you for a shy one,” Nadjia says to him and Cassian sighs for what feels like the hundredth time today.

“I can be less… ‘Shy’ when my cover calls for it,” he mutters and she nods.

“Sounds about right,” she says and then glances behind him at Bodhi who has carefully gone to have a seat at the edge of the bed.

“How are you doing, Rook?” she asks and Bodhi looks tired as he replies, “I’ve b-been better.”

“Sorry, there wasn’t time to warn you, now move over, I need to get off this leg,” she says and she hobbles to the bed and Cassian realizes with a start he forgot about her leg. Nadjia’s been hiding the pain well, but the bandage on her leg is now stained with red.

She lies back on the bed, sighing with relief when the door opens. There’s an Arkanian woman in the doorway. She’s an offshoot, like Nadjia, with blue eyes and strands of ash blonde hair mixing with the white hair she has tied back in a long braid. She stands with her hip jutting out to the side, one hand pressing against it. Trulana smiles at them from the edge of the door frame.

“You’ll get your credits before we leave, Trulana,” Nadjia says from the bed and the older woman nods and retreats while the Arkanian struts into the room.

The moment the door shuts she drops the hip and the strut and glares at Nadjia.

“What have you gotten yourself into now?” she demands and Nadjia limply gestures with her hand.

“Everybody, meet Yamani. Yamani, everybody.”

Yamani snorts a little, but nods at each of them. “Yes, hello, nice to meet you. Nadjia, are you bleeding on my bed?”

Nadjia grimaces, squeezing her eyes shut before cracking one open to look up at her fellow offshoot. “Maybe.”

The woman grumbles and shakes her head.

“Alright, hang on,” she mutters, bending down so she can reach underneath the bed. Bodhi scoots to the side, trying not to be in her way. He keeps frowning at Nadjia like he, too, might have forgotten she had been shot not too long ago.

Yamina comes out from under the bed with what looks like a med kit in her hands and then looks over at Bodhi, still nervously perched at the foot of the bed.

“Hello, Nadjia’s friend, if you need to sit down, there are some cushions over there.” She nods her head to the far corner of the room by the door and where Cassian’s standing. Bodhi nods and practically runs to sit in the corner.

With him out of the way, she sits on edge of the bed with the med kit and looks down at Nadjia with a frown.

“Would you believe me if I said it was for a good cause?” Nadjia asks and Yamina shakes her head.

“You _always_ say that. How can smuggling be for a good cause?”

Cassian is starting to feel like they should leave the room. It’s at that moment that Yamina turns to him.

“ _Stars,_ at least Lilea was useful. You,” she points at Cassian, “Come help me with this.”

And Cassian freezes under the woman’s stare. More than that, he can’t help but see the way Nadjia almost flinches at the sound of her former partner’s name.

And Nadjia looks at him then, for just a moment.

There is a naked, palpable sadness engraved onto her features before she turns her head away from all of them, facing the far wall.

That’s enough for Cassian to glance at Bodhi, who nods at him as if to say, _go on._ And he pushes himself to his feet.

“Sorry, what do you need?” he asks.

\---

_“You, don’t move!”_

Jyn watches the KX droid running right at her.

There’s a door on her right, the trooper was about to open it and she’s betting it’s a cell. She reaches over with both hands and presses the button and it opens to reveal little more than four walls and a dim light hanging from the ceiling. Jyn glances at it once and thinks, _that’ll work._

They can't do this in the hall where they could be caught.

The droid is still running at her and she braces herself because she knows how hard the droid can hit.

“ _Remain still,”_ it calls out and she waits until the droid is a few mere inches away before she ducks into the empty room. The KX droid follows her, just like she hoped it would. She dodges to the side of it, snaking her arm around the door frame to the outside controls.

(It tugs at the wound in her shoulder, which she can’t pay attention to right now.)

She presses the button down and yanks her hand back inside before the door closes on it.

And the droid takes the opportunity while her back is turned to grab her and lift her up into the air.

 _“Do not resist,”_ it says and she flails her legs out scrabbling for purchase.

She’s lucky that the room is so small that her feet can reach the wall. She kicks off it as hard as she can and it forces the droid to stumble backwards and drop her. She hits the ground with a hard thump, but she scrambles up again.

This time, she jumps onto its back, hooking her cuffed wrists around its neck.

 _“Stop resisting,”_ it says in that flat metallic voice.

Cassian had told her that K-2 had an off switch of sorts at the base of his back. She needs to reach that switch first.

She cranes her head and tries to peer down at those controls right as the droid slams her back against the wall.

She bites back a cry and tries to look again at the controls. The droid slams her a second time and Jyn gasps at the pain.

She doesn’t have the time to be careful if she wants to get this done. She gets a good grip on the droid’s neck, practically hugging it around the shoulders so she can let her legs dangle long enough to drive her knee into those controls and hope for the best.

And _stars,_ it actually works. All the sharp edges prick at her skin but the droid crumples to the ground in a suddenly lifeless heap. Jyn has to awkwardly untangle herself from its neck before she can roll off it and get her bearings.

Her head is spinning, her shoulder burns, and her chest throbs, but she fumbles at her shirt collar, cuffed hands making her clumsy, and she is able to fish out K-2’s drive.

Cassian said the port would be at the base of his skull. He said all she had to do was plug it in. She grabs out her crystal and holds it with both hands and _prays._ Prays to whatever gods or forces might be listening and she plugs it in.

Nothing happens.

She stands there, frozen like a statue watching as, _nothing happens._

Then she hears the servos start to whir.

The droid moves slowly, its photoreceptors flickering to life. It sits up gradually and looks at her.

She opens her mouth, uncertain of what to do or say when the droid surges to its feet and grabs her by the shirt, slamming her up against the wall.

“Where is Cassian?” K-2SO asks and Jyn can’t answer while she’s being held up by her shirt, and it’s twisting around her neck.

K-2 seems to realize that because he sets her down on the ground, his photoreceptors peering down at her.

“I don’t…” She swallows and has to cough once before trying again.

“I don’t know where he is,” she says and her voice breaks on the words.

“Unacceptable,” he tells her, looming dangerously and Jyn sighs. She doesn’t even really know where to start.

“Do you know who I am?” she asks, looking up at the face she’s missed for a long time.

“Of course, you’re Jyn Erso. A criminal,” he states and Jyn winces.

Cassian had said he didn’t know when K-2 made his last memory backup. It’s possible K-2 doesn’t even remember meeting her.

“What’s the last thing you remember from before you woke up just now?” she asks and K-2 pauses, servos whirring and photoreceptors flicking back and forth.

“There appears to be a two year gap in my memory files,” the droid says slowly and Jyn nods.

“I know, but what happened before your last backup?” she asks and the droid looks down at her again in a way that almost seems curious.

“You were being sent with us to Jedha. Cassian said it was a terrible idea and you were not to be trusted.”

And Jyn recoils a little, feeling a sharp pang for everything this K-2 does not know. She knew he wouldn’t remember Scarif. There was no way, but that’s almost nothing.

Nothing but the moments where Jyn was at her worst. Beating up Rebellion soldiers, trying to lie her way out of Alliance questioning

This K-2 has no reason to trust her and there is no time to explain why he should. She bites the inside her cheek and looks up at him hoping to say the right thing.

“Kay, I need you to trust me—”

It goes about as well as she expected.

“—Trust you. Why? Cassian didn’t trust you,” K-2 takes a menacing step towards her and she remains where she is. When he grabs her by the shirt again, he slowly pushes her back up against that wall again instead of slamming her, which feels like a kindness of sorts.

Except for where his metal fist is pressing into her sternum and her entire body aches from being crushed against these hard walls.

“I should just kill you and go find Cassian, he must be around here somewhere,” he says and Jyn swears she can hear the bones in her chest grinding as K-2’s fist presses down harder.

“He’s not here,” Jyn all but gasps.

“He has to be here, if I’ve been reactivated than Cassian must be _here,_ ” K-2 says and Jyn shakes her head.

“He gave me a copy of the drive,” she says breathlessly and K-2 presses harder.

“That makes no sense, why would Cassian give _you_ a copy of my memory backups?” K-2 demands and the pain is becoming overwhelming. Spots dance across her vision.

She has to tell him something so he’ll believe her. Something Jyn Erso wouldn’t have known before.

“When you first met Cassian, It was on the planet Wecacoe. He was traveling with a pair of twins. Kertas and Rismor. When you escaped with him, you said there was only an 11.8 percent chance of you both surviving,” she gasps out and K-2 immediately lets go and steps back.

“How do you know that?” he asks and she can read the uncertainty in the way the droid stands and stares at her now. Less looming, slightly hunched over.

Jyn presses a hand against the spot where K-2 nearly crushed her. It will surely bruise but she shakes that off for now, taking a deep and shaky breath and looking up at the droid.

“He told me.”

“I do not understand why he would tell you such things. _Where is Cassian?_ ”

And Jyn can feel herself cracking.

Her composure is crumbling and she hates having to say it.

 _“I don’t know where he is,_ ” she grits through her teeth and K-2 stares down at her.

“Explain,” he says and Jyn breathes out in exhaustion and tries not to wince at the way it makes her ribs feel.

“The base was collapsing and…” She has to stop and try to breath around the lump in her throat.

“And you left him behind,” K-2 says and it’s a statement, not question.

Jyn bends forward, pressed down by the weight of it. She rests her hands on her knees and says, “I _tried_ to find them,” and the words come out small and pitiful.

“But then you left,” K-2 states and Jyn shakes her head.

“I didn’t want to leave... I tried…”

She can’t say anymore. Her shoulders are shaking and she’s not sure if she’s crying or about to throw up.

Neither of them speak for several moments. When she straightens to look at him, his photoreceptors are trained onto her. Like he’s scanning her, trying to read her.

“And Cassian told you how we met, and gave you a backup of my memories,” the droid says slowly, disbelief hanging on every syllable.

“He was my friend...” she murmurs softly, “... _is_ my friend, I don’t know.”

K-2 bobs his head once as he processes this information. One long arm reaches back for the drive still plugged at the base of his neck and Jyn opens her mouth to protest, to ask if it’s safe to remove that. K-2 simply unhooks the drive before she can make a sound.

His eyes flicker briefly and then he holds the drive out in front of him, his durasteel fingers curling around it. The string of her necklace hangs down and Jyn half reaches for it before she stops herself.

“...Can I...have that back?” she asks softly and again she can feel the droid watching her curiously.

“Why?”

And she can’t meet the droid’s gaze, looking down as she says softly, “It’s all I have of him.”

She can feel K-2 stare but when she looks up, the droid mutely hands it back. She awkwardly pulls the string over her neck, the cuffs making it difficult. When the drive is sitting like a familiar weight next to her crystal, she looks up at the droid and that unyielding stare.

“Jyn Erso, you appear to be damaged beyond our recent altercation,” K-2 observes and she opens her mouth to respond, but there’s the sound of voices echoing down the hall. Encroaching footsteps that are faint, but rapidly growing louder.

“Kay, you have to hide,” she says, suddenly rushed now that her time is running out.

“Where are we?” K-2 asks.

“Bespin, but that doesn’t matter! When they find me, pretend to be an Imperial droid or stay quiet or _hide._ ” She presses her hands against the droids chest plate trying to push him away from the doorway. He lets her, sounding almost puzzled, “I don’t understand.”

“I _know,_ Kay, but there’s no time. Our shuttle, the Millennium Falcon, is on landing pad 4. You have to find it and you have to hide. If they find out I reprogrammed you, they’ll just deactivate you.”

“Wouldn’t it be more efficient if we attempted to escape now? Rather than my waiting for you on the ship.”

“No, there are others. I can’t leave without them,” Jyn whispers in a rush. The footsteps outside are getting louder. They’ve probably seen the downed troopers. It’s just a matter of moments before they find her.

“Your chances of survival would be greater if—”

Jyn interrupts him, carefully pushing him up against the wall beside the door. If the troopers don’t fully enter the cell they shouldn’t see him.

“— They’re Cassian’s friends, too, I can’t leave them,” Jyn says.

“Cassian didn’t have friends before.”

“ _Kay, please._ They are going to be here any second. They’re going to capture me. Please, just _hide._ ”

The sound of footsteps stops right outside the door and Jyn’s breath stutters as the droid watches her almost pensively.

“Your behavior is most puzzling, Jyn Erso. Nevertheless, I will hide,” K-2 says at a low volume setting and Jyn nods.

She steps away from the droid and moves to the doorway as it slides open to reveal at least five troopers with their blasters aimed at her.

She raises her hands above her head, wincing as it twinges the blaster wound which is still bleeding. She can feel the warmth of blood spreading down her shoulder and it occurs to her, as one trooper grabs her by the cuffs and yanks her out of the room, poking his blaster right into her wounded shoulder… It occurs to her these were Cassian’s injuries after Scarif. Broken ribs and a blasted shoulder.

There is something so strange about that, she has to fight the urge to burst into hysterical laughter. She risks one glance behind her and sees K-2’s black metallic shape slipping out of the room and looking her way, eyes glowing in the darker hall. A moment later he turns away and heads in the opposite direction and Jyn faces forward again, feeling a vicious smile forming on her lips.

If nothing else, she’s insured one of them will survive this now.

_Good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K-2 IS BACK (It kinda sucked for Jyn) but K-2 IS BACK ITS GOING TO BE AWESOME *bangs pots and pans together* K-2 IS BAAAAAAAACK  
> Also oh hey this sex repulsed person doesn't know much about sex workers and like...STUFF but I tried to not be disparaging I just found the boys awkwardness really funny. ANYWAY K-2 IS BACK I'VE BEEN WAITING AGES FOR THIS HELL YEAH!  
> Also there's a Rogue One comic about K-2 and Cassian's first meeting and all that stuff is lifted straight from it.


	23. Memories and Musings(K-2SO/Cassian/Han)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and letting me that one scene worked. And thank you areth_lovejoy for pointing that very important detail that I forgot about...I fixed it ^_^

_The monument of a memory_  
_You tear it down in your head_  
_Don’t make the mountain your enemy_  
_Get out, get up there instead_  
_You saw the stars out in front of you_  
_Too tempting not to touch_  
_But even though it shocked you_  
_Something’s electric in your blood_

_―Various Storms and Saints, Florence + The Machine_

\---

 _“Kay, please_. They are going to be here any second. They’re going to capture me. Please, just hide,” Jyn Erso whispered at him.

Cassian had explained the art of _fabrication._ Of lying, to K-2SO very early on.

Cassian had explained that he was a spy and that spies often have to lie to get information. He said it meant to saying things that weren’t true.

_“So if I were to say that 5,351 divided by 5 equaled 1,071 that would be a lie?”_

_Cassian stared at him._

_“It actually equals 1,070.2” K-2 elaborated since he had already learned that humans could not compute at same speeds as he could and then Cassian nodded._

_“Yes...that would be a lie.”_

So K-2 understood lying. He had learned about human behavior and he knew how to read a human’s body language.

With that knowledge he was 87.57% certain that Jyn Erso was telling the truth.

“Your behavior is most puzzling, Jyn Erso. Nevertheless, I will hide,” K-2 told her at a low volume setting and Jyn nodded.

She stepped in front of the doorway with her hands above her head as the door opened. He could only see the arms in white plastoid armor grab her and pull her out of the room. He heard a button pressed and slipped out the door before it shut him inside.

None of the troopers turned around or noticed him, but he saw Jyn Erso crane her head to look at him.

She had told him to hide and he considered it a sensible enough directive. He turned away and headed in the opposite direction from Jyn and the stormtroopers, his mind calculating through various scenarios and probabilities.

Now, he walks down the hall and looks for a control panel he can break into. He needs the layout of this facility and whatever other information he can find if he is going to succeed in any attempts to escape this place and find Cassian.

If Jyn Erso was telling the truth than Cassian is not here.

Cassian may be dead.

K-2 does not like this avenue of thought.

It is also possible that Jyn simply believes him to be dead. “Human error” as it is referred to colloquially is always a factor that must be accounted for. Either way, he is most probably not here.

Jyn Erso is.

She says she is Cassian’s friend and all indicators point to her telling at least some truth. There is no other explanation for how she would know the details of the day he was reprogrammed.

K-2 is continually studying is memory files and considering that two year gap.

A lot can elapse in two years.

Cassian being Jyn’s friend would at least explain why she had his backup drive. It's not a valuable item. Just a piece of hardware to restore his mainframe.

_“It’s all that I have of him.”_

Jyn Erso is here and apparently damaged. The blaster wound in her shoulder looks like stormtrooper work. But the way she gripped her sides, the grimacing when she took a deep breath, suggests she may have injuries to her rib cage.

It’s very possible she received them while accosting this KX droid’s body.

K-2 does not know what to think about that.

This body is newer than his previous one. The old body had some wear on it. The joints tended to stick sometimes and there were days where Cassian would have to get down on his hands and knees and replace screws that had been worn down to nothing so K-2 could walk.

The empire didn’t build him to last.

Even in a newer body, K-2 will not survive an encounter against more than five troopers while he is unarmed.

Jyn told him where their ship is. K-2 could just find it and leave.

He finally finds a control panel and easily unlocks it. He uploads the layouts of the facility to his memory banks. He locates landing pad 4 in an instant.

He also locates a large holding cell of sorts. It is marked for prisoners and it is occupied.

If K-2 attempts to retrieve her alone, there is a 92.35% chance of failure that would end in death or deactivation.

He recalls the way she held his backup drive like it was a precious object. Cradling it in her hands, before clumsily slipping it around her neck as it must have been before.

 _“It’s all that I have of him,”_ she said.

There is also the fact that Jyn Erso is his only source of information on Cassian’s whereabouts, or the Rebellion’s current base.

 _“The base was collapsing,”_ she had said. K-2 had been projecting they would have to leave Yavin IV within the next two years and based on  that statement, they probably did.

She said that she thinks Cassian is dead. She could be wrong and the only way he’ll know for sure is if he can glean further details about whatever incident occurred.

He considers the facts and concludes that even if she is lying, she clearly has more information than he does.

K-2 turns and heads back the way he came.

In the direction of that large holding cell.

\---

When he’s done helping Yamina clean and dress Nadjia’s wound, it’s Nadjia herself who points at Bodhi where he still sits quietly on that pile of cushions.

“It looks like a blaster bolt might have grazed his ear,” she says and Bodhi claps a hand to his ear.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” he says quickly and only now that Cassian is paying attention, does he notice small trails of dried blood on the side of Bodhi’s face. He looks back to Yamina and says quietly,

“I can take care of that, if you don’t mind leaving your kit with me.”

The woman snorts, turning to Nadjia. “You found a polite one,” she says and Yamina flaps a pale hand at them.

“He’s alright,” she grumbles, and Cassian’s eyebrows shoot skyward.

“Just pop the kit back under the bed when you’re done,” Yamina says to him before getting up off the bed.

“And now, if nobody is going to require my services, I can go be useful elsewhere,” she says with a suggestive wag of her hip. Nadjia smirks at her from the bed,

“Yeah sorry, not today, petal.”

“Well… You do seem to have your hands full,” Yamina concedes with a look of hard consideration that drops in an instant, replaced by a cheeky grin. “Just moan if you need me,” she says before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

The moment the door slides closed, Bodhi practically sighs with relief. Meanwhile Cassian bundles up the med kit to kneel beside him and Nadjia sits up, resting her weight on her elbows.

“Honestly, Rook, she’s a prostitute, not a rathtar,” she says, looking down at the both of them, and Bodhi shakes his head vigorously. Cassian was about to start cleaning it with a cloth and has to pull back.

“Don’t move your head,” he mutters and Bodhi glances at him almost apologetically before facing forward. It looks as though the blaster bolt simply nicked the corner of his ear. Some bacta and a small bandage and it should be fine. Nobody says a word as he works and when he's done he leans back, Bodhi mutters a soft, “Th-thanks,” staring down at the floor.

“I’m sorry, I know Jyn was always better at this sort of thing,” Cassian says and from the corner of his eye, he sees Nadjia roll over to face the wall, like she’s giving them privacy.

Meanwhile, Bodhi looks mildly incredulous as he says, “Cassian, Jyn was _t-terrible_ with this stuff. She just… She w-worried, that’s all.”

“Well, we have that in common, I guess,” Cassian mutters and Bodhi looks at him with a mix of anxiety and understanding.

Cassian has to look away first, up at the chrono on the wall. The meeting is at 2200 and they have hours until then.

“Better settle in, Bodhi,” Cassian says. “We have a long wait.”

\---

At some point Bodhi must have fallen asleep lying on those cushions and Cassian takes a seat to the side of the bed, so he can rest his head against the mattress. It’s not necessarily comfortable but it's close enough

He’s pretty sure Nadjia is asleep as well, still lying on Yamina’s bed.

He simply sits, watches the clock, and waits.

The rooms seem to be fairly soundproofed. He can’t hear any activities that might be going on in neighboring rooms. He eyes all the reds and golds of this room and lets his mind wander and time passes slowly.

He wonders how Jyn is doing. Or Baze and Chirrut back at the new base. He wonders how Bodhi is really doing with all this; that bleak look in his eyes when they talked about Jyn spoke volumes.

It’s quiet now and eventually he starts to doze.

At around 2000 hours, a question startles him into wakefulness.

“You know what’s bothering me?” Nadjia asks and he jolts a little, turning to glance back and finding her awake and alert and watching him.

She doesn’t wait for prompting to finish her question either. “How did the stormtroopers know to look for us? Our papers were properly forged and even Rook didn’t do anything really obvious to give us away. There’s no reason the troopers should have come to track us down at the hotel,” she says and her eyes glitter in the dim light, unblinking and pensive.

In point of fact, Cassian’s been wondering much the same thing.

He has suspicions of course, little thoughts that have nagged him for longer than this mission.

What he says aloud is, “I’m guessing you have a theory.”

She nods. “We know all Imperial bases are constantly uploading all their surveillance footage to a central server. We just don’t know if it’s a constant upload or if it happens in increments throughout the day, right?” she asks and Cassian can see where this is going.

“And you’re wondering how much surveillance footage they have from Scarif?”

“And the Death Star, too,” she adds evenly and he shakes his head.

“When they put me back on active duty, the first thing they did was send me to places like Tatooine,” he says, “Low stakes missions with easy exits, but I know it was to see if I got pursued by any bounty hunters or troopers.”

And now it's her turn to shake her head.

“You know there have been theories for a long time about higher level Imperial fugitives going on a watchlist,” she says quietly and Cassian stares at her.

“That’s unconfirmed.”

She shrugs a little. “We’ve been guessing that it’s a watchlist that only certain upper level personnel in the Empire might be privy to,” she says and Cassian frowns.

“There’s a lot of guesswork in this theory of yours,” he says and she makes a face at him.

“ _What if_ they know your face? We know they have Rook’s on file. Maybe that’s what got the attention of at least two squads of troopers?”

Cassian stares at her, partly because what she’s saying makes sense, but at the same time...

“I’ve been working in the field for the last two years, so has Bodhi. If the Empire knows my face or they still have him on file, how come we haven’t been caught?” he asks and she watches him placidly.

“Luck, I suppose. And also, I hate to admit this, but it would appear you’re good at your jobs,” she says and Cassian’s mouth quirks a little.

“Also, if this list does exist, it wouldn’t be something every trooper would see. Probably not even the entirety of their upper level personnel. You know Draven’s been guessing about key figures scattered through their ranks that would have access to such a list.”

He did know, but it was still only an unsubstantiated theory. And a good explanation of events so far. They've been assuming that Empire thought they were all dead and that any records they had on them would have been cast aside.

He sighs and hits his head against the mattress just once. A quiet display of temper for the latest tightening of the bind they’re in.

Neither of them say anything for several minutes and he starts to wonder if Nadjia’s fallen back asleep when she says, “Your faces when we came in here were a real sight, I have to say,” and he turns to look at her again, this time seeing a wry amusement crinkling the skin around her eyes.

“Well, I’m glad we provided you entertainment,” he replies and the words come out bone dry as he faces forward again. She doesn’t say anything back and something about her silence gives him pause.

“I did… Appreciate you sticking up for Bodhi back there,” he says slowly and he glances back again to see her considering him.

“Don’t forget I shooed Cala off you, too, lover boy,” she says with something leaning towards humor.

“I could have managed it—” Cassian begins and she interrupts him.

“—Sure you could have _managed_ it but you looked like you wanted to sink into the floor—”

“—I’m just _saying_ Bodhi was really uncomfortable so… Thanks for helping him out,” Cassian says somewhat uncomfortably and she leans back a little bit against the pillows almost like she’s surprised.

A few seconds pass before she sits up and asks, “Do you think he would have felt better with male prostitutes? I can arrange that if there’s a next time.”

Cassian all but gapes at her and she sighs. “ _Fine,_ I appreciate the sentiment. You’re welcome and all that,” she says flapping a hand at him.

And another silence falls, it’s almost comfortable.

Into the silence she finally says, “And y’know, thank you for not saying anything when Yamina brought up Lilea.”

“Why would I say anything?” Cassian asks, “You told me what happened with your partner, that’s the end of the story. I don’t need every detail, it’s none of my business.”

He turns back to her and sees a look on her face that he can’t quite read.

“I’m starting to see why she likes you,” she says and Cassian lets out a quiet, “Ha,” and shakes his head.

“Well, when you figure it out, let me know. I’ve been trying to sort that one out for two years.”

Now it's her turn to chuckle although it fades when she glances past him to Bodhi, still asleep on those cushions.

“You know, we’re going to have to bring him with us now,” she says and Cassian nods. He knew it as soon as they had to leave the hotel.

“Dimaar isn’t going to like this,” she mutters and Cassian sighs.

“Well, Dimaar will have to manage,” he says.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t cost us those Death Star plans,” she says and Cassian doesn’t know quite what to say to that.

He remembers a conversation he had not so long ago.

_“Hope?” she had asked_

_“Yeah… Rebellions are built on hope,” he had replied leaning in._

It was true enough then, maybe the same holds true still.

Maybe their luck, what little they have, will hold them just a little longer.

\---

Han has been very lucky over the years. Many would disagree but after all the lying and scraping to get by, the fact that he’s still alive is fairly miraculous. He knows this.

Up until this point he had considered this as the entire breadth and depth of his luck. He hadn’t really considered the fact that he had also managed to avoid torture.

His entire body is aching and limp when the troopers drag him back to a dark cell and throw him inside.

He nearly falls but is pleasantly surprised to feel familiar wooly arms catch him before he hits the ground. Chewie barks out concern and Han doesn’t really know what to say other than, “I feel terrible.”

It’s accurate although maybe not the most accurate. He feels a bit like his entire body was simultaneously burned and beaten with hammers. He’s pretty sure there will be bruises around his neck from where Darth Vader choked him using _The kriffing Force._

Han did not know the Force could do that and frankly, he isn’t a fan.

He’s trying not to think about what could be happening to Jyn and Leia right now because if it’s this? He doesn’t want to think about it as Chewie helps him lie on the ground.

As if the universe was reading his mind, the door opens and a battered Leia is pushed inside.

 _“Leia,”_ he half chokes out her name. It’s a relief to see her whole and capable of standing upright, and she immediately runs to his side, kneeling down beside him.

“Did they...?” He can’t finish the question but she just shakes her head.

“They just asked me questions and manhandled me a bit, I’m _fine,_ Han,” she says and he nods.

“Good, because I feel like bantha shit.”

She makes a small sympathetic sound and rests a hand on his arm, squeezing it a little too tight.

Technically, it hurts like hell, but Han isn’t planning on saying anything about it.

It’s at that moment that the doors slide open again and Jyn is uncuffed before being unceremoniously shoved inside. She hits the ground with a thump and Han tries to sit up and get a look at her.

She huffs into the grated floor and rolls onto her back.

And she looks _bad._

She’s pale and sweaty and it looks like her shoulder is bleeding.

Leia shoots him a look before getting to her feet and kneeling beside Jyn. Han pushes himself to sitting, leaning his back against the wall with Chewie’s somewhat ungainly help before asking, “Kriffing hell, Jyn, what happened?”

On her back, Jyn addresses the strange fan-like grating on the ceiling and Leia as she says, “Would you believe I got lucky?” and she sounds as ragged as she looks.

“Lucky?” Leia asks, her eyebrows climbing up her forehead.

Without a word, Jyn fishes out one of her necklaces and holds it up for Leia to see. It looks like a drive of some sort and Leia stares at it and then her. Before either woman can speak, the door opens yet again and Lando walks in with two guards.

“Help me up,” Han mutters to Chewie while Jyn struggles to her feet on her own with Leia hovering beside her. The four of them move towards eachother and away from the door. Han shares a look with Leia that’s heavy with what they aren’t saying.

Then he studies the man he thought was his friend as Lando steps into the room. Maybe he wasn’t a trustworthy friend, but he was a friend nonetheless. Han did a lot of rotten things in his day, but he would _never_ have done something like this. He feels naive knowing now that he believed the same of Lando.

“Get out of here,” Han says and Lando shakes his head. When he speaks, it’s quick and urgent, _“Listen,_ Vader has agreed to turn Leia, Jyn, and Chewie over to me.”

Han can’t help but repeat, “Over to you?” while Leia beside him says, _“Excuse me?”_

Lando glances back and forth between them and Han.

“They...You would have to stay here, but at least you would be safe.”

“And what about Han?” Leia asks and Lando looks at him now. His expression, bleak.

“Vader's giving him to the bounty hunter.”

“Vader wants us all dead,” Leia says, “There’s no use dealing with him, he’ll kill you, too, the moment it suits him.”

Lando shakes his head, “He doesn't want you at all. He's after somebody called Skywalker.”

“Luke?” Han asks, feeling a bit like the floor just dropped out beneath him. What the hell would Vader want with the kid?

“Lord Vader has set a trap for him,” Lando says and the way he calls him _Lord_ Vader gnaws at Han.

“We're the bait for your trap,” Jyn says, eyeing him with something less angry than he would have expected.

“Well, he's on his way,” Lando says and Han takes a few unsteady, painful steps away from Chewie towards the man who used to be his friend.

“You fixed us all pretty good, didn't you?” he says with a smile that’s all teeth. He wants to hit the man, make him hurt like he’s hurting. He doesn’t even notice his hands balling into fists, one arm pulling back for a blow, until a small hand rests on his arm.

He looks behind him and it’s Jyn holding him back. Her eyes are wide and she gives the smallest shake of her head.

Lando saw what he was about to do. His eyes flick between them again and he says, “I've done all I can, I'm sorry I couldn't do better, but I have my own problems.”

Han sneers, “Yeah, you're a real hero,” and then he hauls back and punches Lando in the jaw as hard as he can. It sends the man stumbling back and before he can try again, one of the guards hits him with the butt of their laser rifle and he topples to the ground.

Chewie is there to help him up again, and on his other side, Leia’s there, her eyes are bright and her hands are gentle as they help him to his feet. He glares at Lando and the other man can’t even meet his eyes, he just turns and leaves.

“Good riddance,” Han says at the man’s back as he wipes blood off his chin.

Lando pauses in the doorway, his shoulders tight. He doesn’t look back as the door shuts behind him.

“That was stupid,” Jyn observes, leaning back against the wall like standing is tiring her.

“Yeah, well, being stupid was always my specialty,” Han murmurs and he looks back to see her almost crack a smile.

It's a nice moment and it’s spoiled by the fact that they’ve been beaten to a pulp. The fact that Leia is looking up at him, her face taut with worry, her hand too tight on his arm. The fact that they are most likely going to be marched to their death in a matter of hours or days.

The fact that Luke Skywalker is walking into a trap the Empire set for him and there’s nothing they can do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh STUFF IS HAPPENING. I mean technically I stopped a chapter dead so everybody could have some necessary talks but whatever. Nadjia got to flirt and call her friend petal it was fun. (Technically I stole that from the awesome journalist lesbian lady on Broadchurch but whose counting?)


	24. The Quiet Before (Bodhi/K-2SO/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and helping me with my tenses.

_Are we not wise enough to give all we are_  
_Surely we’re bright enough to outshine the stars_  
_But human kind gets so lost in finding its way_  
_But we have a chance to make a difference til our dying day_

_—Wise Enough, Lamb_

_\---_

There was a day, Bodhi doesn’t remember precisely when, back on Hoth…

It was a regular day and Jyn was taking a break from work. They sat by the entrance to the hangar and just watched the snow blowing by outside.

It was a nice day, even if Luke was away on a mission and so was Cassian. The base was calm and so were they. Jyn leaned back against the icy wall with the hood of Cassian’s jacket pulled up over her head. She looked peaceful as she continued to watch the snow drifts outside.

Meanwhile, Bodhi had something on his mind he'd been thinking about days... Maybe even weeks or months.

“H-hey, Jyn,” Bodhi asked softly.

“Hmm?”

“Do you ever regret...a-any of what happened?” he asked and she turned to look at him with a frown. He hadn’t phrased it right but he’d been thinking about this for awhile. He knew full well Jyn still had nightmares and panic attacks, same as he did even if they didn’t really talk about it.

She waited while he tried to better compose his thoughts.

“Do you ever w-wish you could change any of what h-happened on Scarif? Or the Death Star?” he asked and she blinked at him before looking away thoughtfully.

There was a long silence as he watched her mull over her answer.

“I mean… I would have done anything to complete my father’s final wish and get that _thing_ out of the sky before it could kill any more people.…” she said slowly. “And we managed to do that. Not to mention, after everything that happened we all ended up together so… I guess, no, I don’t regret any of it. I would do it all again if I had to.”

Bodhi stared at her for a long time, not sure of what to say. When she finally looked back at him, she grinned and lightly punched his shoulder.

“Why? You getting tired of me?” she asked and Bodhi chuckled.

“Y-yeah, you’re the worst,” he replied and they both went back to watching the snow drifts in a peaceful silence.

Bodhi’s been thinking of Jyn a lot lately. What she would do in his situation. Jyn would do things like jump out a window if the situation required it. He knew that firsthand.

Their situation seems to be getting dicier as they are rapidly running out of options. But the goal is to get the plans for this second Death Star and he knows Jyn would stop at nothing for that.

She said something all the way back on Scarif.

She said something about taking chances until all of them are spent.

He thinks he will have to be like Jyn now and keep taking chances because he owes her that much. After everything he owes it to her and he owes it to his sister and his mother and the remains of Jedha and Alderaan… They can’t let a second Death Star exist after the damage the first one wrought.

It galls him that the Empire rebuilt that monstrosity. It doesn’t surprise him, but it angers him.

How much more damage can the Empire wreak on the galaxy before they’re satisfied?

The answer is more. Always more.

\---

At 2100 hours, it’s time for them to go. Nadjia’s on her feet looking well rested and not at all like she was shot earlier. Yamina helped to hide the bandage beneath her trousers so no one should know. Right now Nadjia has her hands on her hips, looking at Bodhi and Cassian with appraisal.

“We can’t very well put visors and hats on you in a cantina. You would only draw attention to yourselves. We don’t have time for something drastic like hair dye…” she muses and Bodhi asks, “Should w-we stay behind? Either h-here or with the ship?”

She shakes her head. “Every second we’re here is putting the girls at more risk if you get caught. _And_ if you get caught with the ship, then I could well be stranded here with the plans,” she says ticking each idea off on her fingers.

“So we’ll just have to try our luck and hope nobody recognizes us, is that what you’re saying?” Cassian asks, raising his brows at her. Now it's her turn to sigh as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“You're Draven’s golden boy, what do you think?” she asks him and he shakes his head.

“There’s no guarantee that the list is real, or that they recognized Bodhi. There are any number of reasons we could be pursued by troopers,” he says, “ _but,_ he’s your contact and you have more familiarity with this region. It’s your choice.”

She stares at him, her eyes flicking between him and Bodhi.

“Are you comfortable with me making a decision that could get you both killed?” she asks and Cassian looks to Bodhi first.

“What do you think?” he asks the younger man quietly.

 _‘Until we win... Or the chances are spent,’_ she had said.

Bodhi looks between him and Nadjia once before shrugging, “It wouldn’t b-be the f-first time,” he says softly and Cassian nods before turning back to Nadjia.

“You know what’s at stake and you know your contact. It’s up to you.”

Her mouth thins as she stares at the both of them for a minute before turning away to grab her coat.

“Get your things,” she says, “It’s a long walk to the Old Steel.”

\---

“Droid, what are you doing here?”

In all the time K-2 spent in Cassian’s company, there were times when it was helpful for him to pose an Imperial droid.

They learned very quickly that the ruse worked better the less he spoke. Still, he would be caught off guard sometimes and the wrong answer would slip out.

He has some memory of his former self, not to mention a certain amount of time spent around other KX droids. He knows what they are supposed to sound like. Unfortunately he is not like Cassian who can change his voice or mannerisms when needed.

If K-2SO must pretend to be just another KX droid, it is in his best interests to remain silent as much as possible.

He’s reached the cell and the four stormtroopers waiting at the door and he still hasn’t said a word to the trooper who spoke to him.

“Oh, I think they said we were getting some backup after that girl killed R-5423 and R-4562,” says another trooper standing farther back from the door.

K-2 simply inclines his head and the one standing in front of him makes a small, dissatisfied, “Hmm,” as he looks K-2 up and down once more before stepping back beside the others.

They're standing with two on either side of the doorway, and K-2 stands beside the one who spoke up earlier, assuming a ready stance that he hopes is right for a standard KX droid.

The trooper beside him nods and K-2 can only chalk this success up to luck because there was only an 11.72% chance of this working and it has for now. He continues to calculate what must happen next if he is going to pretend to be security for the prisoners.

Presumably with Jyn there and her unknown allies (these supposed friends of Cassian’s) there will be better odds when the time comes to escape.

That is his assumption at least.

For now there is nothing left to do but wait and so he does.

\---

The walk to the cantina is blissfully uneventful. They keep their heads down and weave through another evening’s crowds.

“You’re going to have to hide,” Nadjia says, pointing back at Bodhi as they move through the crowds.

“I came here to h-help, same as the both of you,” he says, bristling, and Cassian puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Your face is on their files. Wanted notices for you were up on the ‘net. You could be recognized by a bounty hunter or an Imperial,” he says, so quietly Bodhi almost can’t hear it over the noise of the crowds around them and the music blaring from a cantina somewhere nearby.

“I c-can’t help if I’m hiding,” he hisses to both of them.

“We’ll need our pilot in one piece if we have to leave in a hurry, and if you’re with us we might get unwanted attention,” Nadjia says calmly, ducking around a large couple that's drunkenly weaving down the street.

“So in a sense, your hiding would actually be helping us.”

Bodhi glares at her and then Cassian. “What a-about you? You said there might be some watchlist o-or something? What if y-you get recognized?” he asks as a challenge and Nadjia shakes her head.

“Dimaar already knows I’m coming with a partner. If I come alone now, he would get suspicious,” she says.

“And she might need backup, so we’re going to take that risk and hope it doesn’t blow up in our faces,” Cassian adds.

“That seems like a stupid and extremely risky plan,” Bodhi says, still glaring at them.

“Welcome to spycraft,” Nadjia mutters and Bodhi looks at Cassian.

“I don’t like the idea of h-hiding while out you’re risking your neck,” he says and Cassian claps him on the shoulder.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says before tugging Bodhi forward towards the half burnt out neon sign for the Old Steel Cantina.

Nadjia’s already a few steps ahead of them and she slips through the door first, making a beeline for the counter. Bodhi and Cassian catch up and follow behind her as she walks up to the heavy set Pantoran behind the counter and leans forward.

“Hello, Driss, it’s been awhile,” she says, resting her elbows on the countertop. The big man looks back at her.

“Yes, it has, and what name are you going by today, girl?” he asks, his deep voice gruff.

She grins at him, “It’s Gai today,” and the older man shakes his head.

“This smuggling stuff is a dangerous business, you know,” he says and Bodhi watches this whole exchange, feeling his eyebrows climb into his hairline.

Nadjia continues, unbothered by his comments about her fictitious life. “In fact, Driss, it's particularly dangerous today, and I need a favor.”

The old man barely even blinks.

“Why should I be doing you any favors, girl?” he asks flatly and she leans a little farther forward on the counter, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Because you like me and I’m an adorable and charming person who's already won you over with charm and wit.”

The old man blinks. “You said charm twice,” he says and his tone still doesn’t change.

“That’s because I’m very charming,” she replies and Bodhi glances at Cassian, who’s watching the exchange, looking mildly amused, and Bodhi wonders if this is what spy stuff is normally like.

The old man sighs and shakes his head. “What is the favor?” he asks and Nadjia grabs Bodhi by the arm without warning and tugs him forward.

“I know you’ve got some kind of back room or storage area. Can we hide him there until we’re done with our meeting?” she asks sweetly and up close, Driss is very tall. Bodhi stares up at him, feeling his eyes go a little wider, and the man looks down at him and then Nadjia.

“Why?” he asks

“There are some people who might react badly if they see him,” Nadjia says and that's an understatement.

The man looks him up and down and Bodhi is terrified he’s going to demand more but instead he says, “Fine. I’d better not regret this.”

And Nadjia grins brilliantly up at him.

“I’m sure you won’t,” she says and suddenly Bodhi is being herded into a small storage room full of nothing but pungent alcohol on every shelf. Before the door shuts him inside, Cassian steps forward and grabs him by the arm.

“No matter what happens. No matter what you hear. Stay inside until we come get you,” he says and his eyes are deadly serious. Bodhi nods, feeling a new weight settle into his stomach.

“S-stay safe,” he murmurs to him and Nadjia standing just behind him. Cassian nods and lets go and the big man shoves him inside the room and bolts the door.

There’s a small window in the door and Bodhi peaks through warped glass to see them sit down at a table.

Bodhi desperately hopes they haven’t made a terrible mistake in coming here.

\---

When the pink clouds part to reveal a shining, white city, Luke can’t help but stare a little. This is the city he saw in his vision, he’s sure of it.

There was some creative searching through the maps once he had left Dagobah behind. There was no easy way to search the system for a cloud city, so eventually he just shut his eyes and breathed the way Yoda taught him.

Reaching out with his mind for a city in the clouds and his friends. The effort brought mostly muddling results. He had the sense that he was being pulled in two different directions and when he had to choose he went with the one that had the strongest pull.

He thinks most of his friends must be there… But not all of them and that worries him.

He still remembers the feeling of their pain and fear so vividly. As he flies he thinks of what he saw again.

Jyn trembling before a dark presence, Leia screaming as she’s dragged away by troopers, Han being tortured, Cassian in a cantina with his hands on his laser pistol, Bodhi’s bloody shirt.

What if he’s already too late?

He lands his ship on one of the many platforms and wonders at the lack of people.

The city is large and clean and looks so alive, but there’s nobody in sight.

He gets R2 off the ship and the little droid follows behind him beeping anxiously.

“I know, R2… I know,” he murmurs, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck start to prickle as he walks down a long platform to enter a massive building that looks like the center of this city.

And the halls are empty.

Where is everybody?

Shaking his head he forges deeper into the halls of this strange and silent place, with R2 following at his heels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some final table setting before all the big stuff goes down.


	25. Frozen(Jyn/Han/Leia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow like what that piece of tech stuff was called.

_This evening we could see thousands of fast falling stars_  
_That sort of thing happens just once in a lifetime like ours_  
_I’m hopelessly nearsighted_  
_Not much for star gazing_  
  
_But couldn’t let all of those meteors pass_  
_This was our first_  
_This was our only_  
_This was our very last chance_

_―Momento Mori, Dessa  
_

\---

There were nights back on Hoth, where neither of them could sleep. Jyn and Cassian would lie there together, and sleep just refused to come.

Jyn could think of more than a few reasons for her own insomnia, let alone his.

She remembers one night in particular, when her body curved to the shape of his and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. It wasn’t steady and neither was her own.

That night was a night about the beach. Every time she closed her eyes she thought she could smell burning flesh and feel sand under her nails and in her hair. Cassian’s breath on her neck became the warm breezes that carried more smoke into her lungs.

She could nightmare while she was still awake, just as well as she could while she was sleeping.

When she opened her eyes, she could remind herself who belonged to the arms that were clasped around her. That was enough to help her remember she was far, far away from the beach.

This close, she could feel his heart beating too fast and she knew he was being plagued by visions of his own. She knew he had more than his fair share.

They were both awake and it was starting to feel absurd just lying there silently, so she murmured, “You should be sleeping,” to him.

He exhaled in a huff that she felt like a warm gust on her hair.

“So should you,” he replied softly.

“Well, if I was asleep, who would be here to tell you to go to sleep?” she asked reasonably. Another huff of air that sounded faintly amused.

“I think I could figure it out on my own,” he said and she shook her head.

“No, I think you need somebody to remind you.” She rolled onto her other side so she could face him. His eyes glimmered in the near dark of their room.

“Kay used to love reminding me,” he said and there was still a hint of a smile catching at the corner of his mouth. It faded quickly and she could only guess he was feeling a pang for his friend.

“Well, I guess I’m picking up the slack then,” she said, trying for lightness and missing. She could talk big but he had surely felt the way her heart was pounding only a few minutes ago. Her voice still quivered more than she would have liked.

“Bad dreams?” he asked and she shrugged.

“No worse than usual. You?”

“Same,” he replied and the way his arm tightened a little around her told the lie.

She shook her head.

“We’re still a mess aren’t we?” she asked and he sighed, reaching up to brush some hair that had slipped over her eyes to sit behind her ear.

“A good mess,” he said and there was that smile catching at his corners again. Hinting around his eyes and mouth.

She moved closer to him, tucking her head against his chest and feeling his arms around her

“The _best_ mess,” she whispered into his shirt and she wondered how she had lived before she met him. And she wondered if she could live without him.

\---

Jyn opens her eyes.

She’s lying on a sort of hard pallet that Leia had found earlier by pressing some buttons on the wall. There were two of them and they weren’t really beds, they were barely softer than the floor, but Leia and Chewie had helped her and then Han to lie down on them.

And she had fallen asleep for a time.

Now she lies there, blinking away sleep and watching Chewie on the far end of the cell fiddling with the pile of C-3PO’s parts. Apparently somebody had delivered him to their cell, but she hadn’t noticed until she heard a distorted voice call out, _“Well I say,”_ before going silent again.

Now she sits and listens as Chewie gets the droid mostly up and running, but his head's on backwards and his limbs are still separate entities.

“Oh, I do wish you would hurry up, this is horrible,” 3PO tells Chewie as the Wookiee works on attaching one of his arms. It’s the clearest he’s sounded so far, so Jyn lifts a hand up in a wave from her pallet and calls out, “Hey, 3PO.”

Han is beside her looking tired, but awake. He looks at her quizzically then, but Jyn ignores him as C-3PO turns his head towards them.

“Oh my, Ms. Erso, I do apologize for not greeting you sooner, I’m in such a state and it seems so are you and Mr. Solo. Oh, _dear!_ ” Jyn lifts her head up for a moment to properly look at the droid before lying back with a grin sneaking at the edges of her mouth. She’s relieved to hear the droid’s incessant patter again.

“Don’t worry about it, 3PO, I’m sure Chewie’s doing his best,” she says.

“If you say so, Ms. Erso,” he says sounding aggrieved.

And from beside her, she hears, “I know this isn’t the most urgent thing right now, but what’s with you and the droid?” Han asks and she shoots him a look. Leia is sitting beside his pallet and it seems she’s fallen asleep, her head resting on the pallet, pillowed on her arms. Han appears to be moving very gingerly so as not to disturb her.

In response to his question, she says, “I like the droid.”

Han looks somewhat incredulous as he asks, “Why?”

And she sighs, “Why does it matter?”

The smuggler doesn’t say anything for several moments. She can see him from the corner of her eye, checking to see that Leia is still asleep. They should all be asleep, resting up while they can, but her dreams are too real to handle right now so she’ll have to stay awake.

(She can’t think about him right now. She’s starting to hope and she’s afraid of it.)

In response to her mostly rhetorical question, Han finally answers, “I was just curious… It just seems strange...” sounding faintly wounded and Jyn has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying something she’ll regret.

When she speaks, her voice is blessedly steady.

“It shouldn’t matter to you, Han. You were getting ready to leave the Rebellion when everything happened on Hoth. If we survive this, you can just go on your way and it won’t matter,” she says, staring up at the grating on the ceiling.

Beside her, Han sputters, “That’s not...I mean, c’mon.”

She looks at him sidelong, “Don’t deny it. We all heard you that day in the med bay. Unlike Leia, I can even understand why you want to leave.” She looks away, back up to the ceiling, and is surprised by how little feeling she has as she says it all aloud, “I’m sure you’re itching to get back out there and scrape as much as you can together for yourself and your corner of the galaxy.”

And she knows it's about more than money but she doesn’t know how to describe that feeling where she felt safer with a stack of credits in her name, knowing the money gave her freedom and an escape if she needed it. That’s what made her so good at thieving, was that need to be free and clear of everything and everybody.

Han looks aggrieved. “And you’re above that now?” he demands and she looks back at him slowly. She’s tired and she’s numb as she says, “No, I just care about them more.”

And it’s true. There’s still the itch to run. She felt it nearly every day on Hoth. But her family was there and they were her anchor to cling to. They steadied her, they calmed her. For the first time since she was a child, Jyn felt like she could stop running.

And now they may be gone and she feels permanently adrift, like nothing can pull her back to shore and she’s too tired to run anymore.

Han doesn’t say anything for several minutes, watching her with a frown that deepens.

“I was trying to help, you know,” he says quietly and Jyn lets out a long exhausted sigh as she studies the ceiling.

“I know,” she murmurs, “I’m still angry at you, but I know.”

Beside her, Han lets out a small huff and lies flat on his pallet.

“Well, as long as you know, then I’m sorry... For how it all happened,” he says carefully and somewhat awkwardly. Like he’s tripping over words he’s never tried to say before. Jyn feels that strange smile tugging at her mouth again.

“Well, as long as we’re apologizing, I’m sorry for punching you in the face, back on the Falcon,” she says turning her head to look at him. “You deserved it, but... I am sorry about it.”

Han raises an eyebrow at her, looking more than a little nonplussed, but he sobers quickly.

Neither of them speak for several minutes. She can still hear Chewie quietly tinkering with 3PO on the other side of the cell.

Han is the one to eventually break the silence.

“What was that drive you were showing Leia before?”

Jyn frowns for a moment before recalling K-2 and the fact that he’s wandering around this station and hopefully still alive.

“You never met K-2…” she muses and Han shakes his head.

“You mean Andor’s droid? The one that died on Scarif?” he asks.

She never told Han all of what happened on that beach that day, but over time she told him enough. To his question, she nods.

“The drive is a memory back-up Cassian gave me,” she says softly and she can feel Han staring at her again.

“Jyn, did you go through the trouble of bringing back Andor’s droid again, when he might just end up getting blown to bits here?” he asks incredulously.

Jyn presses a hand against her sore ribs with a wince and shakes her head. She doesn’t like hearing her fears spoken aloud but she plows on.

“I was the one who insisted we would find a way to bring him back. It’s been two years and there hasn’t been the chance,” she says, trying not to let her voice crack, “And K-2’s smart, he’s got a better chance of surviving than we do…” And she trails off.

“Won’t he try and help you?” Han asks, still incredulous and watching her. She shakes her head.

“His last backup was before he even met me, he’s got no reason to try and save me, but…” She swallows hard. “I wanted to make sure one of us survived,” she says, barely above a whisper. She can’t look at Han but she can feel him staring. She rolls on her side so her back is to him.

There’s a long quiet until Han says, “Kriffing hell, kid, I don’t plan on dying today and neither should you.”

Jyn wants to curl in on herself. She wants to cover her eyes and ears and block out the world. She wants her friends to be safe and alive and she wants to be lightyears away from here.

She wants, she wants, she wants...

“How often do our plans work out?” she asks, ashamed of how her voice tremors and cracks.

Behind her, Han sighs, “Almost never.”

\---

By the time the doors slide open again, Jyn is half dozing, the _whoosh_ of the door startling her to alertness. She sits up too fast and winces as her ribs protest the motion. Her shoulder burns and her ribs ache. Even her old injury seems to have chosen now to flare up, pains from her thigh shooting up in her hip and down to her knee.

There are troopers standing in the doorway holding blasters.

“You will come with us,” one of them says and Jyn feels what little calm she’s managed drain away at the sight of them.

It’s time.

Leia is helping Han sit up, watching the troopers with a wide eyed wariness that must match her own. For his part, Han looks better than he did before. Still tired and stiff, but he looks less like he might fall over when he stands which is an improvement.

Suddenly Chewie is beside her, helping her up. His heavy paws, somehow surprisingly gentle as he sets her on her feet. She looks up at him to find that he’s fashioned some kind of sling to carry 3PO on his back.

The droid is craning his head to look at her, “So happy to see you again, Miss Erso,” he says and Jyn tries to smile but finds her face can’t manage it.

“ _Get moving_ ,” the trooper at the doors says and Jyn feels a shiver crawl up her back as they leave the cell behind and step out into the hall. She almost wishes they could just stay there rather than face what must be coming next.

The troopers put binders on her and Han, but they leave Leia and Chewie free to move. Jyn’s not sure if it’s oversight or stupidity, but she tries not to stare as they begin walking. Leia shoots her a furtive, knowing look before she turns to Han, resting a hand on his arm.

Jyn’s tempted to just stop in the hall and refuse to go anywhere, just refusing to see what the Empire has planned for them next.

“Walk,” one of the troopers commands from behind them and Leia, Han, and Chewie start to move. Jyn looks back at the trooper and freezes.

Along with two stormtroopers, there is a KX droid.

She stares at the droid who simply stares back through shuttered photoreceptors.

Apparently, she was stationary for too long. One of the troopers jabs her in the injured shoulder and she can’t help the grunt of pain that escapes her in response.

“Allow me,” the droid says and the cadence of it is almost robotic, but not quite.

The droid moves forward in two large, somewhat ungainly steps and grabs her binders, proceeding to almost drag her down the hallway. She stumbles and the motion pulls painfully at her shoulder but the grip on the binders isn’t actually tight enough to hurt her wrists.

She glances back to see the two troopers shrug and follow as she is unceremoniously towed down the hallway.

 _“Kay,"_ she hisses through her teeth, _“Is that you?”_

And K-2 doesn’t look down at her, but he does slowly lift his head up and down in one slow, singular nod.

Han, Leia, and Chewie are all staring back at her, wide eyed and worried. Distantly, she can hear 3PO call the other droid a brute. She looks at Leia and shakes her head just a little, hoping they will understand this is not a cause for concern. She can feel K-2 loosening his grip on the restraints and Jyn tries to make it look like she’s off balance enough to try and sell it.

If she had her way, she would pull the droid aside and shout at him. She told him to hide and he went and did the exact opposite and it’s infuriating. She wants to ask if he has a plan and how he managed to trick the stormtroopers when she _saw_ his attempt at pretending to be an Imperial droid back on Jedha.

At the same time, there is something comforting in his presence. His memory drive hangs heavy at her neck beside the kyber crystal and she wishes Cassian were here.

These halls are fairly narrow. With two troopers at the front of their group and two at the back, it would be impossible to slip away without being noticed. All the troopers have their blasters out and at the ready which isn’t surprising, but it still makes Jyn’s pulse jump…

Now she has K-2 to worry about along with everyone else.

“That’s enough, droid, the girl can walk on her own,” says one of the troopers behind them and he jabs at Jyn’s shoulder again for emphasis. She lets out a small involuntary cry and she can feel the droid’s durasteel grip tighten for just an instant before he releases her and steps back behind the troopers. Jyn stumbles again but manages to right herself, biting her lip to try and stifle and more sounds that might escape her.

In front of her, Chewie growls. Jyn shakes her head at the Wookiee, the worst thing they could do right now is antagonize the soldiers with blasters aimed right at them. Jyn wishes again that Cassian were here, or Bodhi, or Chirrut, or Baze. She wishes there was someone coming to save them.

But there’s not.

Not this time.

And the finality of that has Jyn wanting to scream until her vocal chords snap.

\---

The girl was right about a few things. In fact, she could read him like a book in a way that made him uneasy. The way she calmly talked about him leaving Hoth was so far from Leia’s quiet fury and yet it somehow stung just as much.

She was right about the greed, and Han knew firsthand that she spoke from experience on that. He remembers the young scrap of a thing that fought tooth and nail for her cut of a job. They only pulled one or two together, but he knew the look of a kid scraping to survive well. He had been such a kid and he knew as well as anyone that nothing kept a person safer than money. Money to buy off those who need bribing. Or to buy an escape when one needed it.

Money meant the security of being able to eat a real meal and sleep in a real bed, knowing there would be a bed and another meal waiting for him tomorrow. Years and years ago, his Da used to say, _“Money can buy almost anything, except happiness.”_

And Han had found those words to be truer than anything else his father had ever said.

His lifelong dream had been to steal and swindle until he could hole up on some comfortable island with all his credits to live out a long life, wealthy and alone...

_...Except happiness..._

He’s not sure when it started, but somewhere in the last two years, his dream had changed. Mutated even.

These people had been rubbing off on him in a bad way.

He could no longer imagine himself alone on his island.

Now there were people crowding his dream. Luke and Leia and Jyn and all the rest of them started taking up residence there one by one.

It was torture.

This was his life’s dream, what all the work had been for. It was _his._

Han was going soft and he hated himself for it.

It had been time to pay off his debts when he had tried to leave Hoth, but also it had been more than past time for him to go... Or so he thought.

And he’d doubted it even then, he thought about coming back because he was truly pathetic.

Now if they survive this, Han isn’t sure he could leave at all. He isn’t sure he could even make it out the door. Not if it would mean abandoning all of this… All of them.

He walks beside Leia who has quietly hooked an arm through his, pressing close to his side as they move through the halls.

He wants to hold her, to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything will be fine, except that would be a lie that she’s too smart to buy and his hands are bound. All he can do is look down at her dark hair and hope he’ll get the chance to do more one day. To hold her if she’ll let him. To kiss her even.

He’d settle for holding her hand even if it felt a little bit like being slowly set on fire. Han would take whatever he could get like a starving man grasping at crumbs.

It had been so much easier when he loved money more than people, but it seems that is no longer the case and Han will need to think on his feet now.

He’s talked his way out of so many tight spots, _what’s one more?_ He thinks this to himself and even in his head it sounds desperate.

Behind him and Leia, Chewie’s walking with that droid on his back and thank the stars, C-3PO has chosen to be quiet for once.

Behind them he can see Jyn, small, wide eyed, and pale. She looks near to something but he isn’t sure if it’s a breakdown or an explosion. Behind her is the KX droid that practically dragged her before and he wonders if it could possibly be Andor’s droid.

There’s no way he can really ask without alerting the troopers so he faces forward and hopes that this will just be yet another story he can tell one day, another scrape where Han Solo survives by the skin of his teeth, again.

They walk through several corridors and until they reach a dark room. The walls are a ghostly blue and the only real light comes from the angry red paneling in the floor that shines up from beneath their feet.

Darth Vader’s there, and Lando, and that damned bounty hunter.

Behind him he can hear 3PO telling Chewie that he’s _‘responsible for him,’_ and so the Wookiee shouldn’t do anything stupid.

Han almost shakes his head. C-3PO has been around them for two years, one would think he would have learned the futility of lecturing a wookiee by now. As they walk down the steps into the center of the room, a large platform with a smaller, dangerous looking gray platform, half lowered in its chamber, at the center of it. Ugnaughts seem to be prepping it for something, climbing in and out of the chamber with all sorts of tools while smoke billows up from the floor and shoots down from the ceiling coating the room in an ugly haze.

Han makes his way to where Lando stands near the edge of the chamber, feeling that anger fresh in his veins at the sight of the man.

“What’s going on, _buddy?”_ he asks, injecting as much venom as he can into the word and Lando hardly looks at him. Or maybe he can’t look at him.

“You're being put into carbon freeze,” and Han knows a little about carbon freezing. Enough to know it isn’t generally done on people.

Across the room, he can hear the bounty hunter and Darth Vader talking.

“What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me,” the bounty hunter says.

“The Empire will compensate you if he dies,” Vader replies smoothly and a chill settles in Han’s bones and in the pit of his stomach. He looks around the room and sees too many soldiers with too many guns aimed at his friends.

 _His_ friends.

Maybe more than friends in one way or another.

They could try to fight, but there’s no way they would all make it out alive.

And he needs them all to make it out alive.

He walks over to Leia and can see it on her face, she heard them, too.

It’s only right at this moment that he realizes... Maybe they can make it out alive if he doesn’t.

\---

Jyn’s standing with Chewie and Leia. K-2 is at her back with two of the storm troopers and she watches Han speak to Lando. Their words are too soft for her to hear but Vader and the bounty hunter she hears loud and clear.

“What if he doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me,” the bounty hunter says.

“The Empire will compensate you if he dies,” Vader replies and Jyn looks again at the room around them and the hole in the middle of the floor. She looks to where Han and Leia are now standing side by side looking at each other with a kind of knowing resignation.

A new feeling of dread hits her as Chewie lets out a wail and starts attacking the troopers nearest to them. Han looks away from Leia, up at them with alarm.

“Hey, Chewie, _stop! Do you hear me? Stop!”_ He goes running towards the wookiee as Chewie lifts two troopers in the air and slams them together. Jyn is standing too close, but she's too stunned to move when she nearly gets knocked to the ground by a thrown trooper. It's a metal hand on her shoulder, tugging her a few steps backwards that saves her from that fate. She glances back at K-2 once, still surprised and confused by his presence, but the droid remains silent. Han is still calling out for Chewie to stop as the wookiee throws another trooper over the railings, off the platform.

Jyn watches as Han runs right up to the wookiee to shout a sharp, “ _Hey,_ ” that finally gets his attention.

He keeps talking as troopers step up to put binders on the wookiee, “Chewie, this won't help me. _Hey!_ ” His voice is somehow both sharp and soft. Imploring and demanding and a little too fast as the binders snap shut over the wookiee’s arms.

Jyn has a sinking feeling that they're all well and truly trapped here.

\---

Leia suspected the room was a carbon freezing chamber, the same way she suspected Han and Jyn might finally speak to each other if she feigned sleep. They did talk (and maybe Leia slept a little), and this is a carbon freezing chamber. She knows only a little about the process but the smell of the carbon gas is hard to mistake.

Hearing Vader and the bounty hunter only confirmed her fears.

_“The Empire will compensate you if he dies.”_

She thought she could no longer be shocked by the Empire’s callousness but apparently she was wrong.

Her heart hurts as she watches Han trying to calm Chewie down. He’s trying to be calm, she can see that, but he’s speaking too fast like he’s scared.

“Save your strength. There'll be another time. Right now I need you to take care of them for me, got it?” he says to Chewie and she has to swallow back tears. She had wanted a man who thought of people other than himself and she had thought she would never get that from him.

She wishes she had known before. Now there’s no time.

“They’ll need you in one piece, you hear me?” Han asks the wookiee, and Chewie finally nods, letting out a baleful sound as Han nods back.

Leia moves to stand beside the wookiee without even thinking about it. Resting a hand on his big, wooly arm as she looks up at Han.

Two years’ worth of time she could have spent with him and she squandered it. Now they only have seconds and he’s staring down at her like he always has. Like he’s drinking in the sight of her.

There’s no time to be delicate and so she reaches up, grabbing the collar of his shirt so she can pull him down, crushing her mouth against his.

For an instant she forgets everything, the troopers, carbonite, the Wookiee beside her. For an instant there’s nothing but the feeling of warmth, the softness of his lips which open against hers. She barely has time to feel anything more than heat before the troopers come to pull him back.

It’s not enough and it’s all she may ever get.

\---

There’s a kiss that’s brief and fiery and Jyn can tell it’s too soon for them both when he gets pulled back. They share a final look and then Han’s gaze meets her own.

He nods at her, like he’s trying to say he’s accepted this.

It was only an hour ago that he said _“I don’t plan on dying today and neither should you.”_

He said it like he meant it and now suddenly he’s okay with stepping into that chamber like it’s nothing? She doesn’t buy that for a second and she didn’t plan on him dying today either. She wants to scream at him for giving up, she wants to scream at them for making this happen.

He takes one step onto the smaller platform and Jyn feels ready to snap. She’s lost too many friends already and she can’t lose one more.

She _can’t._

Han puts both feet on the smaller platform and Jyn doesn’t think, she just _moves._ Running past Leia and Chewie and filling her lungs as much as her aching ribs will allow.

 _“Stop,”_ she yells, _“Stop this!”_

A trooper tries to grab her, but she shakes him off.

“You can’t _do this_.” she says as loudly as she can, still moving forward. Every eye in the room is on her and she half wonders when someone's going to try and shoot her.

She feels it instantly when she is forced to stop by a will other than her own.

“In fact, I can,” says the voice from her nightmares and she glares up at Vader with as much steel as she can muster.

“No, you can’t,” she says, low and furious and afraid and she takes a breath to say something else when she’s forced to her knees.

“You dare defy me?” the monster asks and there’s that horribly familiar feeling of ghostly hands closing around her throat.

There’s a sound of distress behind her that must be Leia and Jyn can’t speak, she can’t breathe. She can’t do anything other than claw at the invisible hands around her throat.

“Hey, Vader, _hey!_ ” It’s Han of all people now, who steps off the platform, and stands over her with his hands in the air.

“You’ve already got us, we’re all trapped.” He’s speaking in a rush and Jyn’s vision is starting to gray. “You said you need to question them, right? Well, she can’t tell you anything if she’s dead. You’ve already won, you can’t question her if she’s dead. You need her alive.”

She looks up to see Han...

She never thought she would see him looking truly scared.

“You’ve already won, you need her alive,” he says again and suddenly the pressure on her throat releases and Jyn slumps forward taking a ragged gasp of air.

Distantly, she can hear her nightmare saying, “Do not test me again,” but she can hardly focus on that as Han kneels in front of her awkwardly grabbing her bound hands with his own.

“What good would it be if after all that, Andor survived only for you to die here being stupid? You still need to bring him his dumb droid,” He murmurs to her with a lopsided grin.

Jyn doesn’t have enough air in her lungs to reply, to say she forgives him, to say _something._

There are so many things she could say, but she can only gape at him and try to squeeze his hand back before the troopers come and grab him, dragging him back those last few paces to the platform in its chamber. As he’s forced down a step, a metal hand grasps her binders and unceremoniously drags her to her feet, towing her back to where Leia and Chewie stand together in a sad, worried cluster. Jyn doesn’t even have time to look at K-2. She watches Han as the small platform he’s standing on begins to lower him down into the chamber.

\---

He actually feels almost accomplished to see them all standing there alive. He can’t believe he talked Vader down and he can already see the skin around Jyn’s throat is red and raw as that KX droid drags her back to stand with Chewie and Leia.

The platform is lowering and he wishes he could make it go slower as he looks each of them over.

He told Chewie to look after them because he knew the wookiee would. _Force_ knows why but Chewie has been loyal to him for years and he’s barely deserved it.

Jyn looks ragged, held together by nothing more than sheer force of will, which is how he’s come to know her best. As long as they can make it off Bespin, she’ll make it. The girl is a survivor.

He looks at Leia last.

The princess, senator, councilwoman, _Leia._

Even now as she watches him sink into the floor, her eyes are fiery. And he kissed her. His mouth still burns from it and he doesn’t particularly want to die, but he feels pretty satisfied that he got the chance to do that.

To _know._

She wouldn’t have kissed him unless she meant it.

It’s the princess with air in her lungs and fire in her eyes who calls out, _“Han, I—”_

He cuts her off before she can say the words because she shouldn’t have to.

Not here. Not today.

“—I know,” he tells her quickly, “Me, too,” and she almost smiles even while her eyes shine with unshed tears.

He can feel the platform under his feet starting to slow and he’s almost out of time, he can’t see them anymore as the walls of the chamber climb above his head.

He can only shut his eyes and hope he survives this.

Hope that he survives to see them again.

To see her again.

He shuts his eyes and lifts his chin as jets of gas explode around him and for a moment he’s colder than he’s ever been.

And then he’s nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah maybe I committed a little heresy changing the line...idk I've changed a lot of their key scenes already whats two more words?  
> Also like... Jyn needs a hug yeah?


	26. Cost and Benefit(Cassian/Lando/Leia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_No mourners, no funerals._  
 _Another way of saying good luck. But it was something more._  
 _A dark wink to the fact that there would be no expensive burials for people like them,_  
 _no marble markers to remember their names, no wreaths of myrtle and rose._  
  
_―Crooked Kingdom, Leigh Bardugo_

_\---_

It comes on like a switch. Or like a slow gear churning inside Cassian’s head. All the bits of Cassian Andor get filed into something compact and he pulls out Jorus Vance from a drawer.

It’s almost like wearing a second skin over his own, inhabiting these other people.

It’s been years and he’s still not entirely sure how to feel about it but he mentally prepares Jorus. Prepares to step into him if need be.

Nadjia said that Dimaar would know they are from the Rebellion but no more than that. He’ll pull out Jorus if he needs to. If he needs to become somebody else in order to walk out the door.

They’ve been lucky so far. With Nadjia’s contacts and evading the troopers they’ve been extremely lucky indeed.

He only hopes it will hold as he watches Bodhi get pushed into the back room.

As he and Nadjia walk to the table he takes in the room.

The Old Steel is a quiet, dimly lit place. There are maybe 10 little tables scattered around, with 3 or 4 longer tables hugging the walls. The bar takes up most of the far wall and the entryway is up a few steps giving the whole bar a feeling that it might be slightly underground.

There are no windows, the only way in or out seems to be that entryway. There’s a low murmur of noise from the bar’s few occupants and a hum of music playing from a tinny speaker somewhere overhead.

Nadjia picks a table for them towards the back of the room. It’s a small rectangle with a chair pulled up to each side of it.

Nadjia sits down at the head of the table so she’s facing the door and Cassian sits to her left, facing the bar.

The table looks to be made of old oka-wood that’s been worn and scratched during many long years of use. He studies the marks and water stains with a forced interest rather than looking around the room. Better to appear occupied rather than like they’re obviously waiting for someone. Nadjia watches the door with a look of boredom and nudges Cassian with her knee beneath  the table.

He does not look up but watches from the corner of his eye as three Imperial officers enter the bar and settle at a table in the middle of the room.

_Shavit._

\---

They’re a strange procession walking through Bespin’s now empty halls. Vader ordered the building to be cleared of all unnecessary personnel and Lando obliged because _what choice did he have?_

Earlier he stood in the carbon freezing chamber as the body of his friend, encased in carbonite was pushed flat on the ground with an ominous clang.

“Well, Calrissian, did he survive?” Vader asked as Lando knelt beside what looked uncomfortably like a stone coffin and studied the readouts.

“Yes, he's alive. And in perfect hibernation,” Lando replied, glancing up to study Han’s friends. The two girls clustered together and staring down at Han looking like two very different portraits of misery. Chewbacca stood over them both with his paws cuffed and his teeth bared.

Behind him, he heard Vader say, “He's all yours, bounty hunter. Reset the chamber for Skywalker.”

And Lando had to bitterly wonder who the kriffing hell is this Skywalker friend of theirs? And what could possibly make him worth all this?

“Skywalker has just landed, my lord,” said one of Vader’s officers as Lando rose to his feet.

“Good. See to it that he finds his way here,” and then Vader walked towards him.

It had been a minute since Lando first met the man, but it still made his skin crawl to be in his presence. Without thinking about it, he took a few steps back towards where Leia, Jyn, and the wookiee stood.

“Calrissian, take the fugitives to my ship.”

Lando stared at the dark lord feeling his temper flare.

“You said they'd be left in the city under my supervision,” he snapped and Vader took another step closer, looming dangerously.

“I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further,” he said before he swept out of the room leaving Lando to consider what his altered plans could look like. His hand flew to his throat, thinking of the girl, Jyn, nearly choking to death only minutes ago.

Now he walks with them and a squad of troopers, heading for Vader’s ship like a good little soldier.

It’s possible, if they play their cards right, that a betrayal wouldn’t blow back on Bespin.

Can it even really be called a betrayal when the Empire goes back on their word constantly?

It’s possible, he thinks as he watches the two guards pushing the carbonite slab with his friend down a branching hallway.

It’s possible he’ll just wind up dead if he does anything more than what he was told.

A lot of things are possible and Lando thinks he’s had enough of the Empire’s game. He’s not particularly in the mood to send Chewbacca and two sad girls to their deaths.

He thinks it’s time for his own game of chance.

And then there’s the sound of laser fire just down the hall.

\---

Leia turns curiously at the sounds of laser blasts, her skin prickling with a sudden awareness she’s not entirely sure about.

She’s been holding Jyn’s hand since they were marched from the carbon freezing room. Jyn barely even twitched when Leia reached down to clasp her cold fingers. Her eyes are shadowed and tired and Leia can imagine the chaos she’s feeling.

Leia’s feeling a little chaotic herself.

_“I know, me too.”_

She wants to sob aloud every time she thinks of his face as he was lowered into the chamber. Something loosened in her chest knowing he’s alive but it only makes the sting worse as the Imperial guards take him away to Force knows where. He’s alive and she can’t get to him and it makes her want to scream.

As the sound of fight down the hall quiets, the last laser blasts echoing in a sudden silence, Leia squeezes Jyn’s hand and she feels the girl respond in kind.

Something’s coming, she can feel it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Lando subtly press a few buttons on the comlink on his wrist.

A few tense minutes pass and Leia can feel something is about to happen. Someone is here.

Suddenly the guards around them start moving faster, herding them towards a lift at the end of the hall. Some of them start firing down a nearby hallway and Leia cranes her head to try and see. She’s being forced to move too fast but suddenly it clicks.

It’s Luke.

She leans over to Jyn and whispers it.

“Jyn, Luke’s here.”

“What?”

“He’s _here,_ ” she whispers through her teeth and Jyn stares at her, nodding slowly.

“We need to warn him,” Leia says and Chewie’s howling and they’re almost at the lift.

“Okay, how?” Jyn asks and as a reply Leia turns, straining against the guards around them.

_“Luke, it’s a trap.”_

It’s all they can do to shout and Jyn pushes back as well, raising her own voice to shout, _“Get out of here, Luke.”_ Her shout still sounds raw like the bruised skin on her throat and Leia keeps trying to fight against the guards. She needs to make sure he hears them. The guards are still shooting but she can’t see and returning fire.

 _“It’s a trap!”_ she shouts, craning her head out of the lift. She sounds desperate and for a moment, she doesn’t care.

 _“Get out!”_ Jyn yells beside her and they’re both dragged into the lift. The doors close, cutting them off, and Leia looks at Jyn, her eyes wide and fearful. Jyn returns the look silently.

Leia’s almost positive it wasn’t enough. He didn’t hear them or he didn’t listen and a new fear grips her heart.

Just how many friends is she going to lose today?

\---

Driss brings Cassian and Nadjia each a glass of Corellian ale.

A common drink, and a cheap one at many bars. He’s guessing it’s what Nadjia usually orders, since they never asked for it.

(They should have ordered at the bar. It’s lucky that Driss brought them the drinks; it would have been conspicuous if they sat in the bar, _not_ drinking.)

He takes a measured sip of the ale, knocking it back slowly, but only letting a few drops pass his lips. He can take a few glasses without getting muddied but it’s best to pace oneself. They could potentially be here awhile. Nadjia does the same, swallowing hard like the harshness of the alcohol burns her throat and then she grins at him.

This is what people do in bars, they have fun. He smirks back at her, playing along. He sees when her eyes flick away from him to the door but he doesn’t turn his head until the chair to his left is pulled and a Bothan in an olive green Imperial uniform sits down at their table.

Cassian looks up to study Dimaar Se'lab. His fur is a reddish brown, his mane and beard have been cropped short enough to add to the appearance of being military. His uniform is that of a lieutenant.

The Imperials at the nearby table all looked up as he walked in. As the Bothan settles at their table, he salutes the other men before facing Nadjia and himself.

Dimaar takes one look at him with a flat expression before turning to Nadjia.

“You didn’t say your companion was _Cassian Andor,_ ” he murmurs, keeping his voice low and his expression neutral. Nadjia laughs like he just said something very funny before replying just as quietly, “You never asked.”

Cassian takes another measured sip of ale so he can school his expression back to calm. When he rests the glass back on the worn down wood he can look up at the Bothan with a lazy smirk. To a bystander it would look like the three of them are enjoying a good drink after a long day’s work and they would be half right in that assumption.

“You know this is rapidly becoming more trouble than it’s worth. We lost three ships trying to get this out,” Dimaar says, keeping his posture relaxed and his voice low.

Nadjia leans back in her seat with a catlike smile that contrasts with the sharpness of her words as she replies, “And yet you know full well that if the Empire had a functioning weapon of this magnitude, it would dangerously shift the balance of powers in the galaxy.”

Dimaar narrows his eyes at her as he signals Driss for a drink.

“The Empire has been relentless in pursuing the leak, it’s taken weeks and I’ve only just managed to throw them off the scent,” the Bothan says through his teeth as Driss comes over with another glass of ale. Dimaar takes the glass with a smooth grin for the barkeep as Nadjia leans forward, resting her hand on her chin. She waves daintily at Driss, who grunts at them before heading back to the bar. Cassian watches him go, taking a chance to glance at the door to the storeroom behind the bar. The little glass window is too warped and tinted to clearly show anything inside but Cassian’s fairly sure he can make out the shape of Bodhi staring through the glass.

He grits his teeth a little, thinking he should have told the man not to try and watch. It’s lucky that Driss’s blue bulk mostly hides the door from view when he's behind the counter.

“I’m guessing this little costume was a part of throwing them off the scene?” Nadjia asks Dimaar, pointing a lazy finger at his uniform.

The Bothan sets down his glass and looks at Nadjia and then Cassian. His expression does not change, but his fur bristles in irritation.

“I was nearly shot three times getting this information out. The Alliance should be making it worth my while,” he says and Nadjia grins at him, still resting her chin in her hand.

“And we discussed this,” she says with the sort of patience one might apply towards children.  “The Alliance can’t afford to make it worth your while beyond a few thousand credits, when we both know you could get more on the market. But you can’t afford to let the Empire finish a weapon that would allow them to shoot Bothawui out of the sky the moment it suited them.”

Dimaar bares his teeth at her for a moment before taking another drink of ale. Cassian suspects he chose this seat intentionally so the Imperials were behind him and would not see his face too well.

Nadjia simply smiles, unfazed by the bared teeth, and lifts up her glass like she’s toasting him.

“You Bothans are always so delicate. Being shot at is hardly uncommon these days.”

She takes a sip and Cassian raises his brows at her a little, but doesn’t say a word. She knows her contact and he’s here as backup. But the Bothan growls and Cassian wonders if she’s gone too far.

Than he realizes the baring of teeth is actually an almost carnivorous grin and the growl is little more than a rough chuckle.

“Yes, I saw that little display at your hotel today, it wasn’t what I would call _covert_ ,” he says and Cassian bites back a grimace.

“Well, we were surrounded and you insisted on making us wait an entire extra day,” Nadjia says, leaning back in her chair again and crossing her legs. “A girl’s gotta make do in a pinch.”

“If that was a pinch, I would hate to see you in a real bind,” Dimaar replies and now Nadjia grins at him for real, with too many teeth.

“You _definitely_ don’t want to see me in a bind,” she says, “And stop flirting, you’re making Jorus uncomfortable.” She jerks her chin at Cassian and the Bothan practically rolls his eyes.

“Call him what you want. You can call him an Ewok for all I care, but his face is on their watchlists. You shouldn’t have brought him here.”

Nadjia glances at Cassian sidelong and Cassian takes another sip of ale, grabbing at the opportunity to hide his face for just a moment, swallowing down the spike of panic at having their suspicions confirmed.

The ale is cheap and burns its way down his throat. He focuses on that heat for an instant. Focuses on the hum of music and low chatter that’s masking their conversation from the few nearby ears. When he looks up, Nadjia is staring at Dimaar, her smile stopped before it reached her eyes. She shakes her head a little and rolls her shoulders, sliding back into that liquid ease and letting her smile smooth over into flirtatious.

“Well, I hope you enjoyed your extra day, now would be a good time to hand us the drive so we can get the hell out here.”

“I did enjoy my enjoy my extra day,” Dimaar says, his black gloved paw toying with the rim of his glass, “I used it make sure the Bothans weren’t wasting their investments by handing over the plans to you.”

“We already blew up one Death Star. You were the one who said the Rebellion had the best odds of putting the plans to proper use,” Nadjia says with one hand on her glass like she’s thinking about either drinking it or smashing it. One pale white finger rubs at the condensation forming on the sides.

“And we both know that you have a copy of the plans back on your ship wherever it is,” she adds and Dimaar shrugs.

“We Bothans like to protect our investments―” he begins.

“―You sure do,” Nadjia interrupts, sounding a little sardonic as she takes another drink from her glass.

“I was simply weighing the costs and benefits,” Dimaar says, leaning back in his seat, still with one hand around his glass.

“And what did you conclude?” Nadjia asks sweetly.

Dimaar shakes his head at her and reaches back into his pocket. Cassian shoots Nadjia a furtive look, unsure if he should have his blaster out and ready to shoot. She gives a little shake of her head and before Dimaar can pull out what Cassian _hopes_ are the plans from his pocket…

“You three look like you’re having such fun. Would you mind if we joined you?”

They look up and it’s the three Imperial officers standing at their table. The one in the center of them spoke, his smile pale, wide, and far too friendly.

Nadjia replies with a smile that’s just as bloodless.

“Why, of course, please have a seat.”

They are so _karked._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WROTE SPY STUFF(I mean the impetus for this whole bit was inspired by a flick and I WON'T TELL YOU WHICH ONE YET) but anyway I rather like how this turned out.


	27. On The Run(K-2SO/Leia/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow (like reminding me R2 is spelled like that and not R-2)

_You know you can’t keep lettin’ it get you down_  
_And you can’t keep draggin’ that dead weight around._  
_If there ain’t all that much to lug around,_  
_Better run like hell when you hit the ground._  
_When the morning comes._

_—This Too Shall Pass, Ok Go_

\---

K-2 would have been better off stealing a ship and leaving Jyn Erso behind.

There must be better ways to get off this forsaken planet other than following these irrational humans around.

At least he is now fairly certain that Jyn Erso was telling him the truth. Or at least, a fair amount of it. Her behaviour has been far too erratic and emotional to be an act.

He was forced to pull her away from the carbonite chamber and that crazed wookiee. She seems to have little concern for threats that might damage her, which is highly unfortunate.

He’s wondering if he should simply abandon Jyn Erso with her companions and try to locate Cassian on his own...

...Except for the fact that she said she was his friend.

He’s beginning to see how that might be the case.

Cassian has always cared too much. It makes his work difficult and his life even more so, and he never listens when K-2 tells him he needs to be _less_ emotional in order to make sound decisions.

Jyn Erso also seems to care far too much, at the expense of her own well-being.

Humans can get very attached.

When Jyn Erso and Leia Organa started shouting down the hall at someone named Luke, K-2 was very tempted to bang their heads together. He had projected an 63.41% chance the guards would just shoot them, but apparently not. Or they were ‘lucky’ as Cassian might have said.

Now he walks with four stormtroopers and two Imperial guards and he is busily calculating scenarios and strategies.

Or how to facilitate being so lucky a second time.

Erso and her friends have been less helpful than he was expecting, although there are many weapons present and pointed in their direction and organics are very susceptible to laser fire. Jyn Erso’s blasted shoulder appears to still be quite painful, but he’s more concerned with the grimacing she does each time she takes a deep breath. That could potentially be a problem when the time comes to escape.

The wookiee appears to be highly unpredictable which could be very useful or not. The gold droid on his back is nothing but a nuisance, K-2 ignores him entirely.

He is still weighing his options, when a dozen guards in blue uniforms step out of the shadows and aim guns at all of them. He freezes as does Jyn and the others.

Then Lando Calrissian steps forward and takes blasters from the troopers one by one.

K-2 has to reassess their situation yet again.  
“Well done. Hold them in the security tower, and keep it quiet,” Lando says to a cyborg who must be one of his own personal guards. Suddenly, all the troopers are being shepherded away and a blue suited guard points a blaster at him. He’s fully prepared to slap the man’s weapon aside when Jyn moves to stand in front of him.

“Not him,” she says and K-2 stares down at her, startled.

“What?” Lando asks looking ready to say more while K-2 says, “Jyn Erso, this is entirely unnecessary.”

She looks up at him almost defensively. “They had blasters on you.”

“It would not be the first time,” he replies, “Please refrain from such displays until such a time when you are not wearing binders. It only increases the likelihood that we will _both_ be shot.”

Lando appears to be staring with his mouth hanging open while Leia Organa looks mildly amused.

“It’s nice to see you again, K-2, it’s been awhile,” she says and K-2 inclines his head.

“Hello to you as well, senator. Perhaps we should wait to trade niceties until we aren’t in the middle of a city crawling with Imperials.”

Leia only seems to smile wider for some reason, but apparently his words knock some sense into Calrissian, who hands the blasters he’s holding to Leia before setting to work on undoing the wookiee’s binders. K-2 isn’t sure it’s wise to free the wookiee first, but he reaches down and undoes the cuffs on Jyn in the meantime.

“Why didn’t you hide?” Jyn asks softly as he finds and presses the release for the durasteel cuffs, catching them before they fall to the floor with a clatter.

“You could have stolen a ship and left, I honestly thought you would,” Jyn continues speaking a little too quickly. She’s pale and her hands are shaking.

“Those are irrelevant questions to ask, Jyn Erso,” he tells her and before he can say more, Lando releases the wookiee, who proceeds to try and choke him.

This is just _ridiculous_.

\---

“What do you think you're doing?” Leia demands as Lando shoves some blasters into her arms.

“We're getting out of here,” he replies and distantly she can hear Jyn asking K-2 something but

It’s blotted out by a white hot fury as she watches Lando undo Chewie’s binders.

She doesn’t even blink when the wookiee grabs Lando by the neck because honestly, she would like to do the same.

“Do you think that after what you did to Han, we're going to trust you?” she asks, not feeling one scrap of pity while Lando scrabbles at the wookiee’s thick, furry arms in some futile attempt to free himself. Out of the corner of her eye she notices Jyn and K-2 are watching them. She sees Jyn’s hand flutter towards her neck, but they make no attempts to interfere.

“Precisely what did he do?” she hears K-2 ask Jyn while Lando gasps out in front of her, _“I had no choice.”_

“Oh, we understand, don't we? He had _no choice_.” Leia says feeling overrun by a bitterness and an anger that feels almost dangerous. She has no qualms with letting Chewie strangle this man to death and _that_ scares her.

Behind her she hears Jyn’s quiet murmur of, “He was Han’s friend and he gave us up to Vader and the bounty hunter.”

“ _I'm just trying to help_ ,” Lando gasps raggedly and Leia wants to shake this man.

“We don’t need _your help,”_ she says through her teeth.

“The wookiee should either kill him or let him go. If we stay here any longer there’s a 79.56% chance we’ll be caught,” K-2 says flatly behind them.

“There's still a chance to save Han _... at the East Platform…”_ Lando wheezes and Leia feels cold all over. Like her heart is little more than shards of ice.

There’s a hand on her arm and she turns to see Jyn looking at her, pale and wide eyed.

“We have to go…” she says and her voice is rough.

Rough enough to snap Leia out of it.

“Chewie, let him go,” and she’s a little surprised when the wookiee does. He releases Lando, who falls to his knees with a ragged gasp. Leia stares down at him almost scornfully for a moment before she nods to the rest of them. She shoves a blaster into Jyn’s arms and tosses another to Chewie, keeping one for herself before taking off in the direction of the East Platform.

Lando was stupid enough to give them a tour of the facility yesterday and she was paying attention. The others follow her lead and she can hear C-3PO apologizing to Lando behind them, “I'm _terribly sorry_ about all this. After all, he's only a Wookiee.”

\---

Jyn Erso probably has at least one or two cracked ribs. K-2 has seen injuries like these before and although she is able to keep pace with them as they go racing down the hall, he can hear her starting to wheeze.

They need to get off this station. Their odds of survival are lower with every second longer they spend here. They already wasted time in the hallway with a pointless strangulation that the wookiee did not even complete. Now Lando Calrissian is running along with the rest of them and K-2SO absolutely does _not_ understand organics.

He also realizes he isn’t even sure where they are currently headed.

“Exactly _where_ are we going now?” he asks Jyn.

“The East Platform,” Jyn pants, her feet pounding the duracrete beneath them as she forces herself onward, clutching the blaster to her side.

K-2 wants to shake his head at all of them.

“That is a bad idea, we should get on your ship and leave now,” he says because that would be the sensible course of action. Jyn just shakes her head at him.

“It’s not _my_ ship,” Jyn says through her teeth and K-2 is rapidly discovering that Jyn Erso makes absolutely no sense.

“Whoever owns the ship is irrelevant. We should board it and leave this place immediately,” he says and she just shakes her head again and keeps running.

They run through a corridor that takes them outside where the sky is turning to deep purples and blues with the setting of the sun. Behind them there is a high pitched beeping and K-2 turns his head to see an astromech trundle out of the hall after them.

“R2, where have you _been_?” the golden droid asks.

“ _Dagobah! With Luke!_ ” the little droid replies in binary and K-2 looks down at Jyn.

“Don’t tell me… More friends?” he asks flatly and Jyn nods breathlessly.

K-2 is rapidly regretting _all_ of his choices. Behind him the golden droid wails at the astromech.

“Well, at least you’re still in one piece. Look what happened to _me!”_ And K-2 considers whether or not it would be useful if he were to disable the protocol droid.

\---

Leia isn’t really thinking. She can hear K-2SO rattling off plans and probabilities but Leia isn’t thinking at all.

She is merely _acting_.

Moving forward with no thought for any consequences.

The moment Lando said, ‘ _East Platform’_ it was like her mind rewired. Her focus narrowing down to a single goal.

Get to the East Platform. Save Han.

Yet some part of her is thinking, how would they escape after they rescued Han?

K-2 keeps reminding them all that the odds for their survival are low and getting lower.

And yet she pushes all those thoughts away.

She can deal with them after.

And then the door opens onto the East platform and her heart sinks.

It seemed like a wild hope and still she stupidly let herself wish for it.

Those wishes are dashed like a child’s silly daydreams as she watches the bounty hunter’s ship, already taking off.

They’re too late.

She shoots at the ship and so does Lando and Chewie but it’s useless. They all watch the ship blast away.

For a moment there is only silence in it’s wake.

She now knows that when her broken heart shatters into a thousand pieces… It doesn’t make a sound.

In the quiet, all she hear is the distant echoes of the ship flying into the distance and Jyn trying to catch her breath somewhere behind Leia.

It’s quiet enough that they can all hear C-3PO loud and clear.

_“Chewie, behind you!”_

\---

They all run for cover on either side of the platform’s entrance. K-2 desperately wishes he had a blaster as Leia, Lando, and Chewie fire back at the troopers who have managed to catch up with them.

As if she can read his thoughts, Jyn shoves her blaster into his hands.

“What are you doing?” he demands and she is still short of breath, leaning forward with her hands braced on her knees.

“I can’t run and shoot, and my shoulder’s karked anyway,” she wheezes, “You want a blaster, don’t you?”

He curls his fingers around the gun, staring down at her.

“Your behaviour is continually unexpected, Jyn Erso,” he tells her and for some reason that makes her laugh a little. She looks up at him with a grin he can’t decipher.

“You told me that before,” she says and K-2 feels like he missed a step somewhere, but there’s no time to inquire further. They are making their way inside, Lando and the wookie are blasting down the last few troopers in their way before dodging down the hall.

“Will you be able to keep up?” he asks Jyn and she nods, taking off after the others as if to prove her point with a dogged determination.

If she can’t maintain this pace he will have to decide whether or not to leave her behind.

...He is not looking forward to that prospect.

\---

Sabers collide like blue and red lightning. The crackling of electricity raises the hair on the back of Luke’s neck as he dodges back, putting a few feet between himself and Vader.

The dark lord is as nightmarish as Luke remembered him. A figure looming over Ben in a fight that his master could not win. It’s his weapon that destroyed Bodhi’s home and Leia’s.

Luke grits his teeth and tightens his grip on his saber. It feels like his heart is pounding out of his chest.

This is what he trained for. This is what he fought for.

If he can defeat Vader here, maybe none of his visions will come to pass.

No screams of pain, no cowering before shadows, no Bodhi standing alone and bloodied.

“You have learned much, young one. But there is still more for you to learn,” Vader says in his deep metallic voice.

Luke grins, feeling like he maybe he has the upperhand for once. The last Jedi trained by true Jedi masters. Yoda says he failed that test in the forest but he _did_ beat Vader, even if he doesn’t understand what followed.

He can win this.

He _has to win this_.

“Yeah well, I'm full of surprises,” he says bringing his saber crashing down on Vader’s.

In a move to quick for Luke to track, Vader hooks his saber out of his hand and sends it flying across the room.

Luke’s stomach dips as the saber crashes to the ground, well out of reach.

Maybe he is actually in over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an awful lot of running in Star Wars and certain rebels are tired and also certain droids are really sick of humans. And Leia needs a hug because her boyfriend just got turned into a popsicle(Also yeah not doing ALL of the Luke and Vader fight because y'all can just watch the movie for that XD)


	28. Cornered(Nadjia/Cassian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow. I was going to wait until I had the entirety of this sequence written out before posting the first half and then I went fuck it.

_Some truths are gentle, forgiving and kind.  
_ _Some truths are hard to define.  
_ \---  
 _Some truths are loyal  
_ _As the shadows we lead.  
_ _Some truths are stubborn as gravity._

_No matter what category you fit into,_  
_Truth’s got its sight set on you._

_― South, Sleeping at Last_

_\---_

“You three look like you’re having such fun. Would you mind if we joined you?”

There is a possibility that these Imperials just spotted Dimaar’s uniform and decided to get cozy. There’s a possibility that there aren’t here for any nefarious reasons at all.

It’s also possible that their cover is blown and they’re here to shoot them full of holes.

The Bothan is hard to read but she’s fairly certain that shake of his head before he reached into his pocket was more the sort of _I give up, Nadjia, you win_ headshake.

As opposed to the _you’re intolerable, Nadjia, and this is a signal to my fellow Imperials whose uniform I’m wearing._

She’s worn an Imperial uniform or two in her time. Whatever it takes to get the job done.

Now she’s wondering if she should have questioned his explanation more thoroughly.

Or if he’s caught in a deception and now they’re stuck with him.

Nadjia thinks of all this in an instant as she glances at Dimaar, Cassian, and then the Imperials.

Her smile is stretched a little too tight when she looks up at them and says, “Why, of course, please have a seat.”

Cassian is clearly ready to implode, although he really is good at this, and so it only shows as a flicker in his eyes.

It shouldn’t still annoy her that he’s good at his job, but she can be petty _and_ grateful that he might not be the reason she gets killed today.

She contains multitudes.

The moment she says yes to the Imperials, they are all up shuffling and scooting chairs, pulling up two more.

If the Imperials knew who they were, surely they would have been shot by now?

Or perhaps not, maybe they wanted to have a little fun with them first.

Of course, if Cassian gets caught glancing at the storeroom again, they might all get blasted, including Bodhi. He hides it well though, a quick glance that could be mistaken for looking at the bartender as they’re moving chairs around. She only sees it because she knows to look for it.

When they all sit back down, Cassian is seated next to Dimaar, with an Imperial lieutenant to his right (her left). On her right, the other two have pulled up the extra seats. Another lieutenant sits directly next to her and the captain of the group sits next to Dimaar, across from Cassian, with that wax smile.

“Well, this is cozy, now, isn’t it?” the captain asks and Cassian manages a convincing smirk in response.

“Oh, _of course,_ where are my manners!” the captain exclaims with an exaggerated shock and a hand pressed to his chest. He’s a pale man with eyes that are gray as slate and what little hair he has seems to be ash blonde. He still looks tan compared to Nadjia’s white skin, but for a human there’s something bloodless about him. He looks like he might have been manufactured somewhere rather than born.

“I’m Captain Waric Tovar,” he says before pointing to the man sitting beside him.

“This is Lieutenant Deckett Almo,” he says and Almo has flinty brown eyes and a middling excuse for a mustache sitting on his upper lip.

“And this is Lieutenant Ven Bedric,” he says pointing the man seated between her and Cassian, who nods at them and doffs his cap. He has a sly mouth and red hair that’s slicked back across his scalp.

With his introductions done, it’s their turn and she smiles, sly and flirtatious.

“Well, I’m Gai Arqu, this is my friend Jorus Vance,” she says with loose flick of her wrist in Cassian’s direction, “And Dimaar Se’lab,” she points at the Bothan knowing full well that Dimaar is a cover and the only name she has for him. Hopefully the Imperials don’t actually know him by another name.

Hopefully her pre-empting doesn’t get them all shot.

Tovar just leans forward resting his chin on his hands with that awful smile still firmly installed.

“And what brings you all here?” he asks with a curiosity that could be forced or it could just be that most Imperials are creeps.

“Seinar,” Cassian says, toying with the rim of his glass, “There were claims of some fresh Iridium deposits being found here, we’ve been sent to investigate,” he points loosely at himself and then her.

“And to have a little fun?” Tovar asks in a manner that’s disgustingly suggestive. Cassian just smirks and lifts his glass in a mock toast before taking a drink. The cup is nearly empty and Nadjia can only hope Andor is good at holding his liquor.

“And you? I haven’t seen you around here?” asks Bedric, leaning around Cassian to eye up Dimaar.

Bothans aren’t unheard of in the Imperial forces, although they aren’t common. If this isn’t some kind of double blind, then Dimaar has made himself stand out even more with the uniform. It was surely a calculated risk, but if he’s not with the Imperials, then it’s backfiring on him.

Dimaar doesn’t bat an eye as he takes a swig from his glass and says, “Our ship was scheduled to stop here for supplies and I knew they were in town, so I thought I would say hello.”

“How did you three meet?” Tovar asks and she’s starting to wonder if he ever stops smiling. It’s starting to look vaguely carnivorous on him.

Nevertheless she leans forward and grins in the way that makes every man she’s ever met take a mental trip into the gutter.

“I was in the Academy for a short time, and I met our lovely Bothan here then,” she says and lets her smile widen a little to drive the point home. Dimaar is either playing her or playing along when he grins back like he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

“But fraternizing is strictly forbidden in the Academy,” Lieutenant Almo says, and _stars,_ these men are dense.

“Yes, well… Let’s just say the Academy didn’t take and Seinar has no such qualms about their employees.” She raises her brows at Cassian and he smirks again at her, playing along.

Let them think she’s having sex with both of them, let them think they’re having wild polyamorous threesomes.

Sex is the one thing that requires no explanation.

Now she’s just furiously calculating how much longer she has to sit here with these men before she can pretend she’s a nauseous lightweight and have Cassian and _hopefully_ Dimaar escort her from the cantina.

\---

Nadjia is saving his ass and he’s not sure if she realizes it.

It’s taking a lot of his self control not to throttle these Imperials, and a bit more of it to not look up at the door to the storeroom every five seconds. When he glanced up earlier, Bodhi was still dangerously visible; thankfully, it seems nobody’s noticed him yet.

Meanwhile, Nadjia is smoothing over every little gap in how they might have a friend who's an Imperial officer and her story might imply him in some fairly lewd behaviors but the Imperials are buying it.

Or they are faking their interest well, it’s hard to say.

Nadjia seemed to think Dimaar was still on their side when the Imperial officers sat down and maybe he is, he’s playing along with Nadjia’s story. But if he really had the plans with him in the first place and he had just handed them over, they could have avoided this entirely.

Or maybe he already blew their cover to the Imperials before they arrived and this has all been just a little game they’re playing until they shoot Cassian and Nadjia dead.

“Would anybody like to play a game?”

That’s Tovar asking in front of him and Nadjia leans forward, her eagerness seems almost forced to him, but they appear to be eating it up as she says, “What game?”

“Oh, we have a Sabacc deck at our table, don’t we?” Tovar asks and Lieutenant Almo jumps to his feet like that was an order, not a question.

“Yes, I believe we do, sir,” he says before ducking to the other table.

The table is actually so narrow he’s been having to actively avoid knocking knees with an Imperial captain since they sat down. He briefly wishes he could be the one to leave the table, if only to get some distance for a moment.

“What are we playing for, exactly?” Nadjia asks and it comes out like a purr. “Jorus and I don’t exactly have a lot of betting credits on us right now,” she adds with a hint of a pout. Let them think he and Nadjia already gambled away a sizeable chunk of change earlier this evening.

“Oh, we’ll think of something I’m sure,” Tovar says and Cassian wishes his blaster wasn’t sitting on his right hip, right beside the Imperial Lieutenant who would be unable to miss him unholstering it.

“Oh, but of course, we can’t play without drinks,” Tovar adds, his voice going louder as he signals the bartender and Almo hops back into his seat with a deck of cards.

“We can play to see who covers the drinks,” Tovar says to them all in an undertone like it’s some kind of secret as Driss walks over to their table. He’s fairly certain the bartender is glaring at Nadjia but she just smiles sunnily up at him.

“What are we ordering?” she asks Tovar.

“Bring us a bottle of your best brandy,” Tovar says to Driss with an oily smile. The bartender only grunts and heads back to the bar. Brandy is going to hit a lot harder than cheap ale. He glances at Nadjia but she’s still smiling at the Imperials like she doesn’t have a care in the world. On his left, Dimaar sits silent and stone-faced.

Driss brings back a bottle and six fresh glasses, which he sets on the table with another grunt before leaving them and heading back to the bar. Cassian watches him go and uses the moment to check on the storeroom door. It’s a ghastly sort of relief to see that Bodhi is finally out of sight and out of danger. So now it’s only him and Nadjia and maybe the second Death Star plans at stake as Tovar begins to deal out cards with a smile like plastic.

\---

After three rounds, Cassian is expected to pay for two drinks, Almo and Bedrick owe one each and Tovar owes three. Whatever else the captain is, he seems to be shit at cards.

Unfortunately, while they’ve played, the captain has been liberally pouring drinks for them all and insisting on them being drunk.

Cassian can hold his drink but after three full glasses of brandy on top of the Corellian ale, he’s starting to feel it.

Nadjia’s eyes are starting to get the slightest bit glassy and as they each down that third glass Nadjia looks at him and he looks back.

Time to get out of here, he thinks.

That’s when he feels the muzzle of a blaster pressed against his left knee.

Tovar hardly even blinks, but the implication is clear. He says nothing as Lieutenant Bedrick beside him deals a fourth round. Nadjia’s watching him and he’s not sure what she can see on his face. He’s not sure what he can give away without Tovar pulling the trigger.

He resolutely does _not_ look back at the storeroom now.

“Jorus, I think that last drink hit me a little hard, could you help me outside?” Nadjia asks and her words are just starting to slur. He’s not sure if she’s faking that or not but he says nothing.

The captain speaks instead.

“Gai, I think _Jorus_ is going to stay put a little longer, but Almo can help you outside. Right, Almo?” He doesn’t look at the Lieutenant or Nadjia as he speaks. His gaze is fixed on Cassian.

Right now, Cassian’s debating how far he can get with a blasted kneecap because the first thing he would do in the captain’s shoes is pull that trigger.

For her part, Nadjia freezes, her eyes widening almost imperceptibly at the captain’s tone. Beside her, Almo gets to his feet.

“Well, c’mon, then,” he says and Nadjia glances up at him and then back at Tovar.

“Y’know, I’ve changed my mind, I think I’ll do better sitting down for awhile,” she says and she signals Driss.

“Can I get a water?” she calls to the Pantoran and Driss only grunts and turns to grab another glass from beneath the counter. Cassian watches from the corner of his eye as Almo hesitates, hovering over Nadjia for a moment before slowly sitting back down.

He doesn’t look away from Tovar, half afraid that any glance might give him away.

He deeply regrets drinking that third brandy, it’s unbalanced him just enough that it could get him killed.

Driss brings a glass of water and claps it down in front of Nadjia without a word and then he goes back behind the bar. From the corner of his eye, Cassian can see the Pantoran grab something from under the counter before stepping into the storeroom.

Nadjia takes a deep drink of water and sets it down on the counter.

“So are we going for a fourth round, then?” she asks them all with a loose smile and Tovar finally looks away from Cassian to glance at her.

The muzzle of the his blaster remains firmly pressed against Cassian’s kneecap.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Tovar asks and Nadjia smirks.

She’s playing for time, he realizes. She knows something is up and she’s trying to buy them time.

“Well, I did win the last round,” she purrs and Tovar smiles almost indulgently.

“Yes, you did, little girl,” he says, “But you also brought a wanted man to this cantina.”

Cassian glances over to see Nadjia’s smile never wavers.

“Well, then let’s cut the shit,” she says and in one swift move she points her blaster at Tovar’s head. The lieutenants startle towards their weapons and Tovar cuts them off with a sharp gesture.

For the first time since he approached their table, the captain’s smile flickers.

“A squads of troopers should be arriving momentarily,” he says.

“You were stalling with the cards, I’m guessing?” she asks and Cassian still doesn’t say a word. He’s watching Dimaar and trying not to give the captain a reason to shoot him.

The Bothan has barely even moved during this entire discussion. That could mean any number of things.

In the distance they can all hear the sound of plasteel coated steps approaching and Tovar’s grin widens.

“Here they come,” he says and Cassian watches Nadjia now, one hand gripping the edge of table, the other loose at his side and ready to grab his blaster when he can.

Nadjia nods at him, an imperceptible jerk of her chin before she looks back at Tovar and smiles wide, showing all her teeth.

“Go kriff yourself,” she says and in one frenzied moment, Nadjia shoots Tovar in the head, and Cassian flips the table with one hand, pulling out his blaster with the other to shoot Bedrick beside him. At the same time he feels a blaster bolt tear a hole through his knee.

\---

She knows they’re well and truly _karked_ when Cassian lets out a strangled cry as he throws the table on its side.

Before ducking down beside them, Dimaar shoots Almo, which at least probably answers Nadjia’s question about which side he’s on.

For his part, Cassian falls to the ground with a groan, one hand clutching his knee. It looks as bad as a close range blaster through the knee might look and there’s no time to deal with it.

“Are you good?” she asks kneeling beside Cassian and he nods, sweat standing out on his forehead as he grips his blaster with both hands.

“I’m good,” he replies.

“Was the water a code for the bartender?” Driss asks, kneeling on Cassian’s other side.

“Yeah,” Nadjia replies with a grin, “I figured it’s the least I could do since we’re about to shoot up his bar.”

“I’m glad we’re being polite,” Dimaar says almost primly as he reaches behind them and grabs at another table behind them, throwing it down on the floor in front of the one they’re ducking behind as extra reinforcement for their meager cover. It still won't be enough to withstand a well aimed laser.

Cassian lets out an amused huff and he gets on his knees with a grimace so he can aim at the doorway.

They could get behind the bar but Nadjia is fairly certain the walls to the storeroom aren’t reinforced and she doesn’t want to draw fire at Bodhi and Driss. Cassian has the right idea hunkering down here.

“How many, do you think?” Cassian asks and Nadjia joins him in readying her blaster, aiming up at the doorway.

“If Tovar had any brains, I’d guess at least twenty.”

“Well, he doesn’t have brains anymore,” Dimaar observes dryly and she briefly raises her brows at the Bothan, who shrugs in return.

The footsteps are getting louder. They should see troopers coming down the steps at any moment.

“Oh, and in case you both survive,” Dimaar says as he reaches into his pocket and produces a small backup drive before unceremoniously shoving it into Cassian’s coat pocket.

“You were about to hand it over when Tovar joined us?” Nadjia asks and Dimaar nods.

“Put it to good use and make all this worth my while, for Force sakes,” he says as he too bends down with one arm out and ready to aim.

“Well, at least we know, Cassian, you really must have been very lucky or _very_ good up until now,” Nadjia says lightly as the first bits of tortoiseshell armor are visible at the top of the steps. “Because you are definitely on their lists.”

Beside her, Cassian sighs a little. “I’m guessing it was luck,” he says.

“Wanna try jumping out a window now?” she asks and Cassian shoots her a flat look.

“I don’t like you very much right now,” he says.

“Well, I hated you for awhile so I think that makes us even,” she says and from up the stairs they hear voices call down.

_“Captain Tovar, Lieutenant Bedrick, Lieutenant Almo, please respond. Code 516783.”_

Nadjia looks at Cassian and then Dimaar.

“Wanna take a guess?” she asks and Cassian shakes his head aiming at the stormtrooper legs that are just visible at the top of the stairs that lead to the entrance.

“My guess is _don’t miss,_ ” Dimaar says and then they all watch as a flash grenade gets tossed down the steps.

She barely has time to think _shavit_ before Cassian grabs her and forces her head down.

They are well and truly _karked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have most of the next bit written out but next chapter is going to be Cloud City. Also I did change like... a line or two in the last Cassian chapter and maybe I'll go back and have to change a detail or two in here but yeah fuck it. I'm happy enough with how this turned out and I told y'all I loved Nadjia.  
> (Also btw the movie scene that inspired this whole thing was Inglorious Bastards and that 20 minute bar scene. I really dislike Tarentino but that was the inspiration)


	29. Carry On(K-2SO/Bodhi/Cassian/Nadjia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_I remember thinking that it was all a dream. All of it._  
_It was just another bad dream._  
_I kept thinking that the world was ending._  
_I thought about the sparrows falling from the sky._

_―Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Benjamin Alire Sáenz_

_\---_

This city is seemingly endless.

K-2 has thought several times now that surely they must be close to their ship and yet it seems they are forced to keep running through Bespin’s curving, labyrinthine halls.

Leia must be thinking the same thing when she eventually hisses at Calrissian, “ _Where_ are you leading us?”

“We need to draw them away from the Falcon,” Lando replies as they all stop at yet _another_ doorway for the little astromech to unlock.

K-2 fidgets as Jyn just catches up behind them.

She’s slowing down.

K-2 can see that she’s slowing down.

Her face is red and sweaty from exertion as they run through the halls of this city and she’s slowing down.

“While we’re on the topic, Lando, why _exactly_ are you helping us?” Leia demands while they all wait with blasters out in case the troopers catch up to them. There is an audible sound of marching feet in the distance, they’ll reach this hall in a matter of seconds.

“I told you I wanted to help,” Lando says as the door opens and they start running again while the troopers run around the corner and start shooting.

K-2 shoots back, as do the others. He’s fortunate that he takes a step to the side as one blaster bolt flies so close it melts a hole in his chest plate, right around where a human’s heart would reside. He’s fairly sure the wiring underneath is undamaged, but he stops to make sure he shoots that _particular_ trooper before he runs after the rest of them.

“Yes, you _said_ you wanted to help, you also said you had no choice but to turn us into Darth Vader,” Leia calls as they keep running, “What was with the change of heart?”

She’s at the front of the group with Lando and Chewie. The astromech rolls along beside K-2 and Jyn is bringing up the rear.

And as for Lando’s ‘change of heart,’ privately K2’s been wondering much the same, based on what Jyn told him. He also thinks now is _not_ the time to be processing their feelings, but organics never listen when he tells them things like that.

Lando looks back at Leia and all of them.

“... It wasn’t right,” is all he says before they turn a corner and almost run head on into a large group of troopers.

Everyone starts firing as they head back the way they came and Jyn hasn’t even fully caught up as they all run towards her.

She’s moving too slow, she’s tiring too fast.

Lando leads them back the way they came and stops to open the door to some room pulling them all inside and shutting the door behind them.

It looks like some generic meeting room and they all slump against the wall as they hear the sound of troopers running past. Jyn sounds worse than she did before, taking deep wheezing breaths, screwing her eyes shut as if the effort is extremely painful.

Leia asks softly, “Are you okay?” and Jyn nods.

“I just need to catch my breath,” she says and Leia looks at Lando and the wookiee with wide eyes.

Meanwhile K-2 is considering probabilities.

Also, he tells her, “You have at least two cracked ribs, and some possibly serious bruising to your larynx, I highly doubt you will be able to properly ‘catch your breath’ without medical attention.” Both Leia and Lando look at him with an expression he would classify as appalled.

Of course humans often have that reaction when K-2 is honest. Cassian tells him he is sometimes too honest and he has never understood what that meant.

Instead, he considers what little he can be certain of right now.

She said she was Cassian’s friend and he is fairly certain he believes her. Also at least some of the damage to her body was most likely done by him.

The way she stupidly tried to fight with Darth Vader in order to save her other friend and failed.

Or the way she stepped between him and that blue suited guard and said, _“Not him.”_

K-2 does not necessarily understand what all this means or what it adds up to.

He certainly does not understand Jyn Erso.

But as Lando reaches out to open the door, K-2 presses the blaster Jyn gave him back into her hands and lifts her up in his arms.

 _“Kay!”_ she exclaims. “What are you doing?”

“You were slowing us down,” he tells her while Lando opens the door.

As they all prepare to go pelting down the hall he hears Jyn murmur the quietest, _“Thank you,”_ as she gets a tight grip around his shoulders and they go running again.

\---

The moment a bunch of Imperials stepped up to Cassian and Nadjia’s table, Bodhi’s heart flew into his throat. Even through the warped glass he can recognize that particular shade of green anywhere. It’s in his nightmares often enough.

He watched, frozen in fear, as they seemed to just _talk to the Imperial Officers._

He could feel his pulse stutter as the three officers stand around their table and then… they started pulling up chairs to join them. It was then that he realized he might need to hide.

He couldn’t make out expressions, he couldn’t see much more than shapes but if he could see them, they could see him.

So he knelt down and waited.

...and waited.

He waits now and he can’t stop imagining the worst. There’s no sound beyond the vague shufflings of Driss the bartender to clue him in on what’s happening beyond the door to this storeroom.

He wants to look, to see what’s happening but he’s shaking at the idea of what he might see, or of giving himself away or…

He puts his head between his knees and _breathes_.

He tries _not_ to imagine the worst.

Nadjia might be able to talk them out of it, or Cassian might be able to think their way out of it. They both seem so good at what they’re doing while Bodhi feels like he’s just flailing around and getting in the way.

What would Luke do in his shoes?

Probably charge in there and save the day, but Bodhi can’t do that either.

He wishes Luke were here.

After an interminable wait the storeroom door opens and Bodhi scrambles to his feet.

It’s only Driss, who moves slowly into the room and shuts the door behind him _._

 _“Wh-what’s happening?”_ Bodhi whispers and Driss shoots him a look before pulling a heavy looking box off the shelf and setting it in front of the door.

“You might want to step back,” Driss rumbles.

“What? Wh-why?” Bodhi asks and that’s the moment when blasters start firing. Bodhi startles hard and Driss grabs him by the back of his jacket and silently pulls him farther back into the storeroom, back behind a pile of crates.

“Give it a few minutes,” Driss says and Bodhi stares.

“A few _m-minutes?_ We have to help them?”

The Pantoran just stares at him flatly.

And then a barely muffled boom shakes the bar, the light flashing through the small pane of glass nearly blinding Bodhi.

“I was afraid of that,” Driss mutters and Bodhi has to wait for the spots to fade from his vision.

When he can see properly, he notices the glass in the door is cracked and he can hear the sounds of more gunfire.

“Well, if you aren’t g-going to help them, _I will,”_ Bodhi says and the bartender just stares at him.

“I had a feeling,” he says after a silence that seems interminable and shoves something into Bodhi’s hands.

Had Driss been holding a laser rifle this whole time and Bodhi didn’t notice?

(The answer is quite probably yes)

“Lock the door behind you and stay low,” Driss advises and Bodhi stares at the Pantoran with his mouth open.

“That m-means you’ll be locked in,” he says and Driss shrugs.

“It’ll be easier to write off on the insurance if it doesn’t look like I cooperated with a couple of criminals,” he says and Bodhi gapes a moment longer before another laser blast rings out and he focuses on the door in front of him.

He really hopes he isn’t too late.

“Thanks,” he says over his shoulder and he sees the bartender flap a hand at him before retreating to the farthest corner of the storeroom.

 _Stay low,_ Bodhi thinks and he crouches as he makes his way to the door.

 _Stay low, lock the door, shoot the Imperials,_ he thinks.

_I’m the pilot. I can do this._

He’s not sure he believes it, but it’s a good thing to tell himself before he potentially gets himself shot.

_What would Luke do?_

He would save the day. Bodhi will just have to do his best in his stead.

\---

Cassian barely has time to force Nadjia’s head down, squeeze his eyes shut, and cover his ears before the flash bomb goes off in a blinding, deafening blast of sound and light. It’s not enough to keep him from blinking spots out of his vision and it doesn’t stop his ears from ringing, but it doesn’t knock him completely on his ass so there’s that.

Nadjia lifts her head and gives herself a little shake before meeting his eyes and nodding. There’s not time for much else as troopers start pouring in.

The stairs only let about three of them in at a time so they don’t all flood the place, but every trooper comes out shooting and they can only return fire so fast.

Cassian shoots two before a blaster bolt flies so close to his head he can feel it sear a line across his cheekbone. Nadjia and Dimaar are keeping pace, and he can’t track who is shooting who. He just keeps firing as still more troopers flood the entrance.

Beside him, Nadjia ducks and swears floridly as a blaster makes a hole in the wall behind them and Cassian wastes precious seconds glancing back to see the hole.

It’s a stupid reflex and it costs him as one trooper blasts the first hole in the tables they’re hiding behind. Oka wood is no match for a blaster and even two tables piled together won’t stand up to that and the hole is between him and Dimaar.

The Bothan swears and keeps firing, taking down another trooper and the blaster bolts are flying too fast to track.

Two bolts fly past his head, forcing him to duck as he shoots down another trooper. Then another bolt pierces the table, burning through the wood like it’s nothing, and burning a deep gash across his right side.

The force of it, or maybe the pain, throws him backwards and he hears Nadjia curse above him, but for a moment he’s too stunned to move.

He starting to wonder if they actually managed to survive everything on Scarif, only to die in some backend bar in the middle of nowhere.

\---

Cassian goes down hard and she only has a second to see a patch of red blooming on his side. She curses under her breath and keeps shooting.

“Cassian, tell me how you’re doing?” she shouts over the noise.

“I’ve been better,” comes the weary reply.

She keeps shooting and hears a grunt, from the corner of her eye she sees him struggle to his knees and pick up his gun.

“Stay down,” she tells him and he glares at her.

“No,” he says and he shoots down a trooper with bloodied fingers.

The room is filling up with stormtroopers faster than they can shoot them, at least five of them are down the stairs and they can’t shoot them fast enough.

Nadjia keeps firing, but they can’t keep up. One trooper is mere inches from being able grab her. She fires at him and misses with a curse.

That’s when a laser blast comes from a new direction and knocks that trooper to the ground. She takes one glance across the bar and sees Bodhi, resting a laser rifle against the bar to steady his aim. He fires at two more troopers and she is quietly impressed at the boy’s spunk and she wonders if Driss gave him that rifle.

Beside her, she hears Dimaar sigh.

“You know, I was saving this but, oh, well,” he mutters and she looks to see him reaching into another pocket of his coat and pulling out what looks like a grenade.

“Get down,” he tells her and that's the only warning she gets before he pulls the pin and lobs it up the steps and out the doorway.

She has seconds and yells, “Bodhi, _down_ ,” before she dives to the ground with her arms over her head. She feels Cassian curl up beside her and then the bar shakes again, this time with heat spilling over them.

When she looks up, the door is on fire and there are ten troopers, jumping to their feet in the room.

Nadjia drops her blaster and grabs a nearby chair, throwing it into the closest trooper while Dimaar and Bodhi keep shooting.

She reaches back for another chair and sees the trooper aiming his gun at her chest go down, a blast from Bodhi burning a hole in the back of his armor. She throws the second chair, knocking another trooper to the ground and goes back for the blaster now with eight troopers left standing.

She’s been grazed by at least three blaster bolts and the table is barely any cover it’s so riddled with holes.

She just keeps squeezing off shots and prays she doesn’t get hit. Cassian's still up and shooting, too, although she can’t imagine how when both his hands are bloodstained.

And then, suddenly the room is empty except for the four of them.

The floor is riddled with dead troopers and there’s more of them piled around the entrance.

They’re done. But only for the moment.

\---

It’s all just movement at this point. A frenzy of white plastoid. Adrenaline is a gift and Cassian just squeezes out everything else and keeps firing into that mess, making sure to aim away from the bar.

When it finally stops, he sits and waits for his heart to stop pounding. That’s when all the pain comes rushing back and he’s tired to the bone. His blaster feels like it weighs ten pounds and he lets it slip from his fingers as he slumps back against what’s left of the table. On his right, Dimaar holsters his blaster.

“More troopers are going to be coming soon,” he says, “If you survive this, you _owe me_.”

“If you had just handed us the plans and left we might have avoided this. Let’s call it even,” Nadjia snaps and he looks up to see her glaring fire at the Bothan who merely shrugs and jumps to his feet, heading for the door.

Cassian watches him go wearily, and moments later Bodhi appears where Dimaar used to be, looking panicked as he takes in the state of them.

From the doorway, Dimaar calls, “Don’t get dead and we’ll see what happens,” followed by the sounds of scrambling that must be him climbing up the stairs and out the door.

 _“May the Force be with you!”_ Nadjia calls after him and the words are laden with the most sarcasm possible.

Beside him Bodhi sutters, “O-oh, kriffing hell, Cassian.”

“I’m pretty sure it looks worse than it is,” he mutters and Bodhi gapes at him.

“It looks like you g-got shot in the kneecap and again in your side,” the pilot says slowly.

“Yes, but it _looks_ worse than it is,” Cassian repeats because he really has been hurt worse before, and he’s tired, and he would like Bodhi to look a little less terrified now that they aren’t being actively shot at.

His words seem to have very little effect and he sighs, letting his eyes slide shut.

For a moment he wants nothing more than unconsciousness.

A hand slaps him upside the head and he opens his eyes to glare at Nadjia who returns his scowl with one of equal measure.

“Eyes open, Andor, you can have your beauty rest later,” she says and Bodhi looks at her, vaguely horrified. She ignores them both, getting up and ducking behind the bar.

“Driss keeps a little ‘lost and found’ and it should have... _Ah,”_ She comes back with two scarves that patrons must have forgotten on their last visits and a clear bottle full of liquid.

“We’ve gotta be quick, Dimaar was right that troopers are going to be coming any minute,” she says, throwing the scarves on the ground before unscrewing what looks to be a bottle of Shesharilian vodka. “So, sorry in advance,” she adds.

“Why?” Cassian asks and she pours half the contents of the bottle over his knee.

“ _Motherfucking son of a bantha!_ ” he curses and she unceremoniously splashes more of it onto his side.

“ _Shit kriffing hell,_ I really don’t like you right now,” he says through his teeth and she almost smirks as she sets aside the bottle and goes for the scarves.

“Don’t worry, Andor, the feeling is mutual. If I get shot nurse-maiding you I will be extremely put out.”

“Nadjia, m-maybe we should…” Bodhi says weakly and she silences him with a look.

She takes the first scarf, a long and gauzy thing, and wraps it around his midsection, applying pressure to the heavy gash on his right side. When that is tied off she goes for the second scarf, wrapping it tightly around his knee. It hurts like hell, but he grits his teeth and doesn’t say a word.

When that’s done, she sits back and looks at Bodhi.

”Help me get him up,” she says.

“You know I can hear you right?” Cassian asks wearily.

“How nice for you,” she replies dryly before she gets an arm braced around his back and pulls one of his arms over her shoulders.

Bodhi moves to do the same on his right, but his hands hover nervously over Cassian like he’s afraid to touch him. Cassian looks at him and shakes his head.

“It’s going to hurt like hell no matter what, let's just get this over with,” he says and Bodhi looks terrified as he meets his gaze and nods. When the pilot’s got a good grip, the two of them lever him to his feet.

He tries to brace for the pain, but a scream still rips from his lungs as the bad leg tries to bend and hold his weight, forcing ruined bone and cartilage to rub together in a way that can only be described as agony. He grits his teeth and tries to breathe through his nose as Nadjia says over his head, “Help me get him up the stairs.”

This is her plan and for the moment he doesn’t have enough air in his lungs to tell her it’s a bad plan.

With Bodhi supporting him on the right and Nadjia on the left they move.

His right side is on fire, but it’s the knee that feels like every kind of pain imaginable, at the same time. Every step is worse than the last and he’s just trying to breathe through it.

“S-sorry, Cassian, sorry, sorry,” Bodhi’s murmuring in his ear, his voice pitched too high.

“Rook, stop apologizing and _move_ ,” Nadjia barks out, sterner than a drill sergeant, but it works. They move towards the stairs and the pain is enough to almost blot out consciousness. He bites the inside of his cheek and tries to not let his bad leg bend.

They pause at the bottom of the stairs and Nadjia leans her head away from them to shout in the direction of the storeroom,

_“Driss, I owe you big time!”_

And they can all hear a muffled reply of, _“Yes, you do, girl.”_

With that they somehow get up the stairs. Cassian’s not sure how, he’s pretty sure he blacked out at some point as they tried to step over dead troopers.

At the top of the steps, Nadjia says, “Rook, run ahead and get the ship ready and send a call for a med-ship,” that tone reminds him of when he was a young cadet in training. It’s the tone that makes people listen and he can feel Bodhi pulling away hesitantly.

He remembers the drive in his pocket.

“Wait, Bodhi,” he says, reaching into that pocket with an unsteady hand.

The drive is there, waiting for his bloodstained fingers. He pulls it from his coat pocket and presses it into Bodhi’s hand, feeling the young man’s fingers curling around it.

“Good,” Nadjia says and there’s the smallest crack in that drill sergeant tone. A hairline fracture.

“Wait as long as you can and if we’re not there in time, get the hell out and _get that to the Rebellion,”_ she says through gritted teeth, and Bodhi stares at them, all nerves and wide haunted eyes, his hand still curled around Cassian’s with the drive pressed between their palms.

“How do I know wh-when it’s time to leave?” he stutters and Nadjia replies, “When they’re shooting at you. Now _go.”_

Bodhi hesitates just long enough to grip his hand too hard. When he lets go, he has the drive in his hands and there’s blood on his shirt. He stands there a moment longer than he should before turning on his heel and bolting down the street like Vader himself is chasing him.

Nadjia adjusts her grip on Cassian’s arm and moves her other hand to grip the waistband of his trousers.

“ _Kriff,_ you’re heavy, Andor,” she mutters.

“I’m slowing you down,” he sighs as she begins to move them forward, down the street and into the nearest alley. He can hear the distant sound of stormtroopers marching and it’s getting louder.

“Shut up,” she snaps at him, keeping her voice low.

They are almost at the alley, and its meager cover of darkness.

“You should leave me behind,” he continues like she hadn’t spoken and he doesn’t have to look to feel her glaring at him.

“You said your girl’s alive, right?” she demands.

“I think she is,” he murmurs and he hopes with every shred of consciousness that she is.

“Well, then you have to get back to see her again don’t you, Lover Boy?” she demands and he can hardly breath but he exhales in what could have been a laugh.

“Good, now shut up and _move,”_ she snaps as they go deeper into the alleyway and the street behind them floods with stormtroopers who, for the moment, don’t notice the pair weaving down the dark alley with three good legs between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anybody has been paying close attention, Luke's visions have all come true at this point. Some of them were just a little misleading.  
> Anywho we're getting close to the end now guys!!


	30. Escape(Luke/Bodhi/Leia/Nadjia)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_I’m bigger than my body_  
_I’m colder than this home_  
_I’m meaner than my demons_  
_I’m bigger than these bones_

_―Control, Halsey_

_\---_

They clash again and again and Luke didn’t know war could be this close or this desperate. He didn’t know a fight could be scrabbling with all his might just to stay alive.

Flying an X-Wing never felt like this.

He wonders if this is what put that haunted look in Bodhi’s eyes as he shakes from head to toe and just tries to ward off Darth Vader’s incessant blows. He’s sore and covered in sweat and rapidly running out of steam.

He didn’t think that being a Jedi Knight would feel like this. He can’t feel the Force, he can’t feel anything beyond his sore muscles and his pounding heart.

Their sabers connect again with that lightning crackle and Vader somehow reaches around their swords to shove Luke. He lands on his back on the walkway’s steps and he feels perilously close to the edge as Vader points his saber at Luke, illuminating them both in its red and deadly light.

 _“You are beaten,”_ Vader says, as Luke trembles and crawls back from the point of his saber. _“It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Obi-Wan did.”_

And that’s enough to ignite a rage that gives him enough energy to knock Vader’s sword away and get back on his feet.

He feels every bruise and blow but he fights like a wild thing, ducking and dodging Vader’s blows and hitting back as hard as he can.

Obi-Wan didn’t _let_ himself be destroyed, Luke thinks with a fury as he manages to actually land a glancing blow on Vader’s shoulder before diving away and putting some distance between them.

His only route is on a narrower piece of the walkway that connects to some central control panel. He needs one hand to brace himself but he keeps fighting, clashing with Vader again and again until their sabers connect and he just feels the wrongness of it, he can feel himself missing a beat and then Vader cuts off his hand and Luke can’t hold back a wail of agony as he holds what’s left of his arm against his chest.

He has no saber, all he can do is curl in on himself as Vader stands over him and says

_“There’s no escape.”_

\---

It’s a wonder that Bodhi remembers anything, let alone his cover name. But he just runs like hell and remembers, Des Carden from Jedha, lives on Coruscant and works for Seinar Industries.

_Des Carden. Jedha. Lives on Coruscant. Works for Seinar._

He runs and runs, his lungs burn and legs ache and he runs, dodging around people and storefronts and he occasionally stops in the middle of street intersections to get his bearings before he pressing onwards.

When he reaches the landing port, he can hardly speak as he struggles the last few feet to the entrance and the owner behind his desk.

“Whoa, there, lad, what’s the rush?”

“I’m here to pick up a ship in the name of Des Carden, Jorus Vance, and Gai Arqu,” he huffs and apparently he’s too breathless to stutter. The owner just blinks at him.

“Right, the Jedha boy, shame about that mining accident,” he says in that overly familiar way that makes Bodhi want to shake him a little bit. Instead he just takes a deep breath and says,

“We’re in a b-bit of a hurry. The docking and take off was all paid for in a-advance, so if you don’t mind…” Bodhi says and the port owner nods.

“Oh, of course sir, of course,” he says, as his hands fly over his datapad, pressing a few quick buttons.

With ports like this, each landing port has weighted clamps or fasteners that keep the ship locked to its landing bay until the owner is paid. He watches the owner press the controls to unlock their shuttle. “It's in D7,” he says with a smile as Bodhi takes a step towards the door.

“Let me guess, you made some nice girl _very_ angry?” the owner asks with a smile that’s knowing and Bodhi is too tired to blush or stutter or deny it.

Thinking of Nadjia, he just nods emphatically, “Yes, she’ll be _furious_ if she catches me.”

And with that he races out the door and heads for their ship. Level D, row seven.

\---

There’s too much for Leia to currently process. Cassian’s droid is still carrying Jyn as they reach what Lando says is the last door. They’ve turned so many circles, she’s lost her sense of where they are actually going. They keep outrunning the troopers for fleeting moments before they reappear again like the most dogged of spectres.

And then there’s Lando, whose only explanation for his change of heart was simply _“... It wasn’t right.”_

Strangely, she does believe him.

But she also wonders at what will happen to the rest of the city. He said he had no choice but to betray them and she can guess why.

They reach another door that R2 has to unlock and Lando looks at them and says, “We’re almost there,” before reaching out and pressing buttons on another piece of the control panel and pulling out what looks like a station wide intercom.

“Attention, this is Lando Calrissian,” he says into the device and they can all hear his voice echoing through the halls, ”The Empire has takes control of the city. I advise everyone to leave before more Imperial troops arrive.”

Leia gapes at him a little as he matter of factly puts the intercom back and glances at her.

“I had to try,” he says and there’s a sadness there she didn’t quite expect.

“I’m hoping they’ll assume I worked alone and simply try to go after me… Maybe leave the city alone but…” he sighs and at that moment the door opens to reveal the Falcon waiting for them at the end of the walkway.

 _“Finally,”_ K-2 says from behind them and Leia almost laughs. That’s when the troopers arrive and start shooting.

She’s so tired of running but the ship is right there, she pushes herself onward Lando and Chewie fire back to give the rest of them cover.

The walkway is still down like they left it and she ducks her head down and puts a final burst of speed in as blaster bolts whiz by her. She reaches the walkways and clambers up into the ship... _his_ ship with a sigh of something like relief.

She gets a final glimpse of gleaming white buildings floating amongst petal pink clouds as the others go running by her.

It’s a shame, she thinks, that her time in this beautiful city was so ugly.

\---

If she was asked, Nadjia could not explain how they get through Darkknell.

All she knows is she drags Cassian’s sorry ass alongside her with a stubbornness that she’s starting to think might be a serious character flaw. Still, he keeps moving, which is more than a little impressive considering the state he’s in. She keeps talking, mostly because she’s a little worried about what might happen if he loses consciousness. She’s pretty sure he blacked out once or twice but he seemed to come back when she spoke sharply in his ear.

“Andor, sound off, you still alive? I would hate to be dragging a corpse around.”

“...‘m here,” he mumbled and she would take what she could get.

At one point he did try reminding her again that she would be faster without him…

And Nadjia would rather not slap a wounded man around, especially since she did once already, so she politely used her words to inform him, “I swear to all the gods, Andor, if you slow down, I will shoot you in your other knee.”

After that, he kept moving and stopped saying stupid shit.

Nadjia doesn’t really need to dig in hard to understand why she’s going through the trouble. Beyond the fact that after all this, she genuinely likes Cassian and Bodhi (which is annoying on its own)… She also knows what it’s like to lose people in the field and Cassian seems pretty convinced this Jyn Erso is still alive.

And she saw them around the base a few times before all this happened. The way they seemed constantly intertwined, always holding hands or finding some reason to be touching each other. And the looks that passed between them…

She knows what those looks mean.

They say war takes everything from you before it's over and it certainly has for Nadjia. She fights for people to survive and live real lives, even if she can’t anymore.

The war took her soulmate from her and _almost_ any chance of a real life went with her.

But if she can help these two idiots be together, maybe she’ll sleep a little better at night.

It’s what Lilea would have done.

And she would have cursed at her lover and helped her all the while in such a fool's errand but Lilea isn’t here, it’s just her.

(She resolutely does not think about Cara. She can't risk that right now)

And damn, Andor is almost a dead weight that she has to grit her teeth and bear alone, pushing them forward one step at a time.

When they finally reach the last block before the landing port, Nadjia has no choice by to lead them out onto a busy street. “We’re almost there,” she murmurs to Cassian before dragging them both into the throngs of people passing to and fro.

Nobody pays them much mind and Cassian manages to raise his head up long enough to look around. She’s honestly glad to see he’s still conscious enough to do so.

She sees him freeze up, his eyes staring straight ahead and she follows his gaze to see...

There are three stormtroopers standing in front of the entrance to the landing port.

_Of course there are._

“Do you still have your blaster?” she asks as they approach and Cassian nods, a shaky hand reaching towards the holster at his hip.

“Well, don’t reach for it yet,” she snaps nudging his hand away, “We both smell like a distillery. I’m going to try that first and you just keep your head down.”

Thank Force he listens and lets his head loll forward once again and his hand going loose at his side.

“If I need to shoot, I’ll need my hands free so just lean on me, and for the love of _god,_ don’t faint or something,” she says quickly and under her breath as they approach the landing port entrance.

“I made it this far, I can stay upright a little longer,” Cassian says, sounding both weary and dryly amused.

“I’m glad you’ve kept your sparkling sense of humor, now shut up and play along,” she mutters before taking a breath and screwing her eyes shut as she steps up to the three troopers.

“We need to see your identification,” the middle one says and Nadjia guessed they would. Unfortunately most of their fake papers were left behind with what little luggage they brought to that hotel. They didn’t really have time to collect their things before they bolted.

For the troopers she takes a shuddering breath and forces out a tear.

“I’m so sorry I don’t have our ident’s… We were _robbed,”_ she pauses to take a somewhat theatrical sniffle as she manages to squeeze out a few more tears.

“We were at this cantina and suddenly our wallets, our ident’s, everything was just _gone,”_ she looks up at them tragically.

“What happened to him?” the trooper asks, prodding Cassian with his blaster.

Right on cue Cassian lets out a slurred drunken sounding mumble and lists a little into Nadjia. It’s really the perfect response for this and she makes herself look extra concerned instead of slightly amused as she looks over at him.

“We were just having a little fun while we were here, but we were supposed to report back at least an hour ago. There’s a chartered pilot waiting for us just in there,” she nods behind them at the landing ports and for a moment none of the troopers respond.

She lets herself sniff and shed a few more tears and she waits.

Finally the middle trooper says, “No one enters without showing some identification.”

And she looks up at them with an internal sigh knowing this didn't work but at least they didn't recognize her long enough so that she could get close.

Now it's time for plan B.

She nudges Cassian a little before saying, “Well, that’s too kriffing bad.”

And in one swift motion she pulls out her blaster and shoots two of the troopers, and Cassian is fast enough to shoot the third and the reaction is pretty immediate.

Bystanders shout at the sound of a blaster going off and the landing port owner is sticking his head out from his office with alarm.

She points her blaster at him.

“You, where’s Des Carden’s ship?” she calls out.

With the crowd recoiling from them, there will be more troopers in minutes.

“Who?” he asks and she doesn’t actually plan on killing him, but she pointedly turns off the safety.

“The Jedha kid I’m sure just came through here,” she says with a put upon patience.

“ _Oh,_ it’s um… D7,” the owner stammers and she nods and holsters her blaster.

“Thanks,” she says and she gets a good grip on Cassian’s arm over her shoulder.

“Move it, Andor,” she says and thank the stars he does.

\---

Bodhi has the ship all ready and prepped to go but he can’t leave it on and idling. That would look suspicious.

He sends a call for a med-ship first. They have the codes to send out all kinds of scrambled signals and after a few minutes he gets a reply saying the nearest ship is on its way. There are coordinates provided, where the ship will stop, which he programs into the hyperdrive.

He waits twenty minutes before he begins the ships startup sequence.

That takes ten minutes and then he’s sitting there, staring out the viewport and nervously drumming his fingers on the console.

Ten minutes after that he sees the pair of them stagger into view and he goes running for the door.

“ _You made it,_ ” he calls out the moment he sees them and Nadjia is waving him back as a blaster fires at them and misses.

“Get in the cockpit and _get us out of here!”_ she yells as they make their way up the steps into the ship.

He hesitates for an instant, too shocked and relieved to see them both here and in one piece, relatively speaking.

 _“Go now!”_ she shouts at him and that’s enough to knock Bodhi from his daze and send him racing towards the cockpit. He yanks back the control column and has a dizzying moment of worry, _what if they re-engaged the clamps?_

Then the ship lifts off the ground and he breathes out a sigh of relief.

He glances back to see Nadjia shutting the door behind them.

That’s all he needs before he activates the hyperdrive and sends them punching through the atmosphere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People are escapiiiiing :D (Also I find it hilarious that Nadjia thinks, I'd rather not hit an injured guy...especially since I already did)


	31. Falling (Luke/Leia/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and suggesting I add a little more to this chapter. The ending may still be abrupt but I tried my darndest

_What is a home_  
_if not the first place you learn to run from?_  
_You’ve got to bite the hand_  
_that starves you, and in doing so_  
_Praise the place that birthed you._  
_Birthed you fucked up._  
_Birthed you ugly, and interesting,_  
_and ready to scream._

_—Clementine von Radics_

_\---_

Luke’s world is shattered. He clings to the control panel at the center of the reactor shaft and listens to Darth Vader telling him about his destiny.

 _His_ destiny.

He doesn’t know what’s real anymore, but he has to get out of here. His right arm still throbs where he clutches it to his chest. He feels bruised black and blue from the inside out.

Beneath him the reactor shaft seems to go on forever.

 _“Come with me,”_ Vader says, reaching for him with a black gloved hand, _“It is the only way.”_

The reactor shaft is the only way out. He’ll just have to hope he survives the fall as he looks defiantly back at Darth Vader.

His father.

And lets go of the control panel, letting himself go.

Falling, falling, falling down the reactor shaft.

For an instant it feels like flying. He falls too close to an exhaust pipe and feels himself wrench as he’s sucked inside. He’s sent spinning and sliding through a series of seemingly endless pipes and just tries to hold his bloody stump to his chest so he can’t hurt it anymore. The rest of him bumps and scrapes along the pipe’s walls until finally, he stops falling and everything stops.

He’s come to rest in the middle of yet another durasteel pipe and he just has enough time to look around and wonder how he might climb out of here, when the floor opens underneath him and dumps him down another dark hole, scrabbling for purchase or anything to slow his descent. The walls are slick and polished and his fingers slide too easily over its grooves and crevices and he doesn’t even have time to see another trapdoor opening beneath him.

He drops and lands, awkwardly hanging off of a fragile looking metal appendage sticking out of the bottom of the station. A weather vane, he thinks.

Beneath him, there’s nothing but air.

Nothing to catch his fall for _miles._

It’s desperation still, that guides his hand. Survival instinct alone forces him to reach up and get a good grip on the metal he’s hanging off of. He tries with only one hand to climb back up its length. If he can get back inside and get to a ship, _any ship,_ he might just make it. Above him, the panel he fell through is still open and he carefully reaches up, hugging himself close to the weather vane for balance, trying to get a good grip on it.

The moment he’s managed to grip it with his fingertips, the door closes, slipping beyond his reach and he clings to the metal with all his might. Trying to reach up, trying to reach _anything_ that could save him.

The sweat is turning cold on his skin. His palm is slick with it, sliding over the metal bars of the weather vane. It’s like trying to catch water with his fingertips, it all slips away.

When he was alone on the ice, he was desperate and dying and he called for help.

And then help came.

He tries to pull himself higher on the metal pole and he loses his grip, falling backwards. His legs catch on another piece of this thing, it’s the only thing that stops him falling to his death. And he’s too tired to fight anymore. He’s too tired to do anything other than beg the universe for help.

 _“Ben, Bodhi, Leia, please… Somebody help,”_ he gasps. _“Somebody please help.”_

\---

It was like she could hear him. Like she could see through his eyes. For an instant she could _feel_ what he was feeling. So much fear and pain.

They had just gotten aboard the Falcon, the engines coming to life and lifting the ship beneath them. She had gone to get a med kit for Jyn and as she came back in the room, she felt it.

She felt Luke.

She must have startled Jyn and the droids when she dropped the kit and bolted, but she felt it all and realized in that instant...

She couldn’t save Han but she can save Luke.

She bursts into the cockpit where Lando and Chewie are piloting the ship.

“I know where Luke is,” she says, “We have to turn back, I know how to find him.”

“Turn back? What about those fighters?” Lando demands, pointing at the readouts which show at least 4 or 5 TIE fighters in hot pursuit. Chewie barks out his own worries and she turns to the wookiee first.

“Chewie, just do it,” she says and Lando opens his mouth to protest again, but Chewie silences him with a fierce growl.

Leia points them in the right direction and steps back, feeling something settle in her chest as they get closer.

The city spins back into view and it’s Lando, who points out the window, “Look, someone's up there.”

And the moment she spots the shape of him struggling to hang on, she knows they’ve found him.  
“It's Luke,” she says, “Chewie, slow down and we'll get under him. I’ll open the top hatch.”

With that, she goes running.

\---

Luke is exhausted and cold and rapidly losing his grip on the metal bars. He’s going to fall at any moment.

He’s too tired to even notice the ship rising up beneath him. Too tired to realize the rushing sound is more than his heart pounding in his ears.

The air is too thin up here and he’s dizzy with it.

His hands are slipping and he tries to hang on until he can’t.

 _“Luke,”_ he hears a voice call and there’s a ship beneath him and arms outstretched, reaching for him.

He shuts his eyes and lets himself fall again.

\---

Luke crashes against the hull of the Falcon just a few inches away from the hatch that Leia’s standing in. She can only just reach over the lip of the hatch door, but she reaches with panicked hands, grabbing for Luke. He reaches back, taking her hand, and his face is all jagged lines and agony and she tugs him forward. He seems unable to help her beyond gripping her hand so tight that she can feel bones grinding.

She grits her teeth and pulls, dragging him across the hole and toward the hatch opening. Finally, he’s close enough that she can grab more than his hand and they land inside the Falcon in a tumble, the hatch closing above their heads.

The lift lowers automatically and Leia rights herself, looking over at her friend.

“Luke, are you alright?” she asks hesitantly, bending over him. He’s in a heap, pale and shaking. There’s blood all over his shirt and she reaches for him with uncertain hands. She doesn’t know where the damage is, or exactly how bad it might be.

He looks up at her then, like he’s suddenly conscious enough to see her.

 _“Leia,”_ he croaks, looking relieved to the point of tears and that’s when she sees the stump of his right arm. He’s hugging it to his chest protectively.

It takes all of her resolve and self control to not retreat at the sight of it.

 _They cut off his hand,_ she thinks with horror. She reaches for him, more carefully this time, and helps him to his feet.

Once he’s upright, he looks down at her. Now she can take in how pale he is, the sheen of sweat plastering his hair to his forehead and the ugly bruise around his eye.

When she has seen enough, she pulls him close, wrapping him in a fierce embrace. Something inside her breaks a little more when he practically melts against her, a sigh escaping him as he reaches up to rest his good arm against her back.

 _“You got him?”_ Lando asks over the comms and Leia steps back enough to speak into the comm.

“Yes, let’s go,” she says and wipes at her eyes with her left hand, letting her right stay wrapped around his waist. He leans into her for support as the lift doors open and she leads him to the main hold.

She’s resolved to _not_ cry.

\---

Jyn could only stare after Leia bolted. Her eyes went glassy for a moment and the box slipped from her fingers and then she just ran for the cockpit. K-2 stares after the girl silently for a passing moment before looking at Jyn.

“You are all _very_ strange,” the droid observes and Jyn almost laughs, but the sudden wheezing inhale of breath is so painful it makes her eyes water.

K-2 set her down at one of the tables in the main hold and she grips the edge of it so hard her knuckles go white. When the pain of that passes, she looks at K-2 to find him watching her. His photoreceptors seem to almost flicker and then he bends down and starts picking up the supplies that spilled out of the kit. Leia goes running past them and they both watch her go in bemused silence.

K-2 could find out what's happening if he wanted, but he simply stays in the main hold and carefully picks up rolls of bandages and packs of Coag powder one by one, placing them back in the little plastic box. Jyn watches and mentally takes stock of her condition. Her ribs and her throat still ache with every word she says. Her shoulder still burns at the slightest motion, but she’s fairly sure that it has mostly stopped bleeding. She suspects that K-2 knows all of this as he picks up the kit, with all the supplies back in their place, and sets in on the table in front of her.

From the floor where he is still lying in a heap, C-3PO demands, “This is intolerable. When is somebody going to finish fixing _me?”_ and Jyn has to suppress a smile as K-2 looks at her flatly.

“Does he serve a _useful_ function here?” he asks and Jyn glares up at the robot.

“Be _nice,”_ she says as sternly as she can manage… which isn’t very. She is extremely tired. R2-D2 whistles from his spot beside 3PO. She’s pretty sure the little droid is holding the net with all the pieces of 3PO so he doesn’t go skidding around the hold.

“I can disable them,” K-2 says almost conversationally. Like it’s a suggestion. R2-D2 bleats at him and C-3PO exclaims, “You absolutely _cannot._ ”

Jyn has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at the absurdity of it all.

“Please stop, all of you,” she says and that’s when she hears footsteps. She turns in time to see Leia, helping a battered Luke stay upright.

She can’t help it, she jumps to her feet and regrets it immediately, one hand going to her side with a wince.

Then she takes in the state of him with widening eyes. The stump of a hand, the feverish sheen of sweat papering his too-pale skin.

She remembers when she first met him on this ship, all that time ago.

He seemed like little more than a boy.

He still does, now he’s just a broken one. She knows all too well what that looks like and she can recognize it on him in an instant.

 _“Master Luke,”_ C-3PO calls out in alarm and R2-D2 lets out a low, worried hum.

“Luke,” she murmurs and he seems to look up and finally notice all of them.

“Hello,” he says softly with a small, fragile smile.

Jyn and Leia share a look and then Jyn says over her shoulder,

“K-2, grab two bacta patches out of the kit and give them the rest.”

She can hardly look away from the pair of them, Luke is listing into Leia. And Leia looks like stone, her mouth in a hard thin line.

Behind her, K-2 does like she asks and takes out the patches before bringing the rest to Leia. For a moment the girl looks a little lost as K-2 pushes the box into her hands.

“I’ll lay him down on one of the bunks in the barracks, I don’t think he can remain upright for much longer,” Leia says as she grips the box too tight, and Jyn nods.

She watches them go in silence before she remembers that she’s still dizzy and exhausted and needs to sit down.

K-2 is watching her again as she sinks slowly back into her seat at the table. R2 whistles at her and C-3PO tells him to be quiet.

She ignores all of them and pulls the bacta patches close, before slowly trying to shrug out of her jacket. It tugs on her shoulder and twinges in her ribs as she tries to carefully pull her arm from the leather sleeve. She hisses through her teeth until her good arm is free of it and then gingerly tries to tug the jacket off her injured shoulder.

It takes time and effort and but she needs to see to her injury so she pushes herself through removing the jacket and then the shirt underneath. She wears a sleeveless undershirt beneath everything and when she’s down to just that she shivers a little against the chilly air on the ship.

K-2 says nothing during all this, he simply stands where Leia and Luke left him and watches her, his photoreceptors flickering again.

The ship shudders from what might be a hit from a TIE fighter, and she’s too tired to be concerned about it right now. K-2 glances around, but he doesn’t leave the room to pester the pilots or something.

It strikes her as unusual.

“Aren’t you worried about whatever’s shooting at us?” she asks and K-2 stares at her.

“Yes,” he says after what seems an interminable pause, “But my standing there will have little effect on the outcome.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before,” she says and K-2 shifts his weight a little while she unwraps the first bacta patch.

He doesn’t respond, but he does walk over and yank the patch out of her hand.

“Seriously?” she asks, feeling a little ill equipped to deal with this.

“Unfortunately,” he replies.

As he bends over and carefully places the first patch on the front of her shoulder with surprisingly gentle hands, he says, “Cassian was incapable of placing these properly on himself,” and she just stares at the droid.

She’s probably too tired to have this conversation, or any conversation. Her mind trips over just hearing his name and she’s too tired to cry. She’s so worn, it’s taking effort to remain sitting upright and talking about Cassian feels a bit like prodding glass that’s so cracked it could shatter at any moment.

But there’s something that's been bugging her since he picked her up on Bespin and she would rather focus on that than thinking about Cassian right now.

“Kay, why did you bother…?” She trails off, trying to find the right words. “Why did you bother carting me all the way here?” and the question scrapes at her throat.

The droid glances at her, a quick look and then away again. He picks up the second bacta patch and says, “As I said, you were slowing us down,” with a certain sort of careful precision while he unwraps the second patch.

 _“I_ was slowing down. I wasn’t slowing _you_ down,” she replies. “You could have left me behind.”

K-2 fidgets with the patch, still half in its wrapping.

“I had considered that,” he says and Jyn nods, resting her hands on her knees like maybe she needs to hold herself up.

“Why didn’t you?” she asks and K-2 continues to fidget. They can feel the ship shudder again from whatever fight they are hopefully winning.

“I do not know,” he eventually says and finishes unwrapping the patch, placing on the back of her shoulder.

\---

Not long after they evacuated to Hoth, and not long after all of her friends had recovered from a fight on a planet that didn’t exist anymore and a fight on an Imperial station, Leia had sat down with Han.

It was his first mission for the Rebellion, unofficially of course, he never did accept a commission.

She sat him down and badgered him into keeping his ship actually well stocked with medical supplies, something beyond two bacta patches and a nutrient pack.

 _“Come on Leia, why does it matter?”_ He had asked, leaning back in his chair.

 _“It matters because it could save someone’s life, including your own. We’re all just lucky Bodhi didn’t bleed out in the hours it took to get back to the base,”_ she had said with a severity that she may have regretted later. Han laughed it off, but later she saw him handing in supply requests looking like somebody had kicked his dog.

She also had flown on the Falcon a few times since, learned where he kept those supplies, and also sometimes took it upon herself to add a few things she thought might be necessary.

It was a precaution she had thought, and Han would tease her for it.

 _Stars,_ she already misses him so much it hurts.

But the upside is, she knows exactly what’s in this damned kit that she needs.

Once Luke is laid down on a cot, the first thing she does is find the comm embedded in the wall by the door. She presses it and says into the speaker, “Chewie, send for a Rebellion med-ship. I don’t care how you do it, but make sure you scramble the message and send it immediately.”

Chewie barks out an affirmative and she disconnects and goes back to Luke’s side with the kit, pressed to her chest.

Luke’s already verging on unconscious. His mouth moves like he’s talking to somebody, but she can’t make out words. His arm is a mess where it still rests against his chest.

And it’s not the gore that bothers her as she rummages through the kit and finds the packets of coag powder.

What gets under her skin is the monstrous cruelty of it. It shouldn’t surprise her; after all, the Empire murdered billions when they destroyed Alderaan and Jedha. It shouldn’t surprise her, and yet it still does after all this time.

The ship shakes from whatever altercation Lando must be having with those TIE fighters. And Luke murmurs, _“Father,”_ barely louder than a whisper. She presses her lips together and pushes down the urge to cry or scream or do something else that wouldn’t help anybody right now.

Instead, she rips open the packet of coag powder and pours it over the stump of his arm and then goes for some bacta gel. When that’s on she goes into the kit and pulls out the metal cuff she specifically put in there after that time Han came back with his shoulder dislocated, saying his arm had nearly been ripped off.

He may have been exaggerating, but she still preferred him being prepared.

She opens the cuff and then clicks it shut over the stump of Luke’s arm. The readout flickers and then the cuff shrinks around his arm, suctioning closed against his skin.

She doesn’t really understand how it works, but it does.

She looks down at Luke, who is still unconscious and she nearly falls into him when the ship tilts violently sideways.

She catches herself on the cot and manages not to fall on him.

Leia staggers over to the comms and pushes the button, “Lando, what the hell are you _doing_ up there?” she demands.

 _“It’s not my fault!”_ Lando exclaims in a way that makes her think it probably is. She sighs and turns to Luke.

“I’ll be back,” she murmurs before heading out to see what’s gone wrong _now_ in this Force forsaken bag of bolts Han called a ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously if I could have ended this chapter with 'What now chucklefucks?' I WOULD HAVE. But Leia is not that course even in her own head. I also find it deeply fitting that she might be like *god* I miss Han and then the next second wish he were there so she could strangle him.  
> Oh and btw I could not find jack shit about that metal thing on Luke's arm on wookieepedia. The script just calls it a 'protective cuff' which is like...okay sure George. So I made some shit up. Metal probably shouldn't be able to do that but there are blue aliens and space ships so...*waves the artistic license flag again*


	32. In Transit(Baze/Cassian/Jyn/K-2SO)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow, I hope you feel better soon.

_Home is behind, the world ahead,_  
_And there are many paths to tread_  
_Through shadows to the edge of night,_  
_Until the stars are all alight._

_—The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien_

\---

Baze sits beside Chirrut next to the landing platform. His husband has been sitting with his legs folded and his eyes shut for an hour out here.

There’s no particular reason for them to be out on the platform, no news has been given to them, it's simply where they ended up today.

The air here is too humid, there is sweat under the collar of Baze’s shirt, but the sun beating down on them reminds him of Jedha enough to be comforting.

They haven’t really talked about the children in the last day or so. They haven’t really talked much at all because sometimes they don’t need to talk. Chirrut’s been meditating most of the time and Baze doesn’t feel like talking much. They’ve known each other for enough years to be comfortable with silence.

The only reason they’re outside is because Chirrut paused in his meditation in their room and told Baze, he would like ‘to be outside for a while’ and so they ended up here.

They’re not alone out here either. Rebellion personnel move through the area going about their day. And there is a young human woman sitting a short distance away. She glanced at them once before she took a seat right on the lip of one of the other landing pads and began staring off at nothing.

The three of them have been there, sitting silently for some time, when Chirrut opens his eyes and turns not to Baze, but to the young woman.

“It’s a nice day,” he calls out.

Baze leans back a little to raise a brow at his husband.

Chirrut can certainly be chatty with strangers, but he doesn’t do it often. He’s inclined to tell Chirrut to leave the woman alone when she looks back at them. She’s not much older than the other children. She has dark brown skin and long black hair that’s tied back in a complicated series of braids. She glances over at them with a soft smile, white teeth flashing bright for only a moment.

“I could do with it being a little cooler before I went so far as to call it a ‘nice day,’” she says, leaning back a little with her hands braced against her knees.

Chirrut’s smile widens.

“Did you prefer Hoth, then? It was quite cool there,” he says and she shakes her head.

“Too cold,” she replies with a grin.

Something about that answer seems to amuse Chirrut. He rocks back a little and pats the ground beside them.

“Would you like to talk rather than staring at the sky and moping?” he asks genially and she frowns at them both before standing and walking to the closest landing pad, perching on it’s edge. Up close, Baze can see the girl is not much taller than Jyn. But she’s built sturdier, thicker, with well defined muscles.

“How did you know I was staring at the sky?” she asks, leaning forward and squinting at Chirrut.

“Don’t encourage him,” Baze grumbles and she looks at him with raised brows before returning her attention to Chirrut.

“There are many ways to see,” Chirrut replies and his smile is wide and unwavering. For a moment the girl doesn’t say a word, glancing back and forth between them.

“I’m guessing you’re the Guardians from Jedha, then?” she asks, her eyebrows lifting ever so slightly.

“What gave it away?” Baze asks drily and her lip quirks like she’s amused.

“Fair enough,” she says to Baze before turning back to Chirrut. “How do you know I’m moping?” she asks and this, even Baze could have answered, but he lets Chirrut.

“You sit out here like you’re waiting for someone. So are we.”

She rocks back a little and frowns at them both now before running a hand through her braids.

“Wow, is it that obvious?” she laughs a little but her smile is a little sadder now.

“Like recognizes like,” Chirrut replies and the girl sighs bracing her elbows against her knees so she can rest her chin in her hands.

“She was due back yesterday, what about yours?”

“We were never given a clear timeline,” Chirrut replies and Baze rolls his eyes a little. The Rebellion general tells them nothing and Cassian is always tight lipped about his missions.

They have no idea if Cassian and Bodhi will be gone for a few days or a month.

She seems to catch his expression and smiles a little more, she sticks her hand out to Baze first, “I’m Cara, and you are?”

“Baze,” he grumbles before jerking his thumb at Chirrut, “The fool here is Chirrut.”

Cara’s eyes twinkle a little as she nods at them both, the look fades quickly though as she turns back to stare at the horizon.

Into the sudden silence Chirrut says, “They’ll be home soon.” Baze twists a little to stare at the man beside him.

“Are you sure?”

And Cara asks, “What do you mean by _they?”_

And Chirrut just keeps smiling serenely up at the sky. As is so often the case with his husband, Chirrut knows something he doesn’t.

\---

As soon as the door is shut and their shuttle is lifting in the air, Cassian abandons all attempts to remain standing and Nadjia lets him melt into the floor, only catching him enough so he doesn’t fall too hard on the durasteel floor beneath them.

Moments later they feel the pull of the ship jumping to hyperspace and then Bodhi is in the back of the ship with them.

“We should be reaching the med ship in an hour,” Bodhi says to them, kneeling beside Cassian.

“There was already one in the area, it sounds like we’re not the only call they’ve received out here.”

Nadjia nods and gets to her feet, rummaging around in the onboard supplies until she comes back with a med kit.

“That’s nice, Rook, Lover Boy, it’s time to take your shirt off,” she says and Cassian stares at her for a moment before he understands what she’s actually asking. Bodhi just goggles at her and she must notice his expression more because she looks at him and says, “Oh, stop, it’s not like I’ll enjoy it.”

And Cassian half smirks but he makes no move to do anything other than lie there and continue to inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. Anything more than that feels like far too much when he’s so bone tired, his vision is going strange at the edges.

Nadjia seems to notice when she reaches down as and smacks at his cheek a little too hard.

“C’mon, Andor, you’ve made it this far, try lasting one more hour,” she says. “Because I got shot at an awful lot saving your ass, and I’ll be so annoyed if you died anyway.”

Cassian huffs out a laugh and Bodhi looks vaguely appalled. He wants to say it’s fine but he says nothing instead and weakly reaches up to unbutton his shirt. She bats his hand away and says, “No, no, I would hate for you to _trouble yourself,”_ and the bite of her words contrasts sharply with her gentle touch as she unties her makeshift bandage and goes to work unbuttoning his shirt.

He’s trying to stay awake but he feels used up. His eyes want to close so much it almost hurts to keep them open and staring up at her.

“Come on, Andor, talk to Rook, talk to me. Just talk,” she says and there’s that sharpness again as she reaches for what looks like a packet of coag powder.

Bodhi is sitting on his other side, looking particularly haunted and maybe he is remembering another shuttle and another situation like this.

“You talked about Jyn before,” he says slowly. Getting his mouth to mouth requires some effort. She pauses in tearing open the packet to stare down at him.

“Correct, I did do that,” she says somewhat blandly as she gets the packet open.

“You said I needed to come back for her,” Cassian continues and she almost glares down at him and then Bodhi who is watching the both of them with wide eyes.

“Do you have a point?” she asks both of them as she flicks open the right side of his shirt, exposing the wound on his side. _Stars,_ he wants to be unconscious and he’s not quite remembering if he had a point at all when Bodhi jumps in and asks, “Is th-there someone waiting for y-you, Nadjia?”

That feels like something he wanted to know and he points at Bodhi with a messy hand as if to say, ‘Yes, _that.’_

Nadjia looks between the two of them, “ _Really,_ that’s what you want to know about?”

Bodhi nods, still a little too wide eyed and Cassian is curious. If he survives, he’s sort of wondering what will _actually_ happen when they all get back to base.

“Because we could talk about way more fun things, like… The best method to swallow one’s tongue, or how it feels to have your nose broken… Or _anything else.”_

Nadjia glares at the both of them and Cassian mumbles, “You told me to talk…”

She exhales through her nose and abruptly pours the contents of the coag packet over his side in a way that seems unnecessarily vindictive. Cassian hisses through his teeth, his back arching against the pain but when it subsides she grimaces at him and shakes her head.

“ _Fine,_ ” she mutters.

“ _Technically,_ there _might_ be a person waiting for me,” she says avoiding their gaze.

“What d-does that mean?” Bodhi asks and she scowls at him.

“It’s means that it’s _complicated,_ Rook, you want to talk about your crush on Skywalker?”

“I’ll t-talk if you do?” Bodhi says, sitting up a little bit like a challenge and it’s almost funny as she scowls and Bodhi looks a little terrified but he defiantly lifts his chin. She looks away first to spread bacta over his injury and press a bandage to it.

“I hate you both a lot, for the record,” she grumbles, “Also, I hope you don’t mind, Andor, but you're going to need new pants because I’m cutting off that,” she gestures at his currently cloth covered bad knee and Cassian nods.

“‘S fine,” he mumbles.

“Good,” she replies and Bodhi is still watching her expectantly.

She sighs, “It’s only been a year since Lilea, and she said she’s fine and she gets it, but…” She breaks off with a grimace. “We had a huge fight, right before I left and so… Like I said before, it’s _complicated_.”

“D-do you like her?” Bodhi asks softly and Nadjia rolls her eyes.

“Of course I do, you nerf herder.”

And neither of them really have anything to say to that as she begins cutting into the fabric of his trousers above his knee. Bodhi gets up to check on the cockpit and Cassian just tries to stay awake.

“Andor, you still up?” she asks quietly as she pulls the cut fabric away from his blasted knee.

“Yeah,” Cassian mumbles with a wince. Although saying he’s up might be overly generous in his current position, but he’s conscious for now, and they’re close.

“What do you want to talk about next?” she asks and she’s back to that slightly antagonistic neutrality, “Dead parents? Or how about the complexities of the female orgasm?”

She dumps another packet of coag powder on his knee and his body jerks so hard he bangs his head on the floor.

 _“Son of a bantha,”_ he curses and she snorts.

“Yeah, well… Maybe so but you’ll thank me later,” she says as she throws some fluid replenishment packets at him and gets to work bandaging his knee.

\---

There isn’t much for Jyn to do right now other than sit and drift. R2-D2 seems to be working on repairing C-3PO and she knows she could help and yet...

Everything seems to catch up with her at once and she’s on the verge of sleep or unconsciousness when the ship rattles and spins so hard she nearly falls out of her chair. Only K-2, with a hand braced against her good shoulder, keeps her upright.

Alarms ring out from the cockpit and Leia comes storming through the main hold with an expression that might be murderous.

“What’s going on?” Jyn asks as she passes by.

“I’ll let you know in a minute,” Leia replies as she heads towards the cockpit.

Jyn stares after her and then up at K-2 who is still standing over, looming like some sort of imposing statue.

And Jyn starts to wonder, why haven’t they gone to hyperdrive yet? Lando said his people would fix it, and maybe they did. He definitely has loyal followers on Bespin…

R2 starts bleeping at all of them, and Jyn’s binary is still not great, but C-3PO is there saying, “The central computer told you _what?”_

As Chewie comes running in and jumps into the pit with all the control panels that seem to be shorting out. She sits and watches, still tired, but feeling the cogs in her brain turning.

 _“Chewie, what’s the hold up?”_ Lando’s voice crackles through the comms and Chewie howls in response.

If they did the repairs enough to trick Lando, and then sabotaged it after the fact…

She pushes herself to her feet with a grunt of pain and K-2 is beside her saying, “That’s not wise.”

“It never is,” she mutters and before she can take a step in any direction, she sees Luke standing in the doorway. He still looks as stricken as before, even if the arm has been slightly taken care of. She doesn’t know what to say and he barely nods at her before he keeps heading towards the cockpit, with his head down and his shoulders hunched. She watches him go  with a sadness she can’t fully comprehend yet, and when he’s out of sight, she runs to the circuit board R2 has been beeping about. The ship won’t stop shuddering and twisting around her, and she’s pretty sure that’s from blaster fire outside the ship and not her own disorientation.

She kneels at the circuit board, and stares at the wiring. R2-D2 joins her after a minute with a sound like exasperation while she studies all the connections in front of her.

And then she sees it.

It was as simple as a few wires that were misdirected or clipped.

And so she gets to work.

“Exactly what are you doing?” K-2 asks from behind her.

“Yes, what _are you doing?”_ C-3PO adds from where R2 left him with two arms and only one leg. K-2 turns and glances at the protocol droid with a look that might have been disgust in a human. Jyn glances back for only a moment to catch the exchange before facing forward again. R2 is busily soldering a cut wire back together and Jyn switches a few connectors that have been put in the wrong sockets.

R2 tells them both to be quiet in binary and Jyn finds a dial, buried in one of the panels and cranks it.

The hyperdrive engages so suddenly that K-2 actually has to reach down and grab her by the back of the shirt to stop her flying across the the compartment from the sudden jolt of movement. He does nothing to stop R2, who rolls backwards into the pit Chewie’s in with a squeal. A roar quickly follows that and Jyn looks up at K-2.

“Thank you, but you could have helped them, too.”

“Perhaps,” is K-2’s only reply and Jyn sighs.

Neither of them speak as he lets go of her shirt and they both watch Chewie place R2-D2 back on solid ground with an irritated bark, before climbing out himself.

“I _knew_ you could do it,” C-3PO exclaims from the doorway and Jyn looks up at K-2.

“Be _nice,”_ she says and K-2 buzzes like a sigh.

\---

Jyn Erso continues to be obtuse. Once she apparently fixed the ship’s hyperdrive, she ends up sprawled out, with her back propped up against the circuit panel.

K-2 had suggested she lie down somewhere, it would most likely put less pressure on her but she just shakes her head and continues to breathe with an expression like it’s painful.

He’s considering when would be the best time to ask her about Cassian. Ideally when she is uninjured and perhaps a little more clear headed. K-2 has had to stop her from being thrown across the hold on several occasions because he is fairly certain she is not aware enough to think of grabbing hold of something that might stop such a motion.

This does not speak well of her current mental state and he knows that when organics are injured, it tends to impair their faculties. Cassian was always at his strangest when injured.

But it could potentially be several days of bacta tank treatments and sedation before Jyn is fully recovered (He can only guess, but based on the amount of pain she appears to be in, her injuries seem fairly severe). And that is only once they return to a base or a med ship, which could take a day or two depending on their current location (He does not immediately recall where Bespin is situated on a map. He has to scan through his databases.)

As soon as they are back in Alliance territory, K-2 wants to immediately begin his own investigation into Cassian’s whereabouts and to do that he needs more information.

They will probably be in hyperspace for several hours at a minimum.

Leia Organa confirms that when she passes by them, supporting the boy he’s heard them call ‘Luke,’ and she tells them, “We should be rendezvousing with the med ship in seven hours.”

The boy, Luke, appears to be avoiding looking at anything, including them as Leia leads him away. Jyn appears visibly upset by this, or perhaps by his general state.

K-2 is still caught up in the fact that Cassian apparently has friends now. He never had friends before.

That two year gap in his memory files is more than an irritation, it feels like an irreversible error of some sort. He would like to fill that gap with something, even if it is a second hand account. He wants to ask about Cassian but he isn’t quite sure how. Jyn Erso has been wildly unpredictable and sometimes organics find his demeanor to be off putting. Sometimes he says what he wants and people get very offended or refuse him.

He’s not sure how Jyn would react to such a demand right now; he is calculating strategies when she seems to somehow read his mind and says, “You want to ask me about Cassian.”

He turns to look at her again, all those calculations getting abruptly tossed aside.

“I would like to ask you about all of what has elapsed in the two year period that is missing from my memory files, as well as what happened to make you think Cassian is no longer alive,” K-2 replies, and then he considers his statement and whether it was polite enough. She could still refuse so he adds as a concession, “I will settle for a brief explanation, I understand that talking may be somewhat painful at the moment.”

She sighs again, scrubbing a hand over her face.

“I went with you and Cassian to Jedha. We found the pilot you were looking for, his name is Bodhi…”

And haltingly, Jyn tells him about the destruction of Jedha, and an imperial base on Scarif that they infiltrated.

She tells him that he died there and she has to look away and scrub at her face again, which K-2 finds a little odd. Organics have very strange notions of life and death, even when it comes to an inorganic being like himself. K-2 does not feel like he died, but rather he gained a new body.

She goes on to tell him about two years spent on Hoth where she became a mechanic and Cassian went on missions and had _friends._

“And then the Empire showed up and attacked the base, and I _couldn’t find them,”_ she grits the words out between her teeth, “And then Han dragged me on the Falcon right before the base collapsed.”

She looks away from him to rub at her eyes with a rough hand and K-2 stares down at her.

“So you didn’t see a body?”

 _“No,”_ she growls, still wiping errant moisture from her eyes.

K-2 considers pointing out then that her assumption that Cassian is dead has no actual proof, it is only an assumption.

She is still viciously rubbing at her eyes and so he decides to wait until later. For now he just sits beside her, back resting against the circuit board, as they wait to reach their next destination. If she eventually falls asleep, head coming to rest against his shoulder, he chooses not to mind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be soon guys, not sure how many chapters but SOON (Trust me, y'all have been chomping at the bit for the reunion and like bros...me too you have no idea)  
> Also for those who dig the poetry stuff I actually changed the excerpt at the top of the last chapter. Realized there was a much better excerpt that I had been saving up and chapter 31 was the time.  
> Also hey you like new OCs? I DO. CARA WILL BE BACK Y'ALL (And for anybody who reads Tamora Pierce I was basically picturing older buff Daja Kisubo)


	33. Recovery pt. 1(Miscellaneous)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was easier to say screw it and have ALL THE POVs for this bit basically
> 
> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_Some people are born with tornados in their lives, but constellations in their eyes._  
_Other people are born with stars at their feet, but their souls are lost at sea._

_— Perspective, Nikita Gill_

\---

Bodhi sets the shuttle down in the medical ship’s landing bay and watches as Cassian gets carted away by medical staff. From where he stands at the entrance to the shuttle, Bodhi catches a glimpse of an unsteady hand held up like a farewell from the stretcher.

He waves back and hopes Cassian can see it as the med staff carry him through a set of doors and down a long hallway.

Watching him go feels sinkingly familiar.

It makes his throat burn as the doors close behind them.

He misses Jyn now more than ever and wonders with a deep ache where Luke is right now.

Meanwhile, Nadjia stands beside him with her hands on hips.

“C’mon, let’s go get checked out, too, and make a real party of it,” she says, gesturing towards the landing bay (and the med-ship by extension) waiting outside their shuttle. Bodhi turns away, just to scrub at his eyes, he doesn’t enjoy crying when there’s an audience to it. She must spot the motion because she hesitates.

“You’re not going mushy on me are you, Rook?” she asks, and it still sounds like a joke when she says it, but it’s said quietly.

 _“No_ , _”_ he grumbles, “It’s j-just…” He trails off and she watches him with the barest hint of patience.

“The last t-time it happened like this…I mean some of us w-were under arrest, or injured, or _both_ but…” He glances at her. “At least we were together.”

He shrugs a little and stares down at his feet, folding his arms over his chest and from the corner of his eye he can see her staring at him.

He startles just a little when she rests a hand on his arm.

Her response is calm, measured even. “That’s really weird, Bodhi.”

With that she claps him on the shoulder. “But come on, let's get these new injuries looked at so you can get nostalgic about them too.” And she grabs him by the arm and tows him off the shuttle.

“It’s not weird to miss people,” he says, raising his voice a little as they enter the hangar which echoes with the hum of the ship’s engines.

Nadjia sighs and looks back at him. “No, but it is weird to just stand there getting all sentimental about that time you were beat to shit, while you're currently beat to shit.” She gestures at all of him, which has received a moderate amount of punishment over the last day or so. Between jumping over buildings and getting shot at, he has more than a few cuts and bruises.

“Unless you’re trying to get scars on purpose,” Nadjia says raising an eyebrow suggestively. “Is Skywalker into scars?”

Bodhi blushes furiously and with that she continues towing him deeper into the med-ship.

\---

The first thing they do is put Cassian in bacta.

He dreams of floating, suspended in a deep ocean. He dreams of a beach swallowed by light and holding her in his arms. He dreams of Bodhi sitting, watching him through glass looking tired and careworn. He dreams of ice, and warm nights curled around someone.

When he wakes up for an instant to a darkened room, he has no idea how much time has passed and he doesn’t remember what he dreamt. All he knows is that he felt content and the feeling slips through his fingers like water leaving him with nothing but the sensation of loss and a lack of warmth. And then he falls back into unconsciousness and dreams of nothing at all.

\---

Leia sits next to Luke, holding his hand while he sleeps.

Holding his _one_ hand. She’s still trying to wrap her mind around that.

Luke didn’t say much to her before he finally collapsed on his cot in the barracks. And what he did say didn’t quite make sense.

 _“He’s my father,”_ he murmured and Leia had frowned at him but had not asked further. That would have to wait until Luke was in some way recovered. Of course, Leia had a guess at who that ‘He’ might be, but she wouldn’t jump to conclusions.

There had always been assumptions that Darth Vader was in fact a person beneath all that armor, and not some literal demon put on this earth to wreak havoc.

Still, Vader being Luke’s father was a little hard to swallow as a concept. If only because they were at such opposite ends of the spectrum. Luke is one of the kindest people she’s met in her lifetime and Vader has been directly or indirectly responsible for the murder of millions.

He was there when they blasted Alderaan out of existence.

Leia wants to think of something else but her only alternative is Han.

He’s alive in that carbonite, they’re taking him to someone called Jabba the Hutt.

She’s going to have to get him out of there. There’s really no other option.

Leia’s free hand curls into a fist in her lap as she considers next steps. Once they get back to the Rebellion there will be reports to fill out and a job to do. _Her_ job.

She doesn’t know when she’s going to be able to get to Han and she worries about being too late. She worries they are _already_ too late.

She worries about a lot of things as their ship finally reaches the rendezvous point.

\---

Jyn startles awake to the sound of the ship setting down on hard ground again. The _thunk_ of metal echoes through the Falcon and jolts her into alertness. Her head was resting against K-2’s shoulder and her body is one giant ache. Not just from the position she slept in, although that did her neck no favors, but her whole chest feels like one giant bruise. She’s fairly certain if she lifted up her shirt, she would see every color but skin. Her breath wheezes in and out of her lungs and she’s sure it’s the swelling but her head spins as she tries to take a deep breath and the pain of it is almost too much to bear.

All that adrenaline has finally, fully faded away and she can feel every inch of what’s bruised and broken. Her throat stings and so does her shoulder and when she looks up, K-2 is staring at her.

“I told you, you would be better off lying down,” he says placidly.

“Shut up,” she croaks.

“You’re just fortunate that none of your ribs have broken badly enough to pierce your internal organs,” K-2 continues, unbothered by her comments.

“ _Please,_ shut up,” she says and K-2 looks down at her and then straight ahead.

“There is no need for irritation, I’m simply stating facts,” K-2 says and she sighs. That’s when Lando spots them as he’s heading out from the cockpit. He stops, clearly startled at the sight of them or possibly just her.

“Do you need help?” Lando asks warily, coming to stand in front of where she remains slumped in a heap on the ground.

“Yes, she does,” K-2 says and Jyn glares at the droid before looking up at Lando. For some reason, the droid’s response makes the man smirk a little.

“Chewie, get over here,” Lando calls out and the wookiee appears from around the corner.

“Help me get her up,” he says to Chewie and they kneel down on either side of her while K-2 gets up and takes a few steps back from the them.

“Why don’t you help her out?” Lando asks K-2 as he pulls one of Jyn’s arms over his shoulders while Chewie does the same on her other side. K-2 watches them from a few steps away and at Lando’s question, his photoreceptors seem to flicker.

“There was once a misunderstanding when Cassian was injured. I dislocated his shoulder,” he says and Lando freezes in the process of half lifting her off the floor.

“I can assist her once she is standing but given the injury to her shoulder I thought it best to not run the risk,” K-2 continues and Lando stares at the droid with his mouth open and his eyebrows raised.

“It’s the reprogramming,” Jyn mutters, feeling a sense of deja vu. “It makes him say whatever comes into his circuits… Just help me up and I’ll manage.”

Lando looks at her, doubtfully, before he shakes his head and he and Chewie help pull her to her feet.

She’s short of breath and it makes her head spin. Her grip on both of them tightens and she hates herself for it. Neither Lando nor Chewie seems to mind although she can see looks passing between them as they head for the exit.

Leia meets them there, supporting Luke who seems even paler than before. Droplets of blood squeeze out from the seam of that metal cuff and his head lolls against Leia’s shoulder.

“How are you doing?” Leia asks and even her words sound tight.

“Okay,” Jyn replies.

“That is inaccurate,” K-2 says from behind them and Jyn briefly contemplates if it’s possible to skin a droid. And yet Leia’s lip quirks a little as she reaches out and hits the button for the door to open and the ramp to lower.

Behind them, R2 bleeps out what sounds like an eagerness to see the ship and C-3PO finally has both his legs and toddles up to them.

“I’m so glad to see we’re all up and about again,” he says and that is enough to make Jyn chuckle and then regret it.

“Wherever I am placed aboard this ship Jyn Erso, please make sure it is a great distance from this gold monstrosity,” K-2 says and Jyn nods, if only so she doesn’t have to respond that she has no control of things like their rooming arrangements.

The ramp is down and there are medical personnel down there waiting for them with stretchers.

“After you,” Leia says with a hint of irony and Jyn bites the inside of her cheek.

“I don’t _need_ a stretcher,” she says.

“Incorrect again,” K-2 says from somewhere to her right as she attempts to shake off Lando and Chewie.

She can at least meet the medical team halfway, she thinks.

Lando backs away the most as she shrugs out of his hold, Chewie steps away with a low, worried noise. Her head is spinning and the minute she’s not being held up, Jyn is forced to rethink her plans about walking.

Luckily, the medical team meet them halfway up the ramp and a metal hand on her arm slows what would have been a boneless crash to the ground.

“That was stupid,” K-2 says somewhere above her as she feels herself being placed on a stretcher. She can feel consciousness slipping away but she finds that metal hand and grips it tight.

She can feel herself being lifted on the stretcher and a metallic sigh somewhere beside her.

The last thing she hears is, “I will be present when you wake up,” and then unconsciousness swallows her.

\---

Cassian always hated the med bay. K-2 can recall him stubbornly avoiding it on more than one occasion. Once he collapsed from some sort of flu he had picked up and K-2 had to carry him to medical. That was some years ago but Cassian still avoids it whenever possible.

It appears Jyn feels similarly, which is why he offers to be there when she wakes up. Cassian once told him that was comforting. He’s not sure why but as she weakly struggles on the stretcher and gets sedated by a technician, he says exactly that.

“I will be present when you wake up.”

It seems like a stupid thing to offer as Jyn settles into unconsciousness clutching his hand and yet he does.

Soon she is floating in a bacta tank and K-2 sits in one of two plastic chairs placed against the far wall that are clearly meant for a smaller being. He doesn’t feel discomfort but standing for hours would put a strain on his joints so he sits.

The waiting is boring. He has nothing to do but sit. He could power down but he has always preferred to do that in the privacy of his and Cassian’s living quarters. He still doesn’t quite trust the Rebellion enough to leave himself exposed for any Alliance soldier to find and mangle.

Once, when he was still new to the Alliance and Cassian, some men broke into Cassian’s quarters and got as far as nearly damaging his arm beyond repair.

Cassian showed up in time to power him on and report the soldiers. There had been a lot of yelling, too. Possibly more than was necessary and then Cassian spent several hours repairing the damage to his arm with hands that shook for some reason.

K-2’s memory is perhaps longer than the organics. After enough years passed, even Cassian didn’t understand his mistrust of others within the Rebellion.

Luckily, in a situation like this, K-2’s internal power can run on its own for up to 2 days. He’ll have to track down a charging station, or a console he can plug within the next five hours, but there is no immediate drain on his power, so he sits.

And after an hour, Jyn’s bacta tank is wheeled out and after a short time, she is brought back and laid out on a bed, still asleep.

The waiting is the worst part. At least on a mission with Cassian or back on the base, he had things to do while Cassian recuperated. Having been officially declared dead on that Scarif mission, the personnel on this facility don’t seem inclined to tell him anything or give him a datapad. He supposes it’s fortunate they aren’t throwing him out into space because of the imperial stamp on his shoulder.

(He can survive in space, but it wouldn’t be pleasant.)

And so he waits and Jyn Erso sleeps.

He said he would be here when she woke up.

It’s not a binding agreement and yet here he sits, hating every second of it.

Perhaps this is a new glitch in his programming, where the irrationality of organics is catching.

When the door swishes open he looks up to see Leia Organa standing in the doorway. She looks between him and Jyn asleep on the bed, and smiles a little.

“Senator Organa,” he says with a nod. He’s probably supposed to stand, but he never abided by ceremony unless Cassian made him.

“Actually it’s Councilor Organa now,” she says as she walks into the room, letting the door slide shut behind her with a mechanical hiss.

“I suppose congratulations are in order,” he says and she nods absentmindedly, “If you like.”

She goes to stand by Jyn’s bed, a hand resting on the sleeping girl’s arm. She stands like that for a few passing moments before going and taking a seat in the other plastic chair beside K-2’s

And it appears that she fits the chair quite comfortably.

He never spoke to Leia Organa much in the time since he joined the Rebellion. He was present for her training sessions with Cassian, back when she was a little smaller and more fragile in the way most young organics are.

She’s not much older now, or more solid. But it would seem she has learned the appearance of strength. She sits beside him, in a thoughtful sort of silence.

K-2 has never been one for meaningless chatter so he remains silent as well.

Leia is the one who finally speaks. “It’s good that you're sitting with her.”

“No, it’s not,” K-2 snaps, “I’m watching her sleep, that achieves nothing. I could be looking for a charging station or doing literally _anything else.”_

And for some reason, Leia smiles.

“She’ll be glad to see you when she wakes up.”

K-2 looks down at the councilor.

“Why?” The question sounds sharp to his audio processors. Leia faces forward, her eyes on Jyn sleeping in the bed, and that smile still hinted at the edges of her mouth.

“She missed you.”

K-2 fidgets and Leia remains utterly still and calm beside him.

“I had gathered that,” he says. “Although I fail to understand the cause.”

Leia looks amused as she pushes herself to her feet and pats him on his shoulder casing.

“I’ll see about finding you a portable charging station,” she says and with that she leaves him to sit.

And sit, and sit, and sit.

\---

Jyn dreams of beaches, of turbulent waves, and stormy eyes. She dreams of being suspended, floating but not. She dreams of a pale boy with no arm and a tight lipped girl with fear in her eyes. She dreams of freezing and then of warmth.

In her dreams, she sees a tall shape folded into a small chair, watching her through distorted glass. She dreams of ice and a world collapsing around her.

When she wakes up, groggy and chilled the first thing she sees is K-2 looking the most human she’s ever seen, resting his head in his durasteel hand. He looks _bored._

His photoreceptors flicker and he says, “Are you planning on sleeping forever?”

And she falls back to sleep.

\---

Cassian full wakes up to Bodhi sitting by his bed. The boy looks like he’s about to nod off, but he startles fully awake when Cassian rubs at his eyes.

“Y-you’re awake, how do you feel?”

“Like I recently got shot,” Cassian sighs. Nadjia’s sitting in a chair pressed against the back wall with her legs folded, filing her nails. Only when he lifts his head a little to look at her does she glance up.

“Oh good, you’re not dead,” she says flatly and returns to her nails. Cassian huffs out a sigh and lies back on the bed. His mouth quirks at the corners, close enough to a smile.

“I’m assuming you both have been seen to?” he asks and Bodhi nods. It’s only then that Cassian finally notices a fresh bacta patch on his ear, and Nadjia has one on her cheek.

“Oh, we’ve been seen to, by this grumpy nurse who apparently knows you both?” Nadjia says, without looking up from her nails. Bodhi looks almost abashed, “It’s N-Nurse Temple—”

“—But that’s old news,” Nadjia interrupts, leaning forward in her chair. “Why don’t you tell Cassian how much you like Luke’s hair?”

Her smile is wide and catlike.

Bodhi turns a deep red and Cassian turns away from them both with a sigh.

“Exactly why did you tell her that?” Cassian asks.

“I d-didn’t _mean_ to,” Bodhi mutters and Cassian lets his eyes close.

He’s tired still.

And privately a little envious that Bodhi at least knows where Luke _is._  It’s an errant thought and an irrational one, but one that comes to him all the same.

 _Stars_ he wonders where Jyn is right now. He wonders what patch of sky she might be seeing as he stares out the small porthole window beside his bed at the black of space scattered with stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah they don't know they're on the same ship you guys. What we have here is a classic Sleepless in Seattle wacky mix up situation XD  
> I think its happening next chapter you guys THIS IS NOT A DRILL


	34. Reunion(Jyn/Cassian)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat._  
_Like holding something complete, and completely alive._

_― Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell _

_\---_

When she wakes up, the lights are bright and she squints. Beside her, she hears servos whirring.

“You know, I always found this part exceedingly dull,” K-2 says, almost conversationally. Jyn tries to blink away the sticky feeling of sleep and whatever drugs they gave her.

“I understand that organics need time to recuperate, but the waiting is deeply uneventful,” K-2 continues. Jyn prods a little at her chest, swallows experimentally.

Her bones feel...almost rubbery. Like they aren’t fully solid yet, but she can breathe again, although when she takes a deep breath, she feels the sharp twinge of it instantly. Her throat feels tender, but not raw. The shoulder is sensitive to movement, but not so sharply as before.

The first thing she does is start to push herself upright.

“I’m not sure that’s wise,” K-2 says.

“Help me up,” she mutters and K-2 does not move from his seat and the portable charging station he’s plugged into.

“I do not think I will do that. You should lie back down,” K-2 replies and she exhales through her nose, letting her eyes shut for a moment.

“I need to see Luke,” she says and it feels like she’s admitting something she didn’t realize until she spoke it aloud.

“Why?” K-2 asks and she glares at the droid before pushing herself upright with a grunt. Everything still aches enough to suck the air out of her lungs. She has to squeeze her eyes shut and catch her breath for a moment. There’s a sudden urge to vomit hitting the back of her throat and she swings her legs off the side of the bed.

That’s when the door opens and Nurse Temple walks in with a sigh.

“It seems no matter where I get stationed, I’ll always be patching you guys up,” she says as she taps something into the datapad she’s carrying and then looks up, taking in the state of Jyn, midway through an attempt to escape her bed.

The woman’s eyebrows climb into her hairline and she says, “Absolutely _not.”_

She turns, her dark hair is tied back and it swings like a pendulum around her shoulders as she looks back at K-2.

“Fat lot of help _you_ were,” she grumbles at the droid, who sits up a little straighter like he’s offended.

“I told her not to. She refused to see logic,” K-2 says and Jyn tries to raise her voice to speak over both of them.

“I need to see Luke.”

Her voice still sounds like it was rubbed with sandpaper.

They both stop and look back at her. The nurse sighs, pressing a hand to her forehead.

“What you need is _rest,”_ she says and Jyn just shakes her head.

If nothing else, she owes it to Bodhi to look after him.

(And she knows what it’s like to shatter. It hurts more to see it on somebody who's never been broken before.)  
When she doesn’t lie back down, the nurse sighs.  
“Let me get you a hoverchair,” she says and when Jyn opens her mouth to protest, the woman speaks over her, “ _No,_ you are not getting out of this bed unless you are in a hoverchair. And I should remind you, you have bones that haven’t fully solidified yet, anything other than lying in this bed puts weight and strain on those bones and if you fell and re-broke something?” She lets the question hang there and Jyn exhales through her nose loudly.

“Fine, get me a chair,” she says, hitching her shoulders up and staring down at her feet.

The nurse nods.

“I need to check on your friends and then I’ll be back with a chair,” she says before whirling out of the room, leaving K-2 staring after her.

“That was impressive. I was starting to wonder if you were capable of seeing reason,” he says and Jyn sighs.

“Kay, _please_ be quiet.”

\---

“I would like to get out of this bed,” Cassian says evenly to a harried Nurse Temple, whose glare could probably put Emperor Tarkin’s to shame.

“Do you see how I might not want a guy with a blasted kneecap to be walking around?” she asks him.

“I’ve been lying in this bed for hours, I know I’m not scheduled for another bacta treatment while you're letting the second one set and I just want to get out of this bed,” he says, attempting to sound reasonable.

“Please say yes, he’s getting irritable and it’s annoying,” Nadjia adds from her chair against the wall. Bodhi for his part, watches the exchange with wide eyes, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

Under her breath, the nurse mutters about troublesome patients and then fixes him with a heavy stare.

“Let me put cast around that knee so you can’t bend it and then I’ll bring you crutches. Deal?” Cassian nods, “Deal.”

With that, she turns on her heel and storms out the door, shaking her head.

\---

Jyn was able to get dressed while she waited for the hover chair. Now, K-2 grudgingly pushes her chair a few doors down the hall to Luke’s room.

The door slides open when Jyn leans forward awkwardly and jams her hand over the controls. She’s surprised to find the room empty aside from the boy, still asleep, looking small and pale.

Leia must have stepped out, she muses, and K-2 pushes her chair up next to Luke’s bed.

Jyn reaches out and takes his hand and sits.

Behind her, she hears K-2’s servos whirring and after a few minutes of silence, he says, “You’ve seen him, are you satisfied?”

Jyn cranes her neck to turn and glare up at K-2.

“You _can_ go,” she says pointedly and the droid just shakes his head.

“The boy is damaged. Your presence does not make him _less_ damaged,” he says and Jyn shuts her eyes and groans.

“Didn’t you ever just sit with Cassian after he had been injured?” she demands and even saying his name makes her grit her teeth through the ache of it.

“Yes, he requested it of me sometimes and was never able to provide a satisfactory reason for it.”

Jyn sighs through her nose and lets her head rest against Luke’s bed.

She thinks she’ll just wait until Leia comes back. She thinks Luke shouldn’t wake up alone.

“You can either sit here or leave, those are your options, Kay,” she says, without looking back at the droid.

Several minutes pass in silence and then she hears the sigh of his joints as he folds himself into another of those plastic chairs.

And so they wait.

Every now and again she glances back at K-2 to find him fidgeting. Emitting a low buzz, he fiddles with his finger joints and the sight of it is almost comical. Especially while sitting in that seat. A dark, fearsome security droid looking almost childlike, hunched low in his seat, his too-long legs crunched up towards his chest.

After an hour, she glances back at him and his photoreceptors flicker in her direction.

“When did Cassian get so many friends?” he asks and Jyn’s mouth falls open as she tries and fails to think of a response.

Technically, she knows the answer and yet she also doesn’t. She doesn’t know how to say the answer aloud because maybe it was back on Jedha when he saved her from a bomb and then she saved him in turn. Maybe it was Eadu when he didn’t pull the trigger. Or maybe Scarif…

They were something by the Death Star, for certain.

_“Are you with me?”_

_“All the way.”_

Her eyes burn at the memory. It’s still too soon to be talking about him in past tense. She’s not ready for that yet.

When she doesn’t answer, K-2 doesn’t say anything else. She rubs at her eyes and any moisture in them before looking back at him to find that thoughtful gaze still trained on her.

She can’t deal with this right now.

She can’t sit here any longer. She can’t sit inside her skin in this room any longer. There’s a nervous energy jumping through her veins and if she doesn’t get up and move she might burst.

She braces for discomfort when she sets her feet on the ground and her hands on the armrests of her hoverchair.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” K-2 says and she ignores him, pushing herself up, a grunt of pain escapes her as she straightens to standing. The effort leaves her winded and she has to lean against Luke’s bed while she catches her breath.

“Jyn, I will no longer make inquiries about Cassian if it distresses you,” he says and she shakes her head. Her hands press into the mattress of Luke’s bed until the dizziness recedes. Then she moves forward, letting herself lean on the hoverchair as she walks by it, then the wall.

“That nurse will be very angry with you,” K-2 observes, getting to his feet and she just shakes her head again.

“Just… Stay here with him please,” she says as she gets herself to the door.

“Sitting here serves no function,” K-2 replies.

“Yes, it does… Just…” she trails off, letting her head rest against the wall because she’s too tired for any of this.

“Please, it’s… It’s a human thing. It helps.”

And with that she opens the door and steps out into the hall.

\---

Nurse Temple puts a hard plasteel cast around his knee. It begins at the bottom of his thigh, goes down to the middle of his calf, and the moment she clicks the casing shut, Cassian feels the need to scratch at it.

This is going to annoy him, but he's grateful that he might get to move around now.

The worst part was getting dressed, he managed to do it without help, but it was deeply unpleasant. He kept having to stop, and breathe through the pain as he tried to put his arm through his shirt sleeve or his leg into his trousers.

Now he’s being handed crutches and he’s grateful for the chance to move again.

The crutches bite into his underarms and the strain pulls at his side where the skin and muscle are still healing.

But he’s used crutches before, so he knows the drill. He does a few small laps around the room to satisfy the nurse and Bodhi watches him go, both happy and a little nervous. It feels almost like they’re all back to baseline and Nadjia looks amused by the sight of him in crutches. She watches him take a second and third turn around the room and then steps out into the hall.

She takes a quick glance to her left and freezes.

\---

Jyn lets the door shut behind her before she can hear K-2 protest her actions again. She can see that a short ways down the hall, the space opens up into what looks like a large waiting area. On the other side of that is another long stretch of hallway.

Jyn rests a hand against the wall and keeps moving forward.

The nurse will probably flay Jyn if she catches her at this.

It’s probably stupid, and counterproductive to her recovery, but she can’t really find it in herself to care about that right now.

There’s no mission now and nothing else to run from.

She has nothing to distract her from her own thoughts and that’s the last thing she needs right now. She needs movement, she needs something to preoccupy her thoughts.

She reaches the end of her hallway and the open waiting area when she sees another door open and an Arkanian woman steps out.

The woman catches sight of her and freezes. Jyn stops, too, glancing behind her, uncertain of what is making this woman stare at her.

Without warning the woman bolts back inside the room she came from, leaving Jyn perplexed.

Then she sees the woman practically towing a man with crutches out into the hall. He has dark hair and tan skin and when he turns to look at her…

Her mind stutters to a halt.

\---

He watches Nadjia freeze in the hall and then run back inside.

“Nadjia, wha—?” He doesn’t get to finish the question as she latches onto his arm and drags him out into the hallway.

Nurse Temple and Bodhi are both making similar sounding exclamations as she tows him out the door. All Nadjia says as she finally lets go of his arm is, “You’re welcome,” and she steps back into the room.

He opens his mouth to ask her what the kriff she’s thinking when he turns and sees her.

He sees Jyn.

\---

For a moment Jyn can’t breathe, she can’t think. He’s there, staring right at her. His mouth forms the shape of her name and Jyn doesn’t think about running. Her feet move of their own accord and Cassian struggles towards her, letting one of his crutches drop with a clatter along the way.

It doesn’t even feel like she’s running. It feels like she’s _flying._

When they meet in the middle, Cassian lets the other crutch fall to the floor like so much debris and they crash into each other like a shipwreck.

She wraps her arms around him, pressing her head to his chest. The sound of his heartbeat crashes in her ears. _Alive._

 _“Cassian,”_ she breathes and he’s here and he’s warm and _alive._

He bends over her, knotting his hand in her hair, wrapping an arm around her waist.

He murmurs her name, his lips moving against her forehead, and she fists her hand in the back of his shirt.

 _He’s alive,_ she thinks, breathless and amazed and she doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she feels the fabric against her cheek go damp.

“You’re okay Jyn, _you’re safe,”_ he murmurs and he presses a kiss into her hair and Jyn feels like she might burn up at every point of contact. It feels like she’s been trying to breathe for a week and finally gotten her first lungful of air. She breathes in the scent of him, sweat and antiseptic and a little of that smell that means _Cassian._

She tightens her grip on him and he does the same, almost lifting her off her feet. It makes her ribs ache, but she doesn’t care.

“Are you alright?” he asks softly, his face still buried in her hair. She nods, knowing he can feel it.

“I’m alright,” she says and she practically chokes the words out like a sob. Only then does he pull back so he can look at her. One hand going to her cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

“You’re alright,” he repeats and his brown eyes are so warm and there’s a soft smile on his lips,

“You’re alright.”

 _You’re here and alive and I missed you,_ she thinks trying to find a way to make her mouth say the words and Cassian’s still smiling at her, his eyes turning sad.

“Jyn, what happened to you?” he asks.

“I thought you were dead,” she whispers and she can feel herself trembling. He looks at her for a long moment, before shaking his head and pulling her back in.

“I’m here,” he says, his arms tight around her, _“I’m here.”_

And she not sure if she’s laughing or crying as she reaches up to wrap her arms around his shoulders. She has to stand on her toes to reach him and it makes her shoulder burn but she doesn't care. She buries her face against his neck and soaks him in. The smell of him, the feel of him, the hint of stubble scratching at her nose and her cheek.

“You’re here,” she says and he is. She can feel it with her own hands, he’s real and here and alive.

She breathes it all in.

She’s not sure how long they stand like that, deaf to the outside world. But eventually she remembers where they are, the sounds of the med-ship come leaking back. She pulls away, just to where she can look him in the eye and asks, “Is everybody else okay? Bodhi? Baze? Chirrut?” Their names spill out of her in a rush, “Is everyone okay?”

And Cassian nods, his eyes crinkling as others start to file out of that room and there’s the Arkanian woman and Nurse Temple and Bodhi steps out last, looking almost sheepish even as a tear slips down his cheek.

 _“Bodhi,”_ she gasps, unwinding herself from Cassian so she can run up to him. She reaches up and touches him gently, like he’s made of glass. One hand on his chest and another reaching up to press against his cheek.

“You _made it,_ ” she says before pulling him into a fierce embrace. She doesn’t even care that her ribs ache, she can hardly even feel it.

“We’re s-so glad you’re _okay,_ ” he replies, “Baze and Chirrut are back on the b-base but everyone’s okay.”

And Jyn sighs with relief.

But she’s still forgetting about the others. She breaks away, glancing behind her to see K-2 standing out in the other hallway, watching them.

\---

Cassian feels whole again. Like half of him was missing and he was only pieced back together the moment he held her in his arms. Now he watches Jyn run to hug Bodhi and feels like his smile might break his face in half. It fades only as he notices the bruising around her throat and the stiff way she’s moving.

Meanwhile, Nurse Temple wordlessly presses the crutches back into his hands. For a moment he forgot about all the parts of him that ache, but now he remembers and grimaces down at his knee as he rests his weight on the crutches again.

Suddenly Jyn is back in front of him.

“Cassian, there’s someone you need to meet,” she says and she’s smiling, but there’s something else in her eyes as she plucks at his sleeve, tugging him back the way she came. He follows her, bemused but still unable to take his eyes off her.

She’s leading him back towards the other hallway and when he’s finally able to tear his gaze away from her, it’s clogged with a few med techs headed down the hall. Jyn seems unfazed by them and as the techs pass them and the hall clears he sees an Imperial KX-Droid and stops.

He looks at Jyn and then the droid and then back at her again.

“Jyn… How?”

She just smiles and jerks her chin towards his droid that he had long since given up on getting back.

“Go say hello,” she says and he moves slowly with the crutches. K-2 meets his awkward progress halfway, with a few familiar gawky, long legged strides.

“I’m pleased to see you, Cassian,” K-2 says and it sounds just like him. Cassian’s eyes burn a little and he swallows. Taking his crutches, he hands them to Jyn with a measure of calm before he hobbles forward and wraps his arms around the droid.

“I missed you, Kay,” he says and he means it.

A durasteel hand hesitantly comes to rest on the small of his back.

“I have missed you, too,” K-2 replies softly.

When he steps back, Jyn hands him his crutches, her eyes catching on something behind him.

 _“Leia,”_ she calls out and sure enough, Leia Organa is coming down the hall in their direction with Chewbacca, R2-D2, C-3PO, and an unfamiliar dark skinned man.

Meanwhile Jyn seems to waver, suddenly leaning against the wall.

“Are you alright?” Cassian asks and Jyn nods while K-2 says sourly, “No.”

Jyn glares at the droid who continues like he doesn’t even notice.

“She’s supposed to be sitting down at least, I think the nurse is bringing out the hoverchair,” the droid continues and as if on cue, Nurse Temple pushes out a chair and ushers Jyn into it.

“So you’re not alright then,” Cassian says softly.

Jyn sighs, looking pointedly at his leg, “Neither are you... A lot’s happened.”

Leia reaches them then and smiles up at Cassian, “It’s good to see you again,” she says before leaning over to Jyn, “Are you alright?” she asks and Jyn huffs out a laugh.

“Everyone keeps asking me that,” she mutters before looking up at the other woman, “I was with Luke, where were you?”

“Talking to Lando about this Jabba the Hutt character,” she replies and Cassian wants to ask a million questions, but Jyn just shuts her eyes and nods, looking exhausted. When she opens them again, she looks at Cassian.

“I’ll explain everything soon,” she says and then she looks past him to where Bodhi is still standing back by Cassian’s room.

“But there’s something that needs to be taken care of first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE THAT WAS WORTH THE WAIT.
> 
>  
> 
> [Also if your interested here's a playlist I threw together to listen to while I wrote this chapter](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKaEbr_6JXtT_zxXMEDbt8Oc7tA1Jyuxq)


	35. Recovery pt. 2(Bodhi/Luke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_But in the end, he is a star_  
_and no on in the galaxy has_  
_ever loved the stars_  
_as fiercely and truly as you_

_—_ [ _Tia S._ ](http://phasered.tumblr.com/post/54868007488)

 

Bodhi’s relieved. More than just relieved he might even be happy. Knowing Jyn is okay, seeing K-2SO is back and Leia, and Chewie…

It felt a bit like getting a piece of home back when Jyn practically crushed him with an embrace.

But he still hangs back, watching as Cassian gets reacquainted with his droid. He doesn’t expect to see Luke. Bodhi can only guess he’s still on Dagobah and his absence dampens Bodhi’s happiness at seeing everyone again.

Although he frowns as he spots the new figure with Leia, and Han’s absence.

That’s when Jyn calls out to him from the hoverchair Nurse Temple brought out for her.

He hesitates still, glancing back at Nadjia.

“Go on and be with your friends, I’ll be around,” she murmurs, giving him a light shove.

“You should m-meet them,” Bodhi says and she rolls her eyes.

 _“Fine,”_ she says, sounding utterly put upon.

She gives him another push and follows beside him and for some reason Bodhi is ducking his head as they walk up to where everyone is all clustered in the hall.

Jyn is staring up at them, a crease between her brows and Cassian looks ready to intervene from his spot leaning against the wall, when Nadjia saves them both the trouble.

“Hi I’m Nadjia,” she says with a nod and her hands pushed into her pockets, “Your friends are a huge pain in my ass and I totally rescued them both, multiple times.”

Jyn stares up at her with raised brows and her mouth hanging open while Cassian sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose like he’s fighting off a migraine.

“She is actually being more or less accurate,” Cassian says and Bodhi didn’t know it was possible for Jyn’s eyebrows to lift any higher but they do. She looks back and forth between Cassian and Nadjia and Bodhi, a little at a loss for words.

“Don’t tell me, she’s another of Cassian’s friends?” K-2 asks sourly and suddenly it looks like Jyn’s fighting the urge to smile as she replies, “Maybe she is.”

And to Nadjia she says, “Lovely to meet you, I’m Jyn.”

Nadjia’s expression quirks just a little before she looks over at Cassian.

“I like her,” she says and then turns on her heel and storms off, leaving them all to stare after her in silent perplexity.

“Is she always like that?” Leia asks quietly and Bodhi nods, “M-mostly, yeah.”

Leia nods back almost solemnly, before smiling in his direction, “It’s nice to see you again Bodhi,” she says and he nods, still a little stunned by how well that entire exchange just went.

“You too,” he replies and Leia’s smile fades when she glances over her shoulder, back at the open door a few feet behind them. Jyn as well, goes solemn and then they’re both looking at him.

“Wh-what is it?” he asks, unnerved and Jyn sighs, reaching out to put a hand on his arm.

“There’s someone I think you’ll want to see,” she murmurs and with her other hand Jyn uses the controls to propel her chair back down the hall, to the door that K-2 stepped out of.

“He’s actually awake, that’s why I stepped out into the hall,” K-2 says abruptly as they pass him and Jyn actually stops to smile up at the droid.

“Good job,” she says warmly and Bodhi _definitely_ doesn’t understand the meaning of that as Jyn pulls him down the hall towards the open doorway.

Right before the door, she stops and looks up at him, like she’s deciding something and he just waits, feeling utterly at sea as she nods and pulls him forward. As they turn into the doorway, she calls out, “Luke, you have a visitor,” and she’s smiling but it looks a little strained as he gets pulled into the room and sees Luke.

Bodhi nearly trips at the sight of him and only Jyn’s hand on his arm steadies him.

Luke’s sitting up in his bed, his hair is mussed, half his face is a wild bruise and his wide blue eyes catch on Bodhi’s instantly.

Jyn sits there between the  two of them for only a moment before she says, “I’ll be outside, unless Nurse Temple drags me away. Holler if you need me.” With that, she turns her chair around and motors it out of the room, hitting the controls for the door behind her.

Suddenly it’s quieter than space and Luke’s pulling his blanket up to his chest for some reason. He looks almost afraid as he stares at Bodhi.

Bodhi’s mouth is desert dry. He’s pretty sure his hands are shaking, but he pulls up a chair beside Luke’s bed and sits down anyway.

He’s terrified and Luke’s watching him a bit like one might watch a bomb about to go off. Or a pane of glass that’s about to shatter. It’s not helping his nerves, but he plows onwards, starting with the easiest question he can think of.

“So did you f-finish your training?”

\---

Bodhi’s here. He’s _here._

Luke honestly can’t believe it.

After everything that happened, he’s not even sure what the visions meant, but Bodhi’s here and he’s safe and whole and the image of him covered in blood was so strong, so fear soaked...

Even now, looking at him, Luke can see it.

The moment Luke saw him step through the door, he pulled up the blankets to try and hide his arm. He’s not even sure why, he just doesn’t want Bodhi to see.

In the past, he would tell Bodhi _everything._

But how could he possibly tell him this.

_Bodhi, the man who tortured and nearly killed your best friend along with millions of others is my father._

_I am the son of a mass murderer._

_And I only have one hand now._

He feels nervous laughter bubbling up in his throat as Bodhi pulls up a chair and sits down by his bed.

Luke missed those brown eyes, that tawny skin. His long hair is pulled back in a braid and his stubble has grown in like when Luke first met him. Back on the base he’d usually been clean shaven, but in the last week or so he must have been too busy for that.

He looks over at Luke as he sits down and asks, “So did you f-finish your training?”

And Luke honestly wants to burst into tears.

Instead, he mutely shakes his head and Bodhi frowns.

“Did s-something happen with your teacher?”

Again he shakes his head. He has to say something, except he’s afraid that one word will open up the yawning chasm of horror he now has inside of him.

Even now, he can feel Vader calling to him. It’s got him in a cold sweat just thinking about it and yet he can’t _not_ think about it.

Ben said Vader murdered his father.

He _lied._

There’s so much cascading down on him at once and he doesn’t even know where to begin.

And Bodhi’s frown seems to deepen, worry lining his eyes and Luke wants to hide from that gaze. He wishes he could tell this to anybody else.

But not Bodhi.

“Are you o-okay?” Bodhi asks him, low and slow and Luke opens his mouth to say something, _anything._

“I saw you,” he says and he sounds ragged. Bodhi’s expression furrows but he just nods patiently.

“When d-did you see me?”

“I had a vision. Master Yoda was teaching me a special kind of meditation… Or… Something, but I saw things, I _saw you._ ”

Bodhi nods again, he doesn’t take his eyes off Luke.

And Luke’s hand tightens on the blanket he’s still holding, just high enough to hide his missing hand.

“I saw a city in the clouds, and Jyn was scared, Leia was screaming and there were storm troopers, someone was torturing Han… Cassian was in a cantina, and I saw _you..._ ” he swallows past the choking feeling in his throat, “It was dark, like a street at night, and you were scared and there was blood all over you.”

Bodhi doesn’t move. His piercing gaze has Luke locked in place.

“Master Yoda told me not to go, but I wanted to stop that from happening. I went to the city in the clouds and…” he trails off, hanging his head.

“It was C-Cassian’s blood.”

Luke startles and looks up to see Bodhi watching him almost warily.

“If you saw… Wh-what I _think_ you saw… Cassian got hurt on the mission. H-he’s here though, he’s okay. I got his blood on me when we h-helped carry him out.”

He plucks at the plain gray long sleeve shirt he’s wearing, over a pair of black trousers.

“This i-isn’t mine. They gave me fresh clothes when we arrived but…” he trails off and looks up at Luke almost curiously.

“You said you h-had to leave. You had to train… b-but you _left?”_

Luke almost blushes at the memory of his goodbye to Bodhi. He felt so sure then, he feels almost embarrassed of that certainty now.

“After what I saw… I had to do _something,_ but I think I failed…” he says, looking down and away from the other man.

“I think it all happened anyway. Nothing I did made any difference. Jyn and Leia ended up saving _me.”_

And he can feel that burn in the back of his throat. His eyes sting and he tries to push all that down. His mouth twists bitterly of its own accord.

“Some Jedi I turned out to be,” he says and the words shudder as he says them. He didn’t want to do this here. He didn’t want Bodhi to see this, but his composure is cracking, he can feel it chipping away and Bodhi stands up now, coated in worry.

Bodhi’s too good for him, for _this._

“Luke _what happened?”_

And Luke takes a deep, shuddering breath.

 _In for a credit…_ He thinks and he slowly pulls the blanket back so Bodhi can see.

The reaction is almost worse than he could have anticipated… It’s so much kinder than he deserves

Bodhi inhales sharply before leaning forward, one hand ghosting over the stump where his arm used to be.

 _“Wh-who did this to you?”_ he whispers and he doesn’t look repulsed or horrified he just looks… Sad.

“Darth Vader,” Luke replies, and the tears begin to fall, _“My father.”_

And Luke tries to hide his face as he cries in earnest, so he doesn’t see Bodhi lean forward.

He only feels Bodhi’s arms as they wrap around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

And Luke should push him away.

He should hide this.

He shouldn’t _feel this_ where others could _see._

But he’s weak, and so he lets himself lean into Bodhi’s warmth and cry.

\---

Bodhi doesn’t know what to say, what does anyone say to something like that?

It would be too much for anyone to process and Bodhi aches to wonder how long Luke’s been holding all that in. He hangs onto Luke for dear life because he doesn’t know what else to do.

And Luke sobs like agony itself.

His one good arm wraps back around Bodhi, while he holds the other close to his chest and _stars,_ Bodhi wants to tell him it will all be fine.

He doesn’t even know if it’s true, but he wants to mean it enough for Luke to believe it too.

Luke might be the brightest, most hopeful person Bodhi has ever met. And right now it’s like that light’s been extinguished.

\---

Luke has no idea how long he sits there, crying into Bodhi’s shirt, hanging onto the man like he’s a life raft.

He has no idea how long Bodhi patiently, just _stands there_ with his arms around Luke like he’s not at all tired of him or wanting to run far, far away from _Darth Vader’s son._

Eventually Luke has to stop crying, only because he’s tired and empty. There’s nothing left but sniffles and hiccups when he slowly lets go of Bodhi, leaning back from him, blushing and embarrassed.

He wants to tell Bodhi, he can leave, but he doesn’t want him to go.

Instead Bodhi hesitantly perches on the edge of his bed and says, “S-so you can see the f-future… That’s pretty cool r-right?”

It catches him so off guard, he nearly chokes on the wet laugh that escapes him. It sends him coughing and Bodhi hops off the bed and pours a glass of water from a pitcher that Luke didn’t even notice sitting on his bedside table.

Moments later he comes back, pressing the glass into Luke’s hand.

Luke drinks, and his hand trembles, but Bodhi doesn’t say a word. Just watches him again. Wary and worried.

When Luke’s finished the glass and has himself under some measure of control he replies, “Yes, that part is pretty cool I guess.”

And Bodhi smiles a little, his eyes brightening.

“And I know it m-might take some physiotherapy to get used to it, but I’m sure they’ve got a cybernetic prosthetic all picked out once you’ve healed enough.”

Luke grimaces down at where his right hand used to be.

“Have you ever heard of a Jedi with _one_ hand?”

Bodhi shrugs, “I haven’t h-heard of any Jedi really, all I ever heard w-was that they were all dead,” he says and then looks back at Luke adding quickly, “Until I met y-you and Obi-Wan that is.”

Luke sighs and Bodhi reaches out like he might touch him, but he stops his hand halfway between them before he pulls it back.

“I’ve never heard o-of a Jedi with one hand…” Bodhi says softly, his eyes downcast, his cheeks staining red, “Y-you could be the first.”

And Luke doesn’t know what to say to that.

He swallows hard and Bodhi’s eyes catch on the movement of his throat before they dart away again.

Luke doesn’t understand why Bodhi is the one acting embarrassed.

He doesn’t understand why the other man is still here after learning Luke is the son of a monster.

“And what about Vader?” he asks, feeling the words like ash on his tongue, “You don’t think that might hinder my becoming a Jedi?”

And now Bodhi looks at him properly, frowning again.

“Luke, you recall I w-worked for the _Empire_ don’t you?” he says slowly.

“So? You defected,” Luke says and he sounds angry in his own ears, “What does that have to do with anything?”

And Bodhi cocks his head a little, that frown deepening. His mouth twists as he asks, “Luke, have you ever c-considered how many atrocities I might have b-been involved with?”

Luke shakes his head, “What are you even talking about?” he demands and he still sounds unsteady, like he’s walking along the edge of a cliff. And Bodhi just looks so unbelievably sad.

“I ferried supplies, soldiers, even _p-prisoners…_ I was at the Empire’s b-beck and call for _years_ and I _hated it,_ but I didn’t d-defect until Galen convinced me,” he breaks off, shaking his head, “If it weren’t for him, I might still be w-working for the Empire, aiding and abetting every h-horrific act they committed.”

He stops then and looks at Luke.

“You th-though… You can’t help who your f-father is. It doesn’t make you anything less because you share h-his blood.”

And Luke feels a bit like his already upended world got turned on its head again.

He feels a bit like he doesn’t deserve this much kindness from anybody but especially not Bodhi.

Not the man who lost his home and his family to the Empire.

He shakes his head, “You shouldn’t be this nice to me,” he says, “I failed my training, I failed to stop all those bad things from happening, I just… _failed.”_

And he’s tired of saying it all aloud… He’s tired _from_ it. But Bodhi just stares at him and shrugs.

“I don’t care if y-you failed. And I don’t think you did anyway and you’re my _friend.”_

And Luke stares at this man for a long silent moment.

 _Oh…_ he thinks as something clicks into place.

That warmth in his chest...

It might be a little something more than _friends._

He’s still staring at Bodhi, thinking he deserves better friends. He deserves so much more and Bodhi’s smiling at him and looking sad.

His smile is perfect like the rest of him and how did it take Luke so long to figure this out? He’s exhausted and his eyelids are growing heavy and he should say something.

Bodhi gets off the bed and Luke wants to catch his arm and beg him not to leave.

But Bodhi touches him on the shoulder, a feather light wisp of fingers brushing over fabric.

“You should r-rest now,” he says, applying the lightest pressure to Luke’s shoulder, pushing him to lie down. And Luke does, staring up at Bodhi, willing himself to stay awake just a little longer.

“Will you be here when…?” he can’t even finish the question, but Bodhi just smiles at him and sits back in that plastic chair, pulling it up a little closer.

“I’m n-not going anywhere,” he says and Luke stares at Bodhi until sleep wins and pulls him back.

Bodhi Rook is a skilled pilot, a good friend, and the most beautiful man he’s ever seen.

And Luke is hopelessly in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now some of you may be surprised but if you think about it I'm pretty sure we all find it 100% believable that Luke Skywalker is like a Jane Austen character who takes 200,000 words to figure out he likes somebody.  
> Also fun fact while writing the especially sad bits of this, Binary Sunset just HAPPENED to start playing on my playlist and I nearly started crying.
> 
> Also btw when Luke thinks 'In for a credit...' I was thinking of like a Star Wars version of the saying 'In for a penny, in for a pound.'


	36. Little Talks(Cassian/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow

_It’s pathetic, I knew I did from that first moment we met._  
_It was…not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity._  
_Like: oh, hello, it’s you._  
_It’s going to be you._  
_Game over._

_― Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me At Hello_

\---

Nurse Temple lost her patience with all of them standing in the hallway not long after that. She insisted that Cassian and Jyn needed to rest and in her words, “I don’t care where you choose to sleep but I will drug you both into a coma if you don’t go and lie down _somewhere._ ”

And so Cassian was eventually shepherded off along with Jyn, but not before this Lando Calrissian introduced himself to Cassian with enough swagger to put Han Solo to shame.

When Cassian asked about Han, Leia visibly paled and shared a look with Jyn that put the captain on edge.

C-3PO had said he was happy to see Cassian, and that Jyn had missed him. Jyn had blushed and ducked her head, while K-2 made a sour comment about removing C-3PO’s vocal emitter.

Leia had leaned in to add, “It is nice to see you well, she really did miss you,” and soon after that, Cassian was in a bed in Jyn’s room. A second bed had been pulled into the room and pushed beside the first so, in Nurse Temple’s words, she wouldn’t have to untangle them later.

Cassian didn’t even realize how tired he was until his head hit the pillow. The moment he no longer had to hold himself up, exhaustion crashed into him.

He fell asleep the instant Jyn had laid down beside him, one hand plucking at the fabric of his sleeve.

When he wakes up several hours later according to the chrono, the mattress beside him is empty and he immediately sits up, his heart pounding through his chest.

“They just wheeled her away for another bacta treatment,” K-2 says blandly and Cassian startles a second time as he notices the droid sitting awkwardly in a plastic chair that’s too small for him.

“Oh,” is all he manages in reply as he recalls where he is and what’s happened in the last few hours.

And yet he’s still breathing too fast, unable to shed that knee jerk panic at her absence.

She’s fine, he knows she is. She is safe and well aboard this med-ship.

He just wants to _see her_ to be sure.

“I estimate they’ll bring her bacta tank in here within the next 5.3 minutes unless she’s being difficult,” K-2 adds.

Cassian sighs, nodding to K-2 and scrubbing his hand through his hair.

“Cassian, you are showing signs of distress, should I call for the nurse?” K-2 asks and Cassian leans forward to press his face into his hands, ignoring the way the movement pulls at the injury to his side.

“No,” he says after a minute, “It’s just been a long week.”

K-2 has no response to that and sits quietly, watching Cassian as he takes several deep breaths. This is stupid, he can’t panic every time she’s out of his sight.

Except somehow while she was out of his sight they got separated and now she’s here with bruises around her neck and shadows in her eyes.

It’s stupid to think he could have prevented that, but still...

“It is unusual for you to display this level of…” the droid hesitates glancing back at him and then away, “Attachment.”

Cassian stares at Kay, he opens his mouth to respond but the droid beats him to it.

“She also displayed signs of distress,” K-2 says and Cassian freezes.

 _“I thought you were dead,”_ she had said.

He has to look away and swallow hard against the bile rising in his throat.

He’s not sure if Kay is intentionally trying to distract him or not, but it works when he says, “You should also know that my last memory backup was from before our mission to Jedha.”

Cassian turns back to stare at the droid, speechless and agape.

Under his stare, K-2 fidgets, “Jyn found that knowledge to be… Significant,” he says slowly.

Cassian sighs, letting himself lie back on the bed and closing his eyes.

“I had a feeling it might have been something like that,” he mutters, “We didn’t have much time on Yavin IV before Scarif.”

Something in him aches to think of the memories that this K-2 is missing. There would have been no way for him to remember Scarif. But Jedha and Eadu…

A new thought occurs to him with a jolt and he sits up again to look at K-2.

“How _did_ Jyn manage to bring you back?”

He doesn’t say aloud that he had long given up on bringing the droid back. He had grown accustomed to mourning him instead. The backup drive that lived in his pack was more of a keepsake than an actual item to be used one day.

He’s not ready to admit that out loud yet.

In response to his question, the droid’s unblinking photoreceptors meet his gaze and then look away.

“I believe there was an altercation with this KX droid,” he says, placing a metal hand to his chassis, “I was unarmed so I can only be certain that the blaster injury to her shoulder was someone else’s doing. But I believe I may have damaged her,” the droid pauses again, avoiding Cassian’s gaze, “And once I was myself again I was not… Gentle.”

And Cassian feels like there’s a stone lodged in his throat.

“How did she convince you?” he asks and now K-2 looks at him, leaning forward slightly in his seat.

“She knew precise details of how we met. Right down to my estimates for our survival from that planet.”

Cassian had thought a lot about Wecacoe over the last two years. He had talked to her about it a few times in passing.

It startles him to realize just how closely she must have been paying attention.

“She also says you have many friends now,” K-2 adds and Cassian huffs out a laugh.

“Compared to before, I guess I do, yeah.” he mutters

“I suggested that we leave Bespin after she reactivated me and she refused,” K-2 continues conversationally, “She said she had to recover the others who are also your friends and then she made me hide and let herself get taken by storm troopers.”

Cassian can imagine it all too well, and the image makes him grit his teeth. There was no way he could have been there to make any of this easier for her.

And yet he wishes for exactly that with every fiber of his being.

At that moment, the door opens and Jyn’s bacta tank is rolled in. The med techs take set her up in the corner of the room and leave as quickly as they came.

Something in Cassian’s chest loosens at the sight of her, even if she looks so small and fragile floating in that strange slightly greenish liquid.

Cassian reaches for his crutches with a grimace and K-2 doesn’t say a word as he gets out of bed and hobbles towards her bacta tank. There’s nothing he can say, but he rests his hand against the glass of the tank, fingers pressing against the cool smooth surface of it.

Inside, Jyn looks almost sickly in that greenish light. It makes her bruises stand out more starkly, like her skin is too thin, the dark circles beneath her eyes look like they were stamped there.

“At one point, she stood between me and one of Lando’s armed guards,” K-2 says abruptly, staring at the tank. “I find her behaviour to be highly unpredictable.”

That makes the corner of Cassian’s mouth quirk up the slightest bit.

“You’ve said something like that before,” he says and K-2 looks back at the tank.

“Apparently so.”

Neither of them speak for several minutes.

Eventually Cassian has to lie down again. He’s still too tired to be upright for long and he’s still viciously sore. The crutches tug on his half healed side and his knee aches from any movement despite the brace on it. He manages to get back to the mattress and he didn’t notice K-2 get up, but the droid is there to wordlessly help him back into bed as sleep is already tugging at him again.

“I’m really glad you’re back, Kay,” he murmurs as a blanket is pulled up over him.

“I am glad to be back, Cassian,” is the quiet reply.

He forces his eyes open for a moment longer to look back at Jyn in the tank. Her hair is loose and floats like a halo around her.

It hasn’t fully sunk in yet, that they are all alive and they made it.

Eventually it will sink in.

He falls asleep with that thought, and the image of her floating like something spectral and celestial. Like something lost in space.

\---

This time when Jyn floats, she dreams of him. Of his face and of a hand pressed against the glass like he could reach through it to hold her.

\---

When he wakes up again, Jyn is laying beside him, asleep and shivering and smelling faintly of bacta. The lights are low and it looks like K-2 has powered off for the moment.

In the dim light, he can make out the edges of her expression, taught and tight.

He debates if he should wake her up or let her sleep and he watches her frown deepen.

Her mouth moves, the softest pained sound escaping her in the shape of the word, _“No.”_

He reaches out to touch her, to wake her, to do _something._

His hand clenches, hovering over her, uncertain of what to do.

After all this time, he still hesitates.

She lets out another sound, almost a yelp, and he lets his hand fall on her arm.

“Jyn.” He says her name softly and he can feel her freeze, her whole body becoming one hard line of tension before her eyes fly open. It takes her a second to see him and take in their surroundings.

Then in one breath, her body sags, loose and boneless, back against the pillow.

 _“Cassian,”_ she murmurs, still trembling, her eyes landing heavily on him and she says his name like a prayer, or like the answer to them.

And neither of them say another word for what feels like an eternity. They just lie there, eyes locked safe on the other, just breathing into the silence.

Cassian swallows hard before he finally asks, “Jyn what happened?”

\---

_What happened?_

So much happened, and the enormity of it hangs on Jyn like a weight that she can hardly bear.

Too much happened.

She shuts her eyes, breathing out slow before she can look at him and say, “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Back on Hoth,” Cassian replies, eyebrows furrowing and the edges of his mouth turning down, “Back when the attack happened.”

Even now he seems so certain, so steady.

 _Stars,_ she had missed those stormcloud eyes.

But Hoth, where does she even begin with Hoth? She squeezes her eyes shut and takes another deep breath before she replies, “I _panicked.”_

Cassian doesn’t flinch, his gaze is doesn’t falter. She’s the one who has to look away, her fingers finding frayed threads on the edge of her sheet, she chooses to look at those as she picks the rough edges apart, one thread at a time.

“I went looking for all of you, I wouldn’t leave until I knew…” She trails off and she sees Cassian almost freeze.

She won’t accuse him of leaving her behind, she won’t make a scene about it. It means they're alive and the fact that she feels wounded by it is ridiculous.

Still, the thought that she can be so easily left by them feels a bit like finding out a piece of her heart is made of glass after it shatters.

Her fingers are still finding more loose threads on that sheet, tugging them out one by one. Cassian reaches out to wrap his hand around hers where she still has a piece of loose thread between her fingers.

For a moment he doesn’t speak, he just holds her hand and she can feel the callouses on his palms when his grip tightens.

“I… We had no idea you weren’t on the transport until when it was taking off, everything was so chaotic and I was… Delayed…” He trails off, biting the inside of his cheek and now it’s Jyn’s turn to frown at him.

She doesn’t even have to ask when his eyes flick to her, one quick glance and then away again.

“There was a cave in and I got knocked out. The only reason I made it to the transport was because Draven decided to go back and pull me out of the rubble.”

He sounds almost ashamed.

“I _never_ would have left if I had known I was leaving you behind,” he says so fervently it makes her ache to hear it. She squeezes his hand and he keeps talking.

“The only reason I even knew you were alive was because Chirrut said he could sense it…” He trails off, his gaze turning distant. “Bodhi didn’t even find out about it until he docked his X-Wing on our transport… He told me Luke had left to complete his Jedi training.”

His eyes slide back to Jyn’s, she can see all the unspoken questions there.

They have so much to talk about.

\---

The story gets teased out slowly, words laid out one by one with so much pain left unsaid in every fold and syllable. She tells the story like one might expose a wound to air.

She tells him how Han pulled her out of Hoth. “I was so _angry_ with him after I saw the base collapse. I _blamed him for it,”_ she says, her mouth twisting into a jagged line.

“I’m glad he got you out,” Cassian whispers, moving a little closer, still holding her hand. There’s a different pain edging the lines of her now. Something else around her eyes and she averts her gaze for a moment.

“I was, too… Eventually,” she says and it still sounds so bitter, but he waits, knowing there’s more to be unfolded.

Even in the dark, Cassian knows exactly where the bruises are around her neck, knows where her shoulder moves too stiffly, and where she pressed a hand to her ribs when she sat in that hoverchair.

Slowly he learns what caused all of it.

She tells him about the circuitous flight to Bespin, about meeting Lando, and the man’s betrayal.

When she speaks about sitting at a table with Darth Vader, the words abruptly die out. Like an invisible gag was placed over her mouth. She swallows hard and Cassian moves a little closer, trying to leave her room to pull back if she needs it. She doesn’t.

Soon enough they are on their sides facing each other, with just enough distance to still be able to make out the other’s face in the dim light. The rest of them curves towards the other like an outside force is pulling them together, their legs meet in a tangle, their hands form a complicated knot that rests between them.

She tells him about being separated from the others on Cloud City, about seeing the KX Droid and deciding she wanted one of them to survive this station. She tells him how she got blasted through the shoulder trying to escape the troopers holding her and her fight with the droid before she could subdue him enough to insert the memory backups.

“It was… Hard to convince Kay,” she says softly and Cassian nods.

“K-2 told me, he says you had to bring up Wecacoe to convince him,” he says with a small smile and she nods.

Cassian reaches up to brush a hand through her hair and says, “I don’t think I said so before, but thank you… For bringing him back.”

She looks down, on hand rubs at her eyes and when she speaks it comes out raw, “It wasn’t exactly for selfless reasons, I just…” she  looks at him then, “I wanted some of us to survive… Some of you...” she trails off, biting her lip and Cassian let’s his hand rest against her cheek. He can feel the damp of tears on her skin and he says, “I’ve heard worse reasons for doing a good thing.”

And that makes her laugh soddenly, more tears leaking out and pooling beneath his fingers as she reaches up and curls her hand over his where it rests on her cheek.

“I mean it when I say, _thank you_ for bringing him back,” Cassian says again and she nods slowly, biting her lip.

“He didn’t even listen when I told him to hide,” she mutters.

“He is a terrible listener,” Cassian replies and she nods again, taking a deep breath before telling him about the cell where they were kept. About Han being tortured and C-3PO being taken apart.

She tells him about Lando’s deal that was meant to protect her, Leia, and Chewie and send Han off with a bounty hunter to Jabba the Hutt.

She tells him how K-2 snuck back and somehow tricked the storm troopers standing guard outside their cell. How he was there with her the whole time.

When she tells him about Han, the tears begin anew. She tells him about Han and Leia, about Han standing up to Vader for her.

Her hands flutter towards her neck and the bruises there,

“He _saved me,_ Cassian. And they took him. We know he was alive after they froze him but for all we know they might kill him when he gets to Jabba’s,” she says, low and fast.

Cassian can only hold her hand a little tighter as she looks him in the eye.

“We’re going to have to get him out of there.”

She goes on to tell him about escaping Bespin, and about finding Luke.

And when there’s nothing left to tell, he pulls her close and wraps his arms around her.

He has a thousand apologies on his tongue. _I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry this happened._

But she just presses herself to him like a seam and murmurs into his chest, _“Now it’s your turn.”_

And so he sighs and tells her about a bar, a deadly game of Sabacc, and a second battle station’s plans.

\---

Jyn listens to him, and thinks about how she finally feels like she’s been pieced together again with him beside her.

When she thought he was gone, she had so many regrets it felt like she would never recover.

And when his story is done, Jyn pulls back just enough to look up at him, still so close that he’s almost blurred in the dim light. Little more than dark eyes that look back at her with so much feeling she might burn up on the spot.

Instead when she leans back into him, one hand fisting in the fabric of his shirt, she whispers a truth that’s been knocking at her chest for two years.

Something she had regretted never saying because it needed to be said. It was something that had to be known if only so they knew where they stood.

She buries her face in his chest and whispers so quietly it might almost be lost to the hum of the ship’s engines.

_“I love you.”_

And his face is pressed into her hair but she thinks she can feel him smile as he presses a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you, too,” he murmurs into her skin and now she pulls back to see his smile. It looks like sunlight and she’s warmed right to her fingertips and the tips of her toes at the sight of it. She smiles back sharing sun for sun and she feels incandescent.

They eventually fall asleep wrapped around each other.

And the next morning Nurse Temple has to untangle them, but she doesn’t seem too annoyed about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been saving the quote that opens this chapter for AWHILE. I don't really have much else to say I mean maybe Cassian and Jyn should not be curling up like that with their injuries, especially Jyn but like SCREW IT IT'S CUTE.  
> Also there are like 30 characters and I could have spent time writing out each and every greeting but I decided to be economical and buzz through some of that. Next up is gonna be some Luke and Bodhi I think.  
> This chapter would have happened a lot sooner but I was tired this week and then Stranger Things season 2 happened and I HAD TO WATCH ALL OF IT IMMEDIATELY.
> 
> (The chapter title is kind of a reference to the Of Monsters and Men song :)


	37. A Heart to Heart(Leia/K-2SO/Bodhi)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow

_"What you are is a fucking tragedy, Simon Snow. You literally couldn't be a bigger mess."_  
_He tries to kiss me, but I pull back- "And you like that?"_  
_"I love it." He says_  
_"Why?"_  
_"Because we match.”_

_― Rainbow Rowell, Carry On_

_\---_

_“Han, I—”_ _  
_ _“—I know, me, too.”_

Leia sits alone in the waiting area by Luke and Jyn’s room. It’s nothing but soft chairs and white walls separating the two halls. There is a window on her right that shows the stars streaming by, bright and blue. She stares fixedly at the window and thinks...

_“—I know, me, too.”_

She spoke to the captain of the ship and they said they should be arriving at Haven within the next twelve hours.

She can’t remember when she last slept.

It’s been nearly a day since they arrived and she hasn’t slept since before that.

For awhile, Chewie sat here with her, but eventually he got antsy. The droids went off to find a charging station somewhere and Lando probably wheedled himself a place to sleep on this ship.

She really should do the same.

She sat with Luke for a while when they first arrived, and then she grilled Lando for whatever information he had on Jabba the Hutt. Depressingly, it was very little.

Not enough to mount a full scale rescue.

Not nearly enough.

She got to see the others reunite and that was good.

She’s happy for them, she truly is.

Jyn’s been walking around like an exposed wound. And Luke needs his best friend right now. (Although she’s wondering when he and Bodhi will be more than friends and she’s a little inclined to bang their heads together and knock some sense into them.)

But she’s glad for them. She really is.

And it’s not like she hasn’t experienced loss before and if she’s very lucky, this will only be a temporary loss.

If she’s _extremely_ lucky, they will get him back.

This is nothing like Alderaan, where a huge chunk of her life and happiness was ripped away in an instant.

It’s more like a small piece of her was torn out slowly over a matter of days.

A small, but vital piece.

_“—I know, me, too.”_

She wants to believe that they can get him back.

They say in war, everyone loses. There is so much that she could still lose before this war is over. But she isn’t ready to lose him… Not yet anyway.

(It’s very strange to miss him so keenly and be furious at him simultaneously, but somehow she manages it.)

She keeps thinking she should see what files the Rebellion has on Jabba the Hutt, on carbonite freezing.

She could talk to Lando again and see if there’s anything else he forgot. She should talk to Chewie, too, she should do a lot of things instead of nodding off in her seat.

But nod off she does. She doesn’t even notice as she slowly droops back against her seat. She sleeps through Nurse Temple finding her there and shaking her head at Leia before finding her a blanket.

Leia sleeps and dreams of Han. Of holding him one last time and his face turning to frozen stone.

\---

“We need to rescue Han.”

K-2 does not know what to make of the organics around him anymore.

Currently the droid is seat beside Cassian and Jyn at a table in the ship’s mess hall. Others at the table include the wookiee Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian, the boy Luke, the one they call Bodhi who said hello to him softly with sad eyes while the others traded looks.

Jyn is the one who made the frustrated pronouncement about a rescue. It’s received with mixed responses.

Cassian nods, leaning his shoulder against hers. Currently he is holding her hand beneath the table. Bodhi and Luke wear twin expressions of surprise and horror that suggest this might be the first they’ve heard of Han Solo’s capture. Lando Calrissian simply leans back in his seat. Only the wookiee seems to agree, based on his enthusiastic roar of reply.

“Wait, where does Han need rescuing from?” Luke asks cautiously and Jyn suddenly looks at the pair of them, the frustration on her face turning soft.

“I’m sorry, I thought somebody told you,” she says, her gaze shifting between the boy and Bodhi. “He’s alive,” she says quickly in a transparent attempt at reassurance. “But he’s just been frozen in carbonite and taken by a bounty hunter to Jabba’s palace.”

Their reaction to the news is strange and somewhat extreme. Luke practically jumps out of his seat. _“He’s been taken? Why didn’t you tell me?”_

He looks close to tears and Bodhi is looking between Luke and the others with something like panic.

“She just told you that Solo is alive, one would think you might be pleased,” K-2 says and they all stare at him.

“Kay…” Cassian says like a warning and K-2 folds his arms.

“I’m just telling the truth. He was barely conscious on the ship, and Jyn as well,” he says and Jyn is the one shaking her head at him now. Honestly, K-2 doesn’t know why he bothers when the boy says mulishly, “And Leia?”

Now Jyn looks up at the boy with something flint in her eyes.

“As you might imagine, Leia was hit pretty hard too,” she says and something about that statement makes Luke bite the inside of his cheek and scrub a hand over his eyes before sitting back down. Bodhi sits forward in his seat and barely moves beyond glancing over at Luke as he’s seated. A look passes between them that K-2 cannot decipher.

Every interaction between all of them seems to be loaded with a context he is missing. He does not need to empathize with their feelings, but understanding their behavior makes for better predictive calculations. Right now, he can hardly understand them at all.

 _“Sorry,”_ Luke mutters, eyes glued to the table, his good hand scrubbing through his hair.

“It’s fine,” Jyn says and she sounds shaky but getting firmer as she continues, “We’re all in a state right now but he’s alive, so we just need to get him out of there.”

The others nod and nobody speaks for approximately 1.145 minutes.

Eventually, Lando says carefully, “It sounds like Leia’s already forming up a plan to rescue Han.”

Jyn glances at him with a slight frown.

“And we'll talk have plenty of time to talk to Leia about this and let her make decisions, but last I saw, she was dead asleep in the waiting area so I thought that could wait.”

K-2 does not know a lot about this Han Solo. On this ship he doesn’t have the same access to Rebellion records that he might back on base. He knows the man owned the ship they left Bespin on. He knows the man has a criminal element in his background and he knows that the man desperately interceded when Darth Vader was strangling Jyn.

Also he and Leia engaged in the act of kissing. Another behavior of organics which he does not fully understand. (Technically he understands the purpose of it, but he cannot comprehend why organics take pleasure in it.)

It seems this Han is very precious to all of them. Including Cassian, who is listening to their discussion with a rapt attention normally saved for his missions. As they continue to debate possible strategies and their lack of intel, K-2 studies the rest of them.

It would seem Luke has not been provided with a cybernetic hand yet, so his right arm sits nested in his lap, ending prematurely in bandages.

Jyn is in a hoverchair and Cassian’s crutches are leaning against the table.

It would seem that they are all too damaged to be attempting what is sounding like an increasingly complicated rescue.

When Jyn and Cassian sought to leave their room this morning, the nurse simply threw her hands in the air and got them the crutches and hoverchair.

They should be arriving at Haven within the next four hours.

K-2 is uncertain of what will happen beyond that. There are too many new variables and uncertain factors. K-2 doesn’t like it.

He had still carried a few doubts about Jyn and her story right up until the point he watched her collide with Cassian. They clung to one another like letting go would mean death. Even now they seem attached, one of them constantly reaching for the other whenever they are in proximity.

In general, K-2 does not _like_ many people. Beyond Cassian, there are not many whose company he finds tolerable.

He does not know how to evaluate this connection between Cassian and Jyn, especially since he missed its inception. But it is hard to dislike someone who seems to value Cassian’s well being as highly as he does.

He has not yet come to a conclusion about the two of them though. That will require more data and further analysis.

Also, nobody at the table seems to notice when Leia Organa appears at the entrance to the mess hall.

\---

When Leia wakes up with a blanket draped over her, she immediately goes looking for the others. After finding all their rooms empty, she heads for the mess hall.

She expects to find them all huddled together, happily reunited and thinking of little else.

She has no enmity about it, after such traumatic separations it would make sense to forget about other concerns for a time.

A brief honeymoon period as it were.

She has no plans to bring it up, she fully expects to silently stew about Han while the others talk pleasantly about other things and knock knees under the table.

So when she enters the mess hall and hears them talking she has to stop for a moment. From the sounds of it they are discussing what they know about carbonite freezing. Lando is relaying what he already told her and answering questions she didn’t think to ask.

“Is he aware of what’s happening in there?”

“It’s probably more like being put into a comatose state.”

“Is there a time limit on how long he can be safely kept in that thing?”

“To my knowledge, he can be kept in carbonite for years and still be successfully revived.”

Leia stands there and feels the ice in her chest melt just a little. The edges of her lips turning up.

In retrospect it was stupid to think the others would forget about him so easily.

They are not the type of people who forget.

When she joins their table, Luke rests a hand on her arm, looking almost apologetic and Jyn smiles.

From the moment she watched Han get lowered into that pit, she’s been in pain. She’s been carrying her own wound in her chest and it still hurts, even now it hurts _so much._

But with everybody around her looking so determined to save him, it hurts a little less.

Enough that she can almost smile around the table and ask, “What did I miss?”

\---

Bodhi notices when Luke glances at the chrono and pales a little. It’s been a while since Leia joined their impromptu gathering and when Luke stands up and makes his excuses to the group, Bodhi stands up, too.

“Oh it’s fine, you can stay,” Luke says softly and Bodhi shakes his head.

“Wh-what is it?” he asks.

“It’s nothing, it’s just my arm,” Luke says, his mouth turning down at the corners. Bodhi notices then that the others have stopped talking. He sees Luke notice, too, his cheeks turning pink as his eyes flick over the group and back to him. He really wishes the others would ignore them but he plows onwards.

“It’s for the new cy-cybernetic, right?” He asks hearing the hesitation in his own voice. “I’d like t-to come… As long as you want… Me there,” he trails off lamely and Luke is still noticeably pinker. Finally, he nods and turns on his heel and Bodhi follows.

Behind them, the others resume their conversations like nothing happened. But when Bodhi glances back, he sees Cassian watching him. The man nods at him, like encouragement or acknowledgment. Bodhi isn’t sure but he nods back before catching up with Luke.

Back in Luke’s room, Nurse Temple is there along with a medical droid.

On their tray along with several tools, there is a hand. They got his skin color, almost right if not quite. The skin looks realistic enough, the only giveaway once he’s wearing it would be the metal seam where it meets with his arm.

Luke stares at the arm, almost apprehensively, before looking back at Bodhi.

“You don’t have to be here for this,” he says and Bodhi frowns at him.

“Do you n-not want me here? I can go…” He trails off as he points at the door and Luke shakes his head.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant, I just…”

Now it’s Luke’s turn to trail off and sigh. Bodhi watches him nervously and it’s Luke who glances back at the nurse and the droid. “Can you give us a minute?” he asks and Nurse Temple nods and ushers the droid out of the room. She only stops to raise a brow at them in something like amusement before shutting the door behind her.

Now Bodhi stares at Luke. He’s like a puzzle Bodhi can never really solve or make sense of. Now Luke fidgets beneath his gaze and says slowly, “I just don’t want you to think of me… Differently…” He pauses, looking at the cybernetic sitting in the tray. “Because of _that.”_

Bodhi glances at the hand and then back at him.

“The whole idea is th-that the hand will be a p-part of you. It might take some time to adjust b-but…” He wants Luke to feel better, but he feels like he’s talking about something he has no real clue about and it feels like uncertain ground.

Luke is still looking nervous as he says in fits and starts, “So you wouldn’t feel weird if I…touched…you with...” he bites his lip and gestures helplessly at the hand and then at Bodhi.

And Bodhi stares at him, feeling an incredulous sort of understanding sink in.

“Luke, I wouldn’t care if you h-had two cybernetic hands and a peg leg,” he says slowly, “as long as you’re still y-you…” And he’s teetering dangerously close to saying some things he has never said aloud. He swallows hard and shakes his head.

 _“Bodhi, I don’t think that was_ ever _the problem.”_

Maybe the time will never be right but he forces himself to look Luke square in the eye.

“As long as you’re you, I’ll like you n-no matter what. I don’t care if you become a Jedi or n-not. I don’t care if you end up with more c-cybernetics than Darth Vader. I’ll like you no matter what.”

And Luke doesn’t say anything. Bodhi just stands there, red faced and heart pounding and Luke just stares at him, wide-eyed and doesn’t say _anything._

It’s agonizing.

But Bodhi plants his feet and he waits, feeling caught between terror and defiance.

Finally Luke’s speaks, and he sounds smaller than Bodhi’s ever heard him.

“You like me,” he repeats and Bodhi forces himself to nod.

“Probably s-since the Death Star,” Bodhi forces out the words even though he feels like he’s choking on them. And Luke’s eyes just get bigger, his mouth just slightly agape.

Bodhi watches as Luke shifts his weight and almost squares his shoulders before taking a step towards Bodhi.

And Bodhi doesn’t move, he doesn’t breathe as Luke reaches out inch by ragged inch, to rest his hand against Bodhi’s cheek.

He never thought this was possible, he wonders if he’s dreaming except for the feeling like his heart might punch a hole through his chest. And of all things, Luke is the one who sounds raw when he asks, _“Can I?”_

And Bodhi nods furiously because he can’t speak but _yes._ Whatever it is, the answer would be yes and Luke leans in and gently presses his lips to Bodhi’s. It’s soft and sweet and when Luke steps back, still wide-eyed and hesitant he asks, “Was that okay?”

And Bodhi finally feels himself begin to smile.

 _“Stars y-yes,_ Luke. It was… _Yes.”_

And now Luke begins to smile back at him.

Something new and finally realized sparks between them.

That was only his second kiss and Bodhi thinks he might like to see how his third would go.

This time they reach for each other and just try not to fall over from the force of it. It’s breathless and dizzying and so much better than two sweaty, frantic teenagers on Jedha. They take their time and enjoy it.

After what might have been five minutes or five hours the door opens again and the pair of them practically jump away from each other like they’ve been burned. Bodhi blushes a deep red, still breathing hard and It’s only Nurse Temple with the droid standing in the doorway. The nurse looks both impatient and deeply amused.

“I hate to interrupt whatever is going on here but I hope it can wait until _after_ we install the cybernetic,” she says and Bodhi can’t help but grin at Luke. The almost Jedi grins back and it’s the most beautiful thing Bodhi’s ever seen. Looking back at the nurse and the droid for a moment, he asks Luke, “R-ready?”

And Luke nods, “Ready.”

And Bodhi nods too.

It took them two years but it seems they are indeed, finally ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember how Bodhis first kiss was a tragedy? That had to be fixed.


	38. Lost and Found(Jyn/Cassian/K-2SO)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.  
> Also I can't for the love of a god find an actual linked source for that quote so like...it's attributed to a.j. whoever they are.

_but in our story,_  
_who is the monster at the end of the book?_  
_oh my love, the monster is time._

_—we are fates and worlds away, a.j._

\---

When they arrive at Haven, they take the Falcon down to the planet’s surface.

Jyn stands at the back of the ship, watching as they approach atmosphere. She was given permission to walk without the hoverchair on the condition that she ‘take it easy.’

(Which she might not.)

She still gets out of breath a little too easy, the nurse said it’s because of the swelling around her healing bones. Her entire torso still feels sore and stiff from it, but she moves under her own power and she’s grateful for that.

Cassian is at her side, still braced on the crutches and she knows he hates how cumbersome it is. He doesn’t say anything about it but the way his face tightens when he walks with them suggests a serious dislike. And he has to keep using them for at least another two weeks. The brace on his knee stays for another month.

K-2 followed them to the back of the ship as well, hovering over the pair of them in a way that might seem ominous if she didn’t know better. Now she just grins up at the droid and bumps her shoulder against Cassian’s as they get closer to landing.

She’s nervous about coming back. About seeing Baze and Chirrut and everyone and she’s not sure why. Maybe it’s that she needs to see them all safe and whole before she truly can believe it. Maybe it’s because it was her stupid panic that separated them in the end and a part of her is full of such a deep burning shame for that, it could nearly split her at the seams.

Whatever it is, she feels restless, on edge, shifting her weight as they watch the ground’s ever increasing ascent to meet them.

It feels like an age and when it looks like they could be landing at any minute, Bodhi and Luke join them in their strange vigil. It looks like Luke got his new cybernetic arm, although what really catches her eye is the way he reaches out and takes Bodhi’s hand as they approach.

It looks like they _finally_ talked and Bodhi meets her gaze once before ducking his head, his cheeks turning red.

She glances back at Cassian and sees that he spotted it, too, flashing a grin her way and she returns it.

The last to join them is Nadjia, right as the Falcon touches down, and rattles with the force of it. The woman barely stumbles at the shuddering of the ship and Jyn’s tempted to say hello, but she ignores them all, instead staring a hole through the door while they all wait for the exit ramp to lower.

She sees Luke squeeze Bodhi’s hand and she remembers her own nerves as the ramp begins to extend down to the ground. What will they say? What will they… She doesn’t even know what, precisely, she’s so anxious about as she clenches and unclenches her hands at her sides and feels Cassian watching her steadily.

As soon as the ramp settles with another thud in the dirt, they can see Chirrut leaning on his staff and Baze beside him, waiting for them along with Shara Bey, Kes Dameron, and General Draven.

It’s comforting to see them, and yet something in her tightens, too.

She wants to run to them and she wants to hide back on the ship.

Instead she does neither, holding herself in place and forcing herself to take a breath.

In her ear, Cassian murmurs a soft, “Go on,” and she shakes her head as she takes in the steep ramp and Cassian’s ever awkward crutches.

He tells her it’s not necessary to help him down and she ignores every word.

After everything, it would be her kind of luck for something to go wrong now.

Maybe that’s what she’s afraid of? Something going wrong...

Her hand is still clamped on Cassian’s arm, even as she’s watching the others where they are still waiting patiently for them.

“Go on, Jyn,” Cassian murmurs soft and warm as he nudges her shoulder with his own. She can practically hear his almost smile.

She lets go of his arm and slowly walks the short distance to where they are all crowded together, still waiting.

Her shoulders are tight, her hands are clenched and she’s not sure what she’s expecting when she walks up to Baze first and looks up. All the familiar lines of him are pulled into a smile and all that anxiety leaves her in an instant.

His arms are open like an invitation and she throws herself into them. His laugh is a rumble in her ears as his embrace lifts her off her feet.

“Welcome back, little sister,” he says and Jyn wraps her arms around the old man, feeling a laugh or something like it bubbling up as she replies, “It’s good to be back.”

He sets her on her feet and then she turns to Chirrut, whose smile is warm and kind as ever. She stands in front of him and lets him reach out and run a hand from her forehead down to her chin, his fingers gently exploring the planes of her face to see by touch what the average eye can’t.

“You have had a hard journey,” he says and she nods as his hand comes to rest on her cheek. She doesn’t even notice a tear slipping down to puddle in his palm but he only smiles and pats her cheek softly before pulling her in for a gentle embrace.

After Chirrut, there are Kes and Shara, who are exuberant in their reunions.

Jyn grins so hard she feels she might split from the force of it.

She only stops when she sees Luke walking up to Chirrut, head down, holding his new arm to his chest. Bodhi trails behind him with worried eyes and she watches them stop in front of Chirrut.

“I’m sorry, I left to try and learn more about being a Jedi,” Luke says softly without looking, “But I think… I think I failed.”

Chirrut taps his staff on the ground thoughtfully, leaning forward a little like he really can see this failure that Luke speaks of. Like it’s visible on his skin. Luke flinches just a little, but straightens to stand like a soldier for inspection.

“I think you have learned much while you were away,” Chirrut finally says and rests a hand on Luke’s head, lightly mussing his hair. “But your meditation still needs work.”

Jyn thinks it might be the first time she’s seen Luke really smile since they picked him up on Bespin.

\---

Cassian watches the reunions with a feeling like the world is finally righting itself again. More than the plans for the Death Star, this moment feels like an accomplishment even if Cassian had almost nothing to do with the making of it.

He never thought he would see the surly guardian smile that wide and Jyn’s smile in return is just as bright. He watches her move to Chirrut, then Shara and Kes with equal enthusiasm and beyond them, he notes another scene with interest. Nadjia walks past the lot of them slowly, heading towards a dark skinned human woman with hair tied in a series of intricate braids. He watches as the woman wraps Nadjia in a fierce embrace and Nadjia folds her arms around the woman like a revelation.

“I’m assuming you completed the mission along with recovering your friends?” a severe voice asks, and Cassian turns to see Draven looking on the proceedings with a dispassionate eye.

Cassian nods and produces the drive from his pocket, pressing it into Draven’s waiting hand.

“We’ll get this looked at by the analysts,” Draven says with a precise nod, “I’ll expect a full debrief tomorrow.”

Cassian raises his eyebrows up at the man; debriefs generally happened immediately upon arrival unless there are medical issues to be seen to. Draven meets his look with a raised eyebrow of his own.

“It would seem you need at least 24 hours to… Recover.” He almost looks amused as he scans the group and K-2SO still standing back in the ship’s entryway, “I’ll be expecting all the proper paperwork tomorrow, and I’m guessing you found a way to recover your former KX unit and he’ll be wanting his former access to the database.”

Cassian nods, a little surprised and a little grateful that Draven is making this easy for him.

“Thank you, sir,” he says, a little hesitantly.

Draven just nods, looking at all of them again. “Congratulations, Captain Andor,” he says, before turning on his heel and leaving Cassian flummoxed in his wake.

“That seemed rather congenial for the General,” K-2 says as he walks up to stand beside Cassian, “Did you two also become more friendly in the last two years?”

Cassian shakes his head, still staring after the general.

“Not quite…”

He takes a moment to puzzle over the man’s retreating figure before he shakes his head and looks up at K-2.

“You should have access to all the old databases by tomorrow, in the meantime there are some people I want you to meet.”

And with that he hobbles over to join Jyn and the others. Luke with Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze and Shara has an arm slung over Jyn’s shoulders while Kes talks with animated hands. Luke and Bodhi are standing with Baze and Chirrut and he heads that way first. They look up at his approach, and he grins as he says,

“Kay, this is Baze Malbus and Chirrut Îmwe, they were Guardians of the Whills on Jedha, and you’ve met them before.”

\---

K-2 is uncertain with these new people. There is something strange in the way the blind man smiles up at him and says he’s happy to see him again. The larger man simply grunts and looks vaguely pleased.

It’s an odd interaction in a long series of odd interactions. Clearly, these are more friends K-2 has missed, if Jyn’s enthusiastic reunion is anything to go by.

Still, he finds himself hanging back as the group mills about with more embracing and warm greetings. When Leia and Chewie exit the ship, they, too, are absorbed into this strange reunion along with the other droids.

Cassian eventually splits off as the rest of the group begins moving away from the landing area. From the sounds of it they are aiming for the cantina, but Cassian heads his way and Jyn waits a few steps behind.

He’s still smiling in a way that seems slightly alien to K-2, if only because it’s done so openly. The Cassian he knew rarely displayed his emotions publicly. This one seems to have no such qualms, at least today, and K-2 wonders what else has changed in the time he missed.

“Kay, you coming?” he asks.

“No, I would prefer to power down and recharge for awhile. My battery cells are low.”

Cassian nods, “The quartermaster should have my room assignment,” he says and then he pauses, frowning up at K-2.

“I’ll be around later… If you want to talk,” he says slowly and K-2 glances back at where Jyn waits for him, her hands buried in the pockets of a coat that looks like it might have been his.

“Your friends are waiting for you,” K-2 says and Cassian’s frown shifts into something else. He hesitates before knocking his knuckles against K-2’s chest plate and turning back to Jyn. This at least feels familiar as Cassian hobbles away. When he catches up to Jyn, she leans into him and the pair of them make a slow progress away into the base.

He even catches a snatch of their conversation as they go.

“...Just give him time, Cassian.”

“I plan to, I just hope he can adjust to all this.”

“He will…”

And with that they are out of range of his audio sensors, leaving K-2 to wonder at all the strange organics in his life.

Then he goes and finds the quartermaster. He can recharge and wait for database access. He has research to do.

\---

K-2 is pleasantly surprised when it only takes two hours for him to have database access. He immediately uploads everything he can find. On the Scarif mission he finds written reports, and a transcript from a hearing. For the rest, some of his missions are half redacted, some aren’t. There’s surveillance footage from around the base on Yavin and Hoth.

He reads about the mission, the mutiny such as it was, about his demise as reported by Cassian himself at a much later date. He reads of their trip to Tatooine and their eventual landing on the weapon known as the Death Star.

He reads of Jyn’s capture, the torture, and the recovery of Princess Leia.

The accounts are largely cobbled together from debriefs with Cassian, Jyn, Bodhi Rook, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo.

There is even footage of their arrival back on Yavin. There is no audio but K-2 can read lips and he watches Cassian forced to his knees, he watches Bodhi Rook crumple to the ground, he watches Jyn scream.

K-2 does not like what he is finding but he keeps reading, scanning, watching. He reads of the attack on the Death Star. He watches footage in the hangar as the small figures of Bodhi Rook and Luke Skywalker embrace before climbing into their X-Wings and he watches a ragged Jyn Erso standing beside Leia Organa and Admiral Raddus in the War Room as they listen to the attack. There are recordings of the pilot’s chatter and he listens as Luke Skywalker makes the final shot and Han Solo shows up at just the right time to help save the day.

He reads the transcripts of their hearing and of their pardon… Such as it was.

The records go on as the Rebellion moves its base to Hoth, deeming Yavin IV unsafe in the long term now that the Empire knows their location.

From there, it seems Jyn becomes a mechanic. Bodhi continues to pilot alongside Luke Skywalker. Han Solo smuggles for the Rebellion and Cassian goes back to work. He reads everything available to him. Skims thousands of hours of surveillance footage, trying to see where the change took place.

It wasn’t overnight.

He can see Cassian marching through the base when he’s there, tight and serious and familiar.

It only changes around her.

There are cameras in the hangar, in the cantina. He sees them part and reunite over and over again. Each time there is no lack of enthusiasm on either of their parts. It seems they always come crashing together, holding on too tightly.

Some of his missions are successes, and some aren’t. But he always seems to come back to her and to them.

Footage in the cantina shows what could almost be a stranger. Surrounded by all those people he smiles, sometimes he even laughs.

Not a reserved chuckle or deepening of lines indicating happiness.

No, this is unreserved and openly felt. Not for a mission, simply for it’s own sake.

Cassian is different with these people, and yet he isn’t. The difference is not as marked as K-2 thought it would be. It’s subtler, a gradual shift over time.

And K-2 studies Jyn Erso. She shows clear signs of sadness, possibly even depression when Cassian is away on missions for long periods of time. When he is around they remain close as often as schedules permit. She is still not all the way happy, if the grainy footage is anything to go by. And neither is he, but both of them appear happier when they are in each other's company.

He studies the others as well. It appears he spent some time in proximity with Bodhi Rook on that Scarif mission. The small pilot appears very attached to Luke Skywalker, who is deemed a hero of the Rebellion after the Death Star. The guardians are largely a mystery, footage and written reports do not describe them much beyond the basics. Skilled fighters and guardians of a planet that was destroyed by the Death Star.

(He still has a hard time processing the weapon that destroys planets, although the little echo left of his Imperial programming is not at all surprised by the Empire’s might.)

And he watches this Han Solo. The one they are so eager to recover.

What few reports he has filed from his own missions are scattershot and sloppy. Mostly there is footage of him with the wookiee Chewbacca. Footage of him sitting with Jyn for long stretches in the cantina when Cassian is away. Footage of him bickering with Leia. Scenes of the whole lot of them clustered together in the mess hall, smiling and gesturing too much.

That along with the records of his rescuing Luke during the Death Star Battle and on Hoth, all come together to paint a somewhat contradictory picture.

There is even some surviving footage of the attack on Hoth. He sees Han tugging Leia towards his ship, the Millennium Falcon. He sees the pair of them finding a panicked Jyn and taking her with them right before the base collapses.

It’s not enough to understand why the loss of this one man would affect them so deeply, but it leaves an impression. An idea of why they all might care _so much._

The entirety of data gained, does not hold the same weight as K-2’s own memory files. It takes up less space. It lacks his own impressions and interactions. He’s never had to learn about himself secondhand, it is an odd sensation.

If he is jealous of anything, he is jealous of time.

It's not enough to help him get familiar with this pack of strangers, but perhaps... In time he will.

From there he begins uploading any information the Rebellion has on Jabba the Hutt.

He has a feeling it will prove useful very soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K-2 has a lot to process y'all. It's hard to have feelings when you're a robot.


	39. Four Weeks(Luke/Cassian/Leia/Jyn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_ He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream. _

_ — _ _ Nora Sakavic, The Raven King  _

\---

This is what Luke learns in physical therapy.

He learns stretches, that pull at newly formed skin. Exercises that are somehow supposed to help his new cybernetic arm react when he wants it to. Something about encouraging the nerves and motor functions between where his flesh ends and the prosthetic begins.

And it always hurts.

Back on the med-ship when they attached it, Bodhi held his hand (And his brain is still short circuiting over the fact that this incredible person  _ likes him). _

They said it would hurt when they connected it to his nerves and  _ stars, did it hurt. _

He nearly passed out, it hurt so bad and once that faded, it ached. 

When the doctors finally left the room and it was just him and Bodhi once again, Luke smiled shyly.

“Do you like it?” he asked, forcing his new hand to wiggle its fingers. And Bodhi reached out and took Luke’s new hand between both of his own. 

“I love it,” he murmured, Luke could  _ almost _ feel his touch on this new part of him. Like trying to hold something while wearing gloves, the sensation was muffled somehow, but still there.

So he goes to physical therapy. He does the stretches and exercises and he grits his teeth to contain the pained sounds that might escape him.

Bodhi is always there with him for physical therapy. Sometimes, calling out soft encouragements, other times he simply sits and boosts Luke’s spirit with his presence.

He keeps waiting for Bodhi to say he’s had enough of this waiting around. He keeps waiting for him to lose patience and leave and he never does.

Others come and sit with Bodhi during these sessions. Often it’s Leia, sometimes it’s Jyn. Once Cassian sat beside Bodhi and watched Luke work. His gaze was stern, yet full of care. Which Luke thinks might be Cassian’s secret default.

It’s been a week since they arrived back on Haven. A week of physical therapy, and meditation, and trying not to think too hard about who his father is and what that means.

(Because it means he might have to kill his father.)

A plan has been forming to rescue Han, they even have approval for the mission from Draven himself.

Although it was less of an approval and more of Leia storming into Draven’s office and informing him that they would be rescuing Han from Jabba’s palace. The  _ or else  _ was implicit and Draven simply nodded and said okay. 

Luke was there and even he couldn’t believe it.

So far their plan is wait until everyone has recovered. Cassian and Lando would go in first, and do reconnaissance.

Cassian says he’ll need a disguise that will hide his face and there are many ideas as to who Cassian and Lando would  _ be  _ in order to get into Jabba’s palace. 

From there, one or both of them would assist Leia in retrieving Han from the carbonite. They would need to arrange in advance some way to send out messages.

Luke, Jyn, Baze, Chirrut, and K-2SO would hang back as some kind of second wave or last resort. Nobody has exactly decided what the plan would be for them, everyone is just throwing ideas around at this point.

Luke, as the almost Jedi who hasn’t even gotten back to fighting form with his lightsaber, understands all too well why he might be a last resort. Yet the others seem to find his abilities promising even now. Jyn with her mechanical expertise could possibly sneak onto the ship to tamper with it somehow. Everyone is surprised when the two Guardians say they will assist but the others seem grateful to have them onboard in any capacity.

Nobody is exactly sure what K-2 would do on the mission, but when he asked sourly, “Am I to stay behind?” Cassian was the first to shake his head and say, “Absolutely not,” and Jyn nodded her agreement.

The plan is in its earliest stages, or so they keep saying. But it is a plan, and something to strive for. Every night after the physical therapy, he practices with his lightsaber and tries not to scream frustration when his body doesn’t obey him the way he wants it to. But he is getting better. There are moves he learned with Yoda and Obi-Wan that don’t quite work the way they used to. But with some adjustment he is finding he can still wield the weapon of a Jedi.

He feels himself slowly settling into something a little steadier with every passing day. Like the truth is settling into him, inch by meager inch. And with the truth, understanding follows.

It feels like it took him failing to maybe come closer to the Force than he ever has before. He can actually feel it now, with every passing day. He knows Chirrut can sense it, too, if only because the Guardian has less advice for him after a meditation session. Just a growing smile that looks like knowing.

It’s like the Force waited until now to finally let him in, just a little.

Yoda would say he needs more training, his grasp on his power is still raw and unwieldy. But he finally has a hold on it now and he plans to hang on to it with all his might. He may not be able to call himself a Jedi, but he’ll get as close as he can to try and save Han and to save all of them in the end. 

\---

After two weeks, Cassian’s brace comes off and he is still forced to walk with a cane. Now he joins Luke in physical therapy and the woman who assists them both is a tight lipped, orange skinned Togruta woman with very little patience for antics and very gentle hands.

He joins Luke for these sessions and the boy seems changed. Still far too young, but quieter now, more serious. The boy used to be so excitable and now he only seems to smile when Bodhi or Leia is around.

It’s an understandable change but there’s something sad about it to Cassian. Like the war finally got to him too.

It gets to all of them eventually, of course, but still the change is a sad one.

Nadjia has taken to joining them in the mess hall sometimes. Her  _ friend  _ (Nadjia still refuses to confirm or deny their relationship status and Cara doesn’t seem to care one way or the other) joins them as well, sometimes, and it’s almost funny to see somebody who can make Nadjia actually blush over the littlest things.

Other than that, Nadjia herself seems largely unchanged. When she first joined them in the mess hall, two days after they arrived back on Haven, she marched straight up to Luke and Bodhi and plucked up Luke’s cybernetic arm.

“Is this the new arm?” she asked flatly, turning it over to examine it. “Cool.”

Luke looked utterly nonplussed but Bodhi’s eyes went round as he leaned around Luke to say, “Nadjia, that’s r-really  _ rude!” _

And the Arkanian woman hardly even blinked.

“Why?” she asked as she reached down and unscrewed an apparently prosthetic thumb on her right hand. Cassian felt his eyebrows climbing into his hairline while Bodhi nearly fell out of it seat.

“What’s the big deal?” she asked while Bodhi nearly yelled,  _ “You’ve h-had that this whole time!?” _

And Nadjia just shrugged, and popped her thumb back onto her hand.

“Yeah,” and with that she sauntered away leaving the table in stunned silence until Luke finally looked at him and Bodhi and said, “You have weird friends.”

Neither of them could really disagree but from then on Nadjia, and Cara as well, become somewhat abrupt and irregular additions to the group, coming and going as they pleased. 

And as this rescue plan of theirs begins to take shape, it looks like he will have to go undercover at Jabba’s palace. Right now they are leaning towards making his cover a smuggler or a bounty hunter.

But the part that gnaws at him the most is being apart from Jyn so soon after they came together again. He knows that Jyn isn’t happy about it either. He also knows that she desperately wants to get Han out of that place.

When it was first suggested that he go undercover, he turned and shared a glance with Jyn. She was holding his hand beneath the table and her grip tightened but she nodded. That was all he needed to agree to the plan.

Draven supplies him with the cover of Drevor Cor, a smuggler, and he accepts the paperwork with only a brief nod.

(Although he is still privately amazed that Draven has approved and backed this mission).

He has two more weeks until he’ll be shipped out with Lando, who is going to get into Jabba’s security staff. Bodhi and K-2 will fly them there and then wait on Tatooine for Cassian’s coded communications. He will pass along any necessary intel as well as when it is time to pick up the others and bring them to Tatooine. He would probably be sent out now, but he hasn’t been cleared to walk without the cane so he has two more weeks. 

Meanwhile, rumors of the second Death Star circulate through the camp and it looks like they will have to rendezvous with the Rebellion once they’ve rescued Han because they are beginning to plot out their strike. Cassian will admit he was more than a little relieved when the information they brought back was deemed viable and actionable intel. There was a small part of him that worried Dimaar had truly been screwing with them the whole time.

In the meantime, he has two weeks before he goes back out into the field. He intends to spend as much of it as possible with his people, with K-2, and with her.

He’ll need to get his fill now; he expects it might be awhile before he gets to see them again.

\---

It’s been three weeks and Leia keeps wondering,  _ what if they just killed him? _

She tells herself not to, but it’s the only thought that keeps running circles in her brain. 

What if carbonite was just a simple means of transport and Boba Fett brought him there to kill him?

She doesn’t say this aloud, not when the entire group has their heads together planning a mission to get him out of there. 

Only Jyn seems to understand, although she doesn’t say much about it. There’s a knowing look in her eyes when she turns to Leia these days. A gentle hand on her arm a moment longer than she might normally do. 

She knows Jyn is not the sort who comforts easily. She knows that is what the girl is attempting in her way. She usually forces herself to smile and nod because she gets it and she appreciates the attempt.

One day, she arrives at the mess hall early and finds the others absent. Perhaps physical therapy went long. She fills a tray for herself and sits down at their usual table, which seems vast when it’s empty.

She picks at her food and thinks again,  _ what if he’s dead? _

She’s only distracted from her thoughts when she hears an all too familiar mechanical step. She looks up from her tray to see K-2 approaching the table.

“Cassian sent me to let you know that their physical therapy session is running late,” K-2 says and Leia nods absently.

“I thought so, thanks for letting me know, K-2,” she says and turns back to her tray, picking aimlessly at her food.

It speaks to her own distraction that it takes her several seconds to notice that K-2 has not moved. He simply remains, staring down at her with those unblinking photoreceptors. She has to crane her neck to look up at him as she asks, “Was there something else you needed?”

The droid is silently for an uncomfortably long moment before replying, “You are showing signs of distress when there are no environmental causes for it.”

She blinks up at the droid for an equally long moment before saying, “Please sit, it hurts to look up at you.”

K-2 obliges and once he’s seated, Leia sighs.

“You understand that people can be upset over things that aren’t happening in the moment, Kay,” she says, aiming for patience, and K-2’s photoreceptors flicker.

“I have observed this form of human irrationality,” K-2 replies, measured and in his own way, patient. Leia sighs and rubs at her temples with one hand, feeling the edges of a headache coming.

“You know that our friend Han is still being held captive,” she says and she’s starting to wonder why she is trying to explain her mental state to a droid, except she has a feeling he won’t leave until his curiosity has been answered.

“Yes, and you are all currently mounting a plan for his rescue,” K-2 says and Leia closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“And our plan could  _ fail,  _ or they could have just brought him to Jabba’s to kill him or…” She trails off and gestures aimlessly.

“Given the information we currently have, it is nearly impossible to calculate a possible success rate. So there is no reason to assume the plan will succeed or fail at this juncture. Also, having studied what the Rebellion has on file about this Jabba the Hutt and his behavior patterns, it is highly unlikely that they brought Han Solo in carbonite just to kill him,” K-2 says flatly and Leia just stares at the droid.

“But Cassian is also prone to such pointless anxieties so I can only assume this is a trait in most organics,” he continues and she just blinks, an unexpected bubble of laughter escaping her throat. Some of what the droid said might actually be construed as comforting although she has a feeling it was all meant to be comforting in a way.

She stands up from the table, still chuckling.

“Thank you, Kay,” she says and the droid looks up at her now.

“For what?” he asks and she just shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about it. Now come on, let’s go wait with the others at PT. I’m not hungry anyway,” she says and the droid stands up as she walks around the table and heads for the door.

“Organics make no sense,” K-2 observes aloud as he walks behind her and she laughs outright and pats his metal arm.

“I know,” she says, “I know.”

\---

It feels like Jyn is always saying goodbye to Cassian.

Right now she stands in front of the ship's entrance ramp with Luke, Leia, and Chewie as the others prepare to leave. 

Cassian has been allowed to walk without the cane, which means it’s time for Tatooine and Jabba’s Palace with Lando, K-2, and Bodhi.

K-2 and Bodhi are just piloting. They’ll wait with the ship in order to receive reports from Cassian and Lando. Delivering messages planetside is a lot easier than finding a way for them to surreptitiously broadcast through subspace.

Cassian’s smuggler prefers to keep his face covered beneath a helmet, adull copper and green affair that should hide his potentially known face from sight. She memorized it instantly so she would know what to look for when the time came.

Lando’s disguise is not as opaque, Jabba’s guards wear a helmet with horns that cover the lower half of their face. She’ll be able to recognize Lando instantly, and after the last few weeks in his company, she knows she’ll look for him, too. He’s a lot like Han, in a way that’s comforting and familiar. She just has to hope they all stay safe and that Bodhi and K-2 stay safe aboard the shuttle.

She just hopes because there isn’t much more she can do at this stage. The plan is still ill formed; they won’t truly know what they are getting into until they receive news from Cassian.

And Jyn knows… So does Cassian, that this separation could be little more than a few weeks. 

But nothing is ever certain. 

Every goodbye for two years has been loaded with this knowledge that it could be goodbye for good.

It only stings a little harder today because it feels like they just came together again.

Lando boards the ship first, nodding once at Leia and throwing Jyn a lazy salute.

Bodhi’s next and he hugs her tight before he goes, saying, “I’ll see you soon.”

He spends a longer moment with Luke and it’s sweet to see the way they both blush and shuffle their feet a little. Whatever they are, it’s still new enough for them to be shy about it. 

It’s Luke who breaks first, pulling Bodhi into a tight hug and she can’t hear the words that pass between them, but she smiles a little, and looks away to give them some privacy. 

K-2 walks up to her next and In his sour way says, “Please remain undamaged while we are away. Cassian would be displeased if he found you injured,” and she finds herself grinning up at the droid.

“I’ll miss you, too, Kay,” she says and knocks her knuckles against his chassis before stepping back.

And then there is Cassian, shouldering a bag as he approaches her. That scrapmetal look in his eyes must match her own as he pulls her into a tight embrace.

“I’ll see you again…” he whispers in her ear and the breath shudders out of her as she tightens her grip on him in return.

“You better,” she replies, burying her face in his neck. He smells like sweat, and skin, and a hint of something that is undeniably Cassian. 

“I will,” he says and they don’t normally allow themselves to make promises. In a war, promises can’t be kept, but just this once, she’ll take a promise. They knew what they were getting into with this plan and they’re doing it for Han. For that idiot man who tried to reason with Darth Vader on her behalf and succeeded. The one who dragged her off Hoth and saved her life and she didn’t forgive him until it was almost too late.

She just has to hope it actually works and that she doesn’t lose any of her people in the process.

This, she has learned, is the kind of sacrifice that family makes for each other.

They put themselves on the line for each other. It’s what they’ve been doing for two years and now they have to do it again.

Jyn is the one who lets go and steps back, but not before Cassian presses a kiss into her hair and another to her lips.

“I will see you soon,” he says.

“I know,” she replies and forces her mouth into a smile as he climbs aboard the shuttle, waving to the others before the door closes behind him.

Of all people, it’s Luke who rests an arm around her shoulders as the ship lifts off; he’s doing the same with Leia on his other side. There’s no smile on his face, no naively comforting words. He just steadily looks up at the ship as it climbs higher and higher into the atmosphere.

None of them breathe a word as they watch the shuttle’s ascent. Even Chewie watches silently. Leia is biting her lip and Jyn...she just watches until the ship is out of sight.

This is what they do for family. They risk everything and hope it doesn’t blow up in their faces.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey so I'm kinda hoping to actually have this DONE by the time Last Jedi comes out...because like...lets be real none of us are going to be able to think about literally anything else for a while after that falls on our heads. But yeah we're getting close now. I'm not going to get too deep into Jedi so I'm hoping for like 2 or 3 more chapters and then an epilogue.  
> Also fun fact. I came up with the Nadjia and her prosthetic thumb thing like several weeks ago and laughed so hard I cried. We will NEVER KNOW how she lost that thumb.


	40. Rescue(Miscellaneous)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_no one dies alone_   
_that’s my oath to you_   
_because in the middle of this war full of fire and blood_

_I learned how to bottle your laugh_   
_I learned how to bury your smile in the back of my mind_   
_to give me hope, to give me faith, to give me fight_

_—Hold The Line by[Abby S](https://fireandsteelofangels.tumblr.com/post/165659068172/no-one-dies-alone-thats-my-oath-to-you-because) _

\---

Cassian’s helmet makes him sweat in Tatooine’s dry heat but he bears it in silence while he observes Jabba’s Palace through his tinted visor. A grimy place in more than just the literal sense. He watches the crime lord mostly eat and order his goons around.

Han is on full display in one of the corners of the throne room. He grits his teeth every time he looks at it. Jyn would be in a rage if she could see this and he’s privately glad she can’t.

On his first night planetside, he had found a poor excuse for an inn that asked very few questions about the man walking around with his face covered. Every night he spends what feels like an hour in the fresher, just trying to get the sand and sweat off his skin.

It’s a week before Cassian contacts Bodhi and K-2. He’s fairly certain he has a feel for this place. Its ins and outs. He’s fairly certain there aren’t any trap doors he missed. He took meticulous notes and Lando passed on his observations about guard rotations and general security for the Palace, which to Cassian’s mind was noticeably lax, but severe when they caught a transgression.

So they have to not get caught.

But he thinks, given what he and Lando have seen, Leia should be able to get Han out with a little help. A simple enough grab in the night should do it.

He actually goes to Bodhi and K-2’s shuttle. There’s nothing too suspicious about a smuggler rendezvousing with an unmarked vessel (or at least nothing suspicious enough to seem outside the character of a smuggler).

K-2 says he is ‘pleased Cassian isn’t dead’ and Bodhi gives him an enthusiastic hug.

He passes along the intel gathered, says that he and Leia should be able to get Han out and sends them back to Haven with the news before trudging back to his grimy room at the inn and feeling Jyn’s absence with a tangible ache.

 _Soon,_ he thinks....

_Soon._

\---

There was a debate when Bodhi and K-2 came back with the shuttle around two weeks later. The news was good. Cassian and Lando were fine and so was Han.

 _For now,_ Leia thinks and wishes she had more faith.

The news is that Cassian thinks the others won’t be needed.

Nobody seems to agree on this.

“What if something goes wrong?” Luke asks, eyes flashing.

“What if you need help?” Jyn asks.

Leia herself is divided. She likes the thought of the others staying home and safe. But the possibility of a wrong turn somewhere. An outcome that wasn’t anticipated.

There still isn’t much of a plan.

Luke thinks he can bluster his way in as a Jedi. Jyn thinks maybe she can disable the ship. Chewie howls and shakes his paws as if to say, he can fight them all if he has to.

Only Chirrut and Baze remain silent, watching them all unfold.

And yet in the end it is her decision. No one disputes it, when she finally asks them all to be quiet, every one of them looks at her and waits for an answer.

And a plan takes shape, or at least the beginnings of one.

“Alright, you all can come, but we’re sending in the droids first and see what kind of reception they get.”

\---

The day after Cassian sent Bodhi and K-2 back to Haven, he watches a chained up twi’lek dance for Jabba and grits his teeth.

Then he watches a trapdoor open beneath her with a start.

He never saw the trapdoor before. He missed this.

He looks across the room to see Lando watching him with a quiet fear because Lando knows it, too.

The others will have no way of knowing how uncertain the ground beneath them is when they stand before Jabba the Hutt.

And with that his skin prickles and he wonders what else he might have missed?

\---

Bodhi sits on the shuttle and fidgets. It’s been a day since they sent the droids to Jabba with a message from the ‘great Jedi Luke Skywalker.’

It is strange to hear him use those words, although he told Bodhi it was part of the act, but still, he said it with such confidence in the recording.

It’s only meant as a set up in case Luke himself has to come calling to Jabba’s palace.

If Leia is unsuccessful on her own.

(Not actually on her own. Cassian said he would be there to help. If they fail, what might Jabba do to them?)

Now the ‘great Jedi’ is sitting beside him on a bench in the ship’s small hold.

Luke really has been different since Bespin. He smiles less (although he still smiles at Bodhi). He sits and his shoulders hunch, as if they’re bearing a weight that wasn’t there before. His palm is warm against Bodhi’s and they just sit and they wait.

Jyn is sitting across the way, her knees pulled up to her chest, fidgeting with a loose thread on her sleeve. K-2 sits beside her.

Leia and Chewie left an hour ago; she said to wait 48 hours before sending anyone else in.

\---

Leia and Chewie march through the desert sands of Tatooine in the dark of night, her disguise well in place as a bounty hunter by the name of Boushh. They even went through the trouble to find something that would alter her voice.

As long as her helmet stays on, she’ll be unrecognizable.

When they reach town, they find a room at a seedy inn to spend the night. The next morning, they go to Jabba’s and that’s when Chewie reluctantly lets her put handcuffs on him.

When she eventually ends up standing before Jabba the Hutt, their gambit with the grenade actually works. A convincingly terrified C-3PO translates her empty threat and Jabba agrees to pay her and lets her remain in the palace.

Of course, she’s not meant to remain for the night, she hides in a stall in the fresher until it’s night again. When she creeps out again, the place is dark, lit only by the barest drops of moonlight.

It’s too quiet, it sets her teeth on edge.

When something rustles behind her, she pulls out her blaster and aims it at the figure standing behind her.

 _“It’s me,”_ Cassian whispers and that is enough to make Leia breathe and holster her blaster once again with a nod.

He leads her back to the throne room, where Han is on full display in the carbonite slab. There is very little talking; Cassian signals her to take care of Han while he holds his blaster at the ready and stands sentry.

Luckily, Lando’s directions were simple enough and she presses a few buttons and stands back, one hand nervously tapping at her leg.

She watches with a strange fascination as the stone seems to burn away to feel frail human flesh beneath. It steals the breath from her lungs as she watches and waits.

When the man finally crumbles from the rock to hit the ground, she pulls him into her lap with an ease that’s startling.

He’s sweating and trembling and she says, “Just relax, you’re free of the carbonite. Stay quiet, you have hibernation sickness.”

He pushes a hand over his eyes and says, “I can’t see.”

“Your eyesight will return in time,” she says.

“Where am I?” he asks sounding almost small, “Who are you?”

And from the doorway Cassian gestures towards her helmet.

 _Oh, of course,_ she thinks, tearing it off her head.

“It’s me, Leia, we’re in Jabba’s Palace,” she tells him and he turns towards her with an almost palpable relief.

“Oh, _stars,”_ he says and she pulls him close, wrapping her arms around him. If she had her way she would never let him go, but suddenly Cassian is beside her.

“We have to go, we have to go _now.”_

And it’s still too late.

A door opens and Jabba is there with his whole court of vile creatures.

And it seems their elegant rescue has failed and her only hope is going to be that the others really can pull something together in time to save their necks.

\---

Forty-eight hours pass without a word.

Then it’s not a matter of if they’re going in, but who and when.

Luke wants to go immediately and see if he can bargain or intimidate his way into getting them back.

K-2 says Luke is about as intimidating as an astromech, which leads to an argument and Chirrut is the one who silences everybody with a sharp jab of his staff against the durasteel floor.

In the end, Luke goes and the others remain on the ship, much to K-2 and Jyn’s loud objections to the contrary.

Luke says to wait for his comm.

And so Luke walks off into the desert alone and as K-2 watches him go, he says, “I have a bad feeling about this,” and the others shush him almost immediately.

\---

Leia and Cassian sit in a quiet cell for what could be days or merely an hour. There are no windows to mark the passage of time.

They’ve been stripped of their armored disguises, leaving them both nothing but a thin shirt and trousers. Leia sits chained to one wall and Cassian is chained to the other across from her.

“Do you think Luke’s back up plan will work?” she asks softly in the dark.

Cassian can only sigh and shake his head.

“I don’t know.”

\---

Luke fights this enormous creature, to the amusement of all the creatures above him.

Without his saber he has no real weapon that can take it down.

He sees the door that could potentially crush it into some kind of submission.

It’s really just about survival and Luke knows a little something about surviving now.

He picks up a rock and throws it with all his might at the door controls.

He misses.

Moments later the door comes crashing down anyway and amidst the shouts and jeers, Luke looks up and swears he can see a flash of familiar dark hair hurrying from sight.

 _Jyn,_ he thinks, grateful and bemused.

Turns out that mechanics training really did come in handy after all.

\---

When the doors open to Cassian and Leia’s cell, they both startle to alertness.

Guards come in and unchain them from the walls, leaving their restraints on and marching them down a long hallway.

Moments later, Han and Luke join them.

“Luke! Leia!” Han calls out when he hears them. His eyes are still unfocused, like his sight hasn’t fully returned.

“Cassian’s here, too,” Luke says and Chewie barks something out.

Han cranes his head to look in his direction. “Hey, good to hear you're alive,” he says, sounding somewhere between wry and sincere. “Does Jyn know?”

“Yes,” Cassian replies, while keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings. At any moment, there could be a chance for escape.

Instead, his eyes catch on a familiar pair of hazel eyes almost shrouded beneath one of the helmets of Jabba’s prison guards.

It’s too big on her, as is the uniform. It takes all his willpower not to stop dead in his tracks, or to say her name. She touches his arm once, a feather light touch, before melting back into the crowd and disappearing from sight.

As they are lined up before Jabba the Hutt and given a death sentence, all Cassian can think is, _She’s here._ His pulse thrums a steady beat and he thinks with a thrill of hope,

_Jyn’s here._

\---

Aboard a desert skiff, Leia watches Jabba’s sail barge skim along the sand to the Sarlacc pit with a knot in her stomach. Lando is aboard the skiff with them and she’s crowded against Han with Cassian at her back and Luke at the front. Han’s hands are gently resting on her back and there hasn’t been time for a proper talk, one where she says all the things she’s been thinking since Bespin. But for now she’ll enjoy this...For as long as it lasts anyway.

The hum of the engines are almost loud enough to drown out thought, so it's not like they could say much right now anyway.

That’s why she’s surprised when Cassian leans in close and whispers, _“Jyn’s here,”_ just loud enough for her to hear.

Leia turns to look at him and so does Han.

“What?” Han asks but she ignores him for the moment.

“What about the others?” she asks.

“I only saw her, but they must have come up with a plan,” he replies as they hear C-3PO call out to them from the sail barge.

“ _Victims of the almighty Sarlacc...”_

\---

The engines quiet down as the skiff and the sail barge slow to a stop around the Sarlacc pit. Luke watches the gangplank unfold from the ship and feels the prodding of a weapon at his back without any real surprise.

He had a feeling they would try to get rid of him first.

He hears the others whispering and he can’t make out the contents of it over the noise but he knows what they agreed upon. By now the others are here. He can even sense them nearby. Bodhi, Jyn, Baze, and Chirrut. Presumably K-2 as well, it’s harder to sense a droid.

They must have some kind of plan in place or at least he hopes that they do.

He hopes it includes this, as the creature in the pit hisses up at them hungrily, because he’s about to take a lot on faith and hopefully he doesn’t wind up dead.

Meanwhile, C-3PO recites Jabba’s words at them with an unmistakable terror.

“If any of you wish to beg, the almighty Jabba will hear your pleas now.”

 _“3PO,”_ Han calls out from behind him, “You tell that slimy piece of worm-ridden _filth_ he’ll get no such pleasure from us!”

Chewie barks an affirmative and Leia murmurs, “Han, be quiet.”

Luke buries a small smile at the pair of them. One glance back shows Han looking mildly affronted and Leia tense and tight lipped. For his part, Cassian stares straight ahead and gives nothing away.

Luke takes a deep breath before adding his voice to the fray, “This is your last chance,” he calls out, “Free us or die.”

It’s big talk and he schools his face to stone as Jabba and his creatures cackle with derision. He hears Jabba call out the order and as he gets pushed off the plank, he turns and _falls._

_\---_

Cassian doesn’t say a word, but he swears he can see a small figure in a prison guard helmet looking right at him.

Then Luke falls and he sees the figure throw something with all of her might. As Luke twists and uses the plank to bounce himself back up in the air, he reaches out and plucks the thing from the air and Cassian realizes seconds before he ignites it that it’s Luke’s lightsaber.

Cassian has a second to look for Jyn on the ship but she’s gone from sight and so Cassian bends down to slip his bound hands under his feet so he has his hands in front of him.

He’s fought with binders on before and so as Luke fights off the guards Cassian grabs a blaster off a dead one and starts shooting.

\---

Jyn watches aboard the freighter as chaos takes over. Luke stops fighting for a few precious seconds to try and undo Chewie’s binders and Lando falls over the side but manages to catch onto a rope, hanging precariously over the pit.

Into her earpiece, she whispers, “Bodhi, it’s time for backup,” before grabbing her blaster and the truncheon she smuggled in and getting to work.

She throws the helmet off, aiming it at Jabba’s head just for pure spite. It lands and from there she doles out blows with her truncheon in her left hand and blaster shots with her right.

She whirls around, cracking the truncheon against a guard’s helmet with a satisfying crack and shoots another guard in the chest when a blaster bolt goes whizzing by her back.

It’s so close she can feel the heat of it and she turns in time to see a guard poised to shoot her in the back, fall over dead. She runs to the edge and sees Cassian with his blaster in the air and for a moment it’s just like old times.

She grins and nods her head, seeing him grin back.

And then her heart leaps in her throat when seconds later, Boba Fett lands on the skiff and knocks him overboard.

She runs to the edge of the sail barge, her hand on the rail as she shouts in her earpiece, “Now, Bodhi, right _now.”_

\---

It’s tricky aiming from such a distance, but Cassian doesn’t hesitate when he sees a guard behind Jyn raise his blaster. He thanks his sniper training when he sees the shot land and the guard go down.

Jyn freezes and glances behind her. Then she turns and their eyes find each other instantly.

He can’t even help the smile that answers hers and he’s about to take aim at some more guards when he hears a sound like a rocket whizzing overhead and an elbow in his back sends him stumbling over the edge of the skiff.

For a moment, time seems to slow as he twists to try and grab at anything that might slow his fall. His hands scrabble uselessly over slick metal and over all the din, he swears he can hear Jyn shouting his name.

The pit is right underneath him when something gray zooms up underneath him and he lands hard on hot durasteel instead.

It takes his brain a second to click into place, he’s landed on top of a shuttle and before he can figure out anything else, a hatch opens to his right and K-2 sticks his head out.

“Oh, good, you’re still not dead. Get down from there, Cassian.”

\---

 _“We can’t get too low or that thing is gonna try and get at us,”_ Bodhi calls from the pilot’s seat. Cassian peers out the entryway, clutching at the sides as the winds pull at him through the open door.

 _“Just get as close as you can,”_ he calls back, seeing Han accidentally knock Boba Fett to his death and Lando hanging on for dear life.

Luke has already jumped to the second skiff, dealing out more damage with his lightsaber.

When they’re close enough that he can jump, he does, landing with a heavy clang on the metal of the skiff. Leia whips her head to look up at him and then past him to Jyn still fighting alone on the sail barge.

Han’s still too blind to try and reach for the rope Lando’s hanging on to, so Cassian kneels down beside him and Leia’s already getting helped onto the shuttle by Chirrut and Baze.

Han seems to understand what he’s doing when Cassian gets a grip on the rope and pulls.

”Hurry up, _please,”_ Lando calls out, immediately followed by a cry of terror as one of those tentacles wraps around his leg.

It’s blasted seconds later by Baze aboard the shuttle and between the pair of them they are able to haul Lando aboard the ship.

 _“Thanks,”_ Lando breathes with relief but Cassian’s attention is already on the sail barge.

“Later,” he replies and they all board the shuttle.

\---

Jyn’s luck hasn’t run out yet. Even little R2 is helping her out, its little electric arm extended and zapping at guards while she blasts and shoots and dodges.

It’s a relief when she sees the shuttle rise up beside the barge and everyone comes pouring out.

Cassian is by her side in a moment and she manages a breathless, “What took you so long?” to which Cassian only grins and reaches around her to shoot at another guard.

Chirrut and Baze are a blur in the center of the barge and K-2 joins them seconds later, saying, “What a pleasant surprise, your plan _actually worked.”_

“Thanks, Kay,” Jyn calls out as she ducks to avoid a blaster and can’t help the smile on her face as the three of them get to work.

\---

Leia marches through the chaos with a blaster she pulled off a dead guard. In the interior of the sail barge, Jabba is still howling orders and there’s no one left to listen.

With a firm grip on the blaster and her mouth in a hard line, Leia fires and hits Jabba right between the eyes.

“That was for Han,” she says before whipping around to join the others.

\---

Han still can’t really see much more than colored blurs so it’s mostly Chewie maneuvering him out of the way that keeps him alive.

He loses track of Leia and Lando until the noise finally dies down and a small hand rests on his arm.

“Leia?” he asks and the blur beside him has slightly more definition, he swears he can make out a smile as the blur moves and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I missed you,” she says and that’s definitely a smile and Han returns it with one of his own.

“So I’m guessing we’re all miraculously alive?” he asks and there’s a nod and such joy in her voice as she replies, “Looks like it.”

\---

There’s a moment of breathless quiet when it’s finally just them again.

Jyn looks around and sees everybody upright and unharmed with the first hint of relief.

Leia is standing with Han and after a brief glance at Cassian she marches over to them.

“Jyn?” Han asks as she approaches and she nods once before punching him in the arm, _hard._

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” she demands and she can see the confusion knitting together on his brow but he just nods like he’s unsure of what else to do.

And finally Jyn feels that relief really sink in.

She steps forward and wraps her arms around the stupid man and hugs him as tight as she can.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she says and feels his hands come to rest on her shoulders.

“Me, too,” comes the stunned reply.

“This is all very touching, but we should probably leave,” K-2 says, dry as ever, and Jyn grins up at the droid and taps her earpiece.

“Bodhi, you ready?” she asks.

 _“A-absolutely,”_ comes the reply.

They all climb over the rails of the barge to board the shuttle that’s hovering there, waiting for them.

And as soon as they begin to fly away, Bodhi hits the detonator she built from scrap and the sail barge bursts into flames.

She watches it burn through the transparisteel and feels rather than sees Cassian join her.

She glances at him sidelong to see the corners of his mouth just beginning to twist upwards as he bumps his shoulder into hers.

Behind them, she sees Luke giving Han an enthusiastic hug and Bodhi lets out a whoop from the cockpit.

Chirrut and Baze watch them all with smiles and K-2 is arguing with C-3PO again.

And then there’s Cassian by her side, looking at her with a question in his eyes.

“Good?” he finally asks her and she feels herself grin from ear to ear.

 _“Great,”_ she replies as the shuttle jumps to hyperspace and sends them speeding to their next destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter just stumped me you guys. I had some grand ideas of what I wanted it to be and like...that just didn't really happen.  
> While I was away I went on vacation, got sick, got into that Netflix Punisher series, [wrote a Rebelcaptain Punisher AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12784224/chapters/29171595) and also got really into this new musical called Hadestown, y'all please go listen to it if you have the slightest liking of unusual takes on old mythology and like...New Orleans style jazz it's amazing.  
> And yeah...I'm probably not finishing the fic before The Last Jedi but I would say there's one more chapter and an epilogue :)


	41. And So It Goes(Miscellanious)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow.

_Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;_  
_I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night._  
_What, my boy, you are not weeping? You should save your eyes for sight;_  
_You will need them, mine observer, yet for many another night._

_― The Old Astronomer (To His Pupil), Sarah Williams_

 

\---

The rest of it happens like this. In passing moments, too fleeting to hang on to.

It happens like this, in seconds that last for an eternity.

It happens like this...

\---

Luke goes back to see Yoda. Bodhi offers to go with him, but he insists on going alone.

He finds his second Jedi Master somehow so much older in such a small amount of time.

There is a vain hope in Luke’s heart, that maybe Vader was wrong, but he wasn’t and Yoda confirms that.

With his dying words, he tells Luke of another Skywalker, and the realization hits him like a hammer.

\---

Aboard the Rebel fleet’s main frigate, Mon Mothma tells of the second Death Star and the plan to destroy it.

It is not a question of them going.

Jyn is the first to raise her hand for Han’s strike team. Then Chewie and Leia and Cassian. Chirrut raises his hand and Baze groans, raising his in the air as well.

Luke comes running in at that very moment with his hand in the air. “Count me in, too,” he says and Mothma seems to be fighting off a smile as she nods at them all.

“As long as that’s settled,” she says.

\---

Luke catches up with Bodhi as everyone leaves to get their things together.

“Are you coming, too?” Luke asks and Bodhi smiles and shakes his head.

“I’m just a p-pilot, Luke. I’m not much use on the ground,” he says quietly. “I’m flying with Lando’s team.”

And Luke nods. “Oh, of course.” Because it makes perfect sense and yet the separation makes him a little nervous. Bodhi just sighs, still smiling, and takes his hand.

“I know, Luke, me, too.”

And there really isn’t much left to say that hasn’t already been said.

Luke squeezes his hand and hopes he understands. Bodhi hangs on just as tight and Luke thinks that he does.

\---

Jyn and Cassian are crowded into the cockpit with Han, Chewie, Leia and Luke as Han sends the transmission codes.

“Now we find out if that code is worth the price we paid,” Cassian mutters and Jyn nods, her eyes glued to the viewport screen and the tiny feeling of déjà vu creeping into the pit of her stomach.

“It'll work,” Han says, glancing back at them. He faces forward and Jyn can hear him say under his breath like a prayer, “It’ll work.”

“Vader’s on that ship,” Luke says quietly and a chill crawls up Jyn’s spine at the mention of his name.

“Now, don't get jittery,” Han says and Jyn finds her eyes draw towards Cassian again.

It was different last time, she thinks as Han says something about ‘flying casual’ and Luke worries aloud about endangering the mission.

She sees it in his eyes, too.

It’s different but not.

They get through in the end, just like last time.

\---

Cassian can’t help but breathe a little easier, landing on Endor and seeing how different it is from Scarif. He can see it spooking Jyn, too, and he’s trying not to think too hard about it.

About Scarif and its beaches and all the bodies they left behind that are probably ash now.

Endor will be different, he thinks.

\---

The Ewoks are a surprise, Jyn muses.

After flying through the forest and crashing their speeders, she and Leia have stumbled across this little thing and it’s sweet in sort of a feral way.

It helps them take out a trooper so that’s something.

They explain about needing to find their friends and it takes off like it knows the way. Leia and Jyn follow and the look that passes between them is one that clearly says, I hope we don’t get even _more_ lost.

\---

So Jyn and Leia have gone missing. They were with Luke when Cassian peeled off to try and catch one of the troopers that had found their encampment.

And now they’re missing and Cassian is trying to bury the spark of panic that goes off as soon as he hears of it. He can see Luke is already on edge and Han looks ready to start blaming people. So Cassian takes a deep breath and suggests they go looking for them.

Baze and Chirrut come along, too, and it seems like a fine idea until they somehow managed to get taken captive by Ewoks.

The worst part is that Chirrut seems to find the whole thing _very_ amusing.

\---

It seems that they have been adopted by the Ewoks in some fashion and Leia can’t help but smile at the small creatures and their celebrations but…

She sees when Luke ducks out and he’s been far too quiet for _awhile_.

So she follows him.

She finds him outside on the bridge, quiet and looking out into the dark and misty night.

“Luke?” she asks softly, “Is everything alright?”

He looks at her then, a flash of bright eyes before he looks away again.

“What was your mother like?” he asks quietly. “Your real mother.”

In the months after the first Death Star, they had talked softly of his aunt and uncle and her adopted parents. Wistful tones of lost children who never really knew their real parents.

That seems so long ago now and she frowns at Luke now.

“I don’t know very much,” she says quietly, coming to stand beside him, hands curling around the rough ropings that keep this bridge upright, “She died giving birth to me so I never met her…”

She turns to study Luke then, still looking out into the night. There are new lines on him. New angles and edges that weren’t there before. But somehow her answer only seems to deepen those lines around the edges of his mouth.

“They say she was strong and beautiful,” Leia adds and it feels like reciting an old child’s rhyme. It’s all they ever really told her and they always said it just like that.

“What about your father?” Luke asks, barely louder than a whisper and she stares at him, wondering if she can guess what’s on his mind or if she’s miles from it.

“They never told me anything about my father,” she says, feeling like she’s treading on uncertain ground. All they ever said was that he left her mother and that was all she ever really needed to know. And Luke looks at her then, and there’s something in him that looks almost scared, or sad.

“They told me my father died fighting in the Clone Wars,” he says and looks away again.

“Luke…” she says quietly, one hand reaching out for him to try and comfort or _something._

But Luke isn’t finished.

“I went to see Yoda, to ask him about my father,” his face twists as he speaks, “I was hoping Yoda would tell me that Vader was wrong, or that he lied. But that was stupid of me because I already knew it when he told me.”

The hand that Luke always covers with a black glove now, curls into a fist. And his face clears but there is still that pain around the eyes.

“And I’m going to have to face him.”

Leia looks at him and shakes her head. “You don’t know that,” she says softly, imploring him to listen but she can tell he isn’t.

“I do know,” he tells her, facing her as the words spill out in a rush, “Because I can _feel_  the conflict in him. I have to face him, he already knows I’m here, I can sense it. So I have to face him before I lead him directly to you and everybody else.”

And Leia stares at him, feeling something like horror settle into the pit of her stomach.

All she can see is the broken boy who fell into her arms on the Millenium Falcon. If she looks closely she thinks she even see the scars on him from his last encounter with Vader.

She dreads what he might look like after encountering Vader a second time.

If there’s anything left of him at all.

“Luke, if he knows you’re here, then _leave,”_ she tells him, the words coming out fierce as she presses a hand on his arm. “Run and don’t look back.”

And he just looks at her. Somehow so steady and yet she thinks she can see every crack in the facade.

“Yoda told me something else…” Luke says and it’s almost gentle. “He told me that I’m not the only Skywalker.”

Leia stares at him, her heart thudding in double time.

“He told me I have a sister.”

And there it is.

Luke just looks at her and the feeling that turns over in her chest is not one of shock or surprise…

...It’s recognition.

When Luke leaves her alone on that bridge, it’s Han who finds her next.

She has one hand pressed over her mouth so hard she thinks her fingers might go numb, but she can’t quite stifle the sobs that are shuddering in her throat.

“Hey, what's going on?” he asks, sounding almost guarded. She tries to take a deep breath and quickly scrubs the moisture from her eyes.

“Nothing, it’s fine,” she says and she knows that she sounds like anything but.

“Nothing? Come on, tell me,” he says, sounding almost imploring, or frustrated. With Han it’s often somewhere between the two. “What's going on?” he asks again, and takes a step towards her.

She looks at him then, she can’t even say it.

Vader is her father, too.

Luke is her brother and she might lose him by morning.

She only shakes her head and Han has that look, like he wants to get mad but already knows he’ll regret it.

He flaps a hand and turns to walk away, but stops.

He walks back to her instead.

“Leia, I…” He trails off, one arm extended towards her and she takes it, hanging on for dear life.

One look at him shows him looking utterly bewildered and she can’t even begin to explain. She just lets herself get pulled into him. Lets herself take some comfort where she can, in his arms, her face pressed into his chest.

His hands are warm against her back and his lips are in her hair.

_“It’s okay, Leia. It’ll be okay.”_

\---

They manage to get inside the bunker.

“Freeze, Rebel scum,” a voice says behind them.

Jyn’s eyes find Cassian’s in an instant.

They’ve been here before.

\---

The Emperor is everything Luke thought he would be. Darkness through and through, twisted into something truly horrific inside and out.

Darth Vader hands him over like it’s nothing and still Luke _feels_ the conflict.

“You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did my father,” he says injecting calm into his voice. Standing straight and tall and knowing they must see right through him.

“Oh, no, my young Jedi. You will find that it is you who are mistaken,” The Emperor says with a horrible smile, “About a great many things.”

And Vader gives the Emperor his lightsaber.

“Ah, yes, a Jedi's weapon. Much like your father's,” The Emperor says, cradling the lightsaber in his hands. “By now you must know your father can never be turned from the dark side as you will soon be.”

Luke looks him in the eye and says, “You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead… And you with me.”

And he means it. He hopes to save Vader and survive but he really isn’t sure he can survive this. He knew it when he left Leia behind and he dearly hopes Bodhi can forgive him for this.

The Emperor only laughs.

“Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Rebel fleet.”

Luke startles, a small sharp inhale like a gasp, and the Emperor’s grin only widens.

“Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends here.”

“It is pointless to resist,” Vader says almost gently, “My son.”

And Luke wonders if Vader knows how much those two words can wound him now.

“Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends up there on the Sanctuary Moon are walking into a trap. As is your Rebel fleet,” Luke can’t help but look out the wide panes of transparisteel at the forest moon. Bodhi is out there now with the rest of the fleet.

“It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them.”

Every word feels like another stab to the chest.

“Oh...I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.”

\---

Bodhi arrives with the rest of the fleet.

And the shield is still up.

 _“Fighters coming in,”_ Lando says over the comms in a burst of static and Bodhi’s heart pounds an unsteady rhythm.

_“There's too many of them!”_

_“Accelerate to attack speed! Draw their fire away from the cruisers.”_

_“Copy, Gold Leader.”_

Bodhi throws his X-Wing into a hard spin to avoid fire from one of the incoming TIE Fighters and lets that calm overtake him.

He’s the pilot.

He’s been here before.

He _has_ to do this.

\---

“Come, boy. See for yourself,” The Emperor says, motioning him towards the window.

And Luke can’t help himself, he moves to look out into the vast black.

Far, far in the distance he can see the fight that rages, in small flashes of light punctuated by bursts of flame that mean some pilot’s death.

“From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance, and the end of your insignificant Rebellion,” The Emperor says and Luke can’t even tell a TIE Fighter from an X-Wing this far away.

He can’t reach out with the Force to feel for them. He can’t afford to be distracted with the Emperor and Vader at his back.

His hands ball into fists.

He’s _trapped._

And he walked right into it.

His lightsaber sits on the armrest of the Emperor’s throne and the Emperor sees him look at it.

“You want this, don't you?” he asks, reaching out to touch Luke’s weapon like a caress. “The hate is swelling in you now. Take your weapon and use it. Strike me down and give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant.”

Luke shakes his head feeling the bile rise in his throat at how _right_ the Emperor is.

 _“No,”_ he says and the Emperor only smiles, and his father watches in silence.

“It is unavoidable. It is your destiny. You, like your father, are now _mine.”_

\---

They are led out of the bunker with their hands in the air. Jyn stays close to Cassian, close enough that their arms nearly touch. Close enough that she can see the stormclouds in his eyes as the stormtroopers tell them to _move it._

If they are going to die here, she’d rather it be beside him. When he looks down at her, his mouth is tight and it reminds her of seeing him on that platform. Back on Scarif, when he shot down Krennic and stood there looking like the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

But there’s a sound coming from the forest.

“Move along,” says one robotic voice while another bleeps and a third says, “Well, _I say.”_

And then Jyn looks at Cassian and he looks at her, something dawning in his expression that might match her own.

“Bring those three down here,” calls out one of the troopers and Jyn is glancing at Leia and Chirrut and Baze and Han.

Several of the troopers peel off with their weapons aimed at R2, C-3PO, and K-2 walk out of the forest. K-2 has his blaster aimed at the other two droids.

“We surrender,” C-3PO says, with his hands in the air.

Suddenly, little Ewoks are bursting out of every little bush and tree with rocks and crude weapons and everyone moves at once, fighting back against the troopers and grabbing the blasters from their hands.

It’s a thrill and a shock and Jyn grins at Cassian, sees Baze ready with a blaster in each hand as Chirrut takes down two troopers in the blink of an eye. Leia and Han pick weapons from two that are already down and the look passes between all of them without a word spoken aloud.

Maybe they can still _do this._

\---

“As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed,” The Emperor says, “Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station.”

And Luke just stares out at the fight that’s happening and he’s helpless to stop it.

The Emperor speaks into a commlink, “Fire at will, Commander.”

And Luke sees the Rebel cruiser as the Death Star lights up the black with a powerful lance of green light that blows it to pieces.

And Bodhi is _out there._

\---

A panic flares out in Bodhi’s chest when the Death Star ignites.

This isn’t the same station that turned his mother and sister to ash and razed his city to the ground.

But it is a Death Star and seeing that green light nearly sends him reeling as the chatter of the fleet rattles in his ears.

_“She's gonna blow!”_

_“I'm hit!”_

_“Cover me, Gold 3.”_

_“All craft prepare to retreat.”_

_“Han will have that shield down. We've got to give him more time.”_

And Bodhi takes a deep breath thinking of Han and Jyn and Cassian and everyone else down there on that forest moon right now.

That’s enough to snap him out of it as a TIE comes barreling towards him. He pulls the ship down into a dive, missing the laser blast by inches and when he spins back up again he heads for the nearest Star Destroyer.

He won’t go down without a fight.

_\---_

The fight on the ground quickly turns to chaos, with AT-ATs firing at them and countless troopers flooding the ground.

Jyn shoots her blaster until the power runs dry and picks another off a corpse and keeps firing.

The little Ewoks put up a powerful fight for as small as they are and everyone else is just trying to keep the troopers off the doorway to the bunker so Han and Leia can break in.

It’s barely a plan and there’s a moment in the tumult where her eyes find Cassian’s.

She sees the acknowledgment that passes between them.

This has happened before and yet at the same time it’s different.

It’s different enough that maybe this time will be better.

\---

The Emperor is still talking but it’s falling on deaf ears. All Luke can hear is the distant sounds of destruction happening out there. Out where _his friends are._

Helplessness and rage boil like poison in his veins.

He doesn’t even think, he just reaches out and his lightsaber flies into his hand and ignites. He swings it in a wide, violent arc of green and Vader’s red is what crosses with it, blocking him from that killing blow.

The Emperor’s laughter rings in his ears as he lashes out and finally…

He gives in and lets the anger take over.

\---

Han’s frantically trying to get the door to the bunker to open and he seems to be having the opposite effect when the sparking wires make a second blast door crash down over the first. Han grimaces and sets to trying again while Leia covers him, firing off shots with the troopers.

Suddenly, she cries out, falling back against him and for an instant he’s ready to panic.

 _“Leia,”_ he says her name, reaching for her and she’s got a hand over her shoulder.

“It’s not bad,” she says as 3PO asks if she’s alright and then a voice overtakes them all.

 _“Freeze,”_ says the trooper with his blaster aimed right at them.

“Oh, dear,” 3PO says and Han is tempted to say a few more choice words.

 _“Don't move,”_ the trooper says and Leia looks up at him meaningfully. Her blaster, still out and ready, but blocked from the trooper’s view by Han himself.

Their eyes lock and he can’t help but grin.

“I love you,” he says with feeling and she smiles back.

“I know.”

 _“Stand up,”_ the trooper says and now Han is happy to oblige.

He stands up slowly and turns, revealing the gun in Leia's hand. She

disposes of the stormtroopers in a flash. As Han turns back towards the forest, he sees the walker approaching them with its weapons aimed.

Beyond the walker, he can see Jyn pelting towards them with Cassian on her heels and their blasters out.

He tells Leia to stay back and walks out slowly, his eyes on Jyn and Cassian’s approach.

Then the hatch opens and of all things, Chewie sticks his head out with a triumphant bark.

Jyn and Cassian skid to a stop beside the walker, looking up in consternation.

“Chewie, get down here. She's wounded,” he calls out and then stops, looking up at Chewie and then down to Jyn and Cassian at the walkers feet. “No, wait.... I’ve got an idea.”

\---

The fight with Vader is mindless. Luke doesn’t think, he just lashes out, crossing with Vader again and again. It’s only when he knocks him back, sending Vader crashing down the stairs, that he stops.

The Emperor is still egging him on, encouraging him to use his anger and all he can do is stare at his father on the floor, feeling the wrongness of it all.

Even as he does, Vader gets to his feet. “Obi-Wan has taught you well,” he says.

“I will not fight you, father,” Luke says, watching Vader’s approach.

“You are unwise to lower your defenses,” Vader says and lashes out again in a bloody red arc of light, forcing Luke back.

He leaps up to a catwalk above them and looks down at his father, feeling the discord within.

“Your thoughts betray you, father. You couldn't bring yourself to kill me before, and I don't believe you'll destroy me now,” he says.

“You underestimate the power of the dark side,” his father replies. “If you will not fight, then you will meet your _destiny.”_

\---

Han’s plan to lure out the remaining troops and surround them _actually works._

Jyn’s as surprised as any of them. They lay the charges and run from the bunker as it bursts into flame. The heat of it scalds them where they stand and the force of it knocks them all on their backs.

Still. As the fire recedes and leaves only ashy ruins, Jyn feels a smile light her face as she looks up to the sky.

Cassian is beside her and they are all _alive._

He takes her hand.

And hope burns into chest as she looks up at all that blue and that distant gray spot that could almost be mistaken for a moon, and she _waits._

_\---_

“You cannot hide forever, Luke,” his father says, prowling just beyond where Luke remains crouched, small and afraid.

“I will not fight you,” he says because he can’t fight Vader. He _can’t._ And if he can’t fight, he’ll surely die here.

“Give yourself to the dark side. It is the only way you can save your friends,” Vader says and then pauses, “Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. For the pilot and for…”

He stops and Luke freezes, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to think of anything but...

“Your _sister,”_ Vader says slowly, “So you have a twin sister. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete.”

Luke can feel him coming closer, it feels like walls closing in.

“If you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps she will.”

Something in him shatters, like a broken bone, like a loss of limb.

 _“Never,”_ he cries out, igniting his lightsaber and rushing at Vader. They collide in a chaos of sparks and anguish. Luke drives Vader back again and again. When Vader falls to his knees Luke doesn’t hesitate to bring his saber crashing down, over and over again until his father’s right arm, raised in meager defense, is severed at the wrist.

The Emperor cackles behind him but Luke is frozen with his saber at his father’s throat. His eyes drawn to the mess of wires and metal where Vader’s right hand used to be. His lightsaber rolls away, unlit and useless to him now.

“Good, your hate has made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny and take your father's place at my side,” The Emperor says.

And Luke looks down at his own gloved hand. The prosthetic he was so afraid of. The piece of him that’s machine, metal and wires.

He thinks of Leia, of Bodhi, of Han and Jyn and Cassian and all the others wherever they might be now. He thinks of what they might do in his shoes.

They would do the right thing.

And so must he.

He steps back from his father and throws his lightsaber away.

“I'll never turn to the dark side,” he says,  “I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”

And he sees the Emperor’s smile turn sour.

“So be it...Jedi,” he says.

_\---_

_“The shield is down! Commence attack on the Death Star's main reactor.”_

_“We're on our way. Red Group, Gold Group, all fighters follow me.”_

Bodhi tightens his grip on the controls and veers around to follow the Falcon and the remainder of Gold and Red as they go speeding towards the Death Star.

They’ve done this before and they can do it again.

\---

The lightning is blinding and it knocks Luke to the floor in an instant. All he can do in the face of it is burn.

He calls out  to Vader, to his father.

He begs.

_“Father, please!”_

And he burns.

Vader only watches him. Silent and still.

When the pain finally relents, Luke is nearly unconscious. It takes him a moment to get his breath back.

It takes him a minute to look up and see.

Vader dragging the Emperor, sparks crawling all over them both. Lightning rolls down Vader’s cape and flashes over his helmet and armor.

He throws the Emperor down a deep pit at the center of the throne room. From where he lies, Luke can hear the echoing screams as the Empire falls a long way to his death.

Then Vader falls to his knees and Luke finds the energy to stand and run to him.

\---

_“I'm going in.”_

_“Here goes nothing.”_

_“Now lock onto the strongest power source. It should be the power generator.”_

_“Form up. And stay alert. We could run out of space real fast.”_

Bodhi follows them all down into the gaps of Death Star, twisting and whirling to avoid getting hit by the TIEs that pursue them or crash into the mechanical innards of the Death Star itself.

He grips the control column and speeds forward with the rest of the fighters.

Some fighters peel off to draw the TIE Fighters away but he follows doggedly after the Falcon which leads the way.

He wants to see this thing removed from the galaxy no matter what.

\---

The klaxons are booming and soldiers run in every direction.

Nobody has the time to notice the small figure of Luke, trying to drag his father onto one of the Imperial shuttles.

He’s worn to the bone and aching all over, shaking all over from the strain of trying to carry his father’s body.

When he collapses to the ground beside Vader, a distant explosion rocks the entire vessel.

Luke can only stare up at the metallic gray of the ceiling above him and wonder if he really is going to die here after everything.

Of all things, it’s Vader’s hand on his arm that gets him up again. Little more than a feeble grasp but Luke gets up and kneels beside his father and tries to help the older man sit up against the side of the shuttle.

The sound of Vader’s breathing is strained and wheezing.

“Luke,” he says weakly, “Help me take this mask off.”

“But you'll die,” Luke says, feeling almost stupid with exhaustion. They all might die and he sounds like a child in his own ears.

“Nothing can stop that now,” his father says sounding grave, “Just for once, let me look on you with my own eyes.”

And what can Luke do? He reaches out slowly, carefully and removes the mask.

Beneath is little more than an old man. Small, scarred and pale as death.

His eyes glisten as he looks up at Lule and smiles.

“Now...go, my son. Leave me.”

Luke stares down him feeling nothing and feeling everything. For a moment he feels like the boy on Tatooine who wanted nothing more than to run away.

He can’t believe Vader has finally accepted the light, only to die.

“No. You're coming with me. I can't leave you here. _I've got to save you.”_

“You already have, Luke,” he says gently, “Tell your sister… You were right,” the words come out like a dying rasp. And Luke swallows hard, clutching at his father like he can keep him here, and alive, with his bare hands.

“Father, I won't _leave you.”_

But in the end Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker dies anyway.

Luke is left alone, stumbling to his feet and dragging his father’s body the rest of the way onto the shuttle.

\---

 _“There it is,”_ Bodhi calls out into the comms as they finally reach the reactor.

“ _All right, Rook. Go for the power regulator on the north tower,”_ Lando says and Bodhi can’t help the grin that overtakes him as he dives towards the regulator and fires.

“Copy, Gold Leader. I'm already on my way out,” he says and as he veers towards the exit, he hears the explosions start.

They did it, he thinks, they actually did it.

\---

On Endor there is a collective gasp as they see the Death Star burst into flames.

For a moment there is only silence as they watch it burn.

And then the cheers start.

Leia watches it burn with a strange sense of loss that doesn’t quite feel like her own.

“I’m sure Luke is fine,” Han says, looking up at the station from his seat on the ground beside her.

“I know he is,” Leia replies and as she says it, the words ring true, “I can sense it.”

Han looks at her then and she can tell he doesn’t understand.

She reaches out and takes his hand, squeezing it tight.

“He’s my brother,” she says and Han gapes at her, staring up at the Death Star in the sky and then back at her as the cogs turn slowly and she can only smile and reach out to kiss him.

There is so much to explain and it seems they finally have all the time in the world.

\---

When Bodhi lands on Endor, the others are all there to greet him. Jyn gives him an almost strangling embrace and Cassian claps him on the shoulder. Baze and Chirrut smile and tell him, ‘Well done,’ and K-2 says he is pleased Bodhi is not dead.

It’s the one who is absent, though, that worries Bodhi.

Leia tells him that Luke went after Vader. She says he’s alive, although she can’t say how she knows that.

And so as night falls and festivities begin, Bodhi sits apart and watches the sky and waits.

\---

All the Jedi Luke have known seem to vanish when they die.

There are no bodies left behind when their spirits join with the Force.

So Luke burns his body.

And hopes it might bring him peace.

\---

When Luke makes his way back to camp, Bodhi is the one who finds him first, crashing into him with a tight embrace that nearly knocks him off his feet. The smile feels almost strange on his lips as he hugs him back but the longer he smiles, the more right it feels.

Leia is there, and Han, and Jyn. Everyone made it.

(Not everyone, he thinks.)

There are more embraces and more smiles.

And a moment, when Luke turns and looks behind him.

Obi-Wan is there, and Yoda, too. They look happy and in the space between them, his father appears.

Or what his father must have been before.

He looks young and full of life and he smiles at Luke as if to say, _Go on, it’s your turn now._

\---

Jyn and Cassian didn’t get to really celebrate the last time they destroyed a Death Star.

They sit together now and watch the festivities as they run long into the night.

Dancing and laughter ring out like music.

And they sit, and soak it all in, with his hand in her hand.

And suddenly so much life left for them to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't skip Return of the Jedi but I have to tell you all I really didn't know what to do with it.  
> The next chapter is the end y'all. Hope you've enjoyed the ride.


	42. Epilogue(Jyn)

_It’s become fashionable in some quarters to claim Jyn Erso went to Scarif intending to die a martyr – that she realized she had lost everything and chose her path by its inevitable end. I will dispute this claim until my own dying days. I think Jyn fully recognized who she was and sought a way to channel her best and worst impulses, her darkest moments and her brightest toward a cause worthy of her true incandescence._

_In a kinder universe, she would have walked away from Scarif. I cannot imagine who she would have become, but I think she would have been extraordinary._

_—_ _Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Alexander Freed_

\---

The morning after the world began anew, Jyn wakes up in the soft grass and stares up at all the green that is Endor. She never spent much time on a planet like this. A planet with trees this tall and so much green in every direction.

Cassian still sleeps beside her and for a time, she watches him sleep.

Watches the way sun dapples his cheek where the light manages to slip through all the leaves and branches up there.

The years slide off him when he sleeps, unless there are bad dreams. Right now his brow is smooth and calm. She smiles to herself, gently brushing some hair that’s flopped across his forehead.

It’s starting to get long again, she’ll have to cut it for him soon.

And ever the feather-light sleeper, he must have felt her touch because now his brow furrows and he cracks open one eye to look at her.

“What time is it?” he mumbles and she finds herself almost laughing.

“Find me a chrono and I’ll tell you,” she says, letting him hear the tease in her tone. The corner of his mouth quirks and he sighs.

“It’s late,” he murmurs, “I can tell. Where’s K-2?”

“I think he went off to charge on one of the shuttles last night,” she says, looking up to squint in the direction of where he left them. It’s a few miles to walk, but with K-2’s stride, he probably got there pretty fast.

Cassian grimaces. “He did always hate parties,” he mutters and Jyn nods.

“Yeah, once the drinking got started, he said he didn’t have the patience for us.”

Cassian snorts and scrubs a hand over his face. “Yeah that’s usually what he would say.”

Jyn chuckles, looking up at the trees again.

“I think your droid likes me though,” she says, still smiling small and amused.

“I’d be glad if he did, but what makes you say that?” he asks, finally sitting up to brush the grass and dirt out of his hair. His fingers miss a bit of leaf sitting in the collar of his jacket. She reaches over and plucks it off, tossing it to the ground before replying, “He said ‘good job,’ before he went.”

Now Cassian looks at her with his eyebrows raised.

 _“Good job?”_ he repeats and Jyn nods.

“He got up from his spot by that tree-” She points to where he sat the night before, silently watching the festivities until his aforementioned patience ran out. “-he said he was done watching all this and then he looked at me and said, ‘Excellent job on not dying,’ and walked off.” She points towards the shuttles and Cassian glances off in that direction before looking at her with amusement in the lines of his eyes.

“I think you’re right,” he says and she laughs outright. She has to stifle it with her fingers so as not to wake the others. All their friends are still soundly sleeping off the battles and celebrations of the night before.

He grins, too, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter to match her stifled guffaws.

When it passes she takes a breath and has to wipe a tear from her eye and they’re both serious again.

She looks back towards the shuttles and then towards the forms of their sleeping friends scattered around the clearing.

“So what happens now?” she asks softly and Cassian follows her gaze to all the others.

“That depends,” he says matching her quiet with his own. “What do you want to happen?”

She looks at him then with a frown. “And what about you? Don’t you want a say?”

Cassian shrugs and stares down at his hands.

“You know, Jyn, I’ve been fighting this war since I was six years old. I don’t think I care anymore about still fighting it or not.”

And she gapes at him a little, jaw dropping the smallest inch. He continues, “If you want to stay in it, I’m sure the Empire isn’t finished yet. If you want to stay, I’ll stay in it, too, but…” he trails off, his hands curling and uncurling in his lap.

“But…” she prompts him, needing to hear it from him first.

And he looks at her then and his eyes are dark and warm and full of the feelings they’ve only just put a name to.

“But we could go,” he says barely louder than a whisper, “We could go somewhere and live a real life… The kind of life we’ve been fighting for this whole time.”

She reaches out and grabs both of his hands then, holding them hard.

Hard enough to bruise because even now she can’t be gentle.

She knows the life he’s talking about and she’s never dared to dream of it for herself. If she thought of it at all, it was the kind of life she thought other people might be living. Hopefully people they were protecting with all their fighting.

If she thought of it at all, it was for those people or those who they weren’t able to protect.

On Jedha and Alderaan.

People who had lived real lives until the Empire took it from them and now she’s daring to think of one of those lives for herself.

For the both of them.

After all the fighting, all the time spent apart…

She thinks that she too, could finally stop and settle.

There might be tears in his eyes, her eyes are full so it’s hard to say for sure. She just squeezes his hands and nods, a tear spilling down her cheek.

“I’d like that, Cassian…” she says. “Yes, I would like that _very much_.”

And she watches his entire face light up like he’s shed ten years off his skin. He smiles with the lines around his eyes and reaches up to wipe the tear off her cheek with his thumb, letting his hand rest there for a long moment.

And for a long moment, neither of them speak, letting it sink in and then Jyn half laughs.

“It feels like we should be making some vows or something,” she says and he laughs too.

“You want to?” he asks and there’s a sparkle in his eyes that makes her smile even more.

“Maybe,” she says and he laughs for real then, hard and loud and not caring for right now who hears them.

“Am I going to make an honest woman of you, Jyn Erso?” he asks and she laughs too.

“You could try, Cassian Andor,”

And he kisses her then, hard and fast.

“Well, that’s a vow I can keep,” he says and pulls her into his arms where she intends to stay for a good long while.

\---

From there it’s just a matter of formalities.

They have to return in order to properly tender their resignations.

She says goodbye to Captain Wolmic, her grizzly supervisor for these last two years.

“I’m glad you survived Hoth,” she tells him with a grin.

“I’m glad you survived Hoth _and_ that mission to Endor,” he replies, and he looks older than when she saw him last. His copper skin has new lines and wrinkles and his hair seems to have gone a little grayer. She abandons the formalities and gives the old man a hug, which he returns with a gentle pat across her shoulder blades.

When she steps back, she’s got her serious look back and so does he, standing straight, military, and proper.

“Thanks for teaching me to fix stuff,” she says and he nods.

“You were a fine student.”

She salutes him, stiff and proper like she was taught, and he returns it.

She sees Cassian’s farewell to Draven from afar.

It happens with straight backs and soldierly salutes. From this distance, it’s hard to tell if there’s any warmth in the older man’s eyes or if it’s just a trick of the light.

They both pass Mon Mothma as they go and she smiles, and lifts a hand in the simplest and most regal of farewells.

Jyn waves back as they go.

\---

On his own, Cassian manages to track down Nadjia, sitting in the ship's mess with Cara.

She takes one look at him and looks away.

"Nope," she says shaking her head, "I suck at goodbyes."

And Cassian stops short, eyebrows raised. Cara sighs and elbows her girlfriend causing Nadjia to sigh and roll her eyes.

She looks Cassian up and down and simply says, "I'll see you around, yeah?"

Cassian nods feeling a smile start to form.

"Yeah."

\---

Shara Bey and Kes Dameron hug each of them hard and fierce.

“I expect to hear from the both of you,” Shara says, pointing a severe finger at them and Jyn nods as does Cassian beside her.

“We’ll reach out,” Cassian says. “Where are you two headed?”

And Kes grins, wrapping an arm around Shara’s shoulders.

“Do you want to tell them the good news or should I?” he asks and Shara doesn’t wait to give him the option.

“We’re having a baby,” she says, a hand pressing protectively over her belly.

Jyn gasps, “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” and Shara grins and shakes her head.

“They’ll be a surprise whatever they end up being, but Kes is already set on a name if it’s a boy,” she says sounding amused. Beside Jyn, Cassian raises his brows at Kes in silent question.

“Poe,” Kes tells him, “I like the name Poe for a boy.”

“Poe Dameron,” Cassian murmurs, “Good name.”

And the pair of them smile, happy and nervous like any new parents should be.

“We’re settling on Yavin IV, don’t hesitate to come and visit,” Kes tells them and Cassian nods firmly while Shara leans in to mutter to Jyn, “I expect this kid is going to have a mess of aunts and uncles,” and Jyn has to stifle a laugh at the thought.

There’s more hugs and promises to visit that will be kept in time. Jyn and Cassian will know where to find them when the time comes.

\---

It’s not really a question of Leia staying or not.

“The senate must be restored,” Leia tells them, “I’ll be there to see it goes along right this time.”

Han looks almost skittish at the thought but when Jyn looks at him, he only shrugs.

“I’m going where she goes,” he says and Leia smiles up at him.

“I’ll need a ride to Naboo, after all,” she tells him and it sounds like an old discussion being repeated for their benefit. Han grins down at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“And I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go, princess.”

Jyn laughs at that and even Cassian chuckles.

Leia shakes her head up at Han and then looks at them.

“You’ll contact us once you’ve settled?”

Jyn lays a hand on the younger woman’s shoulder.

“Absolutely,” she says and it’s a moment where one or both them might cry, but Chewie won’t be ignored. He let’s out a bark and comes over to wrap his long hairy arms around the both of them.

“We’ll miss you, too, Chewie,” Jyn says and the wookiee responds in a series of barks that roughly translates to, _you better._

“You’ll probably be glad to be rid of me, right, kid?” Han says with a lopsided grin and Jyn gives him a shove before stepping forward to embrace him.

“Shut up, _nerfherder,”_ she says and he laughs and hugs her back just as hard. He grips Cassian by the shoulder and says only, “You better keep an eye on her for me,” to which Cassian smiles and nods, “I will.”

\---

And then there’s Chirrut and Baze. The old Guardians who still call her their little sister.

“So it seems, the time has come to say goodbye,” Chirrut says as they’re walking up to do just that. Baze doesn’t look surprised where he stands beside the blind monk, he only folds his arms and frowns at the both of them.

They know by now that a frown from Baze is practically a hug from anyone else so Jyn only smiles and ducks her head.

“Yeah, we’re heading out in the morning,” she tells them softly. Chirrut nods, eyes closing as if to contemplate the news.

They hadn’t really discussed it on the way back from Endor. This is technically the first they’re hearing of it but it seems like they knew all along.

“Well, I think Baze and I will be on our way soon, too,” Chirrut says with that ever present smile gracing his features. Now it’s Jyn’s turn to be surprised although it’s Cassian who says aloud, “Where are two old men like you heading now?” There’s a little joke in his voice as he adds, “Somewhere warm, I hope.”

Baze only shakes his head, “It’s the fool’s idea, not mine,” he says, “I just follow.”

Chirrut’s grin widens as he reaches out to easily grab at the other man’s hand.

“Yes, he does…” Chirrut tells them both.

Of course that hasn’t answered their question and so he adds, “Jedha was not the only sacred place in the galaxy, I plan to find us a new place to be one with the Force.”

“I thought the Force was with you?” Jyn teases, although it chokes her up a little to hear him say it. Chirrut only smiles and nods his head.

“It is, but as you say, I’m old now and it’s nice to have it close by so I don’t have to go reaching for it.”

And there are tears threatening again.

“You’ll let Leia know where you end up, right?” Jyn asks, “So we can come visit you?”

And Baze is the one to pull her into a warm hug.

“We will, little sister,” he says softly and Jyn nods into his chest, squeezing the older man tight.

 _“Good,”_ she says and steps back so she can wrap her arms around Chirrut next.

There are more goodbyes, but these are definitely some of the hardest.

She was never anybody else’s little sister before this and she thinks she will never be anyone else’s after.

Cassian doesn’t say anything when they walk away, he just holds her hand a little tighter and she knows that he must feel the same.

\---

They save Bodhi and Luke for last.

After everything, Bodhi feels like a brother in bond if not in blood.

And with Luke beside him, he’s become like a brother, too.

“What are your plans now?” Cassian asks them and Luke’s eyes are as bright as they were when he was plucked off Tatooine two years ago.

“I’m thinking I might start a school,” he says, “Maybe teach others in the ways of the Jedi so I’m not the last of them.”

And he looks at Bodhi then with those shining eyes and the look that passes between them is as bright as the sun.

“What about you, then?” Jyn asks Bodhi and he smiles, almost shyly, and shrugs.

“I can teach them what I know about b-being a pilot, I guess,” he says, “It comes in h-handy, after all.”

“It surely does,” Cassian agrees with a smile.

“And where will y-you go?” Bodhi asks them and it’s Jyn’s turn to feel shy and shrug with a smile of her own.

“We don’t know yet, honestly,” she says, “But we’ll be sure to let you know when we’ve found a place.”

And Bodhi nods, “I can’t w-wait to see the place where you decide to settle down,” he says and then laughs a little scrubbing a hand over his eyes, “Imagine if Galen could s-see us now.”

Jyn nods a chuckle escaping her as well, “I think he would be happy for us,” she says.

“H-he would,” Bodhi agrees.

If Chirrut and Baze were hard to say goodbye to, Bodhi is harder still.

To Luke, she only says, “I expect you to keep an eye on him for me,” and Luke nods before giving her a hug and then Cassian too.

He takes a step back then, almost like he wants to give them a little privacy with just Bodhi.

She looks the pilot up and down. They’ve come a long way since pulling him from a cold and dirty cell on Jedha.

And he’s come a long way from the scared and shaky young man he was then.

Cassian steps forward first and wraps his arms around Bodhi’s shoulders.

“Thanks f-for saving my ass on Darkknell,” Bodhi says and Cassian replies, “Thanks for saving mine in that cantina. You’re a pretty decent shot when you want to be.”

And Bodhi just laughs, stepping back and scrubbing a nervous hand through his hair.

“I’ll k-keep that in mind, Cassian,” and then he looks down at her.

She steps forward to hug him fiercely. It’s probably too tight but he hugs her back just as hard.

“I’ll miss having you around all the time, Bodhi,” she says into his shoulder and it comes out shaky and uneven.

“Same goes for y-you,” he replies sounding just as uneven.

“But this isn’t goodbye forever,” she tells him as she lets go and steps back. “We _will_ come and visit,” she says, sounding almost stern, like a threat.

Bodhi just grins and nods his head.

“P-please come as often as you’d like. You’ll scare the shit out of Luke’s students _for s-sure.”_

“It will teach them a lesson about being brave,” Jyn says, still aiming for stern but missing it entirely.

“So this is just goodbye for now, then,” she tells him and he nods.

“Goodbye for now, Jyn.”

“Goodbye for now, Bodhi.”

\---

There is a shuttle that waits for them after all this, but they’ll still spend the night aboard the Rebellion’s main ship.

For old time’s sake.

It’s just easier to say their goodbyes in advance so they can slip out in the early hours of the morning without a fuss.

K-2 still complains about it.

“I don’t understand why we’re sneaking out like common rogues,” he says and Jyn grins at Cassian to see his smile matches hers.

“After everything that’s happened, it actually seems very appropriate,” she says, managing to keep a straight face as she speaks to the droid.

His gears click like he’s lost patience with the both of them, but then again K-2 hardly has any patience to start with so that feels right, too.

They board the shuttle and spend a few minutes settling their things.

When she turns to go press the button to close the shuttle door, she stops in surprise.

Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze are standing there like they were waiting for them. Leia, Luke, Han, and Nadjia too. Even the droids and Chewie showed up and somehow did it quietly too.

Jyn doesn’t even know what to say, but a wet chuckle escapes her seeing them all lined up like this.

She already said her goodbyes, she has no words left to say.

So she simply studies each face in turn.

Cassian comes up beside her and the pair of them wave at all their friends.

“Bye,” Jyn says softly, and she reaches out and shuts the door.

The others stand there, hands lifted in quiet farewells of all sorts. Bodhi waves hard like Jyn might have when she was younger. Leia blows them a kiss and Han twiddles his fingers, smiling lopsided as ever.

Chirrut and Baze simply hold their hands up, silent and smiling.

“Goodbye,” Jyn says again even though the door has closed and she sees their mouths moving to respond in kind.

She sees Chewie let out a howl that she can even hear through the sealed door.

“Are we going or not?” K-2 asks from the cockpit and Jyn looks up at Cassian then and smiles.

Cassian smiles back before looking past her to the cockpit. “We’re going, K-2,” he says.

“Well, then, let’s _get a move on,”_ the droid replies and they both laugh as they head into the cockpit and start the engines.

Only Jyn goes back to the window again as the shuttle lifts up in the air.

She takes one last look at all of them, maybe it will be the last time they all get together like this.

She takes in every detail and commits it to memory.

This is a precious moment and she intends to keep it like a picture.

She takes in every fold, every curl, until the shuttle moves forward into the black of space and they are little more than distant figures in the ship’s hangar, growing smaller by the second.

When she can’t see them anymore, she goes back to the front of the shuttle where Cassian and K-2 are plugging in coordinates.

“So,” she asks them, “Where are we headed?”

And Cassian looks up at her, all soft and warm feeling as he reaches out to take her hand.

“I know just the place.”

\---

They go to Lah'mu first.

It’s easy to find Jyn’s old home. The planet is still largely unpopulated, and their home sits barely a mile from the dark, sandy beach.

It’s the first time she’s been back here in all these years and she recognizes it the moment they break atmosphere.

“Here?” she asks Cassian, her voice breaking a little just at the sight of it. The beaches are exactly as she remembers them and the sky is as cold and blue as the day she left, there’s a blanket of fog covering everything just like that day. It’s like the entire planet froze in time, just waiting for her return.

“You want to stay here, Cassian?” she asks softly and Cassian shakes his head, eyes trained forward as he pilots the shuttle down to the ground.

“Not to stay, but I thought you might…” he trails off looking up at her for a moment, “Was I wrong?” he asks softly and she can only shake her head mutely, one hand gripping his shoulder tight.

“Good,” he says and nods his head, “Good.”

They land barely a mile from the old settlement.

“I think I’ll stay with the shuttle,” K-2 says and it feels almost like a move towards tact. To give her a little privacy.

“Thanks, Kay,” she says softly, standing at the shuttle’s entrance, looking out onto the place that’s been in her dreams and memories all this time.

They don’t talk much as Jyn walks the familiar paths.

The water vaporators are going, Jyn can see the farmland looks green and well tended.

The homestead is as she remembers, gray and sturdy, with more surely belowground.

Jyn hesitates at the door.

She stares at it for a long time, remembering being small and running in and out of it, carefree and wild and always certain that her mother and father would be here waiting for her.

“Jyn?” Cassian asks gently from where he stands behind her.

She nods then and knocks on the door, two solid raps that echo and then she steps back and waits.

When the door opens, it’s a little boy with dark hair, looking up at them with wide brown eyes.

It startles Jyn somehow.

Even though it always was families on the farms.

“Who’re y-you?” the boy asks stuttering like Bodhi. It makes Jyn smile like she’s only just remembered how.

“I’m sorry, are your parents around?” she asks and the boy turns and vanishes from sight calling into the house, _“Mama, there are people at the door.”_

A woman with weathered skin and hair as dark as the boy’s comes to the door.

For a moment, Jyn can barely speak.

She looks nothing like Lyra really, but something about a mother in this house shocks Jyn beyond words. Brings her right back to that time.

Cassian is the one to speak in the end.

“Were sorry to bother you, miss. My friend used to live here a long time ago, she was hoping you wouldn’t mind letting her look around?”

The woman looks Jyn up and down.

“You’re the Erso child, then?” she says with a hard look in her eye. The look of any farmer really. All the ones Jyn’s ever knew on Lah’mu tended to look like that. Hardened by the land and the struggle to live on it.

She only nods and the woman nods once in return.

“Heard about that, shame what happened,” she says. “You can come in and have a look around, I’m afraid there isn’t much to look at.”

And Jyn smiles almost fondly, “There never really was.”

The woman lets her inside and Cassian follows like a gentle shadow.

“We found a few things left here when we moved in,” the woman says as Jyn takes in the familiar walls with new marks on them made by time and a different child running around getting into trouble.

She finds the corner of the kitchen where she scratched the paint off the wall and finds new scratches around it.

“Mostly it was dishes and things, but we found an actual book or two if you want them,” the woman says, gruff but friendly. Jyn can only turn and look at the woman with wide eyes.

They eventually find out the woman’s name is Grace. The boy is named Pierce.

Grace leads Jyn through the familiar rooms to the place where she used to sleep. There’s a set of drawers the woman opens and from it she pulls one of the old books Galen used to read to her. Jyn reaches out and takes it, opening it to the pages she remembers. She touches a faded illustration tenderly, like she might break it if she was too harsh with it.

Pierce is there watching her, with those wide eyes, and she has to swallow before asking, “Do you like the book, Pierce?” and he nods fervently.

It’s enough to make Jyn smile and hand it to him.

“Well, then, you’d better take good care of it,” she says and the boy nods again, looking as serious as his mother.

There’s a journal her father wrote in. He only filled a few pages with equations she hardly understands, but she keeps the journal, hugging it to her chest.

 _“Thank you,”_ she says, feeling Cassian’s hands on her shoulders and fighting the urge to cry.

“Oh, don’t,” the woman scoffs flapping a hand at her, “It don’t cost me a thing to give up an old book full of scribbles.”

When they leave the home, Grace and Pierce wave from the doorway. Jyn waves back with one hand, the other still clutching the journal to her chest. The little boy still holds the book she handed him just as tightly.

From there, Jyn could trace her steps, back into the mountains, back to the place she hid in for many hours until Saw came for her.

Instead, they walk to the beach.

Cassian sits beside her, and they watch the waves come.

It’s a cold beach here, with black coarse sand and the wind whipping at them.

It brings back only memories of childhood.

It seems her life always brings her back to the oceans and to beaches.

In a way it feels like her life comes in waves like the water does.

She holds Cassian’s hand and sits.

There are a lot of ghosts that she’s been carrying for a long time.

But maybe there are two ghosts she can finally lay to rest here.

On Lah’mu.

\---

When they walk back to the ship, Jyn feels a little lighter.

There is a lot she still carries. She may carry it until the end of her days but it feels like she finally put this one thing behind her. Settled it in her spirit and moved on from it.

It will always be hard to resolve the mother who left her behind only to die there in the dirt. And the father who left her to keep her safe, only to die in the rain on Eadu.

But it was good to go back and see it all one last time.

She’ll keep her father’s notebook along with her mother’s necklace. Precious keepsakes of those long gone.

As they board the ship, Jyn takes off the necklace and sets it beside the book in her bag.

After all this time, it feels right. Cassian stands back and doesn’t say a word until she’s shut the clasps on her bag and stood up to face him.

“So,” she asks with a deep breath, “Where to next?”

\---

They go to several planets before they finally settle on one.

It’s sparsely populated, but it’s warm.

There’s a beach barely a mile from where they settle.

It’s more rocks than sand, which is enough to separate it from other beaches they’ve seen before.

When they spot it, Cassian is the one who stops and stares at it.

“Do you think we can live near a beach?” he asks her and Jyn shrugs.

“It feels right,” she says and it does.

They always come back to the water, or so it seems.

And so they settle.

Most of the planet is full of green and trees like Endor and Jyn thinks she likes it that way.

They get to know their neighbors and they set up a comms unit with enough power to contact their friends.

K-2 says he dislikes it, but they were fairly sure he would hate it no matter what.

Cassian offers for the hundredth time to let him take the shuttle somewhere he likes and K-2 says no. He says he’ll stay with them.

“It’ll be boring, you know,” Jyn tells him for what feels like the thousandth time, “There’s nothing for you to shoot here.”

“No, I’ll stay,” K-2 tells her and it’s as gentle as the droid ever gets.

And so they stay.

They settle.

It’s easy land to live on and the people they meet are friendly and have no idea who they are. Nobody seems particularly interested in them here and that’s just perfect.

And the others do come visit them, and they go off to visit the others often enough.

It seems strange after everything that they might live such a simple, ordinary life.

Jyn gentles a little over time, the tension in Cassian’s shoulders loosens more with each passing year.

The ghosts never fully go away, but with time they get easier to bear.

When the first child comes, it’s a girl and they name her Lyra.

Two more will follow in time.

K-2 is unexpectedly helpful with the children. He says he hates every second of it, but he lets them cling to him and is only ever gentle in his handling of them.

Cassian is as protective a father as he is a husband. His fears and worries for their safety and the galaxy at large never fully go away. Like all things, it becomes something he learns to live with.

As a mother, Jyn is fierce as a lioness when it comes to keeping the children safe, happy, and healthy. She handles even the smallest bout of flu like an enemy to be overcome.

Between the two of them, they raise their two girls and one boy with all the care and love they can. And with many, _many_ aunts and uncles who are happy to come visit and often too.

When the children are older, they will learn what their parents went through. They will learn of wars and fighting and death as far away events of history that leave nothing but a shadow in their parents eye.

Which is exactly as it should be.

In time, the Erso and Andor household becomes a full and lively home, full of noise and laughter and joy.

It’s more than either of them could ever have expected or dared to hope for.

It’s not perfect, but it’s theirs.

And that too is exactly as it should be.

As Chirrut would say, _All is as the Force wills it._

 

\---

 

_Once upon a time a stormcloud boy and a stardust girl came together._

_And universes collided into existence around them._

_In all of them, they fought together._

_In some of them, they died together._

_In one precious universe, a big bang brought them all newborn into the world again._

_And they survived and thrived and changed the world around them._

_And they lived and they loved,_

_And they lived._

_Happily._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, a year and almost 300,000 words later it's finally done.  
> One last thanks to aewgliriel for the Star Wars knowhow and grammatical help.  
> And thanks to shu-of-the-wind for reading my shit and occasionally helping me brainstorm stuff (Go read floating, sinking y'all. Just do it)  
> And thanks again to all y'all who stuck around through this entire frigging opus. I appreciated every comment, kudos, and bookmark.
> 
> So...see you around space cowboy.


End file.
